Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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or Search by State

Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, September 30, 2003  
Blond Twins and Cars.

Is it sweeps week for educational TV?

Geek girls, how are you doing this morning? Sleep well?

Show three of the new season of the Roadshow. Innocently, seemingly boringly, show three of Cleveland. Just when I was lamenting on how few twin appearances there've been this season, WHAM! BLAM! Not one, not two, but three! special vignettes of the brothers Keno.

And they say PBS doesn't have enough gratuitous sex.

Blond Twins. How much more gratuitous can it get?

The opening sequence with the examination of the high boy was a nice treat. Nice start to the evening. Raised a glass in toast to the butt shot while bending over to pull out the bottom drawer. Looks like Leigh got a new suit. Very nice.

Then the rubbing furniture innuendo.

Oh my.

He said rub.

On PBS.

Is it the wine or is it getting hot in here?

"We like to rub furniture."

Well, come on over to my place, I've got a chest full of drawers you can put your hands on...

Sorry. Couldn't help it.

Didn't expect to see them after that.

The woman with the Roy Rogers poster better march herself back to the garage where she haggled the price of $50 and give the original owner $1,200. Split the value fair and square. It's the right thing to do. Especially since the show is aired on national television and she just bought the thing, there's a very high likelihood the owner who didn't know what they had will see this episode of the Roadshow and feel really awful for letting it go for $50. I know, that's the all part of the game. The "fun" of it. But in this case, the woman admitted she just bought it a few days prior and haggled the asking price down $25, at that.

And, the Kent State agreement? $15,000? Huh? The victims' families barely got that much in compensation. Historical document, I suppose, but $15,000?

Hey! Cars! In Cleveland! Cool! (Guide Aside: If you're ever in Cleveland (don't laugh - it could happen) check out the Crawford Auto and Air Museum, it really is very cool. Trillian can personally vouch for it's worthiness as a stop in the Universe.*)

Did Dan Elias get a perm?

Okay, back to the floor.

So, you've got a Thomas Moran painting hanging around, you think it might be worth "something." Do you not do a little online investigating to find out about the artist? Apparently not. Sure, some people are not into art. Some people don't care about art. Some people don't follow "lesser" known artists. But please. And I don't care what the appraiser said, early as it may be, it's going to clean up to be quite a looker.

Sorry. Had to get that off my chest.

So. Now. Hang onto your high boys, girls. Because it's time for...

Keno-O-Rama!

The twins! Corvettes! Casual wear! Jovial banter! Car talk! Something for everyone!

Oh. My. Leslie has apparently been working out. Oh. My. Pecks. Biceps. Very obvious through his polo shirt and khakis. Nevermind they're pulled up to Robert Palmer/Simon Cowell proportions, he's, oh my, he's BUFF!!!! Leslie Keno is buff! And Leigh's not looking too bad, himself. Oh sure, I've always loved the boys, nice and trim in their well cut suits. Always knowledgeable but never condescending or smug. Easy smiles. Intelligent. And nice. Really nice guys. And. Twins. Blond twins. Who love antiques. And don't appear to be gay.

But Leslie's been working out and he's buff.

I have to take some time to assess and evaluate my feelings about this. Right after I scoop my chin off the floor.

And here they were in their own special segment. About Corvettes. Breathe Trillian, breathe. Pay attention. Listen to what they're saying. This is educational television. You like them for what you can learn from them. Get your mind off those newly charted biceps and concentrate on the Corvettes. Wait. I already know all of this. I already know everything about Corvettes. I don't need to listen to what they're actually saying. I can drift off into whatever reverie I want.

Then a bunch of antiques I didn't care about - except, what about that woman trying to pass off that teapot as a Mayflower relic?! I don't mean to be a condescending snob, but was it not blatantly obvious the thing was a) of a more contemporary style (well, at least more contemporary than 1620) and b) that it's a transfer pattern? And a poorly done one, at that?

THEN, MORE KENO BROTHERS!!!!

Driving! A Corvette! Jovial banter! Really cheesy fun with editing. Leigh's driving! No Leslie! No Leigh! Really having fun with the twin thing. Dorks. They're really dorks. God I love them.

Another prime example of what Americans can do to the British. Sure, England has the original ideas, but it takes good old Yankee ingenuity, marketing, exploitation and t and a to make it a phenomenon. All in the Family. Family Feud. American Idol. and now, finally, after 7 seasons, the Antiques Roadshow. Yep. Only in America, home of the free and the brave. (gotta admit I still really love the UK Roadshow...)

Hey, that Susan Frackelton bowl was a beauty, eh? Really lovely. I have a vague recollection of being pulled out of a really nice twins in car fantasy by a really gorgeous piece of pottery. (you'd think my attention span for twins in cars fantasies would be a bit longer...but it was some bowl...)

Okay. Check my local listings and be sure to tape the show when it's aired again this week. Twins. Blond Twins. Dorky Twins. Adorable Twins. Furniture. Cars. Casual wear. Pecks. Biceps. Oh my.

*Must see stops for car lovers on your travels through the Universe are the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn (outside of Detroit) AN ABSOLUTE MUST SEE, plan to spend at least an entire day; while in Michigan, if you have time, head up to Flint to the Alfred P. Sloane Museum; Auburn-Cord Museum in Auburn, Indiana; and in England, Haynes Museum, Somerset; Beaulieu, New Forest - something for everyone here, cars, stately home, gardens, a really grand day out for the whole family. For the motorcycle enthusiasts, be sure to make a stop at Craven Collection of Classic Bikes. A bit out of the way, but worth the trip. There are also a couple on the Isle of Man - Manx Museum and Murray's Motorcylce Museum. Yes, that's really it's name. And a bunch in Scotland. If anyone really wants info on car museums in Scotland, email Trillian and she'll give you some suggestions.

Good thing I have this to get me through the day, because, today is HWNMNBS's birthday.

I shouldn't care.
(I do.)

I shouldn't even remember.
(I do.)

I shouldn't have sent him a birthday card.
(I did.)

I shouldn't be wondering if he got it...
(I am.)

..and what response it provoked.
(Anger? Joy? Pathos? Fear?)

I shouldn't be thinking, "Call him just to wish him happy birthday."
(I probably will.)

Because we all know there's a lot more to it than that.
(So what?)

I shouldn't be playing these stupid games with myself at my age.
(I'm pathetic.)

But I hope he's having a happy birthday.
(I do.)

The first one without me in 6 years.
(Sad to admit.)

Will this have some tragic, yet life altering effect on his psyche? Will it cause him to take stock of his life and realize what a horrible mistake he's made and give himself the best birthday present he could ask for, Trillian?
(I doubt it.)

Will us being split up and apart on his birthday have a deeper effect and impact on me than it will him?
(Of course.)

Will I ever forget or not care about his birthday?
(Probably not.)

8:40 AM

 
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