Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

Find State Officials
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or Search by State

Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Monday, October 20, 2003  
Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam
Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spaaam!
Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spam.
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.
Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.
Lovely Spaaam! (Lovely Spam!)
Lovely Spaaam! (Lovely Spam!)
Lovely Spaaam!
Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaaaaam!


Zaphod, in his infinite stupidity and obtuse wisdom, subscribed me to every email marketing crap list he could find.

I know, bulk mail box, auto trash, hit delete. Yes, these are the viable and best options.

Until your bulk mailbox maxes out on space in a matter of four hours.

Yes, I am receiving so much spam that my bulk box fills in four hours, at which point spam is diverted to my real mailbox. My bulk box regularly trashes itself, but I am receiving so much spam that even my rather large capacity and regularly trashed bulk box cannot keep up with it.

Leaving me no option but to unsubscribe to the bulk mail.

Which requires actually looking at some of the mail.

My favorites are the ones which, when you link to the unsubscribe window, make you another offer. "We're sorry to see you go, are you sure you don't want a Road Whiz?" (I'm not making that up, that's the name of an actual product. Seems like the development people would have nixed that one. Road Whiz? Kind of set up to fail with a name like that.)

"You know, I've lived my life this long without Road Whiz, I think I can manage. Thanks anyway." Hit unsubscribe.

"Are you certain you want to unsubscribe? Because we're offering an incredible deal on a list of foreclosed homes in your area!"

"My area? Really? Road Whiz AND foreclosed homes in my area?" Unsubscribe.

The thing is with spam, you can't just hang up on them. You tell them no and they lead you to another window to unsubscribe. It's the low end annoyance factor, the scum of the marketing barrel, the bottom feeders of advertising. They've got stupid and crappy products and employ stupid and crappy marketing techniques.

But for people like Zaphod, who will stop at nothing to annoy me, this is manna. By simply filling in my email address on a few key sites, within a week he can have me receiving thousands of spam/junk emails a day.

Which, in a roundabout way, is how I'm getting to the point that the telemarketing legislation needs to be passed, and it needs to include spam.

In the old days, before spam, when a person was rejected by the object of their desire, they would employ all sorts of revenge tactics. One of the most widely used was putting the object of their desire on telemarketing call lists. Annoying yes. But along came voice mail and caller I.D. and the annoyance factor was reduced. Spurned suitors were left unfulfilled. But now, stalkers and rebuffed suitors around the world have another option. An option with tentacles so numerous and far reaching, that it is ultimately more annoying than a telemarketing phone call.

And it shall be named: Spam.

Who actually buys this stuff? Don't answer. There's one born every minute. And they're given credit cards.

Term insurance for smokers! (Finally! Life insurance for people who have the highest disease and fatality rate on the planet!)

A naked old guy selling Viagra! Seriously. MyDrugsRx. (I'm not kidding. Sure, he's a fit 70 year old guy, but, well, you get the picture. And I'm not in need of Viagra at the moment. But hey, they offer FREE! Overnight FedEx shipping. I guess if you're a 70 year old guy in need of Viagra that's probably important.)

A legal police radar jammer! (Cool! A legal police radar jammer!)

Hey! The next big real estate secret! Tax liens! (Wow, I'm so special, so privileged to have this information. Good thing I didn't delete that one.)

Online jackpot. (You know, I've been thinking I don't gamble enough. Why go to Las Vegas when I could gamble off my credit card from the comfort of my own home?!)

The Air Press Massager is offering me free Thigh Cuffs if I act now. Hmm. Thigh cuffs. Well now. I might just have to offer up my credit card to the good folks at TV Time Deals for this one.

Oh, this is good, when you hit unsubscribe at Price Wheels, they don't let you go without giving them a reason. I have to admire the spine and stomach of any spam marketer who not only requests the reason for unsubscribing, but goes so far as to make you give them a reason. They're really asking for it. I cannot even imagine what poor person has sunk so low in their career that they are forced to have the job of receiving and reviewing the unsubscribe emails and reasons. "Internet opportunity! Work from home! Masochists strongly urged to apply."

You know, I always thought the break up of the Bells was a good thing. Competitive rates, consumer choice...but then I got spammed. Just how many phone companies are there?

OH NO! Forget Iraq, Afghanistan, Israel, Northern Ireland...THERE'S A WAR BEING WAGED IN MY COMPUTER RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT!!!!! Thankfully the diplomatic corps at Intrigue Learning Systems are on top of this. This one really bothers me. People who are timidly getting online (senior citizens, for big example) will receive this spam and worry. "Corrupt files will soon release harmful destruction! Download our FREE health check to scan your hard drive now before these harmful files ruin your PC!" Small type disclaimer: *PC PowerScan™ offers a free computer health check tool available for unlimited use and a paid premium error fixing service. Right. And just how many "errors" do you suppose they find and how much do they charge to "fix" them?

Revenge is sweet Zaphod, but short lived.

This is great. I love this. Could not start my week on a better note. 123Deals, the originator of many of the spams I've been receiving, sent me a notice telling me I only needed to unsubscribe once. This is a personal email from their tech support guy, annoyed with me for filling his mailbox with 189 unsubscribe emails. (Their system allows you to just hit unsubscribe.) I love this. Revenge is sweet! The guy obviously doesn't have a sense of irony or half a functioning brain. I cannot wait to reply to him. I will savor the moment I hit send on that email.

9:40 AM

 
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