Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Friday, October 03, 2003  
True Confessions. (echo echo echo reverb reverb reverb)

I, Trillian, being of as sound mind as is possible for Trillian, do solemnly swear the following is true. And further, I, Trillian, of aforementioned mindedness, am so resolute in the following that I, Trillian, will gladly and happily provide further information for anyone who does not believe or is interested in what I am about to present to the Universe.

I bought shoes at Payless.

Okay?

And I am not ashamed. I am, in fact, proud.

Proud that I thought to try looking there for extra-wide shoes. Proud that I didn't dismiss that thought as only a last resort. Proud that I not only followed up, but went there soon after having the thought. Proud that I wasn't too proud to go to Payless. Proud that I, Trillian, self admitted shoe snob, bought shoes at Payless.

Proud that I found extra-wide and really rather cute sneaker/casual shoes. Proud that my idea of finding the same shoe in wide and regular and be able to afford both pair would work. Proud that my idea paid off in many physical and intrinsically profound ways. Proud that I found a perfectly serviceable pair of shoes on sale at Payless for $7.99. In both wide and regular. The regular is a bit too wide for Trillian's extra narrow feet, but it's a lace up, AND, here's the next and best part: The store manager was fantastically nice and helpful.

Honest. Seriously. She was friendlier and more helpful than some of the "associates" I've encountered at a few rather high-end emporiums and boutiques (are you listening soppy tart at Harvey Nichols (you know who you are), girls of Barneys? Tod's? You better. You could learn more than a few things from Really Nice Manager of Payless.)

I hobbled into Payless. Oriented myself to the "system" of seeking out one's size and searching for desired style among the racks. (all those Saturday afternoons at Nordstrom Rack finally paid off!)

I found the "wide" sneaker section for my size. With the exception of a pair of Puma wannabes with embedded rhinestones, nothing looked like it would accommodate the air cast. (The Puma wannabes had a bit to much attempted bling bling for me...) Then, from around the rack appeared Really Nice Manager of Payless. "Hello, can I help you find something?"

Help? At Payless? Friendly staff? At Payless?

What black hole did I fall through on my way here and how will I get home?

But since she offered, and since I was here...

I meekly proffered my aircasted leg and said, "I'm trying to find something this will fit into..." Really Nice Manager of Payless said, "Sit down, sit down! (pulling over one of those bench/mirror things) What size do you normally wear? You need something rather sturdy....let's see..." She went to the racks, purposefully, intently, even, pulling and returning, searching for just the right shoes for my situation.

"Must be all hopped up high on a recent customer service EST manager seminar," I cynically thought (what would you have thought?)

Really Nice Manager of Payless gathered several pair of shoes, most of which were actually cute, no attempted bling bling, and all of which were on sale (at Payless that's like giving them away. Really. Literally.)

AND, here's the clincher. This is where my cynicism left the building. Without one word, not a hint from me, she came up with the idea of getting the same shoes in wide and regular. Apologetically about the cost. I initially had a good feeling about Really Nice Manager of Payless. This confirmed my instinct. Which is good because there's been some rather serious doubting of intuition lately.

Really Nice Manager of Payless helped me try on all of them, tirelessly, even removed the ink tags before the purchase decision. (I know, but I'm feeling good about this and Really Nice Manager of Payless is so nice I can't make even the most obvious sarcastic remarks about ink tags at Payless. Yet.)

So I've got two pair of the exact (apart from size) shoes. But most importantly, the air cast fits perfectly and painlessly in them. Even better than the stupid slipper thing that supposed to be worn with the air cast. And Really Nice Manager of Payless opened a pair of those cushy insert/Odor Eater things to bulk up the still too wide regular width-ed shoe for me. At no charge. She has narrow feet, too, and completely understands my issues with too-wide shoes.

And, get this: Really Nice Manager of Payless asked me how I broke my ankle. I told her. Turns out she too, was mugged, at the very same subway station, during rush hour, WHEN SHE WAS NINE MONTHS PREGNANT. She didn't get shoved down the stairs, thankfully, but the guy tried to steal her bag, she screamed and lashed out, a platform full of commuters AND NO ONE HELPED HER.

This Universe. This place we live. It's disturbing me more every day. Who mugs a pregnant woman? And worse, who sees a pregnant woman (or anyone) getting mugged AND DOES NOTHING?

Whatever black hole took me there, I am really pleased I wound up at Payless. Sisters united in narrow feet and mugging.

And these $7.99 shoes I got are really very cute. Much more than I was hoping for, at Payless or anywhere else. Two pair of shoes, cushy inserts for $16 + Mayor Daley's Privilege of Living Here Tax. AND, what's more, they're currently having a "Buy two get one free sale" so Really Nice Manager of Payless helped me find some super stretchy socks (in a three pack) that will fit over the air cast. Got 'em free.

So this is two nights in a row I have gone home feeling good about the Universe. If the Cubs win tonight, well, I'm not sure Trillian will be able to handle three consecutive good karma tuck ins.

I was worried I would awake to find it had all been a dream. That the whole last three months were a coma induced dream. That I would find I'd suffered more than a slight concussion when I fell. That I have been in a coma since The Incident. That Really Nice Manager of Payless and Duane and the Amtrak People and the Cab Driver Who Said May Your God Be Blessing You The Rest of Your Days were in fact nurses, doctors and hospital staff taking care of me.

I would wake, a la Dorothy, "and you were there, and you, and you, too! And Furry Creature!" They'd all smile and one by one leave, happy knowing their charge was conscious...then I'd pet Furry Creature, he'd nuzzle me, then I'd look down and see my $7.99 Payless shoes. "But if it was a dream, how'd...."

Okay, so they're no Ruby Slippers. But the lesson's the same.

8:17 AM

 
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