Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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or Search by State

Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Saturday, December 20, 2003  
My Life as a Blonde
My Life as a Blonde
Or, well, at least a honey blonde highlighted brunette.

The saga continues. I am disappointed to announce: It's true.

After a week as a much fairer haired lass, I can report the sad facts.

Lighter hair = more approachable.

I hate admitting this. I hate that this is true. But it's the only conclusion I can come to with any degree of honesty.

I have had a chance to put my fairer locks to the test in the alleged rudest city in the world.

Apart from The Boss who kept me hostage in a poorly ventilated conference room for four and a half hours, everyone, and I mean everyone, has been remarkable nice to me. Out of their way nice to me. Okay, so not everyone is walking up and saying, "Hi Trillian, what can I do to make your life easier right now?" But across the board I am getting more hellos, g'day's, head nods and, the big one, eye contact.

I have had more direct eye contact, people looking me square in the eyes, in the past three days than I think I have had in my entire life.

I can only conclude that sultry brunettes, broody brunettes and mysterious brunettes are just so intimidating they strike such deep chords that people are too scared, ashamed or shy to engage in any eye contact.

And here I've lived my life thinking 90% of the population are big fat liars because they won't give me eye contact!

How was I to know all these years it was the hue of my hair that was causing people to avoid eye contact with me?!

I may owe a few apologies.

Girl down the street. You wouldn't look me in the eye when you said you didn't break my Krissy doll. I always thought you were lying so you wouldn't get in trouble. Now I know you were just too afraid of me to look me in the eye. Of course you didn't pull her growing hair out of it's socket. How could I have doubted you all these years? I'm sorry.

School chemistry lab partner. You wouldn't look me in the eye when you said you thought the liquid spilled on the table was water when in fact it turned out to be highly flammable alcohol. I always thought you were lying so you wouldn't get in trouble. Now I know you were just too afraid of me to look me in the eye. Of course you had no idea it was alcohol and me igniting the burner would set the table ablaze. How could I have doubted you all these years? I'm sorry.

Teenaged Boy: You wouldn't look me in the eye when I turned around after being pinched in the ass in the lunch line. I always thought it was you and you were lying by ignoring me afterward. Now I know you were too afraid and shy to look me in the eye. Of course you didn't pinch my teenaged ass. I must have caught it on the lunch tray shelf. How could I have doubted you all these years? I'm sorry.

College Crush Guy: You wouldn't look me in the eye when you said you were transferring to a college 200 miles away. I always thought you were
lying because you had no spine. Now I know you were afraid aid to look me in the eye. Of course you went there to study nuclear physics instead of art history. How could I have doubted you all these years? I'm sorry.

College Professor: You wouldn't look me in the eye when you said you thought my work wasn't right for XYZ agency and therefore didn't recommend me for interview. I always thought you were lying because you wanted the job yourself. Now I know you were intimidated to look me in the eye. Of course they never would have hired me, and you were a far better choice for the job. How could I have doubted you all these years. I'm sorry.

Ex Boss I: You wouldn't look me in the eye when you told me I was only being laid off because we lost two accounts. I always thought you were lying because you hated me from day one. Now I know you were too afraid to look me in the eye. Of course you didn't hate me because I was better in every capacity than you. Of course you weren't looking for the first reason to get rid of me. Of course you didn't then hire a team of bigger fools than you. How could I have doubted you all these years? I'm sorry.

Ex Boss II: You wouldn't look me in the eye when you told me I wouldn't get anywhere in the agency if I didn't adjust my attitude. I always thought you were lying because you were mad I wouldn't sleep with you. Now I know you were just too intimidated to look me in the eye. Of course you didn't want to sleep with me. You were nearly twice my age and had all those other girls to sleep with in your office. How could I have doubted you all these years? I'm sorry.

Every guy I've ever dated except HWNMNBS: You wouldn't look me in the eye when you said "It's not you, it's me." I always thought you were all lying to avoid confrontation or an ugly scene. Now I know you were just too afraid to look me in the eye. Of course it's you. You've got issues. I'm too good for you. I'm better off without you. I deserve a better man. How could I have doubted you all these years? I'm sorry.

See what a few blonde highlights will do? One minute you're going around not trusting anyone because they won't look you in the eye, let alone engage in conversation, the next you realize they were only avoiding eye contact because they were intimidated or shy because of your hair color.

Interestingly enough, the new hair color hasn't thwarted anyone from asking me directions. Three days: 12 people/groups stopping me and asking directions to one place or another. So that little sociological oddity is going to have further investigation and study. As it stands, I think it's safe to conclude hair color must not be a factor.


Nothing too unusual about this news photo, Islams in Pakistan hate the U.S. and march in protest. But check out the guy in the second row on the left. The guy with the beard. What the...?

10:11 PM

 
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