Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Thursday, January 01, 2004  
Thursday's Things I Know for Sure (This Ain't Oprah's List)
Special New Year's Day Edition


Water is good. Water and lots of it.

Concealer is good. Concealer deftly applied will cover all sins committed in the last 24 hours.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, or, at the very least, the first day of a new year, or at the bare minimum, the first day of a new month.

The Scots consider it good luck to have the first visitor of the new year in their homes to be someone with "a brow that meets in the middle." In other words, for one day a year, those cursed with a unibrow are very popular. I think it doesn't matter if the brow has been "altered" for appearance sake. Fairly safe bet most Scots are quite lucky.

The Power Ball lottery jackpot was $210 million. Those who play could use a little luck. For travel expenses and a small fee (say, oh, $20 million) I'll consider compromising my image and be the first visitor in your home in the new year.

$210 million is a lot of money. Even at worst, after taxes you're looking at $105 million. Whomever wins this should be required by law to give at least $10 million to bona fide charities (not some sneaky little fake charity tax shelter).

Stevie and Angel only need $550 more for their surgery. Their human has had some health problems of her own. Come on. It's a new year. Give 'em a $1. How many of you bought Lottery tickets at a $1 a piece? And lost?

Fine. You think it's a hoax. Okay. Fair enough. I'm cynical, too. So, instead, go to your local animal shelter, homeless shelter, nursing home, no kill animal shelter meeting, neighborhood watch meeting, children's organization, whatever, and volunteer your time.

Call your mother and wish her happy new year. Don't tell her what you did last night or how or where you woke up today. Don't get frustrated when she says those things that really bug you. Maybe she really does like your sister better than you. So what? Accept it and rise above it.

Girls, it's a new year. Once and for all: Resolve to not try to pretend your summer capri's are year round versatile by pairing them with winter fashion boots. Unless of course you really are a hooker, then by all means, work that look girl, work it! I don't care what magazine lauded the look. What model/designer/photographer do you know who isn't one spread/collection/shoot away from hookin' themselves?

Guys, it's a new year. Once and for all: Resolve to wear a decent pair of shoes once in a while. I don't mean expensive. I mean not scruffy and not sneakers. You'll be amazed at what this will do for your luck with the ladies. I promise. Shave more than once a week and watch your luck triple in size.

If you're resolving to shed some unwanted weight and get into those size too small jeans, here's a tried and tested motivator: Hang those jeans (dress, shirt, sequined tube top, whatever) in your bathroom or over the closet door, somewhere you have to see them first thing every morning and last thing every night. Try them on once a week. If this doesn't work, nothing will. Accept it and rise above it.

Did I mention water is good?

Why does Tim Burton insist on casting his girlfriends in roles for which they are completely wrong? Tim, you're great. You're a visionary. You've made it. You're very wealthy. You no longer have to rely on the "I'll put you in my movie if you'll go out with me" line. Lots of chicks will dig you whether you put them in a movie or not. Besides, you were better when you were with Lisa Marie. Helena's bringing you down, man.

I miss Jeane Dixon's predictions on tabloid covers in the grocery line. I know she's been dead a few years now, but they're just really lame without her this year. Though The Weekly World News has a fantastic year end cover photo - Big Foot was apparently hit by a car. I can't choose which is funnier: The concept, the photo of Big Foot sprawled on the pavement, or the inset photo of the couple who hit him.

Forget all those fancy schmancy jobs for which I've been interviewing. I want to pursue my dream of being the Art Director of The Weekly World News. Personal and professional integrity? Where's that gotten me lately? I want to go to work and have meetings about the Belgium is Gone story. I want to tell my friends, "Sorry, can't go out tonight. Working late on the Big Foot Baby piece."

If you are ever in Colorado, and decide to drive up Pike's Peak (very fun little adventure) note the signs, "Big Foot Xing Due to sightings in the area of a creature resembling "Big Foot" this sign has been posted for your safety." You can't miss them. They look like US Park District signs and feature the silhouette of a hairy guy with big feet who appears to be either: thumbing a ride, carrying a Bud, or striking the "Keep on Truckin'" pose.

Happy new year everyone. Here's to a good 2004.

Keep on Truckin', Flyin', Ridin', Boardin' whateverin' it is you do, but most of all, Keep on Bloggin'.

8:33 AM

 
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