Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, December 15, 2004  
Y'all have been asking about Reality Wednesday, sorry, Trillian's Life has been ?able and far too real lately. But today, A Very Special Reality Wednesday...

Chicago Retailer Marshall Fields Hires Clay Aiken to Work Christmas Windows
Marshall Fields has Hired Clay Aiken to Work their Christmas Windows
Clay Aiken, American Idol sensation, seen here resurrecting Snow White, has been hired to work the holiday windows at Marshall Fields' flagship State Street store.

"I wanted to pick up a little extra holiday cash, and I'm contractually obligated to live my life in the public eye as a recording industry puppet, so I thought this would be a good way to do both. It's working out real well. I'm naturally very wooden, I have real bad fake looking hair, I'm small and gawky, I don't really have much of a social life, so it's a good fit for me." Aiken commented during a late night break while the windows were being cleaned and dusted. "It's just a seasonal job, but who knows? Maybe if I work real hard and things work out okay they'll keep me on after the holidays."

Snow White, who is daily resurrected from an evil witch's spell by Mr. Aiken's kiss, remarked, "I just assumed he was gay, not that there's anything wrong with that, you know, whatever."

Ms. White is excited about working with the American Idol has been sensation, "He broke that bitch's spell, so it's all good. After this window gig is over I'm going to have the Queer Eye guys pull an intervention on his hair. I myself am reviewing some offers, Survivor: Fairy Tales, Who Wants to Marry the Fairest of them All? and I'm a Window Dummy, Get Me Out of Here! have all expressed interest in me, I'm sure due to Clay's appearance with me. I owe him a lot, he's really given us small wooden animatronic people with bad hair the sort of exposure we need to crossover into the mainstream. He's not only America's idol, he's our idol, too. He's right in here with us. Sometimes I'd swear he's a small wooden animatronic person. He's giving us small wooden animatronic people great exposure."

Responding to questions about the term "dummy," Ms. White and Mr. Aiken agreed the term of choice is small wooden animatronic person, or SWAP. "The D word, I mean, it's just so cruel. I mean, where I'm from we all called each other dummies, but for us to go forward, to eliminate bias against small wooden animatronic people, as a group, there's no gray area. So we've got to stand for zero tolerance of the D word. They, we, I prefer to be known as small wooden animatronic people, or SWAPs, as the government classifies them, us." Mr. Aiken explained. "There's a lot more SWAPS out there than you might realize," he continued. "Most of the people you see on reality television programs are actually SWAPs. For professional purposes, you know, to get work, to be accepted, they hide their background. Some of the richer SWAPs, like over at Saks and Niemans, have work done on their hair so you can't hardly tell they're small wooden animatronic people."

Mr. Aiken's father has been the subject of much speculation and public ridicule from Clay himself. Rumors about his genetics have been making the rounds in gossip columns, credible sources have revealed Mr. Aiken's father is half SWAP. Mr. Aiken addressed those rumors at a press conference held to kick off his tenure in the Marshall Fields' holiday windows: "Y'all know I've got issues with my father. I barely know the man. It's possible he is half SWAP, and that's okay with me. I don't have an issue with his heritage. I'd be proud and honored to find out I'm part SWAP. I identify with small wooden animatronic people, so, you know, who knows? Maybe I am part SWAP. All the more reason for me to make the SWAP agenda my agenda."

"See what I mean? He's got the heart of a dummy under all that stiff, bad hair." Snow White jokingly chastised, then gets her fingers caught in his hair while attempting to give him a jockular tossle of the locks.

Number Five, one of the "little men" in this year's Snow White themed windows, commented further, "Clay's the real deal. When he's in that window, he's one of us. Solid, wooden, jerky, bad hair - a true professional. I've been workin' these windows a lotta years now. I've seen a lot of celebrities come and go. They just can't take the long hours and boring repetition and monotony of the gig. But Clay, he's a good kid. He's used to monotonous boring repetition. The other American Idol also rans all want the hip in your face stuff like Old Navy. Look at them, across the street there (pointing to the Chicago branch of the teen emporium) it's all so flash. That's just not Clay. He truly is the measure of a man. A small, wooden animatronic man." Wiping a tear away, Number Five clears his throat and whistles a jaunty toon and heads back to his window.

Snow White, taking a long drag on a cigarette and checking the clock, "Break's almost up, Clay. I gotta call my agent. You got change for the phone?"

"Sorry Snow, pay day's not 'til Friday." Clay jokingly chides Ms. White as he tosses her two quarters.

The other "little men" laugh and Clay falls in line with them as they hi ho off whistling to their window stations.

Clay Aiken: Wooden Window Dummy.

More photos of Clay Aiken's holiday window debut here.


Potentially slutty photo of Trillian here.

6:13 AM

 
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