Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, January 26, 2005  
Local Woman to Receive Internet Service in Her Home

It was with rapt anticipation that Ms. Tricia McMillian arrived home Monday night. This was the night her internet service provider (ISP) told her she would have DSL service.

"I moved house 3.03 miles last week," Ms. McMillian explained, "and even though I spent a lot of time making arrangements for my internet service to move with me, well, there were issues."

Ms. McMillian is like many internet users. She uses her home internet connection for business and personal use.

"I'm a designer, so there are a lot of times I can work at home rather than stay late in the office. I just email my work files between home and the office," Ms. McMillian, Trillian, continues, "and a lot of times creative inspiration hits in the middle of the night or on weekends. My brain doesn't work 9 to 5. So my internet connectivity is a crucial component of my tool box. Also, my mother is ill and the internet helps me keep in contact with my parents, the rest of my family and research her various medical issues. Being offline for even a day could be serious for me right now. I don't like that my life has evolved to this point of internet dependency, but on the other hand, I cringe thinking about what my life would be like without the internet."

Poignant words.
Ms. McMillian's ISP did not meet their promised connectivity date. The phone company's move transition plan went off without a hitch. Even the US Postal Service was able to understand she had moved and delivered her mail to her new address. But her ISP fell far short of the mark. A mark they set, a plan they implemented.

When Ms. McMillian attempted to go online late on the night of her move, she had no service.

"I was tired anyway, but I wanted to dash off a quick email to family telling them I was safely at the new place. It was a long and difficult move, family and friends tried to reach me all day and evening but had difficulty because I was involved with the movers and various problems which arose with the move. I was disappointed I didn't have internet service, but too tired to care about it that night."

The following morning, Trillian again attempted to go online, but again, she had no service. That's when she began calling her ISP for assistance. She was met with conflicting claims by customer service agents and was told there was no record of her move request. When she recited the service request number to the customer service agents, she was told it was not a valid number. Furthermore, the phone number she had been given to ring for service for her "special move issues" was not in service.

"I was furious. A day I can understand. No big deal. But to find out they had done nothing in preparation for the move really annoyed and bothered me. I persisted and climbed higher up the chain of command. I finally got a technical advisor who 'found' my case notes and figured out what the problems were. Naturally they blamed the phone company. So I rang the phone company. Naturally, the phone company said they had done everything they were supposed to do. Which I actually believe because, well, my phone service worked just fine. So there I was, stuck in the middle, with no internet. I had taken a few days off work to settle into the new place, but had some work to do, email to check, and my mother's health issues," Trillian sniffles and wipes away a tear, "It was horrible, just horrible. I was reduced to going to Coughupalottabucks so I could go online. My ISP essentially made me pay insane amounts of money for tea and cider so that I could use Coughupalottabucks' internet service. Coughupalottabucks! Is my ISP going to refund me that money, that blood money? No! Of course they're not. They don't care."

Trillian's calls to her ISP were met with increasing insensitivity and apathy. One customer service agent told her she would have service in 10 days and that she was "lucky" to have service moved "that quickly."

"I couldn't believe it. The phone company and the swutting US Postal Service managed to grasp the concept of moving and transferred my information seamlessly. Yet my ISP, allegedly one of the leaders in technology and service, couldn't deliver what they promised and had the cheek to be rude to me. The swutting US Postal Service could figure it out for crying out loud!"

"I returned to work and I had to resort to staying late and using my company's network for some personal emails and to look up a few medical procedures for my mum, look up information on feline psychoses, when and how to sue a moving company, how to type with stitches in your knuckle, dealing with a slumlord who won't return phone calls, you know, the usual stuff. I'm not proud of this, I don't like to use my company's network for personal stuff. Our tech guys are not the most reputable people, they're bored and spend their days monitoring what we're doing online, even reading email sometimes. It's a huge privacy problem, but you know, I mean, it's work and we shouldn't be doing personal stuff there anyway, so none of us complain," Trillian confides. "Then I'd go home, check to see if I had service, and then spend hours, yes, HOURS on the phone with customer support at my ISP. Every night I got a different set of excuses, but ultimately, I didn't have service."

Finally, Ms. McMillian issued an ultimatum to her ISP. "I hate ultimatums. I don't issue them. I'm just not like that. But this is what they made me do. They forced me to stoop to a level which I do not stoop. I told them if I didn't have service Monday night, I wanted out of my contract with them because they were not delivering their end of the deal."

She then hung up on them.

"Yeah. I know. I'm not proud of that, either." Trillian quietly admits. "But what was I supposed to do? How long was I supposed to go on like that? There's only so much a person can take."

Then, The Storm hit.
When a blizzard hit Saturday, Trillian was certain that would be the next excuse, the next barrier to service. And sure enough, Monday night, when she arrived home from work, she had no internet service.

"I made my nightly call to my ISP, and was told because of the blizzard the crew who had to 'check my line' were running late, but that I should have service sometime that night." Trillian mimics, "I wasn't holding my breath."

But just before retiring for the evening, Ms. McMillian attempted to go online one more time. "My browser sprang to life. I couldn't believe my eyes. Internet. Dear, sweet, internet. It was like discovering fire. Of course, I couldn't think of one site I wanted to go to and wasn't in the mood to send email, but the mere fact that I could if I wanted or needed to was very reassuring."

Ms. McMillian is also a "blogger" (online journals, web logs) who had been posting sporadically from Coughupalottabucks. "I have some really great friends who read my blog. They knew I was going through a difficult move and many of them were concerned when I didn't post for a few days. I know. They're really swell people. I can't thank them enough for all their kind wishes and support."

When asked if she would publicly embarrass and ridicule her ISP via her blog, she said, "I'm sure it will be mentioned. Not by name, though, because, well, I mean, well, I'm not sure why, really..."

Ms. McMillian's blog can be found at www.triciamcmillian.blogspot.com Her ISP can be found at www.earthlink.net.

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