Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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or Search by State

Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Friday, April 08, 2005  
I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

Turns out HWNMNBS was right: Everything wrong in my life is because I'm ugly. He doesn't want me because I'm ugly. Ditto employers. And now I find out I'm underpaid because I'm ugly.


What this is saying is: If you're ugly and you somehow manage to get through school and into college (because teachers favor cute or pretty children in their classrooms), and if you somehow manage to get a job (because statistically ugly people are put in the bottom of the pile when it comes to selecting job candidates) you can expect to earn less money. Which sucks because you're statistically doomed to never marry and you're going to have to stretch that one lone small income a long way.

And yet you say you're against genetic engineering. I was, too. But I'm changing my opinion. "It's what's inside that counts." Bah. You want your children to have successful and happy lives? Get that double helix in fine specimen working order or be prepared to cough up the money for more than orthodontics and college tuition. You'll be needing a good plastic surgeon if your child is less than ideal looking.

I love the irony that is my life. I read this bit of depressing news on the very day I was faced with a dilemma of personal and professional integrity.

I have been applying for jobs like mad.

And not getting a lot of response.

Or getting ridiculously low salary offers. (The above research sheds light on that. All the qualifications, stellar background, education and references, yet if you're ugly you'll be offered a rate of pay comparable to a fast food jockey.)

But there was a potential "hot one" brewing. This job is really perfect for me. I'm perfect for it. Well. At least by the description and emails which have happened thus far.

It's at a large corporation. Which is fine with me. Easier to blend in, get lost in the crowd. Like all large corporations, there are set hiring procedures which must be followed. These procedures can be lengthy processes. I understand. I'm patient. I'll hurry up and wait.

But this company posed a new situation to me.

The online application had some questions which are, you know, illegal.

We all know why they ask them. And I have to hand it to this company. They came right out and said why they asked. They even used the bad word. The word no one says but everyone knows. The Q word.

They prefaced the questions with: We can't judge, hire or discriminate based on these questions, and you don't have to answer them.

So as per my usual response, I didn't respond. Because they're going to be interested in me at first on my merits. If they're interested in my skills, they'll interview me and the answers to those illegal questions will be obvious the second I walk through the door.

This is exactly how everyone I know feels about those questions.

Even people who would potentially benefit from answering some of the questions.

So things were going along, proceeding, an email requesting work samples and/or a url.

Check.

An email "test" of skills.

Check.

And then today I got another email. Thinking perhaps I was heading toward an actual interview and hoping to turn around a bad day, I eagerly opened the email.

Imagine my surprise and confusion and dismay when I read: You have met all preliminary criteria for (the position). However in reviewing your application we found we are missing some information. Please click here to complete your application so that we may continue the screening process and determine if we will proceed with an interview for (this position).

You guessed it: The illegal questions.

What they're saying is: You're absolutely qualified and probably perfect for this job except we have some criteria beyond your control that we need to know before we bother to interview you for this job for which you are completely and perfectly qualified.

What to do, what to do.

Throw away every shred of pride and professionalism I have, answer the stupid questions and hope they are lacking single white women who didn't serve in Viet Nam?

Refuse to answer the questions, get all high an mighty with some pointed citations to the US Constitution and the Equal Rights Amendment?

Answer the question, get all high and mighty stating that single white women way too young to have served in Viet Nam have equal rights, too?

It really annoyed me. I resent that they had the nerve to put me in the position of having to choose between personal and professional integrity and a job which really interested me.

It bothers me, a lot, that they would blatantly say, "You don't have to answer these questions..." then turn around and tell me I have to answer them in order to be further considered for the job.

But that's illegal! you're saying.

Well.

Yes. It is. Sort of.

And no matter how I respond I can kiss this job good-bye. Because they're making such a stink about it, risking serious penalties by asking those questions, they obviously need to fill their Q word. And I probably do not fill a void in their Q. Single white women who didn't serve in Viet Nam are a dime dozen.

A penny a dozen if they're ugly.

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7:56 AM

 
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