Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Thursday, April 28, 2005  
Someone always beats me to the punchline.

Bo Bice, you are clearly more on your game than I am. I salute you. Dude, man, you so rock. You have succeeded where others have failed. You have made a mockery of the American Idol franchise and for that I am forever in your debt. Debauched, deflowered, tarnished and otherwise scared the daylights out of a lot of pabulum fed public. Oh sure, your plan wasn't as good as mine, but then, you've been laying the groundwork for a while. It takes a lot of time and effort to get a multi-offence narcotics rap sheet. Nice work. Dude, man, the part where you had Smoking Gun "reveal" your narc sheet? Man that was genius. So awesome. When your gig ends you've got a great career in marketing ahead of you.

I'm sure you'll be the clear candidate endorsed by George W., and the South American Tourism Board and White Castle are going to want to get in on the sponsor gig.

The only problem is going to be Tipper Gore and the gang over at PMRC and moral majority. I hear there's a "Just Say No to Bo!" campaign in the works. Thing is, dude, they didn't bring down Prince and I'll bet you can get Dee Snyder and Alice Cooper to speak out for you. Man that would be so awesome.

And dude, man, I cannot wait for Weird Al night! You are so going to rule with What if God Smoked Cannabis. I'm really sorry I missed all of your perfomances. On '70s night did you do One Toke Over the Line? That would be a good cover for your first cd. Clapton's doing a lot of sell out endorsements these days, I bet he'd be down with a cover of Cocaine.Do you like Dylan? I bet he'd be in on a little Rainy Day Women cover action. You guys could do a duet. That would be awesome. And please, please, please tell me you did Hash Pipe on modern hits night.

The offers are going to pour in for double billed tours. Phish and Weezer will be keen on having you open for them, though I think you should hold out for opening act on the Green Day American Idiot tour. That would be so awesome, dude. Can you see the guys at FOX and 19 cringing over that?! Sweet.

Is there a meth lab in the basement of the Idol mansion? I was just in LA and I noticed tin foil on windows of a big house. I just assumed it was Robert Downey, Jr.'s place, but maybe it was the Idol mansion.

You know how Kelly and Justin made that cd promo movie? You could do that, too! A remake of Blow with you in the John Depp role seems like the perfect choice. Or, better still, Courtney Love could use a vehicle right now, what about a remake of Sid and Nancy? Introduce the joy of heroin and the ugly underbelly of the punk scene to a whole new group of kids! And the great thing about that is that Courtney could still be a sleazy drug addicted punk rock wannabe. Isn't it great how she never changes? A real role model for young girls. That's why this would be such a great movie and vehicle for you and recording career. Working title: From Bo to Courtney Hey, I just realized Bo rhymes with blow. That would be a great title for your first cd. Bo Blows. Bo Does Blow. Blow Bo. The possibilities are endless, and the double entendres just keep coming.

You better be ready for all those new products they're going to have to hastily add to the merchandising line. Since I can't be Universe Idol, I thought I'd at least help you out with some of your marketing needs. I put together a marketing team and we've been hard at work on the re-imaging of the Idol brand. We worked up a little art for you to use:

Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll Idol

T-shirts are popular, here's a basic design:
sex-drugs-tshirt

And you probably want to get in on the "paraphernalia" (he he he he) market. We think these are going to be very popular.
Idol Bong

9:22 PM

 
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