Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, August 16, 2005  
Opposing Ideas
Most of my friends live very normal and successful lives. Jobs they enjoy which provide them with good salaries. They have stable, loving relationships with spouses or partners. They have nice comfortable homes, good health, satisfying social and extracurricular lives. They are leading, you know, normal, well adjusted lives. Do they want more or better? Oh sure. They’re not stinking rich or charmed with non stop good luck. But they are happy with what they’ve got and are comfortable. They’re not struggling. They have worries and concerns, but not the keep you up at night sort of worries and concerns. And when they do have a problem or challenge, they’ve got partners to support them emotionally, financially and whatever other way they need.

I’m glad my friends are all doing well. I really am. I’m not jealous or envious of them. Maybe of some of their successes, but not of them. I still allow myself to feel a lot of emotions for and about them. Happiness, pride, compassion, love, gratitude... lots of emotions. These are my friends. I like them. I care about them. I want good things for them.

I certainly don’t wish my life on anyone, especially my friends.

I don’t usually talk about the weirdness and unsuccess in my life with them. They get worried and upset for and about me. They feel guilty for having what they’ve got and feel like their mere presence is flaunting success in my face. And yes, sometimes, that is that case. But I don’t blame them, I’m not mad or resentful at them. The situation, yes, but not them. Over the past few years I’ve learned it’s best for everyone if I just say nothing about the failures and strangeness in my life. I don’t lie, I just don’t say anything. I keep the conversation about them and their lives, their spouses, their jobs, their children, their vacations, their homes, their cars, their evolving lives. There’s nothing new, really, in my life anyway, nothing really to talk about which isn’t obvious or hasn’t been discussed. They’ve moved on to the next normal phases of life and I have not. If any of us dwell on it too much it would make us all upset and feel weird and probably erode or at least cause some distance in the friendships.

Consequently most of my friendships have become a little lop sided in the areas of communication. And I’m okay with that, I’ve pretty much orchestrated it. I am not an agony aunt, yet. They’re not only calling me when they have a problem or need a sympathetic ear because they know I’m the one person who will listen and understand. Most of them email or call just to say hi when things are good, which is most of the time. So no resentment in that regard. They do ask how things are with me, but, well, this is where it’s down to my orchestration, “Oh you know, the usual, weird, stupid, frustrating and a little scary. Status quo. How about you? How’s the new job/baby/house/car/vacation?” And from there the conversation involves whatever’s new in their life. Because there are always new things in their lives, and they are almost always good, positive, exciting, happy things. There’s a lot to talk about, a lot of ground to cover in their new whatever. Everything that can be said about the same old status quo in my life has been said, there’s nothing new to discuss.

So last night the phone rang. It was a good friend who lives far far away from me. We usually email and talk only now and then. I could tell she was upset the second I heard her voice. She tried to act casual, “Hi Trill (fake upbeat tone), how’s it going?”

“Hi friend! (sincere upbeat tone) you know, the usual, how about you?”

“Well, you know, okay...” (voice cracking, tears could be seen through the sound of her voice)

“Friend, what’s going on? Are you okay? Husband okay? Parents okay? Dogs okay?”
“Yes, yes, we’re all fine, everyone’s okay. Except, well, me, I guess. I didn’t get the promotion.” (Baaaa haaaaaa haaaaaa, sniff, sniff, waaaaaaaaahhhhh waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh)

“Oh, friend, I’m so sorry. I know you really wanted that job. They’re stupid for not giving it to you, you were clearly the perfect candidate for it. Probably stupid politics which have nothing to do with you or your abilities.”

“That’s just it, that’s exactly what happened. I was the best candidate for the job, but they gave it to (younger, less qualified boy just out of University). I am certain they gave it to him because someone knows we’re trying to have a baby and they don’t want to risk me leaving in the middle of a project. I mean, I wouldn’t do that! And now that I didn’t get the job and the pay increase the baby plans are going to have be delayed (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh) it’s all so unfair!”

“Wow, yes, friend it is really unfair. Have you gone to HR? Did you ask anyone specifically why you didn’t get the job when you were clearly the best candidate? It probably won’t change anything, but at least it will make them squirm for a few minutes. And more importantly, it will make them aware that you know how their decision was made and that there are potentially serious discrimination issues.”

“(Husband of friend) wants to talk to a lawyer. But I’m not sure that’s a good idea just yet. I have to keep my job, at least until I find a new one, because I can’t stay here now, I have to find another job, I mean, I just can’t stay after all this. And I want (younger, less qualified boy just out of University) to fall flat on his face when I’m gone. I got straight on the phone to (executive recruiting firm), emailed my CV (executive recruiter she used to get her current job). He said there are a couple of opportunities brewing which would be perfect for me.”

“Ah yes, the best revenge is quitting your job. Are you seriously considering a discrimination suit?”

“As soon as I find another job, yes.”

“Isn’t that kind of expensive? And I mean, once you find another job and move on will it really be an issue? I’m not saying it’s right or that they should get away with it, but, I’m just thinking of the legal expenses. The main issue here is that you wanted that promotion because you were qualified and you wanted the extra money so you could begin those baby plans. Without the job and extra money you have to wait a bit longer to have a baby. Won’t legal expenses further delay those plans, too?”

“Yes. And that’s another reason I don’t want to run to a lawyer. But (her husband) is really hot to have a discussion with a lawyer.”

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to have a conversation about it.”

“No, I guess not. But I really wanted that j j jo jo job (waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh waaaaaaaaaahhh)”

“I know, friend, I know. This stinks.”

And there was a long conversation about not getting what she really wanted, rejection, dignity and how to go on after the defeat. All areas I know enough about to be considered an expert. So I knew exactly when to just listen and when to offer some encouragement or ideas.

But here’s the thing. There were several times I was tempted to employ the opposite technique. But what I think were manners and responsibility prevented me from pointing out some issues which make this not such a big deal as it might seem.

She’s currently earning an amazingly high salary. And the promotion would have put her in the “top earner” category. And she does work very hard and is very clever and smart and experienced and all that. I’m not saying she isn’t worth it. And rejection’s the same no matter what the job or salary. If you really want a particular job, it’s the same hurt, the same disappointment, the same licking of wounds and trying not to be too resentful about the whole thing if you’re turned down for senior VP position or a fast food cashier. A lot probably hinges on those potential jobs and paychecks no matter what the job or amount of the paycheck.

But. Many, many people would give anything to be in her current job. She’s got a great gig and she earns a lot of money. She is basically very happy there and didn’t even think about leaving until the new job opened and she applied for the promotion.

And, if she does decide to quit, her husband also earns a very handsome salary in a very secure job in a thriving industry and successful company. She’s got a cushion. She has an out. I’m not saying she should quit just because she can rely on her husband for a few months or however long it takes for her to find a job. Her career is important to her beyond a paycheck. Until she has that baby, next to her husband she devotes much of her time and energy to that job and her career. So no, I’m not saying, “oh big deal, she can quit and her husband can take care of her.”

Normally I would never remind her that she is fortunate to have the cushion to fall into in case she does want to quit or hire a lawyer. Because that’s not the point. The point is that she was not given a promotion she honestly deserved, probably because she is a woman of child bearing age.

But. The fact is, she can hire a recruiter or a lawyer or quit or do whatever she wants because she’s got a partner who can soften at least the financial blow to the budget.

All of that was going through my mind and I nearly employed the oppositing technique. I wondered if a few reminders about her not so awful life might help her feel better about the whole thing. I chose to take my usual route and stayed very quiet about her not so bad life because right then she was upset about not getting the job and that’s understandable. I feel very bad for her. The licking of wounds and realizing things aren’t so bad after all will come in a few days or weeks.

And I was concerned it might come across as catty or jealous or angry. And I was truly not feeling any of those things. I was feeling very little emotion at all, actually. I wasn’t trying to void emotion, or even having no expectations. But. It’s kind of becoming a way of life. Which is good, for the most part. However, in the case of the people I actually care about I’m not sure this is a good thing.

Maybe if it weren’t involving issues which hit so close to home for me. Maybe if I were in a job I liked or at least paid a decent salary for the work I do I could be more sympathetic. Maybe if I had a husband. Maybe if I were trying to have a baby. Maybe if I weren’t sitting there looking at a bowl of dry store brand cereal for dinner because the store brand is 40 cents cheaper than the national brand and milk isn’t on sale until Thursday. Maybe then I could risk saying the opposite of the conventional supportive comment. I wouldn’t sound bitter and jealous. But that’s a lot of maybes. So I was sympathetic and understanding of her emotional distress.

We ended the conversation on a positive note, she had calmed down and seemed to be in a lot better mood. And that’s really all that matters.

Except. I’m now trying to sort out if the void of emotions, no expectations, do the opposite thing might be helpful in the relationships where I didn’t think I would employ the technique. Would it make me a better or worse friend to point out the obvious? That can come across as dismissive. “Eh, so what. You didn’t get the promotion, big deal. You still have a great job, money in the bank, a husband with a great salary. Rejection sucks, they’re stupid and wrong for not giving you the promotion, but you’re no worse off than you were before the job became available. You’ll have a baby in the next few years and probably not even be working. In the grand scheme of things this is inconsequential to your five year plan.” However, it’s true. But the slap in the face sort of reality has never been something I like to administer to people whose emotions matter to me. (Hence my inability to ever slate out HWNMNBS or even get angry with him.) But I wonder if maybe that’s not actually a good thing. Maybe I’m not actually being a good friend. Oh sure, I’ll be tactfully honest about an unflattering dress or recipe that needed a little more something, but those are inconsequential honesties (unless the dress is to be worn on a first date or the recipe served to a mother-in-law). Maybe doing the opposite would ultimately be better in some of these cases. Maybe my friend needed to be brought back to reality. Maybe by being understanding and well mannered and responsible I did both of us an injustice. But she’s my friend and I would never do anything which would offend or hurt her. What would be the point of bitch slapping her with reality, maybe even my reality, when all she needed was a sympathetic ear and friendly shoulder for a few minutes?

I knew there would be situations where the no expectation, no emotion, oppositing technique would cause questions, concerns and hurt feelings. But I didn’t anticipate the main issue and how I feel about it:

Selfishness.

I’m not a selfish person. It’s just not how I am. Emotions or not, I have almost no ego and never think of myself or needs first. I just simply do not. Don’t tell me to change. I can’t do that any more than I can change my height or eye color. But. The no emotions thing, and the subsequent honesties and reality bitch slaps it might cause are going to make me feel selfish. Yes. Feel. And that’s a problem. The whole point of this was to void emotions. But, it could potentially cause a big emotional vortex in the form of selfishness. I’m not giving anything of myself, investing emotions on anyone but a few close and trusted people. This is selfish behavior. Oh sure, manners, responsibility and all that. Those will get me through the casual encounters with strangers or inconsequential situations. But. The bigger situations where I opt out of emotions and walk away leaving no trace of myself behind are going to make me feel very selfish. Feel. I’ll end up exactly the opposite of my goal. I’ll be feeling a humdinger of an emotion in the form of selfishness.

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2:26 PM

 
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