Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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or Search by State

Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, September 27, 2005  
It’s time for the seasonal switch. The time when those of us living in climates requiring at least two wardrobes haul out the cool weather gear and stow away the warm weather gear.

Well. It should be that time of year. Someone in the weather department responsible for Chicago apparently didn’t get the memo.

It’s swutting hot.

I’m ready to be rid of Summer. I don’t like Summer under the best of circumstances. But this year I’m especially sick of warm weather. Bring on the subzero temps.

I’ve got new boots and I’m not afraid to use ‘em.

However. When I hauled out the cool weather garb I was hit with that realization most women face now and then: I hate almost everything I own.

I want to get rid of everything and start over.

Well.

Maybe I’d keep some shoes and those new boots.

But.

I haven’t exactly been rolling in money so I haven’t really bought a lot of clothes for a while. A while being defined as: Enough years that most of the clothes I have are showing their age.

Oh sure, I’ve got some classic stuff, basics, you know. But even they are showing signs of too many wearings.

And then there are the items which I should get rid of but cannot seem to quite purge from the closet.

I was very “good” when I moved. I got rid of a ton of stuff. A ton of stuff. I mean that almost literally. I do not know how many trips to the dumpster and charity drops I made, schlepping crammed full garbage bags of stuff to be thrown away or given to charity. I honestly do not know, but I do know I went through at least 10 boxes of garbage bags so, you know, that’s an indication of the elimination process when went on during my move. Good Trillian. Brave Trillian. Purging Trillian.

See Trillian get rid of her stuff. See Trillian downsize. See Trillian lament the woeful state of her life.

I’m not a serious pack rat - at least by comparison to the pack rats you see on those TV organizing shows. But. I do hang onto stuff which I honestly think I’ll wear or could be useful. If I had, you know, a house, like a normal person, I wouldn’t have that much stuff. But I’m not, you know, a normal person and I don’t have a house and never will so it seems like I have a lot of stuff. When in fact I have a normal or even lesser amount of stuff than most normal people my age. I keep stuff because I can’t afford to buy new stuff.

Consequently, with the exception of some shoes, most of my stuff is starting to get, well, old. But I can’t afford new stuff. Even though I’m ready and willing to get rid of almost all the old stuff, my budget won’t allow me to get rid of everything and trot out and buy new stuff.

I used to have the French philosophy on clothes. A few really great items, accessorized and worn in creative combinations creating the illusion of a grand wardrobe. I was pretty good at this. But over time I accumulated stuff, had less of a budget and could no longer afford even a few really great items so I made do with one or two really great items and filled in with less expensive, less great, less everything items. The resulting chaos is what’s hanging in my closet. And I hate almost all of it. And I really want to start over. New clothes, new me. Right? And maybe a new hair style, too. Why not just go all the way?

Because as I dragged out the Winter clothes I realized: I may be stuck in a style rut.

Yikes! Shock! Horror! Me? How could this happen to me? I’m not trendy but I am not one of those people who gets stuck in a look and stays there.

Or am I?

Maybe the lack of funding and subsequent forced complacence about most things style has plummeted me into a rut. A pit of style despair and apathy.

Is this a tragedy? Well. Not really. Compared to what many other people in the world are facing right now my little crisis of style conscience is a disgusting example of what’s wrong with society. Priorities and all that. I know. I’m lucky I have clothing. I know.

But.

Since I am fortunate enough to not live in a disaster ravaged area (excepting the disaster known as the Daley administration, of course) and since I have a job and a life I am trying to lead, you know, normally, my issues over stuff are on my mind.

My budget, or lack thereof, demands that I make do with what I have. Period.

But I hate almost everything I have.

Ah.

Well now. That’s a problem.

And a huge problem with my entire life: I hate everything I have. Well, almost. I’m lucky, I know I have plenty of good things in my life. It’s not all horrible. But. The day in day out life issues are fairly hate filled.

I hate my job.

I hate my compartment (or rather, I hate the fact I have to live in a compartment.)

I hate that I’m single.

I hate that my friends and family are scattered all over the globe.

I hate that I have little or no money to cover anything other than basics like shelter and food.

I hate that everyone else's’ lives are moving forward in a normal life progression and mine is not.

Right. That’s the short list.

So. The conventional wisdom is: Change the things you can, accept those things you cannot change.

This has been my outlook for most of my life. Well. Adapt, evolve or get left behind is really more my outlook.

But the quandary for me now is my inability to adapt and evolve. I’ve got a couple of huge issues, things I cannot change. Things I therefore have to accept. But. Those are the things which are keeping me from adapting and evolving.

Right.

Bit of a conundrum.

About that job of mine. I actually like what I do. It’s where I do it and the people with whom my job forces me to spend my days which I hate. Unprofessional, lying, disrespectful, overpaid losers and dolts. And I’m right there with them. So by association I am a loser or dolt or both.

Change it! Get rid of the old job and get a new one!

Hoooo boy I have tried. I have tried so hard to find another job. Am I being too particular in my job search? Well. Maybe. Then again maybe not. I am determined to make a smart career move. So I haven’t jumped at the first chance I get. Not that I’ve had a lot of chances to jump. I’ve had a lot of interviews, a couple of offers, but none worth leaving my current situation, even as bad as it is. Because as difficult as my work situation is, there are far, far worse work situations. The point to my job search is to avoid an equal or worse situation. The point of my job search is to improve my work situation. More money. Intelligent, responsible, professional supportive coworkers. Interesting client projects. Challenging projects. Respect for my abilities and work. A professional company culture. I know. It seems pretty basic, seems like I’m not asking for too much, right? I mean, it doesn’t seem like I’m setting ridiculously unattainable job goals. Right? Well, sometime I’ll tell you about a few of the interviews I’ve had. (shudder and a need for a drink strongly implied) I’ve seen some of what’s out there and as shocking as it sounds, much of it is worse than my current work situation.

And then there are the jobs I’ve wanted but have not been offered. Rejection sucks. A lot. I’m an old pro at rejection. I’ve had a lot of it. I’m usually able to handle it. (Oh be quiet, we’re not talking about HWNMNBS right now.) Especially now that I have eliminated all expectations and emotions. Rejection is just another fact of life.

But. Going to those interviews and getting that glimpse of what could be is tantalizing. Does it fill me with ambition and competitive spirit. Well. Not really. I suppose it should. But. I know my limitations. I know my competition. I know exactly who I’d hire given the pool of candidates, and for many of those jobs there are people better suited for the jobs than I am. That’s reality, baby. Accept, adapt, evolve. Don’t aim so high or so off target next time. Go for what you know, not what you want to know.

But. Wait. I mean. Wouldn’t that just lead to another job situation where I will soon want to leave? Well, yes. It will. But Hiring managers don’t usually see it that way. They want someone to come in and take a problem off their hands. They want someone who is either smart/experienced enough or dumb enough to take on the challenge. And if you’re not smart/experienced enough or dumb enough, they’re not interested. And sometimes they just don’t like you.

So. You know. The new job thing is an ongoing challenge and battle and near daily rejection.

You know, a lot like dating.

I have a friend who keeps insisting “there’s someone for everyone” and that I just have to keep trying and someday I’ll find him.

Uh. Okay. Easy for you to say Miss I’ve Been Happily Married to a Great Guy for 10 Years and Life is One Happy Adventure After Another Because I’ve Got a Great Marriage and That Makes Everything So Much Easier. Just because there was someone for you doesn’t mean there’s someone for everyone. The implication is: I found my someone so surely it must be true for everyone. That’s a very condescending attitude. Because if there is someone for everyone, and I have no one, that makes me not only a loser but stupid, too. The other implication is that someone is right around the corner and I haven’t either tried hard enough, done the right thing or am just too stupid/ugly/inferior to you in every way to find my someone. I very rarely hear single people over the age of 25 say “there’s someone for everyone” without tacking on “...except for me.” A lot of single people try really hard to believe there is someone for everyone, even them. It even soothes some of them when they are alone, again, naturally. “S/he’s out there somewhere, the one for me is out there and one day I’ll find them...” Yeah. Keep hoping. Keep deluding yourself. Because the statistical reality is that if you haven’t found them by the time you’re 33, it ain’t gonna happen.

Like my job search, I don’t think I’m being too particular in my search for a financial marriage partner. Heck, I don’t even want love or romance anymore. I’ve never been concerned about looks. Money doesn’t really matter as long as he’s got some sort of a job or can contribute to the household income and operation. I mean, how much lower do my standards have to be? If I asked for much less I’d be dating those scary mentally disturbed homeless guys who hang out in the crevices under highway overpasses. But maybe I am too picky.

Let’s look at the list: I don’t want to date a smoker. I’m not keen on liars, cheats, thieves and real estate agents. Egocentricity and selfishness have always caused problems for me. It would be helpful if we speak the same language, though I’m loosening my standards here. Communication may be very overrated. I have a cat so it would be good if he can at least tolerate cats.

Right. Maybe it’s not them, it’s me.

Like evaluating credentials for a job, let’s evaluate my credentials for a man.

What do I have to offer?

I have a job. I am willing and eager to work and bring in an income. I have a lot of education which will should always make me employable in some capacity. I have a great family and some really good friends. I come with some kind of cool accessories like nifty computer gear, bikes and a lot of books. Given the chance (and money) I have pretty darned good taste in all things design related. I’m honest. I’m faithful. I’m loyal. I’m in it for the long haul. I’m not judgmental. I’m open minded and adventurous. I’m courteous and respectful. I’m charitable. I’m basically a good person. However. I am not a slim, petite blonde or Asian so that eliminates more than half the men on the planet who are seeking a partner with those traits. I’m tall so that eliminates a lot of men who have domination and insecurity issues. I do have a a large set of boobs which you might think would get me somewhere, but apart from a few guys who spent entire evenings talking to my boobs, a large set of boobs is not a selling feature to most men. Now if those large boobs are on a slim, petite blonde or Asian, well, that’s another story. The rest of me is utterly unremarkable except for its ugliness.

Probably a safe bet my looks are holding me back in the dating game.

What to do about that?

New look? New ‘do? New wardrobe? Well. I mean. Sow’s ear silk purse situation here.

I am always surprised by how many men list “fashionable” or “stylish” as a requirement for their dates. I realize most people would prefer to date a do than a don’t. But I wonder if these guys have a clue how much “fashionable” and “stylish” clothing and accouterments cost. I wonder if they’re willing to bankroll the fashions and styles they want their dates to wear. I wonder if they are GQ ready themselves. By the rest of their profile and the looks of the profile photos of most of them, the answer to all those questions is: No.

And what exactly is it they’re looking for in a date or life partner? Typically they’ll list slim, petite blonde or Asian, attractive, fashionable/stylish woman between the ages of 21 and 30. Oh and intelligent and confident, too. They tack that on the end, clearly an afterthought, or at least at the bottom of their list of requirements. If a woman is not intelligent or confident but is slim, petite blonde or Asian, attractive and fashionable, you can bet a year’s wages he won’t care about her IQ or level of confidence. But if she’s intelligent and confident and not slim, petite blonde or Asian, attractive and fashionable he’ll have nothing to do with her.

This is not a rant against men even though it may seem to be. I’m merely stating the report on my observations over what is turning into a career in dating. I’m becoming an authority on this so really, don’t write me saying how different you are and how all men are not this way. I know you’re not all this way, but a vast majority of single men are.

My possessions are causing me suspicion but there’s no proof.

So back to the wardrobe issue. Maybe a new look, some new fashionable and stylish clothes would help me attract a man. Yeah. Right. Well okay, let’s try to be optimistic here. But. I don’t have money for new clothes. And if I do magically scrape up some money for clothes, I certainly can’t afford to waste it on trendy stuff which I can only wear for a few weeks at best. The usual “throw in one or two trendy pieces or accessories” thing has been done to my wardrobe so often that it’s become a cliché. I have had the “Oh Trillian, that dress always looks so nice on you. It’s amazing how you get so much mileage out of it by creative accessorizing” remark on more than a few occasions.

Yes. Women can be catty bitches. A lot of times without even realizing it. Accept, adapt, evolve.

Maybe a new look, some new fashionable and stylish clothes would help me land a better job. Yeah. Right. Well okay, let’s try to be optimistic here. But. I don’t have money for new clothes. And if I do magically scrape up some money for clothes, I certainly can’t afford to waste it on trendy stuff which I can only wear for a few weeks at best. I generally err on the side of classic when choosing an outfit for a job interview. Even for wildly creative jobs. The first and lasting impression I want to make about my appearance at a job interview is: Professional. I do not need to literally wear my creativity on my sleeves. My work should (better) speak for my creative abilities. I do not need or want my clothes and hair to compensate for a less than creative portfolio. I want to be hired for my ability to produce good work, not on my ability to dress like a page out of Goth Monthly or Trendy Babe. Besides, I am actually, believe it or not, in upper management and I’m looking for a senior level job. The trendoids work for me. I’m not sure it’s a good idea to go in looking like the people who will be working for you. I suspect that sends more than a few conflicting signals to hiring manager. However. I suppose a nod to the fact that I am indeed very aware of trends and style, some sort of visual on me and not just obvious in my work might not be a bad idea.

Right. So. Getting rid of everything and starting over? Not financially possible.

Whole new me? Not financially possible.

Massive re-inventing my outward self? Not financially possible.

I’ve adjusted my inward self. No expectations, no emotions. Doing the opposite. All that. Some successes some huge failures, but I’m going to try to continue on this course of action. Until the failures outweigh the successes.

So maybe an outward overhaul would be good, too.

Except for that pesky money issue.

Internal changes are so much less expensive to make.

And, if I’m re-inventing my outward self, who am I going to be? I’ve always been my own self - I like what I like, I have a handle on what works on me and what doesn’t. I keep up with trends and styles but don’t necessarily follow them. Especially if they’re not going to work on me. Especially if they’re styled with the average 5’4” woman in mind.

The solution for those of us women over 5’7” has always been shops for taller women (or overpriced polyester bonanza as I like to call them) or “designer” lines in more expensive stores and boutiques. (or, gosh that’s really gorgeous but it’s the price of my rent so I'll have to wait for a massive end of season sale and by then it will be out of style emporiums as I like to call them)

Online shopping has been great for “special” sized people, especially women. We’re able to peruse lots of retailers who feature “special” sized apparel.

But, uh, financial issues, Trill?

Oh yeah. That’s a problem.

But still, who do I want to be? Me, the person I have been, obviously isn’t working for me. I need a new me, a revised image. But, well, I mean, you know. I’m generally satisfied with my taste - I like what like. People do compliment me sometimes. Real compliments, not those catty passive aggressive remarks. If it happens to be in style, great, if not, well, I usually give it a good and serious think as to why it’s not in style and proceed with caution or elimination. So even if I had the money and the resources, what would I buy?

So I’m staring at my life, everything I own–which is one, erm, “good” thing about living in a small compartment. I can look out over everything I own all at once–and wondering how to a) purge everything I own, b) how to afford new stuff and c) what new stuff I’d buy if I had the money to buy new stuff.

And this is why and how people get “stuck in ruts.” The fact is, in most cases, they’re not stuck anywhere except financially down. Apart from the hippie contingent, given the choice most people would probably choose to get all new stuff every so often.

And that’s our lesson on tolerance for the week.

If you see someone who appears to be stuck in a fashion rut, don’t condemn them unless you are willing to front the money to buy them new stuff.

Behind those in need of an update styles may lurk someone filled with hatred about their life, ideas about how to change it but unable to move forward with their ideas or plans.

We’re not apathetic or boring or unaware. We’re just financially broke.

4:11 PM

 
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