Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, November 16, 2005  
Rough week. Lots going on in Trillian’s life.

I’ll cut straight to the issue.

creep week
Like that? Should make it easier for those of you specifically hunting for for the Creeps of the Week.

Or: All indications that we would get along on a date or form a relationship are negative. But maybe I’m wrong and being way too picky so you tell me. Should I give this guy a chance?

So far most of you have been less than impressed with the Creeps of the Week. Which helps me with my concerns about my potentially “too high” standards. Some people have been hinting that perhaps I’m to blame because I’m too picky about what I want in a man. I didn’t think that was the case but then I thought most people probably don’t realize how picky they are. I thought maybe I didn't realize I was being too picky. I thought maybe I should be more open to different types of men. Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss the men who seem completely wrong for me, or me for them.

Apparently not. Apparently I'm not being too picky. Some of you even suggested that I'm not picky enough.

So thanks for validating my belief that I am not, in fact, “too picky.”

If you were to read this week’s Creep’s profile, especially his “in his own words” section, you would probably think, “OMG! Trillian! He’s perfect for you! After all this time, at long last, the perfect man for you!”

You would probably think that because you haven’t read my “in my own words” section.

If you were privy to my “in my own words” section you would probably not think, “OMG! Trillian! He’s perfect for you.”

You, like me, would probably think, “OMG, Trillian, what a jerk! What the swut is he thinking? Gotta be a stalker...or just really, really, really stupid.”

You would think that because if you read my profile statements you would realize he copied my “in my own words” section verbatim. Cut and pasted my words into his profile. Not once, but in three areas of his profile. All he did was change the gender pronouns where appropriate.

No. This is not mere coincidence.

I put thought and effort into my “my own words” sections of my online dating profiles.

You read the blog. Based on that, I think it’s fair to assume what I wrote is rather unique and original, if not in thought at least in style.

So I’ll go out on a limb and say there’s no way, no way at all, anyone could come up with the exact words and style as mine in their online profile. Maybe, maybe cutting a huge amount of slack, one section might read similar or even almost the same. But not three areas. Word for exact word.

This is called plagiarism. Stealing. Deceiving. Lying.

So what this guy did was, a) find my profile, b) apparently liked it, c) cut and pasted my words into his profile, and, here’s the weird bit (at least to me) d) swutting sent me an email saying he’d like to meet me because we seem perfect for each other.

Naturally, before I saw his profile, I thought, “huh, okay, not much substance to his email, but nothing stupid or rude or weird, either. Let’s check out his profile.”

You know what’s weird? Seeing your words describing yourself and who you’d like to meet attributed to someone else.

I know writing these things is difficult. I had trouble getting started, too. The difficulty for me is not writing words, but writing words enthusing about myself. It seems like bragging which, as you know, is not exactly my strong suit. Which is why I cut a huge amount of slack for men who don’t write exactly scintillating or even mildly interesting profiles. No one expects Hemingway prose on these things.

And yes, I know, I know. I’m sure there is a lot of plagiarism out there. I’m sure a lot of people read something in someone else’s profile which appeals to them and then “borrow” it for their own profile.

I’m not saying I condone this behavior. But I know it happens. And I can even understand why some people who are not very good at expressing themselves in written word might resort to borrowing a line or two from someone else's profile.

But this is how clichés become cliché. Someone comes up with the original thought, it strikes a chord with someone else, and so and so on and so on...the next thing you know “runs with scissors” and “comfortable in jeans or tux” or “I like your smile and eyes” are such common vernacular they’re no longer funny or cute or complimentary. They’re just stupid, meaningless clichés. It’s how language and ideas evolve.

hint of the week
If you’ve read it on a t-shirt, bumper sticker, email joke or Successories poster it’s a cliché. It’s unoriginal and has no business in your profile. It not only makes you look unoriginal, trite and cliché, it insults the intelligence of anyone you pursue who reads your profile. If you’re not great at writing, just be honest: “I suck at writing so this is difficult for me. I’m a research physicist. I’m kind of nerdy. I have two cats. I like parachuting. My hobbies include rock tumbling and caber throwing. I do not have a criminal record. I passed my last physical. My blood pressure is 110/80, my cholesterol count is 145 mg/dL. I’d like to meet a woman without a criminal record who likes cats and has hobbies, too.” There. See? Was that really so difficult? No. It wasn’t. Grant you, it’s not the best marketing prose, but it’s sincere. If you write a profile like this, be sure you respond to all, and I mean every question the site offers. If your site has a personality profile “test,” do it. It will be insightful for you and potential dates. It will fill in a few blanks where you were at a loss for words.)

But to swutting plagiarize, word for word, someone else’s words and put them in the “in my own words” section? Ironic, yes, but dishonest and insincere.

But what puts this in the creepy weird category is to then email the person from whom you stole the words and say you have a lot in common and want to meet them.

I know, I know. Imitation = flattery.

And I do get a lot of compliments on my various profiles. More than half my email is from men who say, “I’m not who you’re looking for, but I had to write to compliment you on your profile and wish you luck in your search.” Awww, gee, thanks, guys. I also have people, men and women, ask me to write their profile statements for them because they like mine. Ever read Cyrano de Bergerac? See the movie Roxane? This sort of thing always ends badly. Sure, I could probably write some bang-up sales copy for you. It’s all marketing. But you’re the one who ultimately has to deliver the goods. You want to find dates and ultimately a partner who likes you for you. And if you’re not great at writing, find someone who likes you because you’re not great at writing. You could say, “I’m not good at marketing myself so online dating might not be a good idea for me. Unless you’re someone who appreciates that I’m not good at marketing in which case this could be the start of something big.” Just be swutting honest.

Back to
creep week

I’m at a complete and total loss as to if or how to proceed with this guy. Mainly I’m angered, confused and little bit scared about his intentions. Obviously he copied my profile statements. Obviously he knew I’d see that he did this because he swutting emailed me and said he thought we’d be perfect for each other. Obviously he knew I would look at his profile. Obviously he wanted to get “caught.” Or, even scarier, weirder, thought I would be impressed that he copied my words. Or, weirdest of all, thought I wouldn’t notice he copied my words.

But wait, there’s more. If he hadn’t copied my three “in my own words” sections I probably wouldn’t give this any thought.

But since he did, the rest of his profile is suspect.

Sure enough, he answered every question, every single question posed by the site the same way I did. It’s as if he sat next to me and copied my answers on the final exam. Except there was no exam and the subject is me.

Some of you, the more forgiving, less cynical among you (who let you in here, anyway?) may be thinking, “Sure, it’s a little weird, but give the guy a break, Trill. He’s obviously impressed with your profile and wants to meet you and he got caught up with your profile and in the moment it seemed like a good idea to him. He’s trying really hard to meet you. And maybe you are a lot alike and he thought, ‘Wow! I could turn everything she says around and it would match my outlook exactly!’ so he did. Maybe it’s even his idea of a joke. Maybe he thought it would be funny to you.”

Maybe. So. What do you think? Weird, lying, plagiarizing creepy jerk (stalker) or misguided guy trying too hard who deserves a chance?

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