Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Saturday, April 29, 2006  
I think I'm old. As in officially old. Because I'm moved to spouting off about La Vida National Anthem Loco.

You may notice I try to keep politics off the blog. Not because I don't care or have an opinion. But because I respect you and your brain and assume you are aware and have your own opinion. There are lots of really good, intelligent political blogs written by much better and insightful people than me. This isn't my personal spout off at the government forum.

But in other forums I spout off at the government. My government and other peoples' governments. Government in general, government in micro, government class...you name it, if it's got anything remotely to do with government I've got an opinion and I've probably spouted it off somewhere. But not here.

Until now.

I don't break the blog rules very often. I, you know, try to behave and live by the rules I carefully crafted for my safety and yours.

But.

Swut.

I'm mad. Incensed, even.

La Vida National Anthem Loco thing has pushed me over the edge.

I'm not the proudest American ever to file a tax return with the IRS. That I acknowledge. There are a lot of things about America I really hate. And a lot of things about America which embarrass me. And even more which make me ashamed. And hurt me. My government does not define me, but it represents me. And sometimes that really, really bothers me. Because sometimes my government does things which are not representive of me.

And sometimes my government does things which surprise me and make me proud. Well. I mean. As proud as possible for me. The good and bad thing about cynical sarcasm is that it prevents you from feeling full heart swelling pride. Which is good because pride is a sin. (Yes, that matters to me - just because I have issues with God, Heaven and Hell doesn't mean I want to go around sinning all over the place. Especially a sin like pride which I can totally get on board with in terms of good and bad. Pride can be a really bad thing. Regardless of whether or not there's a God, you have to give the Bible folks credit for the deadly sins. They knew what they were talking about when it comes to the Sinful 7. A lot of really good and deep philosophy to be found in contemplation of the deadly sins. If all that were required to Believe was to be in agreement with the Seven Deadly Sins I'd be one of the most religious people around. I walk that walk but don't talk that talk because that would be proud and vain and those are sins so...yeah, you get the point.)

What was I saying? Oh yeah. Pride. My government. Sometimes I am proud of my government. Sometimes I am proud to be an American.

Kind of like a strained sibling relationship, I am at constant disagreement and animosity with my government. But the minute someone else attacks it I'm there at the defense, fighting for it's honor and standing up for its rights and defending its ways. Love. Hate. And yes, it's true, one of the really great things about America is that we have the right and freedom to disagree and even hate our government and the right (and responsibility and duty) to publicly say so. We're allowed to have an opinion, any opinion and we're encouraged by our Constitution to stand up and speak our minds. Cool, huh? Yeah. It is. You know. In theory. Like the Sinful 7, if all I had to do was get on board with the Constitution I could be a very devout American.

I've had the opportunity to travel a lot of the world. I've spent a lot of time in other countries. Heck, I've even been to Canada, or as my great cranial wonder of a mayor calls it, "Overseas." (Seriously, don't get me started. This is why I have a rule about politics. Wind me up over the mayor and I have difficulty stopping.) I have friends in far flung corners of the world. And Canada. And in a lot of topics of discussion America comes up looking really bad or at the very least: Confused. At best quaint, at worst egomaniacal. But always: Confused. We've got state and Federal laws and taxes. Supreme Courts of state and The Supreme Court. Are we a bunch of little fiefdoms or a unified people? Don't mess with Texas or one nation under God indivisible?

Which is why things like The Supreme Court, the US flag and the national anthem matter. We're a nation of diversity with very little in common with our neighbors much less our countrymen. And that's really cool. Seriously, that's really cool. I love diversity. But. All the more reason we need a few basic, distinct unifying emblems. There are official state songs and flags, (Michigan even has an official game mammal, reptile and soil), but they don't fill (most of) us with heart swelling meaning when we see or hear them. (Though I do get pretty excited about Petosky stones...) There are so few things Americans have in common that we really need to have a few strong, steady, always there, never faltering unifying symbols.

Which why La Vida National Anthem Loco really bothers me. I'm not offended by it, but I am affronted with it and angry about it.

But what bothers me more than its existence (and the press it's getting) is that other people are okay with it. Well. People other than George Bush. And that bothers me. And scares me. A) George Bush and I agree on something. I mean, just shoot me or send in the Horsemen of the Apocalypse and get it over with now. And B) Other people don't seem to care about La Vida National Anthem Loco. It bothers me that it doesn't bother them. People I respect and like and consider to be a lot more American (and cynical) than I am (yes, there are people more cynical than I) are saying things like, "It's just a song, it's still expressing pride in America so what's the big deal?"

"The big deal" is that this is America and at least for now our official language is English. (Oops, that's right, I forgot, thanks for the reminder, legislation to list an official language of the US is stalled, so for now we have no official language. Se habla español, anyone?) I understand learning a new language is difficult. I find learning a new language is easier when done via music. Kind of like Schoolhouse Rock. Set the lesson to music and voila! instant lasting education. And. Want to get to know a culture? Listen to its music. This is one of the reasons why operas are generally generally sung in the tongue of their native composer. The beauty of opera is the poetry of the words set to music. Words carefully crafted in a native tongue, words meant to be lyrical. Translating the songs into English or any other language not of their native origin strips the song and the opera of its lyrical brilliance and power. If you've ever heard Don Giovanni sung in English you know what I mean. If you haven't, consider yourself lucky and sheltered from a horrible crime against humanity.

And I mean, come on, we're not asking anyone to recite the entire Constitution, it's a few lines of poetry set to music.

One song. Just one song in English. The American National Anthem tune is difficult to sing, ridiculously difficult, so difficult it's funny, but the words are easy. As poetry goes it's not actually really very good poetry. We usually only sing the first stanza, but there are four. Just as well we don't sing the fourth because the final bits of poetic, um, well, yeah, "poetry" contain this gem of pith: Then conquer we must, when our cause, it is just, And this be our motto: “In God is our trust.” Nice sentiment but not exactly good poetry. But the National Anthem strikes to the heart and gets the job done. Kind of like a Beach Boys song - efficient and solid, mood evoking, but the real genius is in the simplicity. You laugh, you cry, you know how it's going to end, you sing along...it's comforting.

It's not okay to "let them sing it their way" as I've heard a lot of people saying over the past few days. It's our national anthem. There are so few things we share and have in common that we need to feverishly cling to the few unifying symbols we have. New Americans can learn eight, yes, only eight lines of poetry. It's really not asking too much.

Speaking of Canada, O Canada was originally written in French but didn't go over very well. Years after it was written and composed, revised lyrics in English were written and sung to a visiting English Duke. It took the nation by storm. Because Canada has Québec there is an English and French version. (They also have a "Royal Anthem," God Save the Queen which is only to be sung in, well, Queen's English.) But. Here's the official legal declaration on the singing of O Canada: "It is possible to translate the words of the national anthem in languages other than English or French; it should be kept in mind, however, that this translated version will not have an official status." Oh, Canada.

I did a little digging around for the Mexican National Anthem. You know, to learn about Mexicans and their national anthem. The first thing I noticed is that it's not Señor Don Gato. The next thing I noticed is that it's long. There are ten stanzas and a lengthy chorus. Like the US, they shorten the anthem so they don't have to spend so much money on the fireworks for the finale and so people can get their beer and don't pass out from the heat while standing during the anthem.

They shortened it to four stanzas and the chorus.

So. Mexicans learn a pretty lengthy song for their national anthem. I'm thinking learning eight measely lines of English should be pretty easy in comparison. Kind of a relief, really. A rather quick and jaunty anthemette compared to the long anthem of Mexico.

As for the Mexican anthem itself, it's, well, kind of, um, well, violent. It puts me in a kind of Reservoir Dogs frame of mind. The American anthem ends on the "land of the free and home of the brave," nice pats on the back to the American people, kind of a feel good pep talk, "free and brave, yeah, that's us, that's me, free and brave." The Mexican national anthem ends with "...a tomb of honor."

In between there's talk of an archangel, cannons, a lot of blood and battle and tombs and this scary bit of self righteous warmongering: "Prepare the steel and bridle...should a foreign enemy dare to profane your soil with his step, think, oh beloved Fatherland! that heaven gave you a soldier in every son."

Huh.

Okay. Well. See? We learned something. Music is good, it helps us learn. It's a shame hockey's not very popular in Mexico. That would make a really rousing start to a hockey game. "Prepare the steel and bridle...Heaven gave you a soldier in every son." Game on! Bloodshed! War! Kill! Kill! Kill!

I have a pretty good grasp on why millions of Mexicans would want to leave Mexico for America. But after reading through their national anthem I realize maybe a lot of the issues in Mexico lie in their unifying anthem. The American anthem is easier to learn and a lot more, um, optimistic. Even with the bit about the rockets red glare and bombs bursting in air we're a lot more hopeful and end on a high note as the verse gives way to hope and optimism that there was proof through the night that our flag was still there (gallantly streaming, no less), land of the free, home of the brave, yadda yadda yadda. There's a lot of hope and inspiration packed in those eight lines of mediocre poetry.

Ever wonder why Canadians don't flood into America legally and illegally by the millions? Well, some of the answer might lie in their national anthem. Easy, short, succinct, to the point, love, glory and freedom far and wide in the True North. Basically a prayer and a pledge for hope and loyalty. Sounds good at hockey games. There's no agitation to the lyrics or melody. It's, you know, kind of laid back, kind of Canadian.

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
(O Canada!
Terre de nos aïeux,
Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!
Car ton bras sait porter l'épée,
Il sait porter la croix!
Ton histoire est une épopée
Des plus brillants exploits.
Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.)

Sometimes I consider moving to Canada. One factor in the "pro" column is that I already know and like the national anthem. I've done the homework, I can talk the talk. Studying the Mexican national anthem made me realize: I can't talk the talk, and furthermore, I don't want to talk the talk. I have enough issues with America's violent and warmongering past and present. I can't take on another country's violent past and have violence! bloodshed! war! tombs! die! die! kill! shoved in my face every time I recite the national anthem. I can almost pacify my shame and anger at my government with a dose of "land of the free and home of the brave" at Wrigley. (Seriously, that's why I attend at least one Cubs game a year. For a few brief minutes, standing in a vintage baseball park with the National Anthem being sung, I feel American, I even feel okay to be American. "Yeah, this is what it's all about. This is America... It's like a micro-brainwash session and as long as I live in America I need a little brainwashing to help me cope.) So yeah. I don't think I'll be moving to Mexico any time soon. Which is good because I don't think Mexico is exactly eager to have me. But. If I do (never, ever, never say never) I will learn the anthem in Spanish so that I at least have that in common with my new countrymen.

I wonder what Norwegians, as in Norwegians living in Norway, would think of me traveling to Norway, taking up (illegal) residence and having an English version, my interpretation, of their National Anthem blasted on the radio and satellite airwaves as the revised anthem of Norway?

I love Norway, I love Norwegians, I am proud to be of Norwegian ancestry. My sentiments and feelings toward Norway and Norwegians is heartfelt and sincere.

But. I’m not a legal Norwegian citizen. My family left Norway to be American. They renounced Norway in hopes of a better way of life and success in America.

Somehow I don’t think my version of their anthem, though heartfelt, sincere, respectful and loving toward Norway and Norwegians, would be met by Norwegians with a welcome response and embraced as a “way for Americans to express their love and loyalty” to Norway.

I would lose respect for Norwegians if it was. They should be proud of their National Anthem, in Norwegian, just the way it is. It’s a nice anthem, a peaceful song of love and loyalty (seriously, for such a, um, well, you know, Viking country of people they’ve got a lovely and peaceful anthem). It's charming and loyal when sung/recited in its native tongue. My version would be full of love and loyalty, too.

But, part of the beauty of Norway (or any country) is its unique language. Because it’s how they communicate it defines them as a nation. Nowegian is not Swedish, German or even, believe it or not, even Spanish. It’s unique. And the poetry and style of the language are part of the composition and style of their national anthem.

Revising the Norwegian anthem in English so I or other English speaking people can join in on the Norwegian national pride wagon (or ship, in the case of Vikings) is to discredit and disrespect the Norwegian language and subsequently the Norwegian people. I respect Norway and Norwegians so I am not revising or Americanizing their national anthem. I don't have the cheek or bad manners to bend their anthem to fit my language. It's not about me or making things easier for me. It's not about me period.

So. In fairness and in setting a good example, and for your convenience, are the lyrics to the Mexican National Anthem in English and Spanish.

National Anthem of Mexico (Official version)
Coro

Mexicanos, al grito de guerra
el acero aprestad y el bridón.
Y retiemble en sus centros la tierra,
al sonoro rugir del cañón.
¡Y retiemble en sus centros la tierra,
al sonoro rugir de el cañón!

Chorus
Mexicans, at the cry of war,
Prepare the steel and the bridle,
And let the earth centers tremble
To the roar of the cannon.
And let the earth centers tremble
To the roar of the cannon!

Estrofa I
Ciña ¡oh Patria! tus sienes de oliva
de la paz el arcángel divino,
que en el cielo tu eterno destino
por el dedo de Dios se escribió.
Mas si osare un extraño enemigo
profanar con su planta tu suelo,
piensa ¡oh Patria querida! que el cielo
un soldado en cada hijo te dio.

First Stanza
Wreathed be, oh Fatherland, your brow with olive leaves
of peace by the divine archangel
For in heaven, your eternal destiny
has been written by the finger of God.
But should a foreign enemy dare
To profane your soil with his step,
Think, oh beloved Fatherland! that heaven
Gave you a soldier in every son.

Estrofa V
¡Guerra, guerra sin tregua al que intente
De la patria manchar los blasones!
¡Guerra, guerra! Los patrios pendones
En las olas de sangre empapad.
¡Guerra, guerra! En el monte, en el valle
Los cañones horrísonos truenen,
Y los ecos sonoros resuenen
Con las voces de ¡Unión! ¡Libertad!

Stanza V
War, war without truce upon him who tries
To sully the blazon of the Fatherland;
War, war! Soak the homeland's flags
In waves of blood.
War, war! In the hill and the valley,
The dreadful cannons thunder,
And the deafening echoes resound
The cries of Union! Liberty!

Estrofa VI
Antes, patria, que inermes tus hijos
Bajo el yugo su cuello dobleguen,
Tus campiñas con sangre se rieguen,
Sobre sangre se estampe su pie.
Y tus templos, palacios y torres
Se derrumben con hórrido estruendo,
Y sus ruinas existan diciendo:
De mil héroes la patria aquí fue.

Stanza VI
Oh Fatherland, before your unarmed sons
Bend their necks under the yoke,
Your countryside be watered with blood
And in blood may they stamp their feet.
And your temples, palaces, and towers
Fall with terrible thunder,
And their ruins exist to say,
"This was the Fatherland of a thousand heroes."

Estrofa X
¡Patria! ¡Patria! Tus hijos te juran
Exhalar en tus aras su aliento,
Si el clarín con su bélico acento
nos convoca a lidiar con valor.
¡Para ti las guirnaldas de oliva!
¡Un recuerdo para ellos de gloria!
¡Un laurel para ti de victoria!
¡Un sepulcro para ellos de honor!

Stanza X
Fatherland, Fatherland! Your sons pledge to you
To breathe out, in your honor, their breath,
If the bugle with its warlike tone
Calls us to struggle with valour.
For you the garlands of olive!
For them a memory of glory!
For you a laurel of victory!
For them a tomb of honour!

9:09 AM

 
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