Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, April 26, 2006  
In case it’s not being enforced, I mean celebrated in your workplace, here’s a reminder: Today is Administrative Professionals’ Day.

It used to be Secretaries’ Day.

But that was back in the unPC dark ages when the now degrading term secretary was a commonly used job title and description.

Now we’re all enlightened and we know ambiguous, vague nondescript, open for interpretation job titles and descriptions are better for everyone.

By definition of the word administrative anyone who actually does something, anything, executes or manages anything at all, is an administrator. There are varying degrees of professionalism so I suppose there are arguments to be made for who qualifies as an Administrative Professional. I’m thinking if you go to work on a regular basis and actually do something for the business you qualify as an Administrative Professional.

But.

When I present this argument to anyone in my office I’m met with almost hostile responses. When I press for qualifications of administrative professionals, I get a vague list of job responsibilities which include basic office chores. Secretarial functions.

I don’t consider myself to be a throwback to old school office ranking. I understand why in many cases the term secretary is degrading and completely inappropriate to the actual work done by the person in that role. I realize administrative professional is a really good catch all term for a lot of people who essentially manage the office and business, making sure things get done, paying attention to details, making things run smoothly and often actually doing their boss’ jobs. I understand this.

But.

When Administrative Professionals’ Day roles around, boy, you better make darned sure you’re very clear on who’s who in your office.

The day is here and I’m still confused.

Smelly Coffee Woman makes copies, types, files and answers phones. She also compiles data and maintains a database. Administrative Professional or middle manager worker bee?

Spanglish flirts with the copier repair guy and sometimes answers phones. Administrative Professional or slacker wasting space and money and time in the office?

My new administrator doesn’t type, make copies or file, but she does answer the phone sometimes and helps sort out financial processes, consults with vendors and keeps track of job schedules. Administrative Professional or middle management process manager?

And yet, all of these people are to be feted on Administrative Professionals’ Day. I’m not saying they don’t deserve praise and recognition for the work they do. Of course they deserve recognition. (okay, maybe not Spanglish)

But, um, doesn’t everyone deserve recognition for their daily efforts in the office?

We’ve got Boss’ Day and Administrative Professionals’ Day.

We’re all supposed to fit into one of those categories, I guess.

But.

Because of the vague open for interpretation vernacular this is not the case in most offices.

Most offices have one “real” boss, one or two “Administrative Professionals” and a lot of other people.

All us other people get stuck doling out donations for presents, flowers, cards, lunches, theatre tickets...for the boss and for the Administrative Professionals on the designated days. We give them rewards, recognition for, um, well, doing their jobs. The things they’re paid to do.

Yes. I’m Scroogelike about this. I do believe a job well done is its own best reward. Well. That and a paycheck commensurate with the skills required and quality of the job well done. If you’re not going to reward and/or recognize everyone on special days for, um, doing their job, then don’t do it at all. Yes, I understand it's a "nice" thing to do, but, there's a very, very thin line between positive reinforcement and bribery. And most cultural and political climates in offices I know tip the scale heavily to the bribery side of the line.

No one gives up the cash for the rest of us. Those of us who are not The Boss and are not considered Administrative Professionals. Us, the lost souls of the office. Toiling away in a state of limbo between The Boss and Administrative Professional. We're in: Office Status Purgatory. Working hard and paying dues until we get promoted or demoted.

That's why there is no Creative Services Managers’ Day.

There is no Art Directors’ Day.

There is no Marketing Analysts’ Day.

There is no Web and New Media Reviewers’ Day.

There is no Financial Services, Payroll Managers’ Day. (Speaking of bribery, why don't payroll professionals have their own day of recognition? Aren't these the people in the office we should all be bribing, I mean recognizing and thanking?)

There is no Human Resources Training Developers’ Day.

We're in Office Status Purgatory. Maybe doomed to toil there forever or maybe not. But shelling out for the Administrative Professional gifts, cards, flowers, lunch and theatre tickets is a must if we don't want to stay floating in limbo for eternity.

We work hard, too, often quietly doing work that no one else wants to or can do. We often make the rest of the department or company look good. We make our copies and do our own typing and answer our phones and somehow manage our jobs and our lives all in 24 hours a day.

And yet we don’t have special days on the calendar. We don’t get presents and flowers and lunch and theatre tickets. (seriously, why are we coughing up cash for three people AND THEIR DATES to see Wicked at a price of $175/ticket? Why? Why? Why?) We get nothing. Heck in my case I barely get acknowledgement for the work I produce. But then again, I don’t think I’m unique. Most people in that "not the boss but not the administrative professional” ranking don’t get a lot of recognition or praise for our professional efforts. We come to work, do our jobs, and, you know, that’s pretty much the sum total of our existence in the office. Which is fine, I’m okay with that. Life. Work. Whatever.

But. Why should a select few people be anointed and feted while the rest of us cough up the cash for the presents and festivities? And don’t you dare sit there thinking it’s because we earn more money. Let me tell you a thing or two about Spanglish. She earns a very handsome salary for someone who can’t be bothered to speak English or Spanish in an office.

And yet we’re giving her flowers and lunch and theatre tickets to her and the boyfriend of her choice.(Yeah, it was the theatre tickets which really pushed me over the edge this year.)

Not participating is not an option.

Period.

Office politics.

Expectations.

All of that stuff.

I have to play nice and play by the unwritten rules. Because I have to work with these people. It’s a social obligation of the office.

I’m not big on tit for tat, keeping score is not my style.

I don’t want a special recognition day or presents or lunch or flowers. (though a theatre ticket would be nice, and I only need one)

But why doesn’t this madness end? Stop the insanity. Take away the recognition days and take away the expectation. I’m obviously not an official Administrative Professional, but, I am a person. And I find individual, personal, sincere recognition for a specific job or continuing good job performance is much more meaningful than “here’s your card, flowers, lunch and theatre tickets, happy Administrative Professionals’ Day, take off the rest of the afternoon.” It’s the whole, “If I have to ask you to give me flowers they don’t really mean anything” syndrome.

The problem is that everyone has to agree to stop it. Because even cynical old me doesn’t want some administrative professionals left out of the festival of delights while others enjoy gifts, cards, flowers, lunch and theatre tickets. That’s not fair or just or ethical. So until we all, globally, stop the insanity, it will continue.

This is how Valentine’s Day got so out of control.

So. Here we are. Again. administrative Professionals’ Day.

I had to fork over a lot of money for gifts, flowers, lunch and theatre tickets so I’m broke.

If you had to do the same, here’s my gift to you: Thanks for taking part in a greeting card company induced scam to bilk millions of people out of money solely to keep up appearances in the office and “do the right thing.” You’ll get nothing in return except administrative professional coworkers who will, um, lessee, oh yeah, do their job. The thing they get paid to do. No one’s giving you gifts or flowers or theatre tickets or even a card for doing your job, but I’m saying, “Happy employed person day. Great job, thanks, why don’t you take off a few minutes early today.”

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1:52 PM

 
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