Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, May 03, 2006  
Forgive me readers, for I have ranted.

People tell me I'm wrong, defensive, arrogant, angry and an idiot.

Okay. Cool. I learned a lot in the last few days. Ask questions, express an opinion which is contrary to popular or hip opinions, share another point of view and what do I get? Insults and lectures. Which is cool, I love feedback and I love to learn and grow as a person. Seriously, I do. If I were afraid or upset by criticism I wouldn't blog. I mean, duh. So, I asked questions in an effort to clear up my confusion, expressed my own opinions, not those fed to me by the neato pundits, and I got feedback. I was told I'm wrong, defensive, arrogant, angry and an idiot (among other things). The intended hurt and shock value in the feedback is kind of funny because I've known this for a long time and have never claimed to be, or intoned that I am right, passive, humble, happy or an intellectual. While helpful, the feedback is hardly shocking, hurtful, eye opening or anything I don't already know. Thanks and everything, and I'll learn and grow from this. I've learned a lot. No one actually answered any of my original questions, but nonetheless I learned a lot. I find it's always good to know where you stand amongst the crowd, how other people perceive you. Boy have I learned a lot.

Thanks, really. Thank you.

Please note that I am not apologizing for asking questions and having opinions. I'm not sorry for wondering about contradiction and hypocrisy and having a point of view or expressing it. Even if it is wrong, defensive, arrogant, angry and idiotic. It's my right to be wrong, defensive, arrogant, angry and idiotic. I'll listen with an open mind to advice and opinions on how and why I should change, but I won't apologize for having my own opinion and I certainly will not apologize for asking questions in an effort to understand and gain insight.

To those of you who think it’s great and even important to have a national anthem in Spanish, I love languages so I am in rapt anticipation of the versions in French, Marathi, Chinese, Vietnamese, German, Italian, Japanese, Gaeilge, Russian, Norwegian, Swedish, Welsh (that one will be fun), Korean, Polish, Arabic, Farsi, Hindi, Assyrian, Urdu, oh, and, heh heh, yeah, if there’s time, Lakhota. I’m thinking of investing in computer keyboards. I’m thinking the character sets required for all those languages is going to give way to a very different keyboard. Every keyboard in America will have to be replaced. Yep, stock tips from Trillian. How are those public signage revisions going? What’s that? There’s only room and need for Spanish and English on public signage? Let me seek clarification, then. You lectured me that Americans are free to speak and sing any language, and immigration is about all nations, yet we’re only going to post signs and sing the national anthem in English and Spanish? Oh. I see. So then, we’re giving preferential language help and encouragement to only the English and Spanish speaking immigrants. Yet this isn’t a Mexican issue, it’s a global immigration issue. We’ve established I’m stupid, so how about explaining the hypocrisy of that to me and all the non-Spanish/English speaking immigrants to America?

And. For those of you who offered kindly dating advice, no, I don't go spouting off about immigration reform, politics or religion on first dates. In real life I actually do have a basic concept of manners and decorum and how to behave in public and on a first date. (unlike many of the men I meet) And, okay, this one hit below the belt and really did hurt, thank you for bringing up that and twisting the knife in my heart, for the record, HWNMNBS did not dump me because I'm stupid and rude and didn't want to face a future with me ranting all over the place. So I think we can rule out my opinions and expression of them as a reason why I can't find a man. At least in the initial phases of the process of finding and keeping a man. (although, since I'm stupid, please explain and clarify this for me: if stating an opinion on immigration, politics or religion turns off men on dates, the hypocrisy of the argument that men find intelligence and confidence sexy is confusing to me. Forming and stating an opinion on those topics takes thought and confidence, so, given that I'm constantly told confidence and intelligence is sexy, I would think I'd be a smoldering sex pot of libidinous temptation by expressing an opinion. Help and clarification, please.) But yes, as it was so generously pointed out to me, being stupid might be causing problems on the dating front. ]

Thanks for the advice, I'm working on being more complacent and less stupid. Until now I thought the two were mutually exclusive. But now I know I’m supposed to be intelligent but only in the pre-approved ways based on other peoples’ opinions. Yes, Master. I'm reading a lot of popular books and magazines and blogs and studying other peoples' opinions and learning how to recite them as my own. It's fun, a lot like living under Chairman Mao or in A Clockwork Orange. Oops, darn it, there I go being sarcastic and expressing an opinion again. Millions of repressed Communists can't be wrong, right? I dunno, I'm stupid, remember? Darn it all, there I go again. Actually, once I learn to get past the whole synaptic response to develop and explore my own brain I can see where this is really a much, much easier way to live. Let everyone else do the thinking and just borrow their ideas and opinions. No having to ask questions, no controversy, no conflict, no worrying about right and wrong...just choose the pundit of the moment and memorize their opinions. Voila! Popularity! Intelligence! Confidence! Dates!

Gosh. And all these years I've been going at it the hard way. And have become a wrong, defensive, arrogant, angry idiot.

Well, no more!

Grace lies in admitting when you've made a mistake or are wrong. Apparently I'm wrong.

I think you wanted me to change my mind, I think that was the point of the insults and lectures. (Being stupid and arrogant might be clouding my judgment, so if I'm wrong about that, and I probably am because I'm stupid and defensive, I'm sorry for making assumptions.)

Change my mind. Wouldn't it be cool if we could change our minds, like, literally? Like, go to the mind store and walk in and like, say, "Hi, yeah, my name's Trillian. Some years back my parents gave me a mind, and you know what? Ohmygawd I just found out I'm a wrong, defensive, arrogant, angry idiot! Could I change my mind for another one?" How's that for a line to use on a first date? Dare me to try it?

Change my mind. People tell me I'm wrong. I really try to take advice because, you know, advice can be helpful.

What, surprisingly, no one has yet told me about myself is that I have a rather nasty stubborn streak. Or, as my mother prefers to politely call it in my defense: conviction and determination. Convictions and determination can be good. They can keep one focused and loyal. Steadfast and true. And a lot of other scouting merit badge/marriage characteristics. I notice many of you have “convictions.” See? We’re not so different…

Convictions and determination can also be bad. They can easily, and quickly, turn into blind one sided argumentative tirades. I try really hard to stay on the good side of convictions and determination. I know when I'm nearing the line and force myself to pull back, you know, explore other points of view, change my mind.

It's interesting that I don't feel like I'm anywhere near the line. It feels like I'm okay to steam ahead with conviction and determination. And yet, I'm told I'm wrong. And defensive, arrogant, angry and idiotic. It's so weird that the usual "you're pushing it Trill, back off, be quiet and reevaluate" warning indicators aren't flashing. I haven't been feeling well. I'm taking a lot of medication. I’m being forced to listen to Zydeco. Maybe that's causing a malfunction. So. Thanks for alerting me to the error of my opinions.

I won't do it again. Or at least I'll try not to do it again. If I do, please insult and lecture me so I can have another learning experience. Seriously, please do. It’s great to get something useful from blogging. Learn, grow as a person, I mean, that’s priceless intellectual property. I learned you prefer to read about my ridiculously woeful and pathetic love life and stress and trouble at my job and financial struggles and my critically ill mother. I’m your own personal schadenfreuden therapy, not your look at it from another perspective instigator. I'll try to stick to the rules of the blog and stay focused on what really matters.

I got a new hair cut and color. The adventure in highlighting is over. I'm all broody brunette and rock and roll shaggy again. Rock on, man, rock on. Funny how getting back to my roots (tee hee! har har, OMG! what a horrible pun! I'm soooo stupid) makes me feel so much more like me. I thought I liked the highlights. Everyone else liked them. Everyone else told me my hair looked great. I take advice so I kept up the expense and trips to the salon as long as I could. And then I couldn't. I can't justify the insane expense of highlights and highlight maintenance, and who the swut am I trying to impress with an expensive hair do anyway? But. Something had to be done about the color. So, off to the corner pharmacy with a coupon for $2 off over the counter hair color. (I know, I know, the shame of it, OTC hair color, my gawd, it's so, quaint.) Yep. For a final total of $2.99, an hour of my time and a bit of a mess in the bathroom I transformed from sunny sparkling smiley blonde highlights to brooding smirking dark brown monotone. A friend gave me a shaggy cut. I instantly felt better. I felt like me. Or. The me I used to be. You know. Before, um, all of it.

People are fickle. Because within like two seconds of walking into the office everyone was all like, OMG! your hair is amazing! That's sooo you! People made special trips to my office to see my new old hair. Yes. People were gossiping about my hair, talk was circulating around the office about it. So either it actually looks really, really bad and they're gawking and covering it up with polite overenthusiastic lies or it turns out they were wrong about the highlights and prefer this 'do. Maybe at the time they thought they liked the highlights because highlights are popular and conventionally "pretty" and au currant and the thing us girls are supposed to do with our hair. We're supposed to like highlights. Media images program us to like highlights so they liked them on me. Even though I am not conventionally "pretty" or au currant or popular. But. When they saw a different 'do they realized they were wrong. The old 'do was better all along. Sure, trying something new, changing one's mind, is a good thing to do. Sometimes. And sometimes it results in realizing you were right the first time, should have stuck to your opinions and convictions and not been caught up in popular trends. Oh sure, it was a learning experience all the same, a fun (albeit expensive) experiment, trying new things is always good. But so is being sincere and true to yourself.

9:13 AM

 
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