Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Thursday, May 04, 2006  
Hey! Guess what!

There are signs of intelligent and cool life in the Universe.

All together now, I - 2 - 3: "What's wrong with questioning the rhetoric and seeking clarification of the hypocrisy?"

Awesome. You so rock.

There for a minute I really thought I'd entered some other dimension, or Communist China.

Those of you who think I am wrong, defensive, arrogant, angry and an idiot, well, yes, sometimes I am all of those things (read on, below, for confirmation). But. In re: The recent immigration questions: I am not alone. Just so you know. It's not just me. And while I don’t care, in fact I like that you insult and lecture me. I put myself “out there” on the net and expect and take the subsequent criticism. This isn’t oh poor me, nobody loves me, everybody hates me. I mean, well, yes, I do feel that way sometimes, but I’m not about self pity. The thing I found surprising was how many of you are so moved to hostility over questions and concerns which make you stare your ideals in the face. Good for you, defending them and everything, and maybe you’re just not able to articulate your ideas and plans in a way other than insults and lectures on everything other than facts and solid plans.

However. I found out there are a lot of people who have the same questions or concerns as I do. I do care that by insulting and lecturing me you’re doing the same to them. Use me as the scapegoat and whipping girl, really, I can take it. I’m already cynical, jaded and sarcastic. You’re not hurting me or disillusioning me. But, what I failed to recognize was how many people have questions and concerns, too, some of the same as mine and many more, and by attacking me you’re attacking them. Go ahead, offend me, ridicule, mock and taunt me. Do it publicly. Please.

But. Remember, it’s not just me.

For some bizarre and, well, I don’t know, for some reason, somehow, me, this blog, has become, well, I don’t know. Something I never anticipated and certainly not something I planned. I’m not joking or being modest when I say: These are just words I have to get out of my head or else I get kind of ill. There has never been a scheme, agenda or purpose other than the exorcism of the words which crowd my brain. I honestly do think it’s a form of mental illness. The only reason they ever went public in the first place was because of my stupidity – I never bothered to check the final setup of the template and didn’t realize I was publicly posting.

The fact that anyone reads them and, here’s weird part to me, the fact that people like them, is, well, no offense, a little scary. I mean, thank you, you’re all super swell, and I feel honored and humbled that you bring my words into your lives. (I raise a sarcastically dubious eyebrow over my drink at you and suggest a couple of books which might be more worth your reading while, but thank you.)

I’ve had the pleasure of “meeting” some really great people, I mean, just really terrific people as a result of this blog. That is rewarding. My days are crammed with a lot of not so great people who do some not so great things. It’s just life(?). But sometimes it’s really frustrating. Most of you understand what I mean. Sometimes you just think, “Okay, it must be me, no one else seems to have a problem with (insert ridiculous situation of the day here).” And thinking that you’re alone in your observations and questions and frustration can make for some long therapy sessions and/or too much alcohol consumption. What I’ve learned is that there are a lot of really swell people who understand or at least sympathize. So in a weird way, we’re not alone, we’re connected via this blog. Which is why I’ve continued to publicly post – albeit lately on a heavily edited scale out of respect for family and friends who might stumble across the words.

Right. So. For some bizarre and unexplainable to me reason, I represent a lot of really thoughtful, intelligent, nice, sincere, caring, funny, people.

So when the not so thoughtful, not so funny people attack me they are also attacking other people like me who are trying to sort out issues and bothering to think about several sides of the issues and in doing so ask some questions and question the contradictions. Consequently I’m leaving the customer service window open 24/7 and please stop by with any concerns or opinions. I might suggest that you come prepared with something other than personal insults and lectures based on shallow rhetoric, idealistic pandering and confusing contradictions and hypocrisy. Liberty, Justice, and Trillian for all. Or something like that.

That's not ruling out the possibility that we're all wrong, defensive, arrogant, angry and an idiots, but, my opinion is that they are not any of those things. My opinion is that they are intelligent, thoughtful, perceptive, inquisitive, open minded people who bothered to tell me their opinions without hurling insults and accusations or threats. (Yes. I had my first blog threat. I'm not going to go into it because I'm not going to dignify it or give the threatener satisfaction and glory they are so clearly seeking. But hey! A milestone! Blogging all these years and finally, my first threat! I'd just about given up hope, you know, I'm not usually controversial so I didn't think it could happen to me. Just goes to show, never assume anything.) Anyway. The other point of view is that there are many points of view and falling into insults and lectures and dividing up into us and them is already part of the problem. The outpouring of support is really incredible. Not because I want people on "my side" but because as a species people can really suck. And when other people not only don't suck, but also exhibit exemplary behavior befitting a species with the gift of reason, it's incredible.

You rock.

All of you rock.

There is no us and them. We all rock.

Some of you, however, rock harder and better and longer than some of the other, um hair band opening acts. Yes. Some of you are Hendrix some of you are Warrant.

We've got a long, long road ahead of us on the journey. I've got a good supply of Twizzlers and an iPod crammed with all kinds of music (except Zydeco) and I'm ready to share them with everyone on the road trip, but it's going to be a lot of togetherness so it's best for everyone if we all exhibit respectful behavior. Warrant, you're going to have try to be less accusatory and judgmental. Hendrix, you're going to have to be patient and try to keep a sense of humor.

Basically, thanks everyone. All of you. Even those of you who believe me to be wrong, defensive, arrogant, angry and an idiot. In fact, thank you especially. Were it not for you, the Hendrixes, I mean, other people, wouldn't have made their support and ideas known to me. We all have an important role, there's no I in team. Or Warrant.

12:15 PM

 
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