Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, May 02, 2006  
"Immigrants Try to Extend Boycott Momentum”

Okay. Cool.

Let’s support that, shall we?

Oh yes, let’s.

They’re not backing down, they say.

Cool.

Me either.

This should be fun. (I told you, there are reasons why I have a rule about politics on the blog, I broke the rule, it's my fault, I take responsibility for it, apologies to those of you who would rather read about my joke of a love life or problems at work. Regularly scheduled episodes of Life(?) of Trillian will resume shortly.)

First, let me give huge kudos to the marketing of the rallies. Well done, really, well done. Bravo. I could go on about the genius in simplicity marketing tactics used to get the crowd numbers in attendance. But the numbers speak for themselves. Bravo.

As for whether or not it was a “success,” well, I’m not sure how to measure that. I guess that probably depends on who you are and your point of view. But for now there are no measurable quantities to assess the success other than the turnout numbers. To gauge success one needs to have a pre-established agenda, you know, goals. So. If the goal was merely to get millions of people together in cities all over America and get the media’s attention, then yes, the rallies were a success.

And as for spinning the media, woo hoo, boy oh boy, now, that was marketing genius. Again, in it’s simplicity. For those of you not in marketing, here’s a brief rundown of the fundamental components of political marketing, a primer on media spin:


  • In cities where a large number of ralliers is expected, make sure the mayor of that city is out of town. (Let's play "Where's Richard?" Can you find Richard M. Daley in the crowd of immigration reform ralliers? Look for his bulging red vein striped forehead in the crowd. Still can't find him? Huh. Oh yeah, he's in the Middle East learning about terrorism. Connect your own dots. Crack your own jokes. You might think the mayor of a large city where a projected crowd of 500,000 ralliers is expected would, you know, bother to make room in his schedule for at least a brief appearance. You might think it would be good politics to show up at the event, maybe say a few words. Dis is Chicago, kid. Mayor Daley has really good media advisors. They've learned to keep him away from national newsworthy events. Good marketing lesson in there, study it, young Jedi Marketers. Observe and learn from the master.)

  • Get the cute kids in front of the camera waving an American flag and saying, “I just want my daddy to be able to work hard so we can stay here and go to school.” (For best results get an “ethnic” looking child, but a cute “ethnic” looking child. You know, not “too” ethnic. Kind of like the ethnic Barbies - not quite Barbie with blonde hair and blue eyes, but still...no mistaking it’s a Barbie, an anglo representation of ethnic. Like the Jesus image we’ve all come to know, probably not at all ethnically accurate, but appealing.)

  • Get everyone’s favorite minority senator with the funny name on the podium telling “the rest of us” to not be afraid of immigrants. (Um, I actually like you, for now anyway, so no disrespect, but, please give me the same curtesy - don’t dis me, either. I am not “afraid” of immigrants. Your public presumption and accusation of me and everyone else with questions or hesitancy to jump on any hasty immigration plan band wagon offended a lot of us. One more time with feeling: “We” are not afraid of immigrants or immigration. The problem you’ve encountered, Mr. Obama, is that in spinning your agenda to earn potential future votes you offended a huge home viewing audience who have heretofore supported you. You’re going to have to do some back pedaling to re-package that media spin misstep. Then again, maybe not. Based on the numbers in attendance at the rallies the white nonimmigrant vote doesn’t really count for much. Of course that’s assuming the immigrant populous will actually bother to vote - the legals there can already vote, the illegals will one day be able to vote, so, good captive audience for you. I’ve always thought you to be a bit above average intelligence for a politician, so maybe you really have figured this out, crunched the numbers and know where to best cast your nets. Maybe you figured you could sacrifice a few nonimmigrant votes for the sake of thousands of potential immigrant votes.)

  • Get the Irish tenor to sing Danny Boy. Classic. White. Immigrant. Harkening from shore to shore. Not a dry eye in the crowd. Marketing 101. The genius here is the representation of white immigrants to make sure the home viewing audience knows this isn’t just Mexicans. Because apparently “they” thought “we” think that only Mexicans are here illegally. So they pulled out the Irish and got their tenor and boy, did they show “us.” I’m not Irish so maybe I’ve got it all wrong. But. My impression was: Irish: The other white meat. Maybe Irish people didn’t see it that way. Maybe they don’t feel used. Maybe they honestly do not feel used as white pawns in yesterday’s rallies. But I, a white girl, sat there thinking, “great, more insults to ‘our’ intelligence! Showcasing Irish, white people, with immigration woes as a means to make ‘us’ understand.” Woo hoo! Boy, I’m really ready to go to the next immigration rally, now! I wasn’t before because, you know, I didn’t think this was about white people. But now that you’ve shown me how many Irish people are suffering I realize white people are immigrants, too. I dunno. Maybe there are some stupid white people who think that way, who believe immigration to America is easy for white people. So, you know, the Irish spin might wake them up to that fact, which is, of course, good. But for those of us who realize being white does not guarantee a green card, the Irish play was insulting. Good job, marketers, good job. Insulting white people by using other white people is risky, but well played. Now that was courageous. Bravo.

  • Get religious leaders, especially the big guys in the Catholic church, to say prayers in three languages and, here's the really important bit, the big finish with doves. White doves. Symbols of hope and peace and purity. Makes a great visual statement packed with significant symbolic punch. Really swells a lot of hearts with joy and hope. Especially in the re-edit to be shown later in media clips. Put the releasing of the doves in slow motion with the Liberty Bell and Constitution graphic in a transparent overlay and you've got a heavy hitting powerful bit of propaganda. Never mind that the doves are being released into The Wild and may not get back to their trainer or know how to survive in The Wild. This is an immigration rally not an animals rights and welfare rally. (Just be sure PeTA's not around at the dove release portion of the rally.)

  • Get the old granny out in her shawl. Be sure to get a close-up of her wrinkled, aged and arthritic hand. It makes a great segue to healthcare issues on the 10:00 news.


I was at first awed by the basic simplicity of it. “Surely they’re not going to pull out the kids with the flag,” I thought, “Surely they’re not going to use those kids to insult our intelligence with that pathetic age worn manipulation tactic...” But they did. And then I realized, that’s the beauty of the plan. Make it appear that they’re not slick or genius, that they’re just plain old folks. Seriously brilliant. Bravo, boys, bravo.

Proponents of the rallies have in their arsenal the weapon of legal immigrants. They say “hey, there were lots of legal immigrants showing support.” Yes. I’m sure there were. Yay them. They rock.

But. I have a question, though: If there were so many legal immigrants there why then are we supposed to laud and admire the bravery and courage of the “millions who came out of the shadows to be heard?” I’m thinking legal immigrants aren’t hiding in shadows and that it wouldn’t take bravery or courage for them to show up at a public immigration rally. I’m just asking. I don’t understand the conflicting statements, so I’m having difficulty figuring out how, or what, I’m supposed to feel and about whom. If it’s a bunch of legal immigrants, tax paying, law abiding immigrants, what’s the big deal about them getting together in a public place? What’s brave or courageous about that?

I’m asking because I truly want to understand. And right now I’m confused. Were the rallies legal or illegal immigrants? Both? And what was the agenda? Was the agenda better conditions for immigrants who are already here, legally, or amnesty/rights for illegal immigrants who are already in America, or easier immigration processes for future immigrants? All three? None? Help me understand the plight of the modern American immigrant. Because I’m told my perspective on immigration is archaic, simplistic, naive, bigoted and, shudder, Republican.

I hear a lot of talk about The Children. I love children. Absolutely love kids. If I had a husband I would love to have as many children as we could afford to feed, shelter, clothe and educate. I don’t have a husband and I can barely afford to feed, shelter and clothe myself, so, I don’t have children. Period. I am not a bitter spinster resentful of anyone with children. I spend a lot of time with kids. I volunteer in several child oriented charities. That’s a disclaimer to set the record and prevent the email backlash for what you’re about to read.

I’m asking more questions. Because I don’t understand what’s being presented (shoved in my face and tugging at my heart) to me as the ultimate reason for immigration reform: The Children.

The Children. The children of people suffering and struggling, trying to make a better life for The Children.

Of course I worry about The Children. Of course I don’t want The Children to suffer. Cripes, I’m not evil incarnate. But apparently their own parents didn’t share those concerns before they created The Children.

Here’s a story problem. (Oh goody! I love story problems!) Please fill in the blanks or correct the mistakes.

Mark is an 18-year-old young man born and raised in an impoverished country. He hasn’t had any opportunities for personal enrichment or education. He’s been working horrible jobs in fields and sweat shops since he was 12. Just like his brothers, sisters and cousins who share a small shack they call home. Mark really wants a better life. But he’s stuck in the middle of nowhere with no viable way out. Yes. Mark’s situation sucks. Bad. Sucks like a hooker working for a $100 tip. So what does Mark do? Has sex with Liz up the road and creates a child. Mark and Liz now have little money, little hope, and: A baby. Their situation was bad and it just got worse. Given that Mark was aware of how bad his circumstances were, how bad things were for him when he was a kid, how things haven’t changed (in fact, are worse than just a few years ago) and how badly he wanted to get out of those circumstances, why would Mark and Liz bring a child, an innocent child, into those circumstances?

For the record I’m not for genetic or social engineering.

Nor am I for passing judgment on life choices other people make.

But. I’m being asked to put aside all my concerns about a slap dash immigration reform plan for the sake of The Children. Okay. Fine. You wanna bring the kids into it, fine, go ahead, spin that manipulation. But. Keep in mind you’re consequently putting a magnifying glass to their parents and forcing me to make observations and ask questions about life choices and reproduction of other people. You want me to care about their kids? Then you have to expect me to question their parents. I resent being put in the position of questioning other peoples' reproduction choices. It's none of my business. But The Children, the poor children, think of the children is hurled at me and forces me to take a closer and bigger look at the problems of The Children and thus the source and cause of those problems. You want me to help with a solution for the sake of The Children? Well, then, I'm going to have to look at the causes. Mom and dad, this means you. And your government. And your church. And your schools. And your culture. It takes a village...

Maybe I’ve got a very old fashioned, outmoded, protestant conservative view of things. Probably true in some respects I openly admit. But, hear me out and tell me where I’m wrong. I’d like to understand.

When people create a child, a human being, they commit to the responsibility of feeding, sheltering, clothing and educating that child. If they cannot provide those fundamental requirements, why, why, WHY would anyone endeavor to create a child? And if that child was “an accident” then, why, why WHY would these people not love and care about that child enough to give it a better life with parents who can provide food, shelter, clothing and education?

I’m not advocating ripping babies away from their mother’s wombs, but, why wouldn’t parents in bad situations want to give their child better opportunities in established families?

I hear you. You’re saying, “Sheesh, Trill, you know what it’s like to want children, you of all people should be understanding about this. And it’s a human right, a biological need, we’re supposed to reproduce, you know, as a species. Sheesh, Trill, sheesh.”

Okay. Sure. I get that. But. As an adult, or at least as the person of child bearing age, you have a responsibility to any child you create. If your situation is bad, why bring a child into that bad situation? Misery loves company? Um, not exactly a responsible or compassionate attitude.

“No, sillly Trill,” you say, “some people have religious and cultural reasons for not using birth control.”

Oh yeah. Right. Funny how it always comes back to the Catholic church.

Ireland. Mexico. Poland...the big three immigrant groups at the recent rallies. Catholic dominated countries. Huh. Probably just a coincidence.

Just an observation, that’s all.

Historically the Catholic church has always been big on flooding the globe with The Good Word. Especially bleak, impoverished areas of the globe. The first things they build in an impoverished village is a church and a school. All the while telling the impoverished villagers “There’s hope in Jesus! Jesus died for your sins! You owe him a debt of gratitude. You owe us because we built you a church and a school and taught you about Jesus and sin. You owe the Catholic church more children so we can sustain our long term marketing goals! We gave you a school, now give us children, souls. More souls. We need souls.” The hope of a better afterlife is dangled in front of them. “Sure, you struggle here on Earth, but just wait! The payoff’s gonna be great in the afterlife because now you’re Catholic!”

Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Literally.

Yes. The Vatican’s really good at marketing, too. They know the way to a person’s heart and subsequent pocket is via hope for a better afterlife and The Children. And what a great marketing ploy that is. Because meanwhile, back home, in the First World, they can laud their good deeds in the impoverished Third World. “We’re saving lives and educating children! We’re holier than thou! Give money to support these impoverished people!” It’s self serving marketing genius at its best.

Back to the story problem, Part II for extra credit: Mark and Liz now have a baby. They’re poor, young, uneducated and relatively unskilled. But they’re willing and eager to work hard. Awesome. But. There’s no work to be found.

They created a child they cannot feed, shelter, clothe and educate. They created the child because their religion and culture prevent them from using birth control. So, the first question I have to ask is: Where’s the Catholic church once that child is born? Why aren’t they feeding, clothing, sheltering and educating these children which they, the Catholic church, tell parishioners they must produce? I know, I know, the Catholic church does try. I know. There are good works and good people to be found in the Catholic church. But not enough to sustain the population they're creating. Obviously not enough because people like Mark and Liz are desperate. And when the church and their culture can’t help them with their child(ren), they naturally think, “Let’s leave, let’s make a better life for our child(ren) in America.”

Which is, you know, cool. Huddled masses, yadda yadda yadda

But.

Um.

Let’s go back to how their child came to be in the first place: Irresponsibility and religious pressure.

And why is this America’s problem? Do we not have enough American children suffering in America? The answer to that is: One child suffering is one too many. If you don’t live in a large city you might not have witnessed the poverty and despair in housing projects. Mark and Liz have it bad, real bad, but crimony, you should see the deplorable conditions thousands of American children face. Food, shelter, clothing and education are daily struggles. I’d like for Mark and Liz to take a walk through Cabrini Green and give me a compare and contrast report based on their life of poverty back home v. Cabrini. Is that the America they want for themselves and their child(ren)? Do they even realize that America exists? And what is their answer to the question: How would you feel if your government was helping other families in other countries while you lived in your shack with no work and no education and no healthcare? Why should Americans put Mark and Liz’s child(ren)’s needs in front of people in places like Cabrini? Or Flint, Michigan? You wanna see poverty and despair? Take a road trip to Flint or Saginaw, Michigan. This, immigrants, is what you’re coming to in America. It ain’t all SUVs and barbecues. And surprise, surprise, it’s white people who are struggling! Wow! Finally!

In spite of how this sounds, I honestly am pro immigration. I just don't want a slap dash Band-aid that will end up causing more problems. I want a well thought, well planned, well written, well funded long term reform to the crime against humanity which is currently known as the US INS.

Seriously. I cannot wait for all the immigrants to rush the borders, get social security numbers and start paying taxes! I cannot wait for that day. Seriously. I can't. For a lot of reasons. Life's going to be better for all of us. Especially me. A) Even though there are lots of white immigrant hopefuls, there are more Mexicans. And more Mexicans in America lowers their minority rate. Which means one day very soon I, a white female, will be a statistic minority and entitled to minority status for all sorts of neato government programs reserved for minorities, and B) American coffers should be overflowing with money once wide open immigration reform kicks in, the tax pay off is gonna be huge. And the first place that money should go is education and healthcare reform.

Oh wait. We already have the lottery and citizen taxes for education and private insurance companies for health care. Silly me. I always forget about that. America’s all set. Gambling and tithing to fund education and private corporations providing health care. Good plan. I ♥ America. No hypocrisy here, nope, not a trace.

I’m totally sympathetic to the child(ren) and even to Mark and Liz. I know how horrible their situation is. But why, why, why? bring a child into that situation in the first place? You want me to worry and care for the sake of The Children? Fine. I will. I already do. I can’t sleep a lot of nights because of what I see, firsthand, happening to The Children here and abroad. But I have to ask, out of curiosity and hope for a solution in the future, why didn’t other adults, for instance, the adults who created them, lose sleep and worry about them before they created them? I’m seriously asking because I seriously don’t get it.

Too late to ask that now, right? The Children are already here. Closing the gate after the cows are gone and all that.

True enough.

But.

Putting aside immigration issues for a minute: What about personal responsibility? What about using that (God given, if you choose bring God into it) brain and not making a bad situation worse? What about putting aside your personal (and selfish) desire to procreate for minute and think about why you are creating these children and how you intend to care for them? What about being a responsible adult? What about getting yourself and your life sorted out first and then procreating?

The Children.

Unbelievable. The Children are pawns not only in the immigration nightmare, but now, pawns in the immigration marketing campaign.

Do I care about The Children? Oh yes, I care very much about their safety, health, welfare and future. For a lot of reasons I care about them. Mainly because they're innocent children. But also because they are children of people who are not above using The Children to manipulate their agenda.

11:56 AM

 
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