Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, September 12, 2006  
So I've been working a couple of free lance gigs and a part-time job in addition to my regular job to support the Furry Creature's medical needs. I'm starting to feel a little sympathy for women who strip to pay for their children's medicine. No, "free lance gig" is not a wink wink nudge nudge euphemism for stripping or "dancing." I hate my free lance gigs. And I really hate my part time job. But as much as I hate those ridiculously low paying hardly worth my effort jobs, I hate my actual day job more. There are new lows in contempt and loathing regarding my job.

How could it get any worse? you ask. I asked that too. And then I was given answers. The Universe has a way of answering those kinds of questions. Swiftly.

For a long time I've been telling myself, "Trill, maybe it's not them, maybe it's you, so cool it. Chill. Deal. Cope. No job is perfect, keep trying to find another job and until then remind yourself it might be, and probably is, that your standards of professionalism and office conduct are different from theirs. Different outlooks, different goals, different motivations. You're tired, you're stressed, you've had a really horrible string of the worst things in life, you're lonely, you're worried, you're a lot of things that can cloud judgment and put you on edge so just keep reminding yourself it's not them, it's you, and you have to deal with your clouded vision of things and fit in with them. You can't expect, nor would you want them to change to fit your mood right now. Just roll with it, go with the flow, do your job the best you can, smile and be nice to people even when they annoy or provoke you and deal with the rest in a courteous manner. Respect and understanding, Trill, respect and understanding. Make sure the worst thing anyone can say about you is that you are professional." I know. How very zenny of me. Hey, I try to be enlightened.

And then, just when that fake smile pasted on my face was nearly permanently affixed, some other stuff happened which loosened the paste and turned that smile upside down and made me realize: It's not me, it's them.

They're ignorant, immature and unprofessional. Period.

There's a person in my office, an advertising specialist, who gets sucked into to every online and television marketing ploy there is. This person blindly and obediently looks on in wide eyed, sometimes teary eyed awe at "reality" television shows. They get caught up in media hype. Basically: If it's a marketing gimmick, this person buys into it. Okay, fine for anyone not actually in the business, what's a little media hype or marketing gimmick now and then? Harmless fun, right? Right. But. When you're in the business and have allegedly studied the business and profess to be a hot shot in the business, it's probably not a good thing to be openly suckered in by the business. Sure, have fun, maybe even respect the other guys for coming up with a good one, and play along because you're a good sport, sure, of course, but to continually get suckered in and believe and buy every marketing gimmick thrown at you, especially from of all people, FOX television, makes me think you don't really know your business and probably aren't savvy enough to be in the business in the first place. In the years I've worked with this person they have never, not once, had an idea at a brain storming session. Never, not once had an original or innovative or creative thought. This person is nice, this person knows a lot of people, this person is very popular and is very good at "networking" (read: blabbing on the phone and getting hammered at "work" events) But regarding the actual job description is lacking most of the skills and has yet to develop them. I'm all for giving people a chance to learn, for a lot of reasons, among them is that some of the best ideas come from outside an industry. But this person, while nice, and social, and popular, is very dull. Not particularly bright. Not exactly a think outside the box type of person. Not exactly thinking inside the box, either. Not stupid, but not bright. Just kind of dull. Which is fine in industries like accounting or medicine or data entry. In fact you probably don't want an accountant or doctor to be creative unless the idea of a tax audit or medical procedure gone wrong is exciting and innovative to you. But, in a field which prides itself on being creatively ingenious, there's not a lot of room for a dull personality. Or there shouldn't be. And yet, this person is thriving, somehow absolutely thriving by doing, well, nothing creative.

I'm not saying I'm a creative genius. I have off days, off weeks, I openly admit I've phoned in a few performances. Sometimes there's just no inspiration. But. On the other hand, even a few of those phoned in performances are based in solid, albeit tried and true, foundations and have resulted in enviable response data not to mention a few industry accolades. So yes, I am in a position to judge. I usually don't, but it would be from a position of knowledge that I could. And lately I've had cause to stand back and judge. Because I'm not thriving, in spite of the response data, in spite of the letters of heartfelt gratitude from clients, in spite of recognition from peers outside my company, I am not thriving. I wonder why, assume it's me, and take a look at the people in my company who are thriving. And what do I see? A naive and dull person who has yet to spit out one idea, good or bad. What the...?

It's all about playing the game. Which is difficult for me because I'm not a game player, and even if I decided to play the game I have no idea what the rules are or the goal or the strategy.

One day around 2:30 I realized there were only a few people in the office, turns out everyone in the department except five of us went to a big luncheon shindig. Three of us knew nothing about it and were not invited, the other two just didn't want to go. That's how we found out about it. I asked one of the others if he knew when someone was going to be back (thinking that someone was at a meeting, which, by the way, they were supposed to be attending but ditched for the luncheon, so now our department has no one representing us in the talks regarding potential changes to our benefits, but hey, no big deal, right?) Anyway, I asked one of the other four people in the office when someone was due back from the meeting and they said, "No, they're at lunch."

About that time our office weird potential maniacal homicide killer/child molester guy who's real quiet, too quiet, came over and said, "Where is everyone?"

The person I was originally talking to gave me a look. A conspiratorial "help me" look.

"I guess everyone's still at lunch."

"Not me!" cackled the office chain smoking woman on the edge of retirement (lame duck) as she walked in from her every half hourly smoke break.

And then, hearing the conversation, over came the office manipulator. "Everyone went to lunch at (expensive restaurant), it was just going to be (x group and y group) and then (senior manager) had all the unit managers turn it into a little Fall fling. Didn't you get the email?"

No. I didn't. Nor did Creepy Kevin or Smoking Sally. The person I originally asked and the manipulator opted not to go for two different reasons. One claimed to be way too busy to take time out from their job and the other didn't want to go because not everyone was invited.

Welcome back to junior high school. You'll be sitting by yourself at lunch, or if you choose, you can sit over there with the other dorks and losers and have torments and food hurled at you. Either way you'll never be accepted or invited to join the cool kids so deal with it. This is your place in life, you are the unwitting victim of office politics and popularity contests in which you will never be considered a potential contestant because the Universe has chosen you for a higher purpose: The unpopular one no one bothers to get to know because it's easier and more fun to exclude her or make fun of her. Every group needs someone to pick on so they can feel unified as a group and better about themselves. So. In life some people are the ones who are excluded or mocked. No matter what these people do to either mind their own business and ignore the others, or, attempt to fit in, once excluded from a group, always excluded. That's the rule of bully group dynamics.

So, it's me, Creepy Kevin and Smoking Sally (who's going to retire soon) at the uncool table. I used to pride myself on blending in, finding common ground with all types of people, not belonging to any particular group, not playing games and going out of my way to stay out of office politics.

The lesson I have finally, too late at this job, learned is that's the completely wrong attitude. The first day of a new job should be spent sorting out the office dynamics and ingratiating yourself to the most popular kids. No matter how sycophantic it seems, no matter whose back you stab, no matter how unprofessional and immature you have to be to get in with the popular group, do it. The members of this group may not appear to have any, or much, power based on their position on the org chart, but, they can make or break your status in the office far beyond your actual work performance. In fact, get in good with this group and no one will notice or care that your work is not up to par. No one will notice that you habitually send email to clients with glaring grammatical errors and stats that are just wrong. Why won't they care? Because you're in with the popular group, you're a team, you all kiss each others' arses and make each feel good about the sub-par work you do.

Why would anyone want to be a part of something like that? I have no idea. But. I do know that people in that group are getting promotions and merit effort awards for doing very little work and much of it mediocre at best. It's promotion baby, marketing. Being in with the in crowd is very good for a career.

Bitter? Jaded? Resentful? Paranoid?

Oh yes.

Wouldn't you be if you were purposely excluded from a department outing and left back in the office with the creepy guy and the chain smoking lame duck? Or had yet another record breaking response to one of your designs go unnoticed by your coworkers while the dullest person on the planet gets a merit memo for passing out drunk at a client's event?

I don't care why or how I hit this new low, it doesn't matter now. It's beyond repair and I don't care anyway. Would I really have wanted to go to that lunch had I been invited? No. Would I really want to be given credit for doing nothing? No. Am I hurt? Yes. Badly. I have put a lot of myself into that job. Not so much for the company or even for myself, but for the people who pay us to do our job, our clients. I feel responsible to them. And for the most part they notice and appreciate my effots, which is great, you know, that's nice. But I don't share office space with them, I don't cowork with them, they're not my boss, they're not the ones who affect my attitude on a daily basis, 8-10 hours a day (at least), 5 days a week (at least). They come and go. But coworkers are always there. And the fact that none of my coworkers apparently recognizes (or cares) about the efforts and the huge chunks of myself and my life I've given in that effort, to the point that they deliberately exclude me from a department "fun" event, hurts. A lot.

It's my problem, all right. And the only way to fix it is to leave. Things are very bad financially for me. Really bad. Scary bad. I'm working three extra jobs for swut sake, obviously things are bad. So just walking out the door and hoping to find something in the next few weeks is not an option. It's what I should do, for myself and for the company. I know my boss would be absolutely thrilled if I just quit. I know it's long past time to leave. I have been trying, I have been applying everywhere and going on interviews, but so far, no solid offer, at least not a reasonable one, one with a salary which will pay the rent.

Sure, I'd love to advance my career, move up to the next level, kick it up a notch or two. But that's not happening. I'm in this sort of weird place in my career where I have to really sell myself hard to be considered for upper level jobs, and explain away doubt for why I would want a job at my current level to hiring managers. Story of my life: Too something. Too much, too little. Too nice. Too intimidating. Too creative. Too boring. Too old. Too young. Too something but never enough.

I even applied for a lower level job at my company, a job which sounded interesting to me, but get this: The HR guy wouldn't "let" me apply because it was below my current level and they frown upon demotions, even voluntary ones. "But I really think I would like that job!" I exclaimed.

"It's not appropriate for someone with your experience and qualifications. You'll thank me for this. You don't really want to demote yourself. Have a nice day," he said as he motioned to the door.

Yes. I'm being held up by The Man.

Except in this exalted and esteemed position I get excluded from a department fun event, get zero recognition while people do nothing and get praise heaped on them, can't pay rent and take care of my cat, so I have to work three extra jobs. Oh yeah, you wouldn't want to give up that high life of luxury and power.

I'm sharing this with the class so someone can learn from another of my mistakes. Play the game, get in good with the popular kids, embrace your inner sycophant (if you don't have one, get one) and eschew everything you know about integrity. All those pretty words like integrity and character and professionalism will never pay the rent or buy the sick kitty his pills. Idealism is a lofty concept hippies and losers hide behind because they're not in with the popular kids. Spiritual leaders and extremely wealthy people can afford to hide behind ideals. Greeting card poets and kindergarten teachers need idealism. But for the rest of us who have to go to an office and work with other people and deal with society in general idealism is a slow death. Sure, it's a safe place to hide. Who can fault idealism? The problem is that it's not realism. The world, other people, offices, coworkers, are not ideal. Trying to change that is less than ideal behavior - an idealist would accept the fact that trying to change people is not ideal. Reality is that idealism is a cozy place to hide from the harsh reality of the world but a bad place to hide if you want to get something other than smug satisfaction of being ideal out of life. People do mean things to better themselves and fulfill their personal agendas. That's reality. Ignoring that reality, denying that it exists or thinking it will change is the kiss of professional death.

8:23 PM

 
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