Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Thursday, March 27, 2008  
I have a new kind of Hell at Work. Yes. I’m a bitch because I’m generally not in favor of office romance. Yes. I’m a bitch because I have low tolerance for people who spend their days in the office doing everything except the job they were hired to do. Yes. I’m a bitch because I resent people who shirk their responsibilities and expect other people to a) understand their personal problems are more important than work and b) cover for them and their lack of ability to do their job.

Okay? Yes. I’m a tyrannical bitch because I don’t think romance and personal problems should interfere with work and the professional workplace.

Yes. We all go through personal problems, and yes, an otherwise hard working responsible employee deserves to have a lot of slack cut when there’s a personal problem. If they can’t take time off to deal with their problem, then a few days or weeks of helping them out at work during their crisis is the right thing to do. See? I’m not always a complete tyrannical bitch. I can be very compassionate. I have helped (read: covered for) a lot of colleagues in crisis during my working history.

But we have this new employee who is under the impression that her love life is the sole reason to come to work and that the rest of us are supposed to understand the priority is her romance and relationship issues, not actual work product.

Maybe if she’d had a proven track record I’d feel more generous, more understanding. Maybe if she produced anything, something, anything at least once a week I’d be more inclined to cut her slack. Maybe if she were actually at her desk and not on her cell phone I’d feel more compassionate about her situation.

But that’s not the case.

She finagled an interview at the last minute, after we’d already finalized the offer to someone else. She played every EOE card in the deck and made trailing remarks hinting at “unfair” hiring practices. She knew a lot about our company’s policies and cited them almost verbatim. Never mind she couldn’t cite her personal qualifications for the actual job. Never mind that she had a spotty and questionable work history. After the initial interview which wasn’t actually an interview, more just her telling us our company’s policies, she made several calls to our HR department with thinly veiled threats and more policy citation. My boss and HR felt threatened and so she was hired. Even though there were two candidates HUGELY more qualified for the job, one who already had an offer in the works. The squeaky wheel gets the job, regardless of its ability to turn and get the vehicle where it needs to go.

Within a week of her arrival many pieces of this enigmatic puzzle fell into place. Her boyfriend and her step mother both work for our company. That in itself is not a problem. We have a lot of familial relations in my company and for the most part it doesn’t cause problems. Though the relationships tend to be more along the sibling, cousin, aunt/uncle line, there are a few parental combos. There was a husband/wife duo a few years ago, but she left because they were getting a divorce and things were getting awkward and difficult at work.

See? That’s the mature, responsible thing to do. Is it fair that she felt she needed to leave a job she liked because she was in the middle of a divorce? Of course not. But. It’s also not fair to subject your coworkers to bickering, bullying, treading on eggs behavior which stems from a couple getting a divorce. Taking the high road of behavior is very rarely “fair” or just.

The fact that her boyfriend and stepmother work for our company isn’t a big deal. The big deal is that she and her boyfriend view the workplace as one long date. They kiss and get all gooey over each other in the halls and at their desks. If they’re not holding hands he’s got a hand on her bum. If they’re not together she’s cooing on the phone to him.

That is, when things are going well. Which is only about 40% of the time. The other 60% of the time they’re fighting. I mean knock down, drag out fighting. Yelling, shoving, pouting, slandering fighting. If they’re not fighting she’s on her cell phone talking (loudly) to her friends and family about whatever awful atrocity her boyfriend just committed.

Yesterday another piece of the puzzle fell into place. Apparently the guy either used to date someone here at work, or that woman had the hots for him. I’m not clear on that specific. But I am clear that our new employee is very, very upset about a certain woman who works in another department and has a very friendly relationship with her man. She appears to be jealous and feeling scorned and threatened. “What if I didn’t have this job? I’d never know about her. I knew there was something going on with you here, I KNEW it. You think I wouldn’t find out about her? You think I don’t know what’s going on? I’m here and I know everything now, you can’t hide at work anymore!” Mind you, I wasn’t eavesdropping. Everyone in the office could hear her yelling at him.

Oh, I forgot to mention they announced their engagement three weeks after she started working here. Yes. This couple with an extremely volatile and bi-polar relationship are planning to get married. So we’re either hearing her a) coo and lovey dove with him in the halls or at her desk with him, b) plan her wedding, c) argue with him or her step mother about the wedding plans, d) fight with him about his dirty socks on the floor of the living room, e) having a knock down drag out with him about the many other women he’s allegedly “juicing.” And I don’t think she means steroids.

But wait, there’s more! Her step mother, who has worked here for a number of years, works with the “alleged” other woman. Side-by-side. And the new employee is mad at her step mother for not “getting” the alleged other woman fired.

I know. I have a hard time keeping up with all this, too. And I try to avoid it as much as possible. But. They carry on all of this drama in our office, on display for all of us to see and hear. Apart from walking out of the office and the building entirely, there is no way to avoid it. And some of us actually have jobs, clients, deadlines, projects which need to be done. In the office. One of my coworkers was on the phone with a client. The client could hear the yelling in the background. The client chuckled and was good-natured about it, but, not exactly a shining beacon of professionalism or confidence instilling.

The new employee has been pulled aside and talked to about the disruptions in the office. But. She’s good at producing the tears as quickly as she can cite company policy. “I’m just so stressed with the wedding plans…” Oh. Right. Of course. We’re supposed to feel sorry for a woman we don’t know, who has yet to produce a day of work and disrupts the office with her relationship and family problems. Of course! I mean, duh, who doesn’t have compassion in that situation?!

Well, me, for one.

I’d like to say her personal life is interfering with her work but I have no idea what she is capable of doing. It may not be interfering at all. She has the attitude that work is interfering with her personal life. And we’re all supposed to be sympathetic to her about her wedding plans, “cheating” boyfriend and step-mother who won’t “get” someone, probably an innocent someone, fired.

I know. Suddenly your life seems a lot less complicated than it did when you got up this morning. I try to take that road of enlightenment to help me get through the day. I try to be thankful for this display because it helps me realize how simple and good my life is. I try to get a lesson from it. I didn’t actually need these lessons, but hey, school’s in session I might as well go to class.

Yes, this an extreme office romance situation. But I’m quite sure it’s not unusual. Maybe the antics are a little louder, but the issues are same. Sooner or later problems arise in relationships. And when both people in that relationship work at the same company, it will interfere with work. Period. Even if the relationship remains hunky dory, the cutesy love buggy cooing and hand on assign and stolen moments in the supply closet are interfering with work and probably driving coworkers batty. We come to work to work and collect our paycheck, not tiptoe around lovebirds in the copy room.

Frankie had a weird situation last year: She “caught” two of her coworkers holding hands in that special tender caressing precoital way, staring deeply into each others’ eyes in the copy room. Awwwww, how sweet, right? Aack.Well, I mean, not a huge deal to have their budding romance outed, except, well, outing the romance meant outing one of the players. It was two guys.

And one of them is married.

To a woman.

Yes. Brokeback Copyroom.

And there was Frankie, working late on a deadline just wanting to make color copies for a client. She now had the responsibility of all those “secrets” thrust upon her. She didn’t know and didn’t care about her coworkers’ love lives. But they forced her to know about it. They forced her to share in their “secrets.” I know, I know, the psychology of it says deep down they wanted to get caught. But not by Frankie. Frankie just works with them. Should couldn’t possibly care less about their personal lives, least of all their romantic personal lives. And yet, there she was, forced to share in their passion whose name must not be spoken. Things have been very, very awkward for all three of them since then. There’s the whole I know they know I know but I don’t want to know/I know she knows I hope she doesn’t tell my wife thing. It’s very, very unfair and more importantly, unprofessional for them to put her, or anyone at work, in that situation.

And yet there it is. I’m sure it happens a lot. I’m sure in offices around the globe there are people subjected to things they really did not want to know about their coworkers. They’re there to do their jobs and they get a daily soap opera played out in front of them. It’s a personal Hell that is completely undeserved. And yet the issue goes on and on because supervisors and HR departments hope the whole thing blows over and one of couple quits before they have to deal with complicated dismissal procedures. And this is why some companies have policies banning interoffice dating. Unfortunately I do not work for one of those companies. So my daily installment of as All My Coworkers plays out in front of me and will continue to do so.

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11:51 AM

 
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