Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, May 06, 2008  
I'm sure there are weirder situations, weirder lives than mine. I'm not saying I'm unique or special or different because I can't seem to live a normal, worry free life. I am not alone.

One of my friends going through a lot of weirdness getting used to a new personal trainer. It's very stressful for her. The workout routines are all different, the schedule is different, and she's worried she's going to get too much muscle definition. She wants to be fit and toned but not too muscle-y. And her new personal trainer is pushing her to do more than her last trainer and now she's worried. It's a strange problem to have - striking that delicate balance between toned and fit and ripped muscles - and she's too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone at the gym and she doesn't want her husband to know she has doubts about the new trainer because she had to convince him the new trainer's fee was necessary. Oh yes, she's carrying around her workout fear problem secret because she got herself into this situation and now she has to live with it.

Another friend has been having a rough time this year because her son's teacher doesn't recognize how brilliant the kid is. This is very upsetting to her, naturally, but there are farther reaching problems: This year is pivotal. If the teacher doesn't give the green light to the gifted program next year, her son will be placed in a (gasp) *regular* second grade. Every day she takes him to school she frets and worries. There is a life in the balance. If he doesn't get into the gifted program in second grade, well, he can kiss the Ivy League good-bye.

Speaking of getting kids into college, I have another friend who has two daughters under age three. She's atheist, agnostic on her most spiritual day. But she recently joined, and had her daughters baptized in, a Catholic church because it has a good preschool which paves the way to the "good" grammar school, which paves the way to the good prep school which paves the way to the good universities. Talk about stress! That kind of hypocrisy and deception and conflict of conscience really eats away at a person. She might even have to get married because the priest is old fashioned and frowns upon unwed parents openly flaunting their sin on his altar. So for now she's taking the priest's suggestion and doubling the recommended financial contribution to the church. Which makes her feel even more hypocritical and guilty. Yes. She's becoming the good little hypocritical, guilt ridden Catholic her parents always hoped she'd be. Which upsets and stresses her even more. But her daughters' education is worth it. And lucky for her the girls' father is open to the idea of marriage and has a good job. She figures the worst thing that will happen is that they'll get married. The own a home together and have been living together for about four years. But for her it's the principle of her principles and it's stressing her out that she might have to get married simply because she wants her kids to go to a good pre-school.

Another couple is losing sleep because their house has been on the market for 2 months and they've only had one offer, which was below their asking price. If they don't get their asking price in the next two months they won't be able to break ground on the new house they want to build two miles from where they currently live. They only have one spare bedroom and the kitchen is so small! When they have dinner parties they can only comfortably invite four couples because more than ten adults around their dining room table is a tight squeeze. So embarrassing to have to pick and choose the guest list because of a dinky dining room.

Another friend is having trouble with his new iPhone. It's really messing up his life. He might even go back to using a regular cell phone and an iPod! I mean, c'mon, who uses a cell phone and an iPod?

My sister is torn between two lovers. She's breakin' all the rules. She knows she's going to have to choose and sometimes that makes her confused and sad. I haven't met either one. All I know about them is that one is rich and the other one is handsome. Ahhh, yes, that age old dilemma. Money or looks? It's a rough situation, so difficult to choose.

One of my coworkers is getting married in October. She doesn't want to be like our coworker who spends all day fighting about wedding plans or groping with her boyfriend. So she quit. She's "taking the Summer off" to focus on the wedding. She and her fiance also want to do some traveling. You know, get away to alleviate the stress of planning a wedding and, get this, really get to know each other so they start their marriage on solid ground. Huh. I mean, I guess if you have to quit your job and take a lot of vacations to get to know each other before you get married you probably have some pretty weird issues. Certainly nothing compared to what I've got on my plate.

Me? Ha! My life is a breeze! No wedding to plan, no children's education to worry about, no boyfriends to choose, no iPhone, I mean, I'm livin' on easy street. I think I even have a job for another four weeks. Because my coworker quit and we've got a huge deal going on at the end of the month and suddenly my boss realized if she let me go now she would have to actually work a couple weekends. Can't have that. Easier to keep me on the payroll a few more weeks. Oh, and, the wedding/groping/arguing chick? She made it clear that she works in the Central time zone, and her body is scheduled to that time zone and therefore she will not, and cannot be expected to, work an hour ahead of her body's schedule. So even though our events and meetings begin at 9 AM Eastern time, she will not show up until 10 AM. And get this: She actually got HR to back her on this and came armed with a note, yes, a note from HR saying it was medically impossible for her to alter her Central time zone sleep schedule. I kid you not. This woman has "worked" here less than a year and HR is giving her a pass to come late to major events and meetings. I've worked a heckuva lot longer than a year, have risen before dawn in several time zones and worked long into the night in several time zones, my dad was barely alive and I was working in the intensive care waiting room because of a deadline for a client on the East coast... and yet I can't get HR to tell me whether or not I'm going to be fired. Erm, "terminated." They did tell me I'm not being fired, if I don't have a job it will be because I was "terminated." I thought in HR and employment circles that meant the same thing. Whatever. The point is no one's writing me notes to excuse me from work because of ridiculous "interruption of body sleep cycles" excuses, or even legit excuses like my dad clinging to life support. In fact, I had to produce a note, on valid letterhead with valid signatures, proving my dad is in intensive care and that it's a bona fide family emergency. And no, I'm not using family leave. I'm using my hard earned vacation days. And yet, since my employment is "under review" I had to produce valid paperwork about my dad's illness. I'm not sure why it would matter what I was doing on my vacation days, but hey, I played the game and did as I was instructed. As always.

HR tells me I can't compare my situation to anyone else's. We're all unique and we're all treated fairly based on our unique situation. Oh. Right. Okay. That's a nice little feel good disclaimer, isn't it? Makes me feel so special. I was told that I need to turn a blind eye to the injustices around me, even the injustices on my "team." I'm accountable for myself and that's where my focus and energies should go. I was told this as if I was five years old and it was the first time I was learning a lesson about minding my own business. The issue this nice little bit of pith doesn't address, however, is that we have it drilled nonstop into us that we're a "team" here, and when someone doesn't do their job, the rest of the team suffers. That community, team oriented, spirit is in direct opposition to the whole "just mind your own business" theory. When my coworker brings a note excusing her from showing up to an event on time, it means I have to do double duty to cover for her. Her business, or lack thereof, directly effects me and the other people on our "team." Anyone else beating their head against a wall at the ridiculousness of this HR nonsense? Or is it just me and Doug? In times of crisis and struggle, turn thine eyes to scripture and thou shall be comforted. There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. So sayeth the prophet.

I made up a few new job descriptions and applied for a job in another department. So. Ya never know. Maybe I'll even have a job longer than four weeks. Unless I go into work one day and I can't log into the network and a security guard shows up with a couple of boxes. Yep, that's how it's done. And HR told me there are never certainties when a manager and senior manager have to trim their working budget.

Pride, you ask? Well, yeah. But c'mon, don't we all know I swallowed that years ago? Being dumped by your fiance because you're ugly pretty much eliminates any shred of pride a person may have had. Dealing with one indignity after another at work and always coming in second or third at job interviews for other jobs also makes pride a non-issue. Filing single/zero year after year is the government's way of stripping away pride.

So no? Okay? No. I have no pride or self respect in regard to staying at a job where I've been told I'm not wanted, a dinosaur, a drain on the budget and a lower priority than coworkers who have children. It's a couple more paychecks. Period. Yes. I've been bought. Or, well, I sold out four weeks of my life and dignity to a Twinkie eating nincompoop who takes credit for every good thing I do and assigns me the blame for all her shortcomings. When things are good we're a team, when things are bad it's every one for themselves and you better be sure you see the knives in your back and have an ally to pull them out for you.

Why would I want to stay in a situation like that? I wouldn't. I haven't wanted to be there for years. But. I need a paycheck. And so far apparently my work or my interview skills are not as good as other peoples' because even though I get first and second and even third interviews, I'm never quite good enough (or whatever) and the other final candidate gets the job instead of me.

I talked to a recruiter about this. She told me if I'm consistently in the final rounds of interviews that it's probably nothing I'm doing wrong, I just haven't clicked with the hiring managers. Yeah, okay, I'll buy that. I guess. But one would hope by now I'd click with at least one hiring manager. So I talked to a career coach (speaking of swallowing pride...what a crock that was). I had to do all these stupid mock interviews with the coach and his fellow coaches. Two of them assessed my problem thusly: "She's good. That's a problem. She's being perceived as a threat by hiring managers. She needs to dumb herself down in interviews." Another one told said I should act more nervous. I told you it was a crock. Fortunately I didn't pay for this wonderful advice, it was a "gift," a friend of a friend arranged it for me in trade for a logo.

Oh, that reminds me! I think I'm getting closer to Delta Dawn's logo.
©Delta Dawn

Yeah, I know. Thanks. I kinda dig it, too. I want to massage out the Dawn, but I'm digging the goth spin on country. My niece's boyfriend gave me Ghostrider to watch while my dad was having more lengthy tests. Clearly I was under that influence but I think it might work. Marketing baby, marketing.

I've been spending a lot of time waiting in hospitals and doctors' offices lately so when I'm not working on work (for the job which allegedly terminated on May 1) or watching Ghostrider I try to be one with the Delta (Dawn) Force. Kind of a shame I can't sing in tune or compose melodies. But hey, that's never stopped anyone from making it big in the recording industry!

You know what's weird? Teaching my newly dyslexic dad (who can't talk) how to read. Now I know what he went through when he was trying to teach me math. Turns out it's true: Payback is Hell. But hey, he's alive. And as difficult and trying as it is for me it's a bazillion times worse for him. I mean, who wants to end up not only having to learn how to read again, but have to deal with a learning disability and have their kid teach them? Not me.

What's weird about all of this is that it's not weird. At least not to me. My friend, the one worried about not getting to build a new house, told me, "Trillian, you've lived in this state of perpetual weirdness for so long you wouldn't be able to handle even keeled, stress free normalcy. It would seem weird to you."

She's right, it would. But I'd really love to deal with that kind of weirdness.

8:49 PM

 
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