Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, November 11, 2008  

Being an indie filmmaker is hard.

The Barack Obama Owes Me Money project is stalled due to a lack of funding. And resources. And time.

Renting equipment and people who know how to use it is really expensive. I have a new…something, I’m not sure what…a new awareness, I guess, for publicity and media desperate “stars” who hire crews to follow them around for a day. It ain't cheap. Or easy. Getting equipment is very expensive, hiring a crew to use it is even more expensive. If you're down, and out, and desperate enough to want or "need" to resort to that sort of publicity you can't be on your last $20. You have to at least have some goods to pawn to hire the crew.

I’ve always admired the pioneering and creative spirits who toil away at their project, driven by creativity, integrity and a diet of Ramen noodles. The ones who see it through to the end and make great, well, okay, good, films on shoestring budgets with no studio or commercial or trust fund financial backing. Real independents. Not the faux independents. The real independents who have day jobs, a second weekend/night job, crappy apartments and barely running cars because every penny they earn goes toward The Project.

The internet is a boon to those filmmakers. (Thanks, Al Gore.) Remember The Blair Witch Project? All internet. Minimal investment compared to studio films. It looks cheesy and stupid, now, but, back then it was huge. And heck yes, I paid money to see it – and heck, yes, I got a couple good scares. YouTube gives those types of filmmakers a free venue to showcase or premier their films. There are a ton of “film in progress” YouTubers who post segments of their film as they are able to shoot it. Beware: Some of those “indie” filmmakers are actually backed by studios or commercial sponsors. Not a big deal unless you don’t like being taken in by gimmicks. If you were a) surprised and b) bothered to learn that LonelyGirl was actually a paid actress, then the faux indie films aren’t for you. YouTube is a buyer beware, swim at your own risk zone.

I thought, “Wouldn’t it be funny if I actually tried to make Barack Obama Owes Me Money?” After a couple glasses of wine with MAF it started to sound like a really funny idea. It also sounded viable, what with YouTube and everything. Make it super cheap and cheesy. Which isn’t a problem for me. I’m the real deal. I’m authentic. I have no money. I have no choice but to make it cheap and cheesy. Authentically cheap and cheesy.

MAF and I outlined a to-do list.

1) Procure video recording equipment.
2) Send Barack Obama a copy of my $20 assessment fee for security during election night.
3) Wait for the check to arrive.
4) Video the glorious day the check arrives.
OR
5) Find out where the election campaign financial headquarters is.
6) Call them and ask if they received my request for reimbursement.
7) Wait for response.
8) Request a meeting with Obama.
9) Wait for response.

That's as far as we got.

Yes. There’s a lot of waiting in this film. A lot of downtime. I figure I can fill in with all the ways the financial hardship of having to pay an extra $20 assessment effects my life, play out the what-if scenarios. A friend calls and wants to go to dinner. I can’t go because I had to pay an extra $20 assessment. I miss the opportunity to meet the friend’s husband’s brother-in-law who’s looking to hire someone exactly like me for a great job. Or, my online dating profile expires because I had to pay an extra $20, and finally, a great guy, Mr. Right, tries online dating and I miss the opportunity to meet him because my membership expired. Or, there’s a charity raffle for a new car but because I had to pay an extra $20 assessment I could only buy one raffle ticket. Had I bought two I would have won the car – the ticket sold after mine was the winner. Or, I’m $20 shy of the rental fee for decent video equipment and so I can’t shoot my indie movie and someone else takes my idea, launches a website, gets some buzz, shows it at Cannes and Sundance, makes enough money to quit their miserable day job and starts a charitable organization doing good all over the world and lives a life of a charitable, at times eccentric and sometimes reclusive philanthropist.

It’s not only a study in the bureaucratic process, it’s the age-old story telling technique of exploring: What if I hadn’t done this? What might have happened? Or not? What if being a day late and a dollar short (or $20 short) really does give someone else the opportunity to live the life you want, and could have had…if you weren’t a day late and a dollar short (or $20). It’s not about blame, it’s about choices. It’s not about fate, it’s about time. It’s not about failure, it’s about consequences. It’s not about Obama, it’s about the ramifications of unfulfilled promises.

No, you won’t find a lot of hope in this film And sure, it’s formulaic. But c’mon. It’s all been done. Ask Sylvester Stallone, George Lucas or the makers of the Saw movies if they are concerned about being formulaic.

So. Here’s my first hurdle. #1 on the list. Procuring video recording equipment. I have two cameras with video functionality. But. The sound is worse than cheap – and not in a cool indie film kind of way. In an annoying, “Huh? What did she say?” kind of way.

I have my dad’s 12-year-old video camera. In its day it was a good camera. But. Its day was 12 years ago. It’s not digital. Okay. Sure. That hurdle can be overcome, but not without more equipment and work and time. Equipment and time that I do not have.

I thought, briefly, about animating it.

Ahhhh, now, see, that would be something, wouldn’t it? An animated mockumentary. I’ve dabbled with animation software. I don’t actually own any, but I have access to it. And I’ve dabbled. Way back when, in the olden days when I was in college, I made an animated short feature. It was a long, labor intensive project which took an entire semester, all the school’s editing resources and resulted in a 3 minute clip. Times have changed and I’ve tried to at least read articles about animation developments, but I’m not exactly on the cutting edge of knowledge in that area. Nor do I have access to cutting edge technology. I only have access to dull edged technology.

And I dunno. It might lose some of its gritty punch.

So here I am, back where I started. Or, actually, I never really started. Which I guess means I’m just back. Way back. End of the line.

I could “shop” my idea. Write it up and send it out to all those studio execs who are always looking for something new and different…but…then…whoops, there goes the integrity.

And, har har, slight challenge there…I don’t actually know any studio execs who are looking for an indie mockumentary idea about Obama’s election night party promises and one citizen's literal interpretation and her attempt to get $20 from Barack Obama.

So, using my college animation short as an equation model, in 25 years (if I’m diligent and pursue this with dogged determination and single-minded focus) I might have a 30 minute mockumentary. You might want to set your fare watchers to France and Utah for the year 2033. It’ll be cool to be at the premier and say, “I remember reading about this on Trillian’s blog 25 years ago.”

MAF thinks I should make t-shirts, coffee mugs and tote bags and give them away as donation premiums, like on PBS. And sure, there is a certain “Frankie Says Relax”-ness to “Barack Obama Owes Me Money.” But people are so in love with him I’m not sure they’d be willing to risk the possible controversy. No one will say anything funny or remotely negative about Obama, let alone wear a t-shirt or sport a tote bag or coffee mug which could be construed as critical of Obama.

So. I dunno. Maybe I’ll test the market. Watch this space.


1:44 PM

 
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