Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, July 21, 2010  
So, this is disturbing.

I met with my real estate lawyer this morning. Discussing options. The end result of the discussion is that if I don't find a job in the next four weeks there aren't options. Bankruptcy then foreclosure then homelessness. Okay, then. Hey, at least I had the discussion, asked the questions, tried.

Oh well.

But that's not the disturbing part. I've known for the last few months that this is where I'm heading.

The disturbing part is that my lawyer's office is a few blocks from my old office and on the way to the train station from meeting with him, one of my former coworkers nearly spilled four cups of Coughuppalottebucks on me as she came out of the corner Coughuppalottebucks. Ah, the mid-morning caffeine run. I never partook. But I knew it existed. It was a ritual among the in-crowd at my old office. They took turns making the run and then spent 30 - 45 minutes in the break room wallowing in their $4 stinky drinks.

I was never particularly close to the coworker who nearly smashed into me coffee first. She was one of the cool girls who hung out with my boss and the other cool girls at lunch and for drinks after work. She was never out-and-out mean to me, but it was a given that the cool girls my boss liked did not associate with me and yes I am very aware of how that sounds but you didn't work there, you have no idea how juvenile, unprofessional and downright weird the office culture and politics were. I was there to do my job, other people were there to augment their social life and pad their resumes.

Okay, so suddenly this woman - who was at best distant and aloof to me when we worked two office away from each other - acted like I was her long lost best friend. She set down the coffee and did that cutesy little girl squeal thing and gave me a hug.

Awkward.

"Ohmygawd Trillian! It's sooooooo good to see you! How are you?! Is your new office around here?!"

"Um, I don't have a new office. I'm unemployed. I got laid off about a year ago, remember?"

"Yes, silly, I know, that sucked, we were all so shocked! We lost so many good people. It's just not the same. (overly exaggerated frowny pouty face) But (my former nincompoop lying sycophantic boss) said you got a new job! So great that you landed on your feet. You know, that's always the way. God closes a door and opens a window."

"Uh, nope. No new job. The doors and windows are all closed."

"Oh. (look of confusion which isn't a stretch, she's easily confused) You're not even consulting with (former client)?"

"Nope. Non-compete clause in my severance. And they're in a hiring freeze, anyway."

"Oh. (look of further confusion) But they pulled their contract with us. Then (my former nincompoop lying sycophantic boss) said you were working for them, account exec or something like that."

"She's misinformed and she misinformed you. The rumors of my success are highly exaggerated."

"Oh. What about (another former coworker)? Is she working there?"

"Not that I am aware. I'm guessing she has the same non-compete clause and the hiring freeze would prohibit hiring her, too."

"Oh. Because (my former nincompoop lying sycophantic boss) said you both got hired right away and that's why we lost the contract."

"I'm not going to speculate on why they pulled the contract but I can say with a high degree of accuracy that no one, former client or otherwise, has hired me. And as for (the other former coworker) I presume she's having as much difficulty finding a new job as the rest of us."

"Oh. Yeah. Things are bad. We're all worried we'll be next. I mean, really, Trill, you're lucky. You got out."

And that's where I got angry. Lucky? Lucky? This ignorant, immature, silly, unaware, lazy, ass kissing moron in a cashmere twin-set stood there and had the gall to tell me I'm lucky? She has a job, a paycheck, her home, her husband and two toddlers, a cashmere twin-set and money left over for Coughuppalottebucks while I've sold or donated pretty much all of my possessions and am about to lose my home and she's calling me lucky?

I'm not an angry person. Really I'm not. And I'm keeping a remarkably positive attitude considering what I'm going through. Shockingly positive. To the point friends are worried I'm in a form of psychotic denial. But. This really tested my attitude. Accept. Forgive. Heal. Peace. Love. Accept. Forgive. Heal. Peace. Love. Deep breath in, slowly exhale out. Higher plane of enlightenment. Serenity now. All that.

"I didn't 'get out.' I was laid off. There was no escape involved." I tried really hard to not affect a tone, to just make that sound matter-of-fact.

"It's just so awful at work now. It used to be so fun. Now..." she pulled the exaggerated pouty frowny face and let the sentence trail, as if the pouty frowny face said it all.

I finished her sentence, "And now you have to actually do something when you're at work? Oh the humanity. What a world, what a world.'

Oooops. That kinda slipped out before I could filter it. I didn't intend to say that out loud.

"You know, it's not easy, we've lost a lot clients and there are a lot of budget cutbacks and we're not even having our staff retreat this summer."

"Oh, that is a shame. (dammit, what's wrong with my filter? Make nice Trillian, now!) I know being one of the ones left behind is no picnic. Things are bad for everyone."

"I hope you find a job soon," she said and picked up the carry-out tray of Coughuppalottebucks.

"Thanks."

What really disturbs me is the my former nincompoop lying sycophantic boss told everyone that two of the people she laid off landed new jobs with one of our former clients. My former nincompoop lying sycophantic boss is very well aware of the non-compete clause in my severance because she signed my "release" agreement. And she swutting well knows that I cannot work for any of my former clients and therefore she knows I'm not working for them! And yet she apparently felt some need to either a) make me look bad, that I violated the non-compete clause and "stole" the client; or b) take some of the guilty stink off her for laying off the two people who did the bulk of the work in the office by painting a rosy picture of our "great new jobs."

I know.

I know.

Accept. Forgive. Heal. Peace. Love.

I know.

I will. I promise. I do.

But it bugs me, you know, for other people. I wonder how many times middle and senior managers have used that lie about laid-off former coworkers to calm the remaining troops in the office?

I don't have the luxury of becoming a "discouraged" worker. I have to continue to look for work, with or without a home or money, I have to continue to look for work. I cannot "give up," take myself out of the race, because it's just me. Even when I move home with my mother I have to continue the job hunt. I'm getting (and feeling) older every day, but I still have a lot of years until retirement. (A lot more years until retirement now that I've raided every penny I can from my 401K.)

But here's a snippet on the latest unemployment numbers:
"The unemployed who stop looking for work become classified as "discouraged," and the number of discouraged workers continues to grow. And these discouraged workers are an added twist to the nation's unemployment problem: Discouraged workers are no longer considered unemployed, which is part of why the 9.5 percent rate of unemployment understates our current crisis. It's also one of the reasons the unemployment rate dropped in June from 9.7 to 9.5 percent. If you add the 1.2 million "discouraged" workers to the 14.6 million unemployed, you have 15.8 million out-of-work Americans.
So when will it end? Estimates vary, but the Federal Reserve says that unless job growth rates improve, it will take five years for the unemployment to return to pre-crisis levels."

Keep in mind this does not include consultants, freelancers, contractors, part timers who were never eligible for unemployment and therefore never counted. When Frankie's company downsized they started with consultants. She worked there three years on contract because Benjy had a job and benefits. They kept renewing her contract, she was considered an employee. But when her contract was terminated she got the two month buyout clause money and that was it. She never filed for unemployment because she was ineligible and therefore she's not counted as unemployed.

Okay. Okay. Sorry. I try really hard to not go down this road because it's a pointless dead end.

But apparently, like my former betwin-setted coworker, some people just don't get it. They believe we're recovering and that those of us who are unemployed are just not trying hard enough or are dinosaurs who didn't keep up with the times, that in some way we're responsible for our unemployment, we did something wrong or didn't do something good enough. And yes, some days and a lot of nights, I think that, too. If I'd been more sycophantic, paid more attention to office politics than my job and clients, I might still be employed. I kinda doubt it, but maybe. And no, that's not who I am and I'm better off away from there. But pride, dignity and professionalism don't pay the mortgage.

And, I know I'm not entirely to blame. There aren't 15.8 million jobs available so obviously some, most of us, are going to remain unemployed.

"Why aren't people able to return to the workforce? Economists and analysts say there are currently "five job seekers for every job." There simply aren't jobs out there to be filled. Since the current recession began in December 2007, it's estimated that nearly 8 million jobs have been lost. As long as the economy is suffering, employers aren't increasing their staffs and are leaving empty positions vacant."

Hey, I'm not alone. There are 15.8 of us. All applying and hoping for the same few jobs. It is discouraging. But I continue my job hunt anyway. I'm sure most of us, even the "officially" discouraged, have to continue, we can't give up even though many of us have lost or will lose our homes and pretty much everything we ever owned.

My lawyer tried to help me look on the bright side. There's a certain freedom in losing everything. Once I'm not tethered to my mortgage and hence my home, I'm free to go anywhere, do anything. And hey, I do have a gazillion air miles. But you have to sleep somewhere and eat something, so it's not the total free and easy vagabonding life of fun and adventure that it sounds like. Unfortunately it's difficult for me to see homelessness ending in any result other than living under expressway overpasses and pushing a grocery cart around collecting cans and bottles and eating at soup kitchens.

I know. I need to be more optimistic, more adventurous, more open to the possibilities my new "freedom" will bring. Working on that. Accept.

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3:45 PM

 
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