Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Monday, January 17, 2011  
First Mark Twain now Mark Knopfler?

Okay. So. You didn't really expect me to remain silent about the Dire Straits, um, issue(?) did you?

I want to rise above it. I don't want to justify it with a response. But.
  1. I'm a big fan of Dire Straits. 
  2. The language of the ruling is so comical there's no way I can remain silent.
The case began with a complaint from a listener in St. John’s, Newfoundland, after the song was played on a local station. She wrote that “by airing it unapologetically on the radio, this station is indirectly propagating hate.”

The song is a store employee’s diatribe against the wealth and fame of rock stars. In one verse, the employee calls a musician “the little faggot” three times while bitterly commenting on his makeup, hair, earring, private airplane and personal fortune. In its ruling, the Canadian Broadcast Standards Council found that the slur “although lightly sarcastic in its application in the song, was not used in a ‘sneering, derisive, nasty tone.’” Nevertheless, the panel concluded that any use of the word was inappropriate in today’s context.
Ronald I. Cohen, the chairman of the standards council, said that this was only the third time it had ruled against a song.
Let me repeat for effect: “although lightly sarcastic in its application in the song, was NOT used in a ‘sneering, derisive, nasty tone.’”

Um. Okay. So. If Mark Knopfler sounded more sneering, derisive and nasty this would be a non-issue? The issue is that he only sounds lightly sarcastic?

Apparently if Mark Knopfler sounded like a homicidal, misogynistic, racist rapper throwing racial epithets and describing violent acts inflicted on women and police in great, vivid detail "Money for Nothing" would be a-okay to play. Eh?


I was in Canada recently. I heard some incredibly offensive rap played on a few Canadian radio stations. (And not just the radio stations close to the Michigan border where much of the listening audience is Detroit.) But in reflection, I guess it was more than lightly sarcastic. It was straight forward hateful. So I guess that's okay. Based on the "Money for Nothing" judgment it's more of a syntax thing. If you're going to sing hateful, sarcastic, lyrics you need to sound sneering, derisive and nasty.


Okay. Here's the thing. Yes. I am a big fan of Dire Straits. More specifically, I'm a huge fan of Mark Knopfler's guitaring which is, hmmm, I'm at a loss for adjectives, I mean, there are no words or comparisons. He's unique, in a good way. How do you describe Mark Knopfler's style? Kinda difficult because he's an innovator.

So. Because I'm most fond of Knopfler's guitaring, I am consequently most fond of the pre-Brothers in Arms Dire Straits releases and Knopfler's subsequent solo work.

Truth be told I've never really liked the banned-in-Canada song.

But not because of the epithet in question.

My dislike for the song is over its musical integrity. I find it disconcerting that the type of public acceptance and musical success lamented in the song - quick, easy, lame pop stars who lack musical integrity but who look good, dress cool and style their hair appropriately - is precisely what they achieved with the song about lame pop "music." Basically: After the incredible Dire Straits work that precedes Brothers in Arms, the album sounds like a sell-out. Whether it was or was not an intentional money grab is between Knopfler and music industry execs. Did he sell his soul? I kind of doubt it, or, if he did, he has long since redeemed himself with his subsequent (but less pop-accessible) work.

What I always find sad and disconcerting about Dire Straits is that a lot of people, the youngsters mainly, the ones I presume find the song offensive, only "know" Dire Straits for Brothers in Arms. I wouldn't care much for them, either, if my opinion was based solely on Brothers in Arms.

I'm lucky. I have an older brother who was into really good guitar bands. So via him I heard the best of the best. And Dire Straits' first eponymous release and Making Movies are among the best. Certainly among the most innovative and original. Even at a young age, through a scratched hand-me-down vinyl album and (you're gonna be aghast and maybe crack up when you read this) an 8-track worn thin and taped with Scotch-tape in places, Knopfler's chilling guitar came slithering through and picked my soul up by it's neck and said, "You listen to me, little girl, I'm the real deal, pay attention to me and no one will get hurt." (My brother and dad were always working on some old car or another, consequently "we" had a use for 8-track tapes long, long, long after they were being produced. Unfortunately some very good songs are forever altered in my mind - skips, missing words and riffs, where the worn out or broken tape was patched with Scotch-tape. Sadly, I only knew Ziggy Stardust via a heavily patched 8-track for the first 10 years of my life. Imagine my awe and wonderment and confusion when I heard a clean vinyl copy of it.)

I find the timing of the Dire Straits ban interesting: On the heels of the news of a censored Mart Twain hitting stores and bookshelves. Gadzooks. That's just...ugh. Let's leave that alone. It's all been said. Anyone with a functioning brain who has actually read Twain knows he was against slavery and his stories reveal his sympathy and compassion. The word in question, is, of course, awful. History has happened since then. We evolved. And then, based on some rap and comedians, we devolved. But I'm a white girl so my opinion on that word is irrelevant. I find it to be the dirtiest, most foul, offensive arrangement of letters possible. And I fail to understand how anyone could feel otherwise. But I'm a white girl.

A heterosexual white girl. Which probably renders my opinion about the epithet in "Money for Nothing" null and void, as well.

But even with opinions about these words I remain staunchly, stubbornly, against censorship. I don't like the words those configurations of letters spell and I have certainly don't use them. I wish the words didn't exist. Because that would mean the judgment, disrespect and hatred that created them never existed. Unfortunately that's not the case. So. As many high school English teachers try to explain, these words can teach us a lot about human behavior, negative, hurtful human behavior. Most of us don't actually live on Sesame Street. Most of us live where judgment, disrespect and hatred exist and even thrive. Understanding the language and the ignorance and disrespect behind the words is crucial if we're ever going to combat it. I don't judge people on their skin color or sexual preference. But. The words people choose to use tells me a lot about them.

I also know a bit about syntax and poetry. And I know nothing if I don't know sarcasm. Knopfler's tone may not be sneering, derisive or nasty, but that's the whole swutting point. He's waxing musically, poetically, sarcastic, affectedly dismissive about the fed to the masses chirpy, pretty pop music "played" by pretty young things who wouldn't know a Telecaster if they were hit over the head with one. If his tone was overtly sneery, derisive or nasty he'd lose the dismissive affect and cross into "bitter has-been who never was" territory. By keeping the sneer and nastiness out of his tone he creates an air of empathy. We feel for this guy who does back breaking work for minimum wage while some pretty pop-prince (George Michael) hops around in a pep-pep-peppy MTV video all white teeth smiles and cute dance moves (George Michael) is making oodles of money (George Michael). Money for doing nothing. Money for having zero talent. (George Michael)

Wow. I'm just now realizing I like this song more than I thought I did.

When this all came out I went straight to my go-to source for homosexual correctness: MAF.

"Hi MAF, did you hear about Canada banning Dire Straits?"

MAF: "Yes. As a matter of fact I was just practicing my sneering, derisive and nasty tone."

Me: "Ah. You want to be sure your sneer can be heard. Because otherwise your run-of-the-mill sarcasm may be misconstrued for raw Unibomber-like hatred."

MAF: "You know it. What does derisive sound like, by the way?"

Me: "Maybe something like Mr. Burns?"

MAF: "Ah, okay. Excellent. Smithers is gay, you know."

Me: "Yeah, I know. They've been using that shtick for several years, now."

MAF: "The Simpson's should have 'Money for Nothing' playing in the background during the next Mr. Burns/Smithers scene."

Me: "Would that offend the gay community?"

MAF: "Just that one chick in New Foundland. The rest of us would laugh. Do they show The Simpson's in Canada? It's pretty offensive."

Me: "Yeah, but I dunno about New Foundland. Plus, their tone is clear, the sneering, derisive nastiness comes through loud and clear so they're off the banning hook. So, that line in 'Money for Nothing' doesn't offend you?"

MAF: "No more than a Wham! video offends me. Which is to say it's laughable."

Me: "I was thinking, I've never heard you use the F-word. Is it like the N-word thing? It's 'okay' to say it if you're gay?"

MAF: "I know people who use it. I don't, but I'm not offended by it, either. I'd prefer to not be called one, but only because I don't like my sexual preference to be the leading adjective to describe me. You know, like you don't like to be called spinster. When the word is used to describe a generic collective it's okay. When it's pointed offensively, derisively, nastily, with a sneer, at someone specific that's when it's hurtful and hate-mongering."

Me: "So, 'the little faggot with the earring and the makeup, yeah buddy, that's his own hair, that little faggot got his own jet airplane, that little faggot he's a millionaire' doesn't offend you?"

MAF: "Not now, not back then."

Me: "Were you out yet when that song came out?"

MAF: "Nope."

Me: "Still didn't offend/scare/bother you?"

MAF: "Nope."

Me: "What about Sting?"

MAF: "What about Sting?"

Me: "Do you find him offensive?"

MAF: "Annoying but not offensive."

Me: "So do you agree that if it's okay for Sting to blather on and on about Tantric sex it's okay for Mark Knopfler to call George Michael a faggot?"

MAF: "Sounds about right. Karmic balance."

Me: "But not in Canada."

MAF: "They're so polite it's got to be fake. And if it's not it's still a bit much. You know, like when someone breaks up with someone citing that they were 'too nice?' That's Canada. Canada is the boyfriend you dump because he's too nice."

So there you have it. Straight from a gay guy's mouth.

A lot of good music has been/is banned. Dire Straits joins an esteemed group. Elvis. Hendrix. Zappa. Alice Cooper. Loretta Lynn (yes, really). Sex Pistols. Prince. And, oh, oh! THE KINKS!!!! I forgot about this one, I learned about this in an advertising history class, THE KINKS!!! "Lola" was banned because originally instead of saying "cherry-cola" Ray Davies sang "Coca-Cola." The BBC wouldn't play the song because it was against their advertising policy...but they didn't care that the entire premise of Lola is about Ray wanting to have sex with a woman who turns out to be a man  - a transgender/transexual man.

If liking Dire Straits is wrong I don't want to be right. I kind of wish it was a "better" Dire Straits song coming under fire and bringing attention to them and their talent, but, there's no such thing as bad publicity and maybe now that they're "bad" some of the youngsters will take an interest in them and listen to them just to be rebellious - and end up hearing some really, really good music.

Ahhhhh, maybe this is a subversive plot by Canada to get kids listening to someone other than Justin Bieber. Nah. If that were the case they'd ban a Rush song. That would launch a civil war in Canada. Hey wait a minute, Rush, "Tom Sawyer"...there must be something offensive about that, right? Does Geddy Lee use the N-word in "Tom Sawyer?" I'm not a fan and I'm not going to listen to the song to find out. Someone will have to tell me. I presume not. Though I might pay good money to hear Geddy Lee sing the N-word just to see him get his ass kicked. (Note the tone - sneering, derisively and nastily.) The mere fact that Rush alludes to Tom Sawyer, Tom Sawyer being a character in a book by controversial author Mark Twain, must surely propagate hatred, right?! And the two times I've listened to Rush I didn't detect any obvious tone of sneering, derision or nastiness. But maybe it's a double-standard thing, what with Rush being Canadian and everything.

I remain in solidarity with Dire Straits. I might even cash in an unused iTunes gift card to purchase "Money for Nothing," or maybe even all of Brothers in Arms. I'll probably never listen to the song(s) but I love the idea of Dire Straits getting an upsurge in paid downloads as a result of Canada banning their song. (Written with a sneer, oozing derisiveness and nastiness.)

The good thing about this, and why I'm lowering myself to publicly discuss it, is that it puts Dire Straits in the public ear and ultimately that's a good thing. So, f-word you, Canada.

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