Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, January 18, 2011  
Last Person to See Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Turns Off Lights and Closes Door

Chicago: The last person to see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I, quietly left the theater yesterday afternoon after the final showing of the recent blockbuster hit and seventh installment in the Harry Potter movie franchise.

"I meant to see it sooner," Tricia McMillian explained, "I mean, not opening day, but I planned to see it long before now. But the holidays and stuff and I dunno, I just didn't get around to seeing it until now."

Ms. McMillian, an unemployed creative marketing manager, said she is an enthusiastic fan of the J.K. Rowling book series of the same name featuring a teenage wizard and his friends. "Oh yeah, I read 'em all. Really enjoyed them. Good ripping yarns."

She intended to re-read the final book before seeing part I of the final cinematic installment of the series. "Yeah, I kind of meant to re-read Deathly Hallows before seeing the movie, it's been a few years and I thought I should refresh my memory before seeing the movie, but it's a long book and I was already in the middle of two other books and I dunno, I just didn't get around to it. Did you know there are no Cliff's Notes for Harry Potter books? And then it was opening weekend and I was disappointed in myself, and that kind of depressed me, I felt like I needed to punish myself, I didn't feel I deserved to see the movie because I didn't follow through with my plan to re-read the book."

Opening weekend, and then another and another came and went without Ms. McMillian in the audience. "Then it just got, you know, awkward. I went to the theater once,  it was the discount matinée and there were only a few people at the theater. They were going to see Tron which opened a few days prior. I felt really lame buying a Harry Potter ticket. I figured they'd think I was either one of those people who goes to see Harry Potter movies every week of their run or that I procrastinated seeing it until the right before it was due to leave the big screen. Either way I'd just look pathetic, especially because I was already really pathetic by virtue of the fact I was going to see the movie alone. And add the children's movie component, I mean, there's a creepiness factor involved when an adult goes to a childrens' movie alone. So I saw Tron instead. I fit in with that crowd. A lot of people were there alone."

When she heard Harry Potter was due to leave her local big screen theater Ms. McMillian knew it was the now or never moment. "First it was showing on three screens, every hour on the hour, then two screens, then one...and then only a couple shows a day...when it got down to two showings a day in the small theater I knew the window of opportunity was closing. I still hadn't re-read the book, but I was feeling less guilty and disappointed with myself. So I just went for it. I'm glad I did, it was a good movie. Boy, those plucky kids sure have grown up!"

McMillian doesn't regret her procrastination. Seeing the movie two and a half months after its debut gives her an advantage over those who saw it opening week. "Now I'm glad I waited so long to see part I because I'll have less time to wait for part II. The people who saw it opening weekend have to wait longer to see part II. I totally beat the system. I don't want to give anything away but there's a bit of a cliffhanger at the end, they really left it wide open for a sequel," the film enthusiast winked, "and the momentum will be fresher for me than for the people who saw it a couple months ago."

After finally viewing part I she has no immediate plans to re-read the book. "I could re-read the book before part II debuts in July, but after seeing part I a lot of the plot and details are coming back to me. I remember, now, there's a fight between forces of good and evil. It'll be easier to resume the story line when I see part II because part I will be much fresher in my mind than if I saw it two months ago. I think I remember enough of the plot, now, to get through part II without re-reading the book."

The theater's assistant day manager said Harry Potter's attendance numbers have been dwindling the past few weeks. "We have a couple people at the evening shows, but the afternoon matinée has been pretty much empty. We had a homeless guy in there last week. We're not sure how long he was in there, a couple days at least. No one bought tickets to see the movie on Monday or Tuesday, and Wednesday night a family came in with their half-price coupons and complained about a guy who smelled bad and yelled profanity at them. He was pretty ripe smelling and had a sort of fort set up in the back two rows. He must have been there a couple days because even after we removed his blankets and garbage bags the whole back 10 rows smelled really bad. We're probably going to have to replace the seats."

"Yeah, the theater smelled kind of musty," Ms. McMillian ceded, "but that's what I get for waiting so long to see a blockbuster movie. It sort of added to the eerie damp outdoorsy atmosphere of the movie, though, so it worked out okay," she said, flipping off the light switch and closing the exit door tightly behind her as requested by the assistant day manager who was on break at the movie's scheduled closing time.

When asked if she plans to see part II sooner after its debut than she did part I, Ms. McMillian said she'll probably wait for the lines to subside. Noting the July 15 release date, she said she doesn't have plans for the Labor Day holiday weekend, adding "though I think I heard Piranha 3DD is coming out around then."

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8:30 AM

 
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