Life(?) of Trillian

Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<

100 Years!

Just Drive, She Said
Trillian's attempt at fiction posted for the entire Universe to read for the purpose of ending the "you should be a writer" comments once and for all. Proof positive that Trillian is not a writer, she is merely assaulted by words.

Pledge to Fight Animal Cruelty

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Trillian McMillian

Trillian McMillian

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It was so cold that Hell froze over.

Got a mobile device, something like, say, a cell phone, iPhone, Blackberry? Like reading original, fresh prose?
CellStories.
Small, byte sized literary gems delivered fresh daily to your mobile device in small, easy to digest pieces.
CellStories

Everything's Cool.
I know, I know, you thought Al Gore invented global warming documentaries, but,
"...unlike the widely released "Inconvenient Truth," their movie is not based on a Powerpoint presentation."

Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?

"50 First Dates"

Live in Chicago? Wondering about crime in Chicago? Thinking about moving? Check out the reported crime stats for a specific address here.

Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.

Find Federal Officials

Enter ZIP Code:

or Search by State

Find State Officials

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or Search by State

Contact The Media

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or Search by State

Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle

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12/4/11 12/4/11 - 12/11/11 12/11/11 - 12/18/11 12/25/11 - 1/1/12 1/1/12 - 1/8/12 2/5/12 - 2/12/12 2/19/12 - 2/26/12

Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations

Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"

Mail Trillian here

Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes

Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras

The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.

Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto

If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.

Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

< chicago blogs >

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

When you're young they fail to tell you
Just say that you're so smart
And you're so special
They take your heart and then they break it
And they take your skull, and then they shake it
But they're never gonna tell you from the start
That the world is gonna break your little heart
They never say the game is rigged
Just that the world's so small, and you're so big
You go and get a job, and you break your back
And you wish that they had told you that
But they're never gonna tell you from the start
Yes, the world is gonna break your little heart
And no-one wants to teach these classes
So they fit you up for rose coloured glasses
The ones you love don't have to love you back
And you can try so hard
But the chance is fat
You buy your land and pay your taxes
And no choice left but to join with the masses
And you don't want to be their soldier
If you don't believe it now, then come back when you're older
But they're never gonna tell you from start
Yes, the world is gonna break your little heart
They're never gonna tell you from the start
Yes, the world is gonna break your little heart
--Dan Sartain

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

*******NSFW***********

I just learned that 1) Trojan makes vibrators and 2) they're marketing them as a great holiday gift. The jokes write themselves. These combined facts offer staggering anecdotal potential. I can hardly wait to see what they come up with for Valentine's Day.

But. What I find confusing and frustrating is that somewhere out there is a marketing team who was tasked with advertising Trojan vibrators. And the best they came up with was a holiday marketing campaign akin to a Snuggie commercial. A holiday commercial featuring testimonials and a good long shot of the product packaging nestled in holiday-trimmed evergreens.

I'm not saying it's an ill-advised gift suggestion. I'm sure there are lot of women who would appreciate such a thoughtful gift that she can enjoy year round. (remember to include batteries!) But. If you're a guy and you're thinking, "Hey! That is a great gift idea for that special but difficult-to-shop-for lady in my life," give it some more thought before you trot out to buy one, wrap it in festive wrapping paper and nestle it amongst the gifts from Nana and her little niece. She may really like that special gift, she may appreciate the gift. And she may appreciate you for that great gift. It's great that you have such an open relationship.

But.

Ask yourself this question: What switch in your brain is in the off position?

Even if that special lady in your life wants a vibrator, in spite of what Trojan's marketing team suggests, Christmas is not the time to wrap one up and give her. Trojan's marketing team is clearly desperate to move some merchandise before the year-end inventory reports are run. Even if that special lady in your life wants a vibrator and you're feeling charitable toward Trojan's marketing team, wait. Just wait. Wait for New Year's Eve, or Valentine's Day, or better still, make it a "just because" present.

11:46 PM