Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Sunday, March 03, 2013  
I'm okay, really. And no, I'm not going to get pregnant. I wouldn't consider it. I was merely considering that other people consider it an option as an avenue to healthcare and other government aid programs.

However. It's also come to my attention that what seems obvious to me isn't obvious to others. At the onset of my unemployment saga I vowed to remain positive, or at least neutral. I allowed myself two self-pity sessions/week, but only if needed and only in private. Most weeks I barely use one.

It's not that I believe in the power of positive thinking. If positive thinking was as powerful as it's claimed to be, I would have had a great job offer a long time ago.

I do believe in the power of negative thinking. In my experience, self-fulfilling prophecies only happen with negative prophecies, not the positive ones. Which is unfortunate in most cases, but if everyone went around with nothing but personal positive prophecies that were self-fulfilling, we'd have a lot of weirdness and problems in the world. One man's positive thought is another woman's worst nightmare.

And it's an impossibility. Here's a story problem. (Yes, there's math. Sorry.) Let's say there's one job opening and 300 people apply for that job. All 300 applicants have positive thoughts about getting that job. 20 people are interviewed for that job. Those 20 people really have positive thoughts about getting that job. Only one person gets the job. What about the positive thoughts the other 299 - especially the other 19 who interviewed - had regarding being hired? If positive thoughts turned into self-fulfilling prophecies, 300 people would show up for the first day of work for one job.

This is the scenario that runs through my mind when people say, "Stay positive! Positive thoughts have a way of turning into self-fulfilling prophecies!" Instead of offering the above hypothetical, I just smile and say, "That's great advice. Thank you. I'll stay positive!" I've learned that when it comes to uncomfortable statistics, you know, facts, people prefer not to think rationally or face harsh truths, especially when there's nothing they can do to help. Feel-good platitudes, no matter how silly and condescending, just feel better than confronting difficult and uncomfortable realities.

But. I also know there's no point in being negative. Realistic? Yes. Negative? Why? Until it's a done deal there's no point in descending that slippery spiral of depression, anger and despondency. Run the statistics and keep your expectations realistic according to the stats.

But that's not to say I don't feel the negative. Frustration, confusion, despair, helplessness, anxiety, and fear, to name but a few, are so much a part of my life they feel normal to me, now. They are my status quo that go without saying.

But maybe I shouldn't go without saying as much as I do. Maybe, as it was brought to my attention, because I stay outwardly positive, people don't realize how bad things really are.

I presume it goes without saying that someone who's unemployed or underemployed is scraping by financially and doing without a lot. And by doing without a lot I don't mean cutting out the Starbucks and manicures. I mean doing without basic needs like toiletries. Just because your friend is clean and well-groomed when you see them doesn't mean they can afford basic hygiene supplies.

I'll just go ahead and speak the gross and uncomfortable truth: I do not shower every day. In fact, if I'm not going out, I don't shower for days at a time. There have been times that means I haven't showered during the course of an entire week. Okay? There. I said it.

Contrary to popular belief, it has very little to do with depression and everything to do with economizing. I save my soap, shampoo, deodorant and razors for important days when I am going to come in physical contact with other human beings. I do brush my teeth twice a day, every day, but I only floss every other day. I am not bragging, I am not proud of my lapses in hygiene. But. It's my reality. I have to conserve my resources and use them only when necessary. One of my biggest fears is being called for an interview and not having soap, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste or tampons on the day of the interview. I am not exaggerating. This is a very real concern for me. I have turned down offers of dinners or other social outings because I had an interview later that week and only enough of one (or more) of those items to get me through interview day.

I won't say, "Sorry, friend, I'd love to take you up on that offer to see a movie, but I only have enough deodorant to get me through my interview Thursday. So there's no way I can go with you to a movie on Monday. But if we can go to the movie following my interview I can get more bang for my deodorant buck!" Nope, I won't say it.

I also won't let on that I wear the same clothes several days in a row to conserve on laundry, and I let my laundry pile really high before I do it because I'm trying to conserve on laundry detergent and laundry quarters. No one knows that I keep one bra in good working order to wear on interviews, while the rest of the time I wear bras that are held together with no less than two safety pins; or that my underwear is beyond embarrassing because I haven't bought new underpants in three years. I'll let you think about that for a minute. 

I don't talk about this, mainly because it's no one's business and it's really embarrassing, but also because no one wants to know that's how bad things really are. So I don't say anything about it.

But maybe I should. Maybe then my friends and family will realize what sort of life I'm living and the choices I'm forced to make.

I probably won't, nor will most unemployed/underemployed people, because we don't want pity or charity. We especially don't want people to feel guilty about what they have just because we're struggling. (Although, if you use $63/9 oz. bottle shampoo you might want to tuck it into the vanity when your unemployed friend visits, or when anyone visits for that matter. I'm speaking from personal experience on this one. I squeezed out the last of my already watered down store brand shampoo to wash my hair before attending a party at a friend's house. When I used her bathroom I saw said $63/9 oz. bottle of shampoo perched in her shower. The differences between us came into very (very) sharp focus. I didn't resent her, I wasn't jealous of her shampoo or wealth, but, it did make me realize how very (very) different our lives are and that there's no way she'll ever truly understand what I'm going through.)

If you know someone who is unemployed/underemployed, here are a few suggestions to ease some daily anxiety for them.

When you go to Target or Walgreens or Costco, buy the multiple package of toiletries. Then put the extras in a bag and casually give them to your unemployed/underemployed friend. Be sure to say something like, "I had a great coupon and they were on sale," or "you know Costco, it was a great deal, but we'll never use all that shampoo/toothpaste/whatever." Trial/sample sizes are great, too.

The stuff doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just store brand or whatever's on sale will be hugely appreciated. But stick to unscented wherever possible. People who are interviewing do not want to use anything scented on the day of an interview.  They just want to smell and look clean and fresh.

And (this is a huge and) do not presume/assume that just because someone who's unemployed/underemployed has moved in with parents/friends, or has a working spouse, that they don't need help. Yes, they have a roof over their head, but they're still trying to survive without their former income. They don't want to mooch off parents/friends/spouses. They feel guilty for being a burden to others. They feel awful about themselves because they can't take care of themselves and are not contributing an equal share to the household. So anything you offer them in the form of, "I had a coupon/these were on sale/we'll never use all this" will help them feel immensely more viable, whatever their household situation. 

Items to consider:
  • Shampoo
  • Conditioner
  • Toothpaste
  • Dental Floss
  • Toothbrushes
  • Soap/Body Wash
  • Hand soap
  • Deodorant
  • Disposable Razors
  • Shaving Cream/Foam for guys
  • Tampons/Pads for Women
  • Hosiery - Socks for Men and Women, and Pantyhose for Women
  • Lip Balm
  • Contact Lens Solution 
  • Breath Mints (for interview day)
  • Nail Files
  • Band Aids
  • Laundry Detergent
  • Kleenex
  • Toilet Paper
  • Dish Soap
Luxury items:
  • Hand Lotion
  • Moisturizer
  • Facial Wash (those cleansing towel packs are often on sale BOGO, btw) 
  • Ibuprofen
  • Multivitamins 
  • Throat Lozenges 
  • Cold/Flu Symptom Relievers 
  • Q-Tips 
  • Hair Coloring Kit (if you know their shade or a reasonable approximation, and yes, this goes for the fellas, too, especially guys who are over 40 and interviewing in fields dominated by younger employees) 
  • Household Cleaning Products (especially bathroom/kitchen cleaning products)
  • Paper Towels 
  • Dryer Sheets  
  • Brita Filters
If you really want to go the extra mile:
  • Public Transportation Pass/Gas Card (to use to get to interviews)
  • Prepaid Debit Card (to use for emergencies - like tampons or pantyhose or a new razor or underwear)
  • A Hair Cut (I have a friend who trims my hair for me, but I hate imposing so I let it go as long as I possibly can. You would not believe how long my hair is these days simply because I can't afford haircuts and don't want to exhaust my friend's offer of hair trims. I cannot imagine what unemployed/underemployed people who don't have a friend who's handy with scissors do about their hair.)
  • Dry Cleaning (of the interview clothes)
  • A Roll of Quarters for Laundry (if applicable) 
  • For the ladies: Mascara, lip stick, foundation and concealer, but keep the colors neutral/basic. If you get a gift-with-purchase kit, give your friend the extras. (MAF keeps me stocked with makeup, samples, discontinued items, etc., and I cannot even begin to tell you how much this means to me. Makeup is expensive, even the basic drug store brands are pricy when you're unemployed. But a woman who shows up for an interview without wearing at least the basics, without looking like she at least put in a little effort, is, unfortunately, setting herself up for scrutiny beyond her job-related skills and personality. Not fair, but true.) 
  • If you have a BOGO deal for eyeglasses/contacts, instead of a second pair for yourself, offer it to your friend (presuming they have their prescription and don't have to pay for an exam).
  • Toner Cartridges and Paper for their Printer (if you know what kind of printer they have) Everyone should take copies of their resume (printed) on interviews, and toner cartridges are pricy.  (At the very least, occasionally offer your unemployed/underemployed friend the use of your printer. Say, "When you come over for dinner Tuesday, remember to bring any files you want to print, you can use our printer.")
  • A class at your gym - this is a triple great option because your friend will get a social outing and some fitness, too, plus you'll get a workout buddy. Say something like, "My gym is going to have this new class I'd love to try but I'm chicken to go on my own, will you go with me? I'll pay for it."

5:28 PM

 
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