Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, April 10, 2013  
Another day, another seven, count 'em seven job rejections.

I'll have to refer to my spreadsheet and run the numbers, but I believe that's a one-day record.

Six of them used the same three sentences all HR departments send to rejected candidates. I know them by heart.

We wanted to follow up with you on the status of your application for the position of [whatever].  While we were impressed with your qualifications, we have decided to pursue other candidates who are a  closer match for the position.

Please feel free to apply for other open positions that you are interested in.


Apparently there are a lot of candidates with professional backgrounds that are a closer match than I am to the position of working a 4 AM shift of donning a hair net and and plastic gloves and putting pre-made frozen bagels and bread into ovens and removing them when the timer beeps.

Apparently there are a lot of people who are a closer match than I am to the position of opening boxes, counting items, placing an "x" in the received column and placing them on a shelf.

Apparently there are a lot of people who are a closer match than I am to an after hours position of cleaning and sanitizing a day care.

Apparently there are a lot of people who are a closer match than I am to managing the exact same type of clients I managed in my last job. (actually, that's probably true - there are a lot of us and most of us are unemployed)

The seventh, and most recent (hey, the day's not over, there could be another rejection headed my way!) offered insight as to why I didn't get the job.

Regarding your application for the position of creative services manager.  While we were impressed with your high level of qualifications, we have decided to pursue a more creative candidate

Okay, in my field that's a common rejection reason. Employers are often looking for a very specific "look" or creative methodology in a candidate's book of previous projects.

But get this: The company that rejected me today because I wasn't creative enough is a company that distributes industrial construction supplies - lag bolts, concrete saw blades,  bull pins, that sort of thing. Mind you, they do not manufacture, design or have anything to do with the items other than distributing them. Further, during the three interviews I had with them, it was stressed that the position is primarily updating existing materials (which consist primarily of product listings and price sheets). They don't want to reinvent their marketing plan because the existing "plan" works and since they have a good relationship with the state and federal construction purchasers. They supply materials to government construction projects, so the job requires handling two sets of pricing structures, government and non-government. The "government, and non-government" factor was repeated and emphasized several times during the interview process.

The irony is that during the interview process I kept thinking, "They don't really need a creative services or marketing person because they're happy with what they have and they don't want to change anything other than pricing."

I went in there brimming with ideas, but when I asked questions like, "Have you tried something like XYZ?" Or, "Do you target 123 audience?" They cut me off with, "We don't do that. We're very content with our current pieces. We really just need someone to manage the updates and make sure the sales team has current price lists."

And yet they rejected me because they are pursuing a more creative candidate.

Us job seekers are supposed to use rejections as valuable insight. We're supposed to glean wisdom and take rejections as advice on where we need to improve ourselves and our skill sets.

Okay, I'm not creative enough. I'm not creative enough to update price sheets, maintain two sets of price sheets (government and non-government) and make sure the sales team has current information.

It isn't even worth wasting one of my WTF free passes on this.

If they were an agency with clients spending $$$ and expecting trendy or sophisticated design and innovation, I would completely understand. Those types of jobs require someone with very distinct project and client background and a very particular vision and dynamic strategy. But these people don't even swutting manufacture anything. They order construction materials from manufacturers, put them in boxes and re-sell them to construction purchasing agents. Further, they don't want to change anything, by their own admission, they're "very content with our current pieces." And, they "really just need someone to manage the updates and make sure the sales team has current price lists." I could understand if they said, "We're pursuing a more boring candidate." Or, "We're pursuing a far less experienced candidate." Or, "We pursuing a candidate with government contract experience." But they didn't say that. They said they are pursuing a more creative candidate.

I can't let this stuff get to me, and I rarely do, but every now and then the rejections are so nonsensical that I think it must be me, it must be something I really do not understand, maybe there's a language barrier or maybe I just smell funny. But I need to learn what it is that I don't understand. Because I really, really, really need a job. 

Geeze, seven rejections in one day? Good grief. Anyone read anything about suicide rates among the unemployed lately? I stopped looking at that data because it was too upsetting to me. But if you're wondering why or how someone could kill themselves over a job rejection, now you know. It's frustrating, confusing and nonsensical.

I dunno. I really do not know what to do. Obviously I'm doing something very, very wrong in the job hunt and I would love (love) helpful personal insight and advice as to what I'm doing wrong, what skills I need to acquire, what personality traits I need to develop...anything.  

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4:40 PM

 
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