Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, September 24, 2013  
The recent iPhocalypse amongst my friends and family has opened the yearly holiday issues for me. My friends and family have money. They buy things. Lots of things. Lots of expensive things. They go on vacations wherein they buy exotic expensive things. Even if I had a job and money to spend on gifts, I have no clue what I could buy them that they don't already own, or, that would be a welcomed present. They have very distinct and very expensive taste.

I already gave away my unique possessions as gifts - things over which friends and family had previously shown interest. Rare albums, a couple lithographs, jewelry, a few first edition books, my vintage Hermes scarf that a friend coveted for years...I could have sold those items but instead I gave them away as holiday and birthday gifts. So. I exhausted that holiday gift route. If you're thinking about doing this, be warned, it was met with less than enthusiastic response. The comments were typically, "Oh. I didn't know we were doing a white elephant thing this year." People expect, and want, new items as holiday and birthday gifts. Never mind that those albums, lithographs, books and that scarf were some of my most cherished possessions, things I thought I'd never part with until death, and they were given from the depth of my heart. People, my family and friends, thought that if I want to give away my stuff I should just give it to them, not as a gift, especially not as a holiday gift. Apparently the decorum on giving away one's possessions is that you give them for no specific reason other than, "here, I want you to have this." Not wrapped up as a holiday or birthday present. I lived and learned that lesson. Two people told me it was tacky. Others didn't say it out loud but their less than enthusiastic responses said it loud and clear.

And now here we are again, holiday items in stock at Costco, holiday decorations going up at Target...it's the most wonderful time of the year. The leave haven't even turned, yet, but it's time to start thinking about holiday gift giving.

I do not have money. I'm down to three apples and a half box of cereal and still nothing work-wise except a couple of inquiries about freelance projects and four, count 'em four, full-time job rejection letters yesterday. One was personal and kind of snarky. You don't want to hire me? Okay, that's your choice, but you don't have to be mean about it. This is a trend I've noticed in the past year - the rejection letters are now tinged with strong wording like, "we have removed your candidate profile as you are not a fit for our company and we will not consider you for future opportunities with us." Alrighty then.

So. I'm thinking about making good on a vow I've made every year for the past 10 years. The vow wherein I promise myself that when the holiday decorations go up in Target I will summon the courage and resolve to send an email to friends and relatives telling them that I don't want to exchange holiday gifts.

Yep, even before I was laid off I wanted to do this. But I always chicken out. Initially I thought I would say something like, "Let's focus on the children" and set an age limit for gifts, like, no one over the age of 18 gets a gift. But then I imagined the college freshman, home from a rough first semester, reveling in the joy of tearing open gifts with her younger siblings only to discover  that she missed the gift cut-off by four months. Ick. I couldn't do that.

And no matter how carefully and tactfully I composed the emails, after re-reading them, that is to say, reading through the lines like my friends and family would, they sounded contrite or spiteful or selfish. Which is what I presume people think about other people who dare to broach the topic of discontinuing holiday gift exchanges.

A lot of families (and friend groups) draw names so each person only has to buy one gift. They also often set price limits. This seems like a rational, fair solution to the holiday gift issue. My mother dared to suggest this once. It didn't go over very well. If anyone other than my mother suggested it there would have been a much more heated aftermath. But everyone loves and adores and respects my mother so her idea was met with loving, "Awwww, that's a nice idea but we enjoy the holidays so much, we enjoy buying gifts for the family." And that was that. The one person who was on my mother's side and chimed in with support was met with, "We understand if you can't afford holiday gifts, just get something for the kids." That one person was me and the message was loud and clear: You don't have a husband or children, we only have to pick up a pre-packaged gift of body wash and a candle and throw in a gift bag for you and we're done with our shopping for you, you are not a time or financial burden to the rest of us, therefore your vote doesn't count in family decisions.

Where my family is concerned, the husband and children thing is a secret issue for me. I am expected to procure gifts for my siblings, their spouses/dates, and their children. That's eight gifts I have to find, buy and wrap (and usually mail). Whereas I have not burdened my siblings with a spouse and children for whom they have to procure gifts. They give me whatever bath product gift set they find on Black Friday and give it to me "from the family," whereas I'm finding gifts for my brother, his wife, their child, my sister, her boyfriend du jour, and her three children. I tried "gifts for the whole family" a few years - one gift for my brother and his wife and child, and one gift for my sister, her husband and children - yeah...that didn't really go over very well. And honestly, it was more difficult to come up with one family gift that everyone would like than finding individual gifts. It's not really about me being petty and pouting and whining that it's not fair, which is why I never say anything about this - I don't want to seem like a pouty whiner. And I don't want to be petty. But. It's not fair. And I'm kinda sick of it. And I'm poor.

So.

I need your help. Have you ever broached the topic of ceasing a holiday gift exchange? Did you say it in person or in an email? How did you word it? What was the response? Did family fights and/or awkwardness break out as a result? Are you viewed as the family Scrooge? The family petty, selfish whiner?

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10:19 PM

 
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