Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.
Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.
Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)
Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero
Wednesday, September 22, 2004 Well This Explains a Few Things...
This is so swutting typical. Several of you suggested I try eHarmony, the better way to meet people. Thank you. I appreciate the idea.
I read their claims. I agreed with their philosophy. I thought, "hmm, yeah, maybe this is a better way...I've got a few drinks in me, I'll try it!"
I was honest. Oh was I honest. I believe in honesty. Especially when meeting a potential spouse.
And eHarmony, in return, was honest with me. I respect and appreciate that. Unlike other online dating sites, they are not asking for my credit card knowing full well there's not a sinner's chance in Hell there is a man for me in the world let alone their database.
Based on their candor and honesty to me, I give them high marks. I cannot vouch for the type of person you will meet on eHarmony, but at the very least you know it won't be someone like me. eHarmony is doing their bit to thin the herd by keeping people like me out of the gene pool.
Thanks eHarmony, from the future of the species human.
Here is the note they sent me:
eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive testing of married individuals. One of the requirements for it to work successfully is for participants to fall into our rigorously defined profiles. If we aren't able to match a user well using these profiles, the most considerate approach is to inform them early in the process.
We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish and enjoy happy, lasting relationships that we choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.
Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching system is not suitable for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply would not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand that we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.
You can still receive your free personality profile by clicking here. (To see my actual profile, login as me: Trilliansweird, password: guide42.
In other words, I am so complicated, so messed up, so bizarre, even their "complex matching system" of "rigorously defined profiles" can't catagorize me let alone find me a man.
If eHarmony can't do it, then why would I ever think I could do it?
As for the "accuracy" of the personality profile, I would consider it to be about 75% - 80% accurate. Which, for an online dating site, is pretty good. There are some areas in which they are just dead wrong, laughably wrong, but in all cases they redeem themselves 2:1 with other areas which are spookily accurate and insightful. (see the "communication" page as an example of "Wow. They nailed it perfectly.")
What I gleaned from this is that my expectations (demands) of a mate are too high. I need things, things men are just not capable of, I guess. Like a supportive, objective emotional environment and a safe place to live (you know, smoke detectors and the like). While I, on the other hand, offer a man high standards and values, detail orientation and reality based solutions. Right. A picky, nit picking, even, shrew who holds people to unreasonably high standards and values. So there you have it. Why HWNMNBS and no other man on the planet wants me. Oh yeah. That and I'm ugly.
I'll be stopping at the cat shelter on my way home tonight.
And while I'm picking up all the cat food and litter I'll be needing, I'll also load up on bird seed for the pigeons I'll be feeding in the park.
Post-It Note:
Okay, I'll share...I did write eHarmony a letter in the comments area provided at the end of their rejection letter.
Dear eHarmony,
Thank you for your honesty and business integrity. You could have taken my credit card like all the other online dating sites, all the while knowing there is not a man on this planet who is a good match for me. But you claim to be different, and in that regard, you are.
Thank you for rejecting me like every man I've ever dated. Yours was one of the most thoughtful and well written Dear Jane letters I've ever received. You really went the extra mile in showing your concern for my well being by providing detailed, albeit conflicting, reasons as to my incompatibility not only with you, but men, and apparently the entire human race. The reports will come in handy as I once again search my soul and heart for answers to why I am single, unlovable and unworthy. Rejection is painful, and leaves people questioning and trying to change and rebuild themselves. Having your shortcomings and negative personality traits detailed in the rejection letter is a nice, caring touch to a normally callous process.
As you are probably aware, people often turn to online dating sites after "conventional" methods of meeting dates and potential mates fail them. Often, people using online dating sites are wary, if not a little fraile, because of past rejection, loneliness and just not being able to find the right person. Your honest rejection of not only their money, but their personalities, will restore their confidence in online service retailing and affirm their doubts about themselves.
Don't take my family's liable suit over my suicide personally. 20% of dating sites, 1 in 5, have liability charges brought against them every week.
Since you can't recommend a man for me, perhaps you could recommend a good therapist or the proper way to make a suicide look like an accident for insurance purposes.
Thank you for your candor and honesty. I very much appreciate that you are not taking money from sad, lonely people who are normally taken advantage of on dating sites.
Trillian
Yes. That is an exact copy of the comment I sent them.
