I get really sick of people assuming everyone from Detroit does crack and owns a gun. I try my best to laugh off the surprise/jokes/insults I get when I tell people I'm from Detroit.

Here are the top 3 responses I get when I tell people I'm from Detroit and/or Michigan:
"You're from Detroit? But, but, you're um, you're *white.*"
"You're from Detroit? Really? I never would have guessed that. You seem like such a nice girl."
"You're from Detroit? No way. You're way too intelligent and cultured. There's no way you can be from Detroit."

Men, especially, seem simultaneously repulsed and intrigued. I was recently at a drinking establishment in New York. I was seated at the bar with a few friends on my left and strangers on my right. The evening progressed, alcohol was consumed, lively banter ensued up and down the bar and with the aid of beer goggles the guy seated next to me started his "Hmmm, it's getting late and there aren't many choices left in here, I guess this one will do" pick-up routine and started to make small talk. Earlier my friends were ribbing me about the Red Wings and Tigers so he used that as his in.

"So, why the Red Wings and Tigers?"

"Because I'm from there."

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

(Silence is the fourth most common response I get to the the "I'm from Detroit" statement. People react much the way they do at a funeral. They assume you're suffering and feel bad for you and don't know what to say to make you feel better so instead of saying something that might offend or hurt you they say nothing, thinking an awkward silence is better than an awkward comment.)

Finally, after I thought he thought better of his flirtation he said,

"Detroit, wow. So do you own a gun?" He may have been joking but only partially. I've heard this enough to know that when someone asks this, even in jest, there's a tiny part of them that thinks it's possible that I own (or should own) a gun.

I gave him one of my usual responses:

"Detroit's in the Midwest, not the Wild West."

And that's when he thought better of his flirtation. He could have just turned on his bar stool and given his attention back to his friends or one of the other two women remaining in the bar.

But no.

Apparently I offended him. And he proceeded to have a go at me. A "that's what's wrong with women like you" kind of a go at me.

I really do not like statements that begin or end with "that's what's wrong with" and "women/people like you."

And I wasn't really interested in him, anyway. But. I wasn't out to have some guy I just met in a bar give me a 10 minute lecture on "what's wrong with women like me," either.

Okay, yes, I could have been less snarky. I could have been less defensive.

But then, he could have been less idiotic. He could have been less insulting.

He could have had a better sense of humor.

But, later, in the cab, my friend had a go at me, too. "Trillian, that's why you're single. That guy was interested in you until you were such a smartass to him. He tried to show you his sense of humor and you shot him down, one upped his joke and were a total condescending smartass back to him. No guy wants a woman who's going to be a smartass to him, and especially not a condescending smartass."

"I shot him down? With the gun I don't own."

"I get your sense of humor and I like it but I have the benefit of a lot of years of knowing your other qualities. The good ones."

"Thanks."

"You know what I mean. Don't change the topic. You need a man. You don't have to have a boyfriend or dates or whatever it is that you're refusing to do these days, but you need to spend some time with a man or men. This whole, 'up on the shelf' thing is not healthy. And the longer you avoid men, the worse your attitude toward them gets. You know men have itty bitty fragile egos that need stroking and massaging. They pride themselves on their sense of humor and you. You know that. So why didn't you just giggle off his stupid gun joke? How was he supposed to respond to your come back? You deflated his ego by not letting him be the funny one and left him with no options. The most he could have managed was a 'Touche' but it takes a big man to give a 'Touche' to a woman in a bar with a lot of other men around."

"I presume my ego you mean penis. And I don't think he was entirely joking about the gun."

"Ego, penis, same thing. You wouldn't make fun of or insult his penis so why did you make fun of his joke?"

"Well, now, see, this is why I'm single. I don't see the logic in that logic. And I don't want to play that game. I don't want to spend my life, or even a date or two, keeping my tongue on a leash. Yes, I could be more tactful, but, I'd still think the things I think and after a while I'd just be sitting there having silent conversations with myself because I'd be so afraid of wounding his ego. Penis. Or whatever. That cannot possibly be healthy. And if that's why I'm single, so be it. It's quite nice up here on the shelf. I don't have to worry about stroking egos. Or penises."

It was a silent cab ride after that.

I know my friend is right. But I also know I'm right, too.

If the guy's pick-up line/joke hadn't been a dig at Detroit, an all too familiar dig at Detroit, I would have given him a giggle, stroked his egopenis. But he did make a stupid (and all too familiar) joke about Detroit. And I wasn't interested, anyway. Because I really do like it up here on the shelf. The shelf where I don't have to worry about coddling a man's egopenis.

But.

Upon further contemplation I do realize there's a thin line between carefree and cynical, outspoken and snarky.

So.

Guy at the bar in New York: I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me. I've heard every Detroit stereotype there is and I'm weary of them, so, yes, I was little too quick on the defensive. I didn't mean to usurp your humor. I didn't mean to shoot you down. It was nice of you to offer me some of your attention and I should have been more appreciative. I'd like to say it was the booze talking - and yes, alcohol may have been a factor - but mostly it was just me being me. I'm actually a nice person. My friend who was with me that night said I have good qualities, she'll vouch for me. I've had a rough time of it lately and I guess I'm just kind of in a weird emotional place and didn't really think before I spoke. I'm sorry about that.

But.

For the record.

I don't own a gun. And I intend to go to my grave never having even held one. And I find it offensive that you, or anyone, would either presume or joke that I own a gun.

And there's nothing wrong with women like me.