Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, September 20, 2011  

Dear Reed,

I messed up. I owe you an explanation.

It is clear from your email this week that you felt I lacked insight and clarity in the way I announced the separation of my credit card and Netflix and the price changes. That was certainly not my intent, and I offer my sincere apology. Let me explain what I am doing.

For the past two years, my greatest fear has been that I wouldn't make the leap from unemployment to career success. Most people who are great at something – like marketing or design – do not become great at new things people want (overcoming the competition of 14 million+ other unemployed people for me). So I moved quickly into canceling my account, but I should have personally given you a full explanation of why I am canceling your services and thereby decreasing your profit. It wouldn’t have changed the your profit margin, but it would have been the right thing to do.

So here is what I am doing and why.

Many members love your DVD service, as I do, because nearly every movie ever made is published on DVD. DVD is a great option for those of us who want the huge and comprehensive selection of movies.

I also love your streaming service because my laptop and internet connection are the only things I haven’t sold, and I can watch anytime I want, which is nice because I have a lot of sleepless nights what with the joblessness and all. The benefits of your streaming service are really quite different from the benefits of DVD by mail. I need to focus on saving what little money I have for food and shelter, without continuing your DVD by mail service.

As an unemployed marketing professional I realize that streaming and DVD by mail are really becoming two different businesses, with very different cost structures, that need to be marketed differently, but I need to let each go and find ways to entertain myself independently of DVDs and streaming movies.

It’s hard to write this after over 8 years of receiving DVDs with pride, but I think it is necessary: In a few weeks, your renamed DVD by mail service, “Qwikster,” will be moot to me because I will not have a mailbox to receive DVDs or any other type of delivery. I choose the name Givaratsasster because it refers to my sentiments regarding your new mail delivery service name and how little I care what you do with the name “Netflix.”

I really don’t care that Givearatsasster will be the same website and DVD service that everyone is used to. It is just a new name, and people who have jobs with incomes that allow them to rent movies will somehow find a way to carry on and choose movies. And for those people, the improvement you will make at launch to add a video games upgrade option, similar to your upgrade option for Blu-ray, will be nice for the few who can afford a Wii, PS3 and Xbox 360. I’m sure members have been asking for video games for many years, and you have ignored this demographic, but now that DVD by mail has its own team (and the economy is so bad that people are pawning or selling their kids’ game stations), you are finally getting it done. Other improvements will follow. Yay you. The fact that the Qwikster.com and Netflix.com websites will not be integrated is of no significance or consequence to me.

It’s great that there are no pricing changes (and that you’re done with that!) but I cannot afford to subscribe to either service because I have no money to pay a credit card bill, even though the total will be the same as my current charges. Don’t bother to let me know when the Qwikster.com website is up and ready because by that time I will be homeless.

For me the Netflix red envelope has always been a source of joy. I’m glad the new envelope is still that lovely red, because it reminds me of all the red ink in my personal budget and that DVDs are just one more thing I can no longer afford. I know that reality won’t matter over time, but still, it is hard. I imagine it will be similar for many of your other unemployed members.

I want to acknowledge and thank you for the years of fast, affordable entertainment, and to apologize again to you, I’m sorry you felt I treated you thoughtlessly.

It’s nice that both the Qwikster and Netflix teams will work hard to regain my trust but trust isn’t the issue. Joblessness is the financial blight. Money speaks louder than words. And declined credit card transactions help people to understand why millions of unemployed people are canceling their Netlix/Givearatsasster accounts.

Respectfully yours,

-Trillian, former member, Netflix



p.s. I have a slightly shorter explanation: movies are a luxury I can no longer afford - regardless of the viewing format.

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4:02 PM

 
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