Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, October 03, 2007  
Little. Yellow. Chinese.
Ping: Secret Agent of Communism and Saboteur of Young Minds


Good swutting grief.

I've just been informed that Ping, yes, that Ping, the beloved little yellow duck on a journey of enlightenment on the Yangtze, is deemed controversial and unfit for young children in many communities.

I'm not kidding.

Ping. Ping! A little yellow duck. Known, loved and endeared the world over for generations. Ping.

The Story about Ping was one of those books my parents read to me early on in life because they thought I would identify with Ping and they hoped I would learn a lesson or two. Ping and I were (and are) a lot alike. Youngest children who have a tendency to stray from the pack when something catches their interest and who have a way of innocently getting into "situations." I did (do) love Ping. I did (still do) identify with him. And finally, after wearing out the spine of a hand-me-down copy of the book as well as putting a lot of miles on my own new copy, I did learn some valuable life lessons (and an interest in China and distaste for Peking duck) from Ping.

But apparently The Story about Ping is deemed too violent. Okay, yes, there are some duck abuse issues. And yes, my over-sensitive animal rights conscience has issues with the "violence" in the story and the whole concept of bird yoking, but that's part of the glory of Ping. He overcomes obstacles and triumphs in the face of adversity. If I managed to make it through reading after reading of Ping without sleepless nights worrying about poor little yellow ducks living on the Yangtze or nightmares about said ducks, any kid can get through it and love Ping for his Ping-ness. Seriously. If there was ever a kid who would be traumatized by Ping, it was me. I couldn't watch Lassie until I was 12, and to this day I can't sit through the movie without serious anxiety attacks, and do not even ask me about Bambi*. This is coming from an expert in the field of childhood sensitivity to animal suffering. I loved Ping and time after time, I'd worry about him, but I knew in the end his spirit and love for his family would get him back to his mother and brothers and sisters. From the first page you just know Ping has a triumphant spirit about him. You know it's not going to be easy for him, but you know he's going to make it. He's vexed with unfortunate timing and faced with perilous challenges, but he's a perseverant, smart, friendly, curious, family oriented guy with a sense of adventure but love of home. It's a child's version of the break-up anthem I Will Survive.

But putting aside possible violence issues, scarier and worse than the accusations of violence are the accusations of, I kid you not, fascism, communism and racism.

Because, you know, four-year-olds have such a strong grasp of politics and global social problems. I do not doubt the mental abilities and acuities of most four-year-olds. Don't get me wrong on that score. Some of the most interesting and profound conversations I've had in my life have been with the pre-school aged crowd and, if explained to them in terms they understand, the concepts of communism, fascism and racism are not over their heads. The more I live, the less I know. But one fact remains constant: never underestimate children and their abilities to grasp abstract concepts. But, barring racist, fascist, communist influences in the home, Ping is not going to turn innocent children into fascist extremists or make them grow up to be racist skinheads hanging out at KKK rallies for fun. Ping is not a gateway drug which will lead to harder stuff like the Communist Manifesto.

But so what if it is? Is it not better to be informed about Big Scary Things like communism, fascism and a duckling's struggle for survival than to shelter kids from it, or worse, ignore it and pretend it will go away or doesn't even exist? Knowledge is power. If some socially aware pre-school kid is able to suss out communist lessons from Ping, well, good for them. Maybe they'll lead a children's uprising for more stringent import safety laws and regulations or lead a revolt against child labor issues for their pre-school brethren in China and Taiwan.

And let's talk about all those siblings of Ping's for a moment. In a country where the government dictates human reproduction, here's Ping's mother sticking her beak up at the Chinese government and openly flaunting her brood of six children. If we're going to assign real life modern day adult political and social values to a 70-year-old children’s' story about a wayward duck, well then, let's hear it for Ping's mother in all her reproductive glory and all of Ping's five siblings (and myriad extended family) bucking the system simply by existing in a country where producing more than the government allowed one or two children is a punishable offense.

A little online research turned up one Amazon.com reviewer who alluded to social Darwinism, which, while an interesting concept I may just have to pursue,** is far, far above the heads of most readers in the intended Ping age group. (And to M. Allen Greenbaum: re: the yellow of the ducks, boy and Yangtze river: As you astutely point out in your review, Ping was written and illustrated in 1933. Printing processes were not what they are now. Four color printing and lithography were very expensive and therefore many illustrated books, especially economical mass marketed books for children, were printed with minimal colors (often only two color). Further, "simplistic" illustration styles were often preferred because they were easier and more economical on the pre-press production end of publishing (trapping, keying and stripping large areas of spot color were easier and more economical than four color screen processing and many commercial illustrators worked within the confines of that process tailoring their art to the constraints of the rudimentary production processes). But, in Ping's case, in terms of style, one of the great beauties of Chinese literature is the artistic and profound economy of words. i.e. Tang poems, Chinese "Haiku" or even Confucian pearls of wisdom. Ping's highly acclaimed illustrations reflect and tip their hat to the beauty of simplicity, telling the story in a few lines and a few colors. Not slander or racism against the Chinese, but inspiration and respect.***) And please, we're talking about Ping. Ping!

Speaking of living in Communist China...if it's come to this, if it's come to banning Ping, or even considering him controversial, we're doomed.

While I was reading reviews of Ping (most of them favorable, by the way) I couldn't help but notice Ping is available and selling for a mere $3.99. For the price of a Veggie Delight Subway you can liberate Ping from the Amazon warehouse and send a message to all the Ping naysayers: Long live Ping!

My childhood copy, very well-worn, very much loved, is packed away with some other childhood books (many also deemed controversial and "unfit" for young minds), so I ordered a fresh copy. I can't wait for it to arrive.



*But hey, that's Disney so it's gotta be okay and safe for the kiddees. Bambi, Old Yeller, and of course that oh-so-politically correct Lady and the Tramp. Talk about slander and racial stereotyping: We are Si-am-ese if you pl-eeeze... Ping is a harbinger of communism on a mission to taint young minds, but Disney, dear, sweet, benevolant Disney always produces good, clean, safe for the children movies without any violent or questionable content or racial or ethnic stereotypes. Why risk reading kids something which could corrupt them when you can plop them in front of the television with a couple of DVDs and let safe, clean, non-violent, politically correct Disney take care of them for a few hours? Has anyone found Nemo to be one of the most intense movies ever made or is it just me who finds big, ferocious sharp-toothy sharks scary? And what about that underlying psychological issues with Gill? I mention Nemo because as I watched it I kept thinking it was a rip-off of Ping. Nemo's adventures were under the water while Ping's were above, but the basic plot outline is the same: Little guys who want to go home. I guess the difference is that Nemo wasn't set on the Yangtze and he was orange and as long as you have a daffy friend along for the ride it's all okay for the kids. And now that I think about it, little guys who want to go home is the basic plot outline for every Disney movie. Except for some there is no going home. Home will never be the same. It was burned, flooded, bulldozed, ravaged by famine or turned into a subdivision and someone who made it home, mom, dad, siblings, perished in the disaster and the land is now being ruled by their evil protagonist. Yeah. Disney's sooooo good for kids. No trauma or violence or fascist regime concerns there. But Ping, hoooo boy, Ping is just b-a-d bad for young minds.

**Possible working titles:
  • Ping: Survival of the Fittest, A Study in 21st Century Social Darwinism;
  • Everything I Ever Needed to Know About Life I Learned from Ping: Coping and Surviving a Life of Bad Timing, Unfair Management, Physical Setbacks, Successful Older Siblings and Navigating Unknown Waters;
  • Ping Theory: Triumphing in the Face of Adversity and Embracing the Experience of being Caught in an Endless Loop of Doom;
  • Ping or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Chinese (comes with a plastic Ping figure complete with coats of lead based paint. Okay. See. Now that's slander. But it wasn't spawned from some deeply rooted subliminal teachings I picked up when I read Ping as a child.)

***For a quick lesson in designing books, this fun and interesting site displays what the miracle of pre-production and printing advancements have done to improve and push the envelope with illustrations for mass produced books. Better, efficient printing processes = creative freedom for artists.

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