Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Friday, May 24, 2013  
Okay look, I'm sick of the Detroit bashing. We have a great hockey and baseball legacy. The Tigers and Red Wings mean a lot to Detroiters and Michiganders. Yes, they're our teams, but we also see them as ambassadors. They represent us. If it's possible for Detroit to produce high caliber sports teams, maybe, just maybe, Detroiters aren't as awful as the press we get.

I suspect that's part of the hatred for Detroit sports teams: Fans of other cities' teams can't wrap their heads around getting beat by a team from lowly Detroit. Accepting and admitting a Detroit sports team is, gulp, good, means admitting there's something positive about Detroit. Apparently that's just not something a lot of people are willing to admit. Detroit has been America's scapegoat and butt of jokes for so long that it's become impossible to accept or admit that anything good can come from there. (Every Motown artist of merit, Iggy Pop, MC5, Marshall Crenshaw, Eminem, Jack White, Detroit Cobras (to name but a few), Jerry Bruckheimer, Sam Raimi (and Bruce Campbell), and hundreds of actors past and present, myriad Pulitzer prize winners, and, oh yeah, Thomas Edison and Henry Ford (okay, Edison was from up the road in Port Huron, but close enough to count) But, yeah, nothing and no one of merit has ever come out of Detroit.

Yes, there are financial and political issues, serious financial and political issues. (Do not get me started on the recent rumor about selling art from the Detroit Institute of Arts. Seriously. Do not get me started on this unless you want to hear me swear and cry and finally get into a fetal position rocking in a dark corner.) And there is the crime that stems from financial and political issues. But like the urban blight, crime is limited to specific areas of Detroit. The rest of the metropolitan area is home to decent, neighborly, interesting, and yes, often very down-to-earth people. Sure, some are a little quirky, and some are not the savviest, but that's the cool thing about Michigan in general. We're comfortable in our skin and accept our neighbors, whatever their particular skin is. We help each other, we genuinely care, we give second chances. We defy general categories. We are proudly not the East or West coast, and we're not even really Midwestern. We're a couple of peninsulas. And each peninsula just one small border shy of being an island. It is my long held believe that is a key factor in the unique social and cultural composition of Michigan.

What really makes me angry, frustrates me, is that very often the people who bash Detroit have never been within 300 miles of Michigan, much less Detroit. You think the octopus on the ice at Red Wings games is barbaric and emblematic of the violent mentality in Detroit? You're entitled to your opinion, but there's more to it than what most people realize.

I'm an animal rights person AND a lifelong Red Wings fan. I do not condone the practice of throwing any animal, dead or alive anywhere, especially in a nationally televised arena.


No. Octopi are not native to the Great Lakes.

But. In fairness to Detroit, there is a long standing large Greek population in Detroit. Detroit's Greektown is incredible, the food is 100% authentic and Greek Detroiters are warm, friendly, full of zest and are part of the very unique (and I mean that in a positive way) tapestry of Detroit. Detroit would not be Detroit without its Greeks.

But because of the large Greek population and the large number of authentic Greek restaurants in and around Detroit, authentic Greek ingredients are abundant and easy to find in and around Detroit. Octopi are a staple of Greek cuisine and feature prominently in many dishes. (Braised octopus is a favorite of some of my Detroit friends of Greek heritage, others like it grilled, and of course calamari is very popular. I don't eat it, but I'm often told calamari at any Detroit Greektown restaurant is the best you'll get in the US. Calamari has been served at every Red Wings party I've ever attended in Southeast Michigan, and most bars feature calamari specials during the playoffs. ) So, yes, it is very easy to find octopi of many types, sizes and origins in Detroit. They are plentiful. Even my itty bitty home town's grocery carries them or will special order them if you want a specific type.

Further, the Eastern Market, which is a huge, fabulous, storied, historic farmer's market in Detroit and the origin of the original Red Wings octopus tradition, has vendors who sell all manner of animals, dead and alive. You can even choose a live animal and have it slaughtered on site so you can have the freshest meat possible. This is normal and important to cultures other than American, and Eastern Market is one of the few authentic, real deal farmer's markets in the US featuring honest field to fork foods. While I suggest vegetarians and vegans avoid the meat and fish stalls, the rest of Eastern Market is a great experience that is truly rich in culture and hospitality.  (An unfortunate scene involving sheep at a childhood visit to the Eastern Market helped make me the vegetarian I am today, but I don't hold that against anyone.)

The reality is that if those octopi weren't thrown on the ice, they'd be dinner at a restaurant or home. Like I said, I don't condone the practice, and I don't eat animals, but there are local cultural factors to consider before condemning the entire state of Michigan as violent neanderthals. 

Here's the equation:
A hockey team has to win 8 games in two 7-game playoff series to get the Cup. Octopi have 8 tentacles. Detroit has access to a lot of octopi thanks to the Greek population. Yadda yadda yadda, a tradition in the playoffs was born. (And no, that doesn't explain the tossing of octopi for a hat trick.)

I believe in dignity and respect for all living, or once living, creatures, so no, one more time with feeling, I do not condone the practice. Many (many) Red Wings fans, vegetarian and otherwise, do not. But I do understand there are cultural and local reasons behind it. To Detroiters, octopi are as normal as cows and chickens in the butcher case. (And no, that doesn't make it okay to throw a steak or chicken leg into the arena.) Octopi are no "weirder" to us Detroiters than lobsters or shrimp. In fact, in some parts of Detroit, octopi are probably more normal and more prevalent than lobsters and shrimp.

My playoff tradition is to wear my (getting threadbare) Gordie Howe #9 jersey and my Tigers cap when I watch the games and pass on the calamari.

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2:28 PM

Thursday, May 23, 2013  
Random woman at bus stop: I hate this [expletive] wind.
Me: Yeah, it's windy today, but
Random woman at bus stop interrupting me and holding up her hand in a "stop" gesture: Don't you dare say Oklahoma. I'm so over their tornado.

What, if anything, is the proper response to that? (other than the eyebrow raise and jaw drop gape I gave her)

4:44 PM

 
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