...and still, there are people ignoring the need for social distancing, while others are complaining about it thinking this is all "blown way out of proportion" and ruining their lives. 

Sure, a pandemic is a news media Godsend. This is what the sensationalists have been training for. 

But.

The numbers don't lie. The numbers don't need the boost of sensationalism. 

Yes.

It stinks. Long-anticipated events are canceled. Spontaneous nights out are not happening. Weddings, births, dream vacations...Covid-19-related disappointments are hitting where it hurts. 

But here's the thing: It's not personal. We're all experiencing disappointments and making sacrifices.

I have a modest social life and small family. I'm probably one of the least impacted by cancellations and closures and even I'm dealing with disappointing cancelations and closures. 

I had tickets to the Cubs' home opener. Instead of enjoying an afternoon at the Friendly Confines I worked on a challenging budget forecast for work. There's no crying in baseball because there is no baseball. Or hockey. Or basketball. 

Or Olympics.

I was looking forward to kicking off the 2020 concert season with some of my favorite bands: The Revivalists, Silversun Pickups, and Thom Yorke already canceled. I have tickets for several other concerts and festivals in May, June and July. I'm not counting on any of those shows happening. Chicago's infamous Old Town Art Fair is canceled. 

Friends were planning to visit me. I was planning to visit friends. It'll still happen. Someday. But not now, maybe not this year. 

I spend every other weekend with my mother - often every weekend - but her retirement community closed to visitors March 4. I can't (and shouldn't) visit her. She's doing great, she's her usual pillar of strength and inspiration, but...yeah, it's just really difficult to not be allowed to spend time with her. 

That's just me, in my small world. Most people with bigger lives and bigger budgets are sacrificing much more. 

Covid has given me some perspective. I learned that a lot of people are selfish, rude, ignorant, arrogant, irresponsible, unaware jerks. More so than I realized. Until now I thought the numbers of those types of people were limited to the guys I've dated, not indicative of the general population. Turns out there's a large segment of society who are selfish, rude, ignorant, arrogant, irresponsible, unaware jerks. Which is a huge disappointment. I'm not dwelling on it, but, it's a disappointing insight. 

I'm choosing, instead, to focus on the positive people. It sounds trite. It seems obvious. But I suspect maybe that's the difference between those who are coping and managing emotions during the social distancing era and those who are flunking the simplest of behaviors: Staying home and being okay with it.  

Sure, maybe living alone my entire adult life is making this "easier" for me. People think self-isolation is a way of life for singles. In my case, yes, I've spent a lot of time alone. But only due to a mix of financial constraints and work obligations. Given money and time I would have, and would be, much more socially active. Most singles are very social, very active, very socially involved. Being single doesn't equate to "easier" self isolation during the pandemic.

Isolating at home is not easy for anyone. 

The economy is...scary.

The increasing case tally and death toll is scary. 

The resemblance to Twilight Zone episodes and pandemic movies is really scary. 

I understand that. 

It's difficult to see a future that doesn't include financial setbacks or financial ruin. It's difficult to see a future that doesn't include fear of infection (a world of germaphobes might not be an entirely bad thing, though...) It's difficult to see past the immediate, weird, unhealthy world we have right now. 

But.

What I don't understand is the lack of reason and compassion for others, for society at large. You know, bigger picture thinking that is obviously lacking in people who feel staying home is not necessary. Rational thought that is obviously lacking in people who go straight to political bashing and blame (both sides are doing this) rather than putting politics/religion/whatever differences aside and come together to deal with this as human beings rather than labels. 

It's sad. It's really sad that even now, even in the midst of "this," the political arguing and mean-spirited snark is escalating, not receding. I hear otherwise sane and kind people say things like, "I hope _________ gets Covid. He deserves it." Or, "this is all __________'s fault, they should have ______________ years ago and we wouldn't have this problem now."  

I'm all for free speech. I'm all for freedom of opinion and lively discourse. 

Pointing fingers and blaming [whomever, whatever] is pointless. Covid is here, it's everywhere. 

From my self-isolated perch observing my wide range of friends, family, colleagues and acquaintances, what I'm starting to fear most the divisiveness that's spreading as fast as Covid. 

I have a relative who is a physician assistant working long hours in a hospital, now caring for Covid patients. This relative also happens to be very Christian and very republican. But. My relative doesn't care what the religious beliefs or political views the patients hold. All patients are treated equal and with respect. 

But I wonder...do the patients share that outlook? Will they share that outlook toward the healthcare workers caring for them? Will it matter to atheist or democratic patients that my relative attends church regularly and reads the Bible during breaks and volunteers off hours supporting local republican candidates? Would they rather die than receive care from someone who believes in God or supports a particular candidate? 

I know these are rhetorical questions, but based on what I hear and see from other family and friends it does matter to a lot of people. I'm hearing and seeing so much hatred and blame (both sides, all sides) that social media arguments and Facetime calls ending with angry swipes are more common than a kind word or silly joke. This is boiling over when the best thing for the human herd is for us to come together, put aside differences (and I mean really put them aside, as in, discard them) respect each other, everyone, as a member of the herd. 

That's so sad. And that's what's scaring me most. 

We could choose to come of out this a kinder, more respectful, more united species. That would be a great result, an accidental consequence. 

But from what I'm seeing and hearing, this is bringing out the worst in a lot people (hoarders, I'm looking at you with a stink eye). Pointless blame and empty political rants are becoming more prevalent than a heartfelt "Hi! How are you? I miss you!" or, "Here's a funny cat video" or "remember this song?" And sadly, there are far more political rants than the, "This is my neighbor, she's elderly and needs ____________ can anyone spare _____________ for her?" posts. 

I was writing these thoughts during the week, hoping thinking it through would help me get to healthier mindset about the condition human. And then, late Thursday night a friend posted a cry for help.

My friend was trying to help her junior high schooler through early Algebra. My friend is not a math teacher. She posted a call for help on Facebook. My friend keeps her Facebook settings private, so everyone seeing the post is family or friends. We all know her children, we all love her children. But instead of, "Sure, let's see the lesson" responses, or even the "Oh no. Not algebra!" comments, most of the comments were about the decline of education thanks to [choose a political party or tax program]. Many and varied political parties and funding programs were mentioned and blamed. A Facebook fight broke out over the teacher's union. Meanwhile, my friend's child still struggled with solving for x. 

If a group of family and friends can't come together to help a kid solve for x on their early algebra homework, how will we ever come together to solve for a pandemic?

So, I'm going into week three of working from home. 

The isolation aspect is okay. I rode out the recession freelancing, consulting, contracting and working odd jobs, most of which were home-based. And those jobs didn't pay much. So I'm used to spending days...weeks...months...working odd hours, rarely going out and generally being socially distant. 

The difference, of course, is now there's a pandemic. This isolation at home is mandated and enforced by something other than my lack of money. 

During the recession my fears were personal: Keeping a roof over my head. Eating food other than rice and beans and peanut butter. No health insurance. My world, then, was very small and very focused on earning enough money to pay for basic existence. My fears, my sleepless nights, were based on keeping a roof over my head, having an occasional nutritional meal and trying to stay healthy.

The fear now, is bigger. I now have a decent job and health insurance. Ironically, that doesn't calm the fear of, well, you know. A pandemic with growing numbers of cases and fatalities. 

But.

Though the long days and nights of isolation are difficult, this time around I have a job that keeps me very busy. So far, at least, I have a salary and health insurance. I have a great manager and coworkers I genuinely respect, enjoy and care about. We are staying connected by phone calls and various social media not just because we have to collaborate for our work, but also because we care about each other and, yes, we miss the daily work banter and personal connection we share. 

My company started taking Covid-19 seriously earlier than a lot of other companies in the US. We're a global company so that was a factor driving the early concern. Our colleagues around the world were severely impacted by early January. By early February our leadership curtailed all work travel - globally, nationally and locally - and issued daily updates. It was made very clear to us that working from home was an accepted option for everyone, and those who were not set up to work from home were to prepare for that eventuality. That eventuality happened on March 2 when we were told working from home was strongly encouraged. All who could do so were to start migrating to home-based work. One-by-one, day-by-day, our corporate campus grew quieter. My team was finalizing a large project. Most of us worked in the office until the 9th. Some of us had another week of studio-based work to complete or worked with large files requiring the secure and robust server. By the 13th we were all working from home. 

March 20 we were informed that at 5:00 PM Saturday, March 21 Chicago, and Illinois were to go on lockdown. All non-essential businesses were to close. We were to stay home and only go out for essentials: groceries, medication, health-related emergencies, dog walking. The lockdown was to be in place until at least April 7. 

I was okay with that. Because I heard grim news from colleagues in other parts of the world in January I knew this was no ordinary virus. I knew it spread swiftly and indiscriminately. I knew when (not if) it made it's way to the US we were not equipped to effectively manage it. I've spent time in ER rooms at good hospitals that were not efficiently staffed or equipped enough to handle more than a few trauma patients at once. I've endured tense hours worrying about my mother's soaring heart rate in the ICU waiting for a doctor who was already overworked due to the more urgent heart attack, stroke and pulmonary distress patients.  

I knew the preponderance of open plan offices with coworkers crammed less than three feet from each other was essentially a lighted match sparking instant outbreak across corporate America. I knew our overcrowded classrooms spelled C-O-N-T-A-G-I-O-N. I knew healthcare is expensive, even with "good" health insurance that 20% copay can add up to hundreds or thousands of dollars, and most people avoid going to a doctor until something internal is intolerably painful or malfunctioning. I knew Americans are a freedom-at-all-cost loving, stubborn, and kind of stupid group of people when it comes to public health and safety. The Darwin Awards are dominated by Americans. Read the fates of some of the past winners for proof of our individual disregard for common sense that adds up to a collective whole of...well, a whole lot of stupid when it comes to personal health and public safety.

So. My outlook for America's handling and ultimate fate at the hands of Covid-19 was not optimistic. 

I was, and remain, relieved that I work for a company who takes this seriously and wants us to work from home as long as necessary, and made sure everyone has everything they need to work efficiently from home. 

I was, and remain, relieved that I live in a city and state that went on lockdown before the reported cases hit the 600 mark. 

I was, and remain, irritated with the Chicagoans who did not take the lockdown (or the virus) seriously and went out in droves to the lakefront and parks on a sunny afternoon, which resulted in the closure of access to the lakefront and many parks and trails. Thanks, selfish irresponsible jerks, for ruining it for the rest of us who were smartly distancing ourselves from others on our lakefront work break walks. (See above, stupid, stubborn, freedom-at-all-cost-even-death American idiots.) This is why we can't have nice things.

I've been exceptionally busy with work the past few weeks so the shorter commute time (30 seconds each way) has been helpful. I've been taking time to actually make and eat decent meals, including a lunch break, something I rarely do in the office, but that's the extent of healthy habits I've adopted during this work-from-home era. Routines? Yeah, not so much.

I resisted making personal self-improvement goals during the lockdown. I was too busy with work. I was hoping it wouldn't last "too long." And mainly, it seemed inappropriate and unaware to concern myself with such superficial, selfish goals when people are dying. "Oh what a shame, 200 more deaths today. Ah well, best get at those lunges and the charcoal mask, those pores aren't going to shrink themselves and there's that Zoom meeting this morning." See what I mean? Cringeworthy. 

But now that it's clear this work from home situation is going to last much longer than a few weeks I'm determined to find some positives and use this social isolation time for a little self-rebalancing. I know from painful experience that staying in - for whatever reason(s) - has mental health ramifications. Those issues are amplified for us single-zeroes. We live alone, so we are really, literally self-isolating. We're socially distanced under normal circumstances. Throw in a pandemic and the constant reminder of just how alone we really are comes into even sharper focus than usual. As if we needed that. Thanks, Covid-19. Jerk pandemic.

So, for my physical and emotional well-being, I decided a few goals for healthy habits isn't a bad thing. My working to stay healthy doesn't diminish the pain and suffering of others. My concern for those infected and the people caring for them is ever present and omnipresent. We're forced to stay inside, and as the days wear on it's becoming obvious that I need some structure and non-work goals to my days. 

1. I'm staying home. And I mean really staying home. I'm hoping to limit my grocery trips to once every two weeks, longer if possible. I don't want the regular flu, much less Covid-19. More importantly, I don't want to expose myself to it then (unknowingly) infect someone else. Especially my mother and other people in my life who are at high risk. Staying home is just the right and smart thing, the socially responsible thing, to do. 
2. I'm cooking and eating healthy. Really healthy. Every day.
3. Which means limiting alcohol intake. I purposely left booze off my isolation shopping list because I didn't want to spend evenings drinking and binge watching mindless series. Okay. Yes. I plan to enjoy a cocktail or two and finish Schitt's Creek. But that's, like, important enjoytainment, right? (Anyone want to talk about Catherine O'Hara? I could devote a blog to her brilliance..) And I'll admit this openly right now: if season two of Dead to Me happens to release during this lockdown, well, you won't hear from me while I plow through it. 
4. I'm taking vitamins. All of them. Every day. Regularly. No forgetting, no skipping.
5. Thanks to a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of screen time for work and some environmental factors, last year I developed very dry eyes. There's a wonderful treatment that involves spending 20 minutes with specially designed warm compresses on your eyes. It does wonders. When you do it regularly, that is. So. 20 minutes every date devoted to eye care. 
6. I'm sleeping. Or trying to sleep. That's the goal. It's a difficult one. But I'm working on it. My Fitbit shows slow progress toward more sleep. I wouldn't call it a trend, yet, but there have been a few nights with more than four uninterrupted hours of sleep. 
7. I use the gym at work. Yeah. Uh-oh. Office closed = gym closed. And now there are no walks on the lakefront. So. I'm going to not only figure out home workouts, I'm determined to return to work fitter than when I left the office on March 13. I have this blouse that I really love but have never worn. Goal is to wear it on our first day back in the office, whenever that is. And it would look a lot better on me if my stomach were a little more, um, toned. There's also a pair of jeans mocking me...
8. There's a drawer full of perfectly good skincare products promising to shrink my pores, lighten my dark circles, tighten my jawline and give me the flawless youthful glow of a healthy baby if only I'd bother to use them daily, weekly, or however instructed. So, beauty regime: Game on. 
9. I've been in the process of growing out my hair, nothing super long, just fewer and longer layers. By the time I can get a haircut again I think I'll be almost at my goal length. Okay, this isn't really something that requires any effort on my part, but it's an upside of self isolating. If you happen to be growing out your hair or growing a beard this is a great time to let your follicles do their thing. 
10. I'm moving (more on that later), and that move is supposed to happen in April. Closing date is "fluid" and moving date is a moving target, but every day I'm told it's still going to happen. Real estate services and relocation/moving services are considered essential. So. More on that later. I'm pretty much packed, stuff is in storage, I'm down to the bathroom, odds and ends and the stuff I can move myself. But, sure, there's a drawer or two that could use some purging. 
11. Writing. Yep. This is proof that I'm doing more of that again. I've been writing but not blogging here. I'm going to see how this goes. Maybe I'll have time for it, maybe I won't. Probably it will be boring and stupid. But the goal is the exercise of writing, working those muscles for something other than work or subject specific pieces. We'll see how it goes. 

This is all healthy, do-able stuff that I "should" and can do to prevent self-isolation from becoming self-destruction. They say you should write your goals and tell people about them. It helps cement them and ultimately actualize them. We'll see how that goes, as well.