Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


< chicago blogs >





Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Friday, April 09, 2010  
Dear President Obama,
Hi! How are you? I hope you like your new house. I saw you in your Sox cap the other day. I’m a Tigers fan, myself, but I hope you won’t hold that against me. Maybe we can have a drink and find a place of compromise in our differences of opinion about baseball teams.

Things are not so great back here in Chicago what with the unemployment figures and everything. Ugh. Man, it’s rough! I know you still care deeply about all the Senate constituents you left mid-way through your senate term so I’m sure you feel the pain of the hard times back here in Chicago.

Me? Well, you know. Unemployment really takes a toll on a person. And my Cobra cost almost as much as my mortgage so I had to choose: Roof over my head or Cobra. I chose to pay my mortgage.

But heh heh, life is funny, isn’t it? Poignant. Guess what happened?! I was having this weird sharp pain in my eyes. I thought it was just fatigue and eye strain. Those sleepless nights and all the time spent scouring job boards and company web sites and networking sites catch up with a person after a while. So I didn’t do anything about it for a few months.

Well, yadda yadda yadda my mother convinced me to spend the $95 for an eye exam and guess what? I flunked the preliminary Glaucoma exam. You know the one where they puff air in your eyes? My numbers were so bad they did the test twice. The eye doctor wants me to have more exams to definitively conclude if I have Glaucoma or not.

Boy, that was a bleak visit. I thought he’d just say, “Get some rest and wear reading glasses and don’t use the computer so much!”

But nope, he said, “I’m concerned about Glaucoma. Your pressure tests were extraordinarily high, if this is Glaucoma it’s very aggressive. There are eye drops for it, but - and I don’t want to alarm you before the exams - but, you should know that in some cases surgery is necessary, it can stop the progress.”

I asked the billing person at his office what the in-depth Glaucoma exams cost without health insurance. Almost $900! Can you believe that?!

Dr. Jones came to the front desk to tell the scheduling person to make room for me on his schedule because I’m an emergency, time is of the essence.

I said, “Sorry, Dr. Jones, I just found out what the exams cost and I don’t have $900 because I’m unemployed and even if I had a job that’s a lot of money. I’m going to have to take my chances and hope that I don’t have Glaucoma.”

Dr. Jones got that stern look, you know how he furrows his brow and squints into your eyes? Yeah, that look. Then, and you know how funny he is, then he said, “Not much call for a blind artist, is there? If we don't find out what's going on inside those eyes of yours you could lose your vision.”

Blind artist! Ha! He’s so funny.

The thing is, my eyes hurt and my vision is weird lately, and, well, Mr. Obama I’m kind of scared. I don’t mind going blind, I guess, but it will make finding a job even more difficult. I mean, I’m already having a hard time finding a job and if I go blind, well, Dr. Jones is right, there’s not much call for a blind artist. Or a blind anything. I suppose I could do data entry or telemarketing jobs, which, har har, are the only jobs I can find right now anyway!

Then the front desk person made an interesting point. “Glaucoma is a medical condition, it requires medication and possibly surgery. You don't have health insurance. Maybe it's covered under Obama Care!”

Eureka! What awesome timing! I’m unemployed, lost my health insurance, couldn’t afford Cobra, and a few weeks after we get national health care I flunk my Glaucoma exam! Usually I have horrible timing, but this time it looks like I could be bang on time. Rock on! Everything’s coming up Trillian!! Finally!

Okay. So. Here are my questions.
1) Is Glaucoma testing and treatment covered under the national health care plan?
If you answered no to question 1 proceed to question 7, if you answered yes to question 1, then
2) How do I get free Glaucoma testing?
3) Where do I go for free Glaucoma testing and treatment?
4) Medicinal pot is used to ease the pain of Glaucoma, will national health care provide me with free weed?

If you answered no to question 4 proceed to question 7, if you answered yes to question 4, then
5) Is there a government pot dispensary?
6) Does the national health care plan provide Hostess treats, Doritos and Taco Bell for Glaucoma patients using government weed?

7) If I go blind will the national health care plan pay for a leader dog (training, shots for the dog, veterinary care for the dog, food for the dog)?

My mother said I shouldn’t wait to take the in-depth exams and that she’d pay for them because I’ll be blind and Hell will freeze over before the government will assist me with the tests and treatment.

Is she right, Mr. Obama? You woudn’t let one of your former senate constituents go blind from Glaucoma, would you Mr. Obama? Especially a former senate constituent who was laid off and had to choose between paying her mortgage and paying Cobra. You wouldn’t let someone like that go blind because they couldn’t afford the testing and treatment for Glaucoma, would you Mr. Obama? Would you?

Any guidance you can offer is highly appreciated. As you can probably imagine, time is of the essence, whatever is happening inside my eyes is happening quickly and aggressively and painfully. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Trillian

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9:24 AM

 
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