Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, August 24, 2005  
Is Crotchety an Emotion?
Okay. It’s official. I’m old.

I’ve seen it coming. There have been hints and allegations.

But now it’s official.

In the past two days I have seriously thought, without irony or sarcasm, “Kids today…” and “That’s the problem, right there. There are no taboo subjects of conversation, no more polite society…”

I caught myself both times, realizing that this is how old people think. And not just any old people, you know, old people in general. No, this is how crotchety old people think and talk.

I knew I’d get old, but somehow I didn’t see the crotchety part coming. I mean sure, on the surface it makes sense. The unrequited love, the miserable job, the miserly ways forced by low income, success taunting but never arriving, far flung friends and family, the long lonely nights with no one but a cat for company…oh yes, that’s a recipe for crotchety all right. But somehow I still didn’t see it happening to me.

I suppose most people don’t. I don’t think crotchety is something to which many people aspire. I’m sure there are people who do, but I’m thinking most crotchety people don’t set a goal to become crotchety. I think it’s more cause and effect. Lots of crap happens to them and it chips away at their attitude and then one day they realize they’re crotchety and they think, “Well, yeah, of course, it makes sense. All that crap. Hmph. Crotchety. Well then. Crotchety it is.”

The catalyst for this realization was a few conversations I’ve had recently. With people I generally respect.

During the first conversation I was asked, point blank, what my political party affiliation is and if I voted for George Bush. I guess I look or act or seem republican. Which I guess is something offensive. I am aware my very being - white, professional, college educated, middle income that is – makes me suspect. Still. You’d think the never married and female would throw the Republican h8ers off my scent. Not that it’s anyone’s business anyway.

And that irritated me. As it happens, I staunchly have no party affiliation. I do not believe in a two party system. Dammit that’s what’s wrong with America. It’s GOP or Democrat and if you don’t like either party you’re screwed. (Did that sound crotchety? I’m practicing.) But that’s not the point. There are two points here. A) An assessment based on nothing other than my looks and a few basic facts of my status; and B) my political beliefs were questioned.

I can dismiss the former. I don’t like generalizations and assumptions, especially when they’re dead wrong. But that’s life. It happens. But the latter really got my crotchety ire brewing. There are subjects which are very personal. Taboo topics. The big four are: Sex. Religion. Money. Politics. Maybe I am a prude, raised by prudes of a by-gone era. But. Even if I were to cast aside my parents' role in my personal ethics and conversation taboos, unless you are speaking with people whom you are very close, and the topic comes up naturally, sex, politics, money and religion should not ever be questioned or discussed. It’s very rare that complete strangers, coworkers or casual acquaintances are going to agree on any of these topics. And it’s no one’s business how someone else fucks, votes, spends or prays.

A lot of people don’t feel this way. A lot of people have strong convictions and alliances and they want to express and share their beliefs. That’s cool. Really. That’s totally cool. Free to be you and me. Stand up and proudly say, “I’m a lesbian Pagen communist with a $2,300 a month mortgage!” The Constitution grants you the right to be all those things without fear of persecution.

However. Somewhere along the line it’s become okay, accepted and even encouraged to try to persuade or convince people their convictions and alliances are wrong and therefore should be changed. It’s not okay to be straight, Christian, rich or Republican. If you are any or all of those things and have not yet faced questions and/or assault for your “lifestyle,” be aware that someone is looking for you to badger, belittle and berate you for being any or all of those things. It’s okay for rich lesbian Pagens to be Communist, but it’s not okay for middle income straight white people to be Republicans.

That gets back to the generalization issue. If you are middle or upper income, straight, white, and Christian, it is automatically assumed you are Republican. Interestingly, even if you are one of those things it is often presumed you are Republican. However, if you happen to be, oh, say, Pagen, all bets are off and people will probably leave you alone because they don’t know how you categorize you in the rest of the taboo topic areas.

Which I find ironic and confusing. The people who don’t have their four taboo topic areas questioned are the people who do not fall into the “normal” categories in these topics.

Topics which are no one’s business in the first place.

And yet people make assumptions and then feel free to make comments to or change beliefs of others who do not ascribe to their sexual, religious, political or financial beliefs. Gee. Does that sound familiar to anyone other than me? Haven’t there been a lot of wars and crimes and hatred spread because of differences of opinion about these topics? Shouldn’t we be learning from history in our own personal actions?

Be aware of the different practices and beliefs, yes, of course. Knowledge is indeed power. Learn everything you can about everything. No one’s saying you have to become a card carrying member of the GOP to understand Republicans, just read from credible sources and learn what you can about the actual political party. But. Along with that knowledge comes the responsibility of acceptance. It’s probably a safe bet the guy down the hall with the Bush/Cheney sticker on his cube wall will be open to a conversation about Republicans. If you are able to manage a dialog without calling his ideals and beliefs and affiliation into question, and if the subject of politics naturally arises, ask him what the Republicans have in mind for an issue up for debate in the Senate. If you cannot manage a conversation without incredulous looks, badgering remarks, accusations and offensive generalizations about his intelligence, attitude and private life, avoid all conversation regarding politics with him. Period. (How’s that? Crotchety people spout off about stuff. I’m practicing.)

I let the political remark fall. Apart from a wince of surprise over the topic being addressed when I was accused of being a Republican I said very little to encourage any further conversation about my political beliefs with a near stranger. If he thinks I’m a Republican, so be it. He thought I was anyway, correcting him proves nothing, will not enlighten him in any way, and in fact may encourage him to bring up my personal beliefs in other taboo topic areas, too.

Interestingly but naturally, these topics are often qualifying issues in online dating. Obviously sexual orientation is a must, I mean, duh. But. Right there with sexual orientation are parameters regarding income, religion and politics. No taboos there. Which is a good thing about online dating for people who will only date wealthy Taoist Democrats. Seems like they might be missing out on a lot of swell people, but hey, best to know these things right up front and dismiss anyone who doesn’t fit the taboo topic bill. Right?

Well.

Not for me.

But for a lot people these are key issues. We’re so lucky to live now, in modern society where all the taboos can be out in the open before we even meet each other. Back in the olden days people had to go on several dates before they learned about a person’s religious, financial and political beliefs. It must have been really awful back then, I mean, what if you were already falling in love with someone when you found out they were Republican? Or Christian? Or middle income? Shudder. What a horrible shame that must have been for so many people. I mean, you’d have to dump them, even though everything else was perfect. Such a waste to have to go through all that getting to know each other only to find out they have a different political, religious or financial perspective. In my day we took time to get to know each other. Kids today…bah. (I’m trying to be one with my crotchetiness. Look it up Kilgore, it’s a real word.)

A few days after the Republican accusation (oooh, good band name) something unpleasant happened in my family. I will be taking some time off work to deal with it. I submitted my request for time off and began making plans for work to be done while I’m gone. You know, being responsible, staying late, getting stuff done, making sure things run smoothly in my absence. I was really stunned at how many people asked me why I was going to be out of the office for a few days. Trust me, this was not genuine concern. This was nosiness looking for juicy gossip. Wanted to say: “I’m going to have a ritualistic Wiccan procedure done which will cost me a ton of money and then I’m going to swing by the Communist party headquarters for a planning meeting for the election fundraiser.” Instead said, "Family stuff."

And then it happened. I spouted off about the nosiness of my coworkers to another family member. Someone I trusted, someone I thought would understand and would offer a sympathetic ear and maybe some advice for handling the nosy coworkers. Someone who is also taking time off work for the same reason and was undoubtedly going through the same thing at work.

Instead of forming an allegiance I got a lecture.

The Lecture.

About Him.

This person has recently become very Christian. I am okay with that. I respect it and I am very glad they’ve found such joy and comfort in something. But. The “let go, let God” attitude regarding every topic wears thin with me. Jesus may save some people, but so far he hasn’t done jack for me or most people I know. I’m all for spirituality, I honestly wish I could have more. I really, truly do. I hope against all hope that I have some sort of deeply profound and personal epiphany (Do you already have to be religious to have an epiphany or is the epiphany the catalyst for religious conversion? I’ve never been clear on the specifics of religious epiphanies other than the actual period of Epiphany.) But until then, I deserve the same respect for my non belief as I give anyone who Believes. But you know, that’s not how it works. Saving the lost, converting souls and all that.

The issue I have with this person is that they’ve reached the point where they hide behind religion as an excuse for not dealing with life. “It’s not up to us, it’s up to God” is nice and comforting, I guess, but, it doesn’t mean you can go around shirking responsibility or not dealing with stuff. God may indeed have plans for all of us, but until He makes them known we have to deal with ourselves, our lives and the people we know. The recent family unpleasantness was horrible. Really truly horrific.

If this was part of God’s plan, God sucks. And telling me or anyone else that there was some bigger purpose or reason for this didn’t make the suffering more tolerable, it didn’t ease the pain, and it certainly doesn’t make any sense. Telling me I shouldn’t be sad or upset because God has a plan seems condescending and wrong to me. There was a lot of suffering. A lot. The whole thing is sad and upsetting. Regardless of what God might have planned, people have been miserable and that’s sad, upsetting and disturbing. Blindly accepting this sort of suffering for no apparent reason other than some supreme being’s secret torturous plan seems weird and wrong and uncaring. And not feeling sad or upset about it seems inhumane.

I have to assume feelings are part of God’s big plan, too. Bad things happen so we can appreciate the good. That’s what They say. Well. That has always seemed like a pretty lousy set-up to me. Making innocents suffer so other people can learn a lesson seems cruel and unusual to me.

But then I’m seriously lacking belief in anything so I’m sure I’m the one who’s got this all wrong. I’m not privy to God’s Big Secret Plan so I cannot possibly understand. But as far as I know, no one else here on Earth knows anything concrete about this Big Secret Plan, either.

Oh sure, Heaven, Hell, all that.

There again, we’ve only got God and Jesus’ word on that from some ancient stories and several versions removed translations.

Oops. Not the point. I’m doing exactly what the Believers do.

I don’t care what anyone believes. And no one should care about what I believe. Or not. It’s between us and whatever supreme being may or may not exist.

And yet Believers feel compelled to force their beliefs on other people. Especially in times of crisis or sadness. Let go and let God. Let God what? Bring someone back from the dead? He tried that once, quite a show, that. But He hasn’t done it since. Here’s an idea, how about a cure for disease? “God works through the researchers” some Believers will say. Others shun that research. Let go, let God, exercise and vitamins. Sacrifices will be made. It’s part of the plan. Ahhh, okay. Whatever. But letting go and letting God seems kind of irresponsible and lazy.

I realize there are people who find a lot of comfort and strength in religion. And that’s great. Really. It is. Obviously I could use more of that. But. When did it become okay to turn every incident in life into a revival tent moment?

Church Lady, for instance, is big on this. I once proclaimed, “I got an extra dime in my change from the vending machine!”

Her response was naturally, “See? God’s working small miracles in your life.”

Yeah, or, the vending machine’s broken. I said, “If I were truly honest and following in His path and word, I would turn that dime into the vending company.”

She had no response other than I shouldn’t be so cynical.

Yeah. Whatever lady. Go pray for my soul and salvation and ask God to send me an answer to my dilemma of the dime. Ooooh. That sounds really crotchety. I’m really getting the hang of this. I think I’m going to be good at crotchety.

Right. So. This really bad thing happened and people at work were being nosy. When I mentioned it to a family member during a conversation in which I was already very upset over the horrific upsetting thing, the response was, “If you would just let God in Trill, you will find so much peace.”

Scratch of record.

Erm. Excuse me religious person, I’m upset about a very horrific and upsetting thing. And people at work are being horrible nosy gossips. Telling me to let God in seems really condescending. For all you know I’ve let God in and got the joy, joy, joy down in my heart. (By the way, not that it’s anyone’s business but just so we’re all clear and my mailbox isn’t filled with Jesus Saves spam, God’s had an open invitation for years. But apparently He’s too busy to pay a visit what with the disease, wars and famine and everything. I understand. Work’s been crazy for me, too. Seems like we only get together for weddings and funerals.)Or maybe I don't. But that's not the point. I'm upset and reaching out for compassion and understanding, a sympathetic kindred ear. This is not the time to try a little in home conversion.

But unfortunately, religion is no longer personal. Not just for evangelists anymore. It’s perfectly okay, apparently, to force religion, usually Christian, on anyone, anytime, anywhere.

That’s the problem, right there. There are no taboo subjects of conversation, no more polite society…it’s those swutting talk shows and scandal rags, tell all biographies...sharing intimate details with complete strangers and the entire world is normal. I'm all for full disclosure within the confines of close friendships and serious dating relationships. That's what sets close friendships and serious dating relationships apart from casual acquaintances and dates. When trust is earned and formed, a close bond forms, and discussion about these topics is confidential information shared in a trusting, caring relationship where judgments and generalizations don't exist. Knowing the full story in the taboo topic area with people I do not know well, or at all, is way too much information. And it confuses me. I get uncomfortable when the topics usually reserved for people in my inner circle are revealed by someone barely in the outer perimeter. This isn't a person I know well, this isn't a person I want to know THAT well. Yet I'm assaulted with details about their sex/religious/political/financial life. Suddenly I know more about them than I want to know. There's a woman at work who told me, proudly, what her mortgage payment is. I have no idea why she told me this information. I had no idea how to respond to her. That's nice? That's insane? Wow, you really do earn a lot more money than I do? This is not a close friend. This is not someone I know well. This is someone I sometimes sit next to at staff meetings and pass in the ladies room. I have no idea what my best friend's mortgage payment is, (I don't care) and yet I know this almost complete stranger's mortgage payment figure. (I don't care about hers, either, but I now know.) Why would she entrust me with this information? Sure, I'm trustworthy, but she doesn't know that. She knows very little about me. For all she knows I could use that information against her. Start the rumor mill churning with accusations about her salary and how much money she must earn to afford that mortgage payment. I won't, but I could. There's no trust to betray because no trust has been established.

Kids today. Hmph.

And that’s how I knew I am now old. And crotchety.

3:05 PM

 
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