Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, August 15, 2012  
Well, that's that. Cheerio UK, Zdravstvujtye Russia!

I can't wait to learn about Russia! We got a little teaser about the Olympic village building progress in Sochi. I like the little factoids and local color snippets showcased at the Olympics. It's the host country's golden opportunity in front of worldwide television coverage. I embrace and applaud efforts made at cultural bridges. Yes, the Olympic games are about sports and athletes, but it's also, equally I think, about international understanding and unity. I realize I'm in the minority on this, and it's probably my years on Model UN talking, but the host countries spend a lot (a lot) of money on the Olympic festival, the least we can do is set aside a few minutes during the coverage to learn about the host country.

Those little moments of trivia and backstory and history and culture add to the international flavor of the games. They give me a moments of, "Huh, I didn't know that. Interesting." Or, "Wow, I wonder..." For instance, as the royal grandchildren sang God Save the Queen it occurred to me that it's kinda weird to publicly sing your national anthem when the opening line is about your grandmother. They're in a sort of conundrum. The Queen herself does not sing God Save the Queen (at least in public) because that would be like singing happy birthday to yourself at your birthday party. You don't sing along, you just sit there smiling politely waiting to blow out your candles. However. The Queen's children and grandchildren are in an awkward manners situation. They're only slightly removed from the song being about them, so the same Queen-doesn't-sing-God-Save-the-Queen decorum would apply by association, yet if they refrain from singing/mouthing it, it would look like they don't want to save the Queen. Although that adds an intriguing Shakespearean aspect to the whole thing, it's kinda disrespectful. I've wondered about this (momentarily) in the past, but with the cameras trained on Wills, Kate and/or Harry at most of the events, there were more public God Save the Queen moments than I've witnessed in, well, probably ever, so it nagged at me more than in the past. I notice they do a sort of tight lipped whisper-sing thing. I suppose they get training on this.

In spite of appearances to the contrary, I was not glued to every second of Olympic coverage I could find. So maybe I missed some Travel Channel-esque spotlight on UK segments.


But.

I find it hard to believe two weeks passed without a trace of:
  • The Magna Carta
  • The Rolling Stones  Yes, right up there with the Magna Carta. (I mean during the Olympic games proper, not the Omega commercials aired every 10 minutes. That Omega copyright/usage fee check's gotta be a nice for the Stones. Maybe Bill Wyman won't have to sell these anymore.) (And no, Mick's daughter Georgia "modeling" in the closing ceremony doesn't count, either.)
  • Dickens I have handed down a verdict that the industrial revolutionaries in the opening ceremony don't count as a tribute to Dickens. Dickensian, yes. Dickens proper, no. 
  • Twiggy  Seriously, England, seriously? You prance out Naomi swutting Campbell, Kate swutting Moss and Mick's daughter, but you leave Twiggy out of it altogether? There are several iconic photos of her that could have been used in some way. If we're going to go with fashion as a theme worthy of the Olympic arena (it's a leap, but they did it so I'll roll with it), Twiggy, in any country, must be shown in some format, live or in photos. Ditto Mary Quant. The ode to the Mods was, I guess, a catchall for Mary Quant and Twiggy, but still, a British fashion segment without Mary Quant and Twiggy specifically is just...weird. And incomplete. Maybe Twiggy didn't want to be associated with a drug addict and a bimbo with a violent temper. Can't blame her for that. But then there's the not-so-small matter of Vivienne Westwood. A British fashion segment without Vivienne Westwood? Really? Really, England? What the heck are you collectively smoking over there? Might want to consider rehab because it's clearly affecting your memory as well as your ability to reason.
  • Stonehenge  Okay, technically it was shown in some of the intro photo montages. And yes, using it in metaphors about time and new days and strength would have been cliché and trite. But. I mean, c'mon, we all expected it and the omission was weird.
  • Darts  Sure, they're not an Olympic sport, but it's a sport (yes, really) and it's quintessential England and it's kind of like archery, so why not a sidebar story about darts? Or at the very least a cool animation of a dart being thrown and having it travel around London and land on an archery target?
  • Billiards, Snooker  See above, darts.
  • Bears Winnie and Paddington  What did the silly old bear and the one who tries so hard to get things right ever do to you, English Olympic Committee? Eh? We're waiting, Olympic Committee, we're waiting for an answer. These bears are too polite to mention it to you, so I will. It's an abomination to neglect these beloved bears. Oh sure, licensing issues, blah blah blah. And yes, Pooh's gone Hollywood blah blah blah. However, the first encounter most children outside the UK have with the UK is: Winnie and/or Paddington. I have to assume I missed it, there's no way England would fail to include Winnie or Paddington in any of the Olympics. Surely I just missed it.
Say cheese! Which photo op would you choose?
  • Wallace and Gromit  You know the penis dancing on his scrotum mascot you paraded all over the games and around town? Here's a better idea: Wallace and Gromit. Everyone knows and loves Wallace and Gromit. They'd be fantastic as ambassadors wandering around the Olympic grounds for photo ops. It's possible the IOC has rules about not using previously licensed characters as mascots. That seems like an IOC rule. But. If not Wallace and Gromit, get Nick Park to design a new, lovable character. He's really good at that. Cracking at it, even. And chances are good it wouldn't be Willy the one-eyed wonder worm and his bouncing balls. Oh. And. By the way, Nick Park is English. You know, from the host country.
  • Dr. Who  One TARDIS and/or Dalek, that's all we ask, just one TARDIS moment. Dancers clad in Tom Baker scarves. Something, anything. I held out hope to the bitter end. I honestly thought (hoped and even prayed) that just before the torch was turned off they'd blast, "Exterminate! Exterminate" over the PA. But no. (There is no God.) They opted for dignified silence instead. Pfft. Whatever. Nerds the world over would have rejoiced but whatever, England. And no, the Tim Berners-Lee moment at the opening ceremony was not "enough" to placate us.
  • Speaking of nerds, Stephen Hawking   I realize he's not the first person who comes to mind when you think of feats of athletic skill and daring, but, he's the coolest thing to happen to physics in the UK since Isaac Newton, and he's recognized the world over. One might presume they would give him a couple minutes of air time, but nope. I would let this slide because it's an athletic event and Hawking's sport is solving mysteries of the universe with nothing but his brain, but, a) the idiotic and way too long models segment of the closing ceremony ("Hmmmm, Kate Moss....Stephen Hawking...Kate Moss...Stephen Hawking...hmmmm, this is a toughie, smartest man in the universe, cocaine/heroin addict...Hawking...Moss...gotta go with Kate Moss because it ties into the Bowie segment.") and b) the Paralympics. Also taking place in England. Maybe it happened and NBC just didn't let us see it. But I suspect not. This was a great opportunity to give respect to the Paralympics and the most intelligent person in the known universe, who happens to be from England.
  • Gilbert and Sullivan  It's remotely possible Annie Lennox's performance was a stylized homage to Pirates of Penzance. But that's a reach.
  • Helena Bonham Carter  Yeah, I know. That one just occurred to me, too. You wouldn't think England would pass up the opportunity to show off their Princess of Period Dramas, but that seems to have been the case. Though it's possible she just blended in with some of the performers at the opening or closing ceremony and went unrecognized. 
  • Jackie Stewart  It's a great day for a motor car race! I would have love, love, loved Jackie Stewart as a commentator for at least one event. I know, I know, car racing isn't an Olympic event. But. C'mon, it's Jackie Stewart. "It's a great day for a bicycle race!" "It's a great day for a cross country race!" Admit it, you would have loved it, too. 
  • Crop Circles  This was an especially huge missed opportunity at the opening ceremony where sod was laid and a tor was built. Regardless of the origin, crop circles are as English as bad teeth. At the very least, how about patterning crop circles on the LCD panels in the arena? Sure, they'd only be seen from areal long shots, but great graphic opportunities with crop circles were missed.
  • The Prisoner Yes, this would have been a huge stretch and I didn't really expect to see an ode to Number 6 at the opening or closing ceremony. But. There were plenty of opportunities for a couple seconds of homages, and The Prisoner has a lot from which to choose, like Rover (hovering above the arena!), a Penny-farthing (riding in the velodrome!) or even Patrick McGoohan's Lotus (pulling up to Wembley!).  
  • The Origin of the Union Jack   I'm certain I must have just missed this trivia moment. There's no way they wouldn't mention the history of the Union Jack. Right? Right?! I just missed the Union Jack trivia moment, right? There were loads of opportunities, like the opening and closing ceremonies and every time the flag was raised at a medals ceremony? They wouldn't snub Scotland and Ireland completely, would they? Would they?
  • Cambridge, Oxford, Exeter, St. Andrews, Cardiff, so on and so forth...  The UK's universities and colleges are legendary, time honored and respected all over the world. There were a few mentions of universities if an athlete attended one of them, but c'mon, many of the athletes competing in Olympic events are students. Universities are actually relevant to the many of the participants and the home viewing audience.
  • David Attenborough  Another missed opportunity for brilliant cross-over commentating.
  • Golf   I hear golf is going to be an exhibition sport in Rio. Huge, embarrassing missed opportunity for whomever is responsible for exhibition sports. Rio? Really? When you had a perfectly good Olympic Games in London, which is in the UK, which is where golf swutting originated. There has to be some conspiracy at play here. Maybe this is Scotland's way of getting back at England for the whole Jacobite thing. Maybe Scotland paid off the IOC to postpone the golf exhibition until Rio, you know, out of spite and to ensure that England wouldn't try to take credit for golf during the London games. Imagine the London Olympic Committee, visions of St. Andrews dancing in their heads, proudly submitting their preliminary plan to the IOC which included a coup de gras ta-dah! moment of offering up St. Andrews for the golf exhibition and being told by the IOC, "Oh, ooops, didn't get the forms in on time, darn, we'll have to showcase golf in Rio instead of at the London games. Oh, that is a shame. It would have been so appropriate to showcase golf in the UK, what with Scotland being the birthplace of golf and all. Sorry, London. Maybe you could organize a game of croquet for one of the after parties instead." 

"But it's only a 14 day event! We can't possibly showcase all the glories of the UK in 14 days! We had to pick and choose and get copyright permissions and after we spent all our budget on the arena and penis mascot costumes we couldn't afford to pay the performers or guests much, so we had to take who we could get, which was anyone feeling charitable and with a loose (or no) contract with their holding company or so desperate for publicity they'd work for free or almost nothing!" I know. Which explains:
George Michael
The models
Jessie J

And the effigy of John Lennon made of what appear to be salvaged pieces of styrofoam probably ate a big chunk out of the budget. But while they were at the styrofoam scrap outlet, did it never occur to anyone that they could pick up a couple extra pieces and make a giant Stonehenge? A giant dancing styrofoam Stonehenge would be trite, tacky and pointless, you say? I agree. But, uh, did you happen to notice the giant dancing styrofoam John Lennon face?

But yes, I know. Pick and choose, time issues, budget issues, copyright issues, I get it. (Does Yoko Ono own the copyright to John Lennon's face? If so, did she donate the use of his face to the Olympic games or to London or to the IOC?) It costs money and takes time to put on a show like this. I know. And better to walk the middle ground and avoid political or controversial topics. I understand. (Though...erm, England, speaking of controversy, you do know that George Michael has been arrested for sex and drug offenses, right? I'm going with the assumption that George's performances at the closing ceremony were part of his community service for one or many of his sex/drug offenses.) 

But. Darts, the Magna Carta and Stonehenge can easily be represented, you know, conceptually. Woven into the graphics or even spotlighted for 3 minutes for a little local color and history. Maybe they used all their graphic and production time and budget on the logo and had to throw the rest of it together at the last minute without much money. But even so, darts? Stonhenge? The Magna Carta??? One of the most significant (if not the most significant) document in the free world? Nothing? Maybe NBC's never heard of the Magna Carta. It happened before WWII so Tom Brokaw doesn't care about it and therefore it's not worthy of a presentation like the yet-another-milking-of-the-Greatest Generation Saturday night. WWII sucked. We know. The History Channel has been covering it almost daily for 17 years. I don't think five or ten minutes spent on the Magna Carta is asking too much, especially since there's a high likelihood much of the home viewing audience doesn't know what the Magna Carta is and why it's significant. (Note to self, convince Tom Brokaw to write a book called, "The Greatest Document" because apparently the only way to educate Americans is to have Tom Brokaw give the history lesson.)


I do have to give credit where it's due. For all the missed opportunities, I am glad the London Olympic Committee (and/or) NBC opted to stay away from references to or performances by:
  • Are You Being Served
  • Eastenders
  • Downton Abbey
  • Simon Cowell
  • Any of the Osbournes
  • Benny Hill
  • Duran Duran
  • Robbie Williams
  • Fox hunting
  • Jousting
  • Pottery/china/crystal/anything exported from the UK and sold on QVC
  • Awful food (Jellied eels, anyone? With Spotted Dick for dessert?)


2:15 PM

 
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