Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Saturday, February 26, 2011  
See that drunk girl speeding down the street,
She's worried about the state of public schools. 
She likes to party, she likes to rock,
She prays that our schools don't run out of chalk.
-Tom Petty (via The Simpsons)

8:28 AM

Tuesday, February 22, 2011  
Today is February 22. George Washington's birthday. I know, I know, President's Day was yesterday. I'm going old school. Nothing against Lincoln, Abe's cool, but I decided I'm not on board with the joint birthday celebration in the guise of a government holiday.

President's Day doesn't mean much except sales on linens and appliances. Home goods. We shop for good deals on home goods. This is what we do to recognize and remember the two greatest Presidents of the US? Towels and refrigerators? I like Mt. Vernon, but if that's the connection between George Washington and sales on home goods it's a weak link.

So. I decided that it's time to take a stand.

I'm taking back George Washington's birthday.

George Washington is my favorite president. And I will no longer stand by and watch him reduced to a shared birthday with little or no remembrance other than local appliance retailers dressing up as George and making cheesy jokes about him in an attempt to lure shoppers into their stores.



I know, I know, as long as there are locally owned appliance stores there will be cheesy ads with owners/spokespeople dressing up and mocking whatever holiday/theme is current. All the Krazy Larrys of the world aren't going to stop their fun and frivolity just because I find it disrespectful.

And really, I don't want all that to end. I like local advertising. It has a quaintness, a charm, a palpable air of desperation that I find refreshing in comparison to slick, highly produced, well-acted, ultra vivid national advertising. Local advertising is real. Often real-ly bad, but usually sincere. Unlike national retailers or high-end products, locally owned retailers need to advertise. They need customers. So they'll go to whatever cheesy extreme they can imagine to lure viewers' attention to their great deals on whatever they're selling. As long as there's a guy in a turkey suit or George Washington costume selling appliances, there's still a local retailer who hasn't succumbed to Death by Walmart.

But.

I'm kind of protective of George Washington. Like I said, he's my favorite president.

Our only truly independent president. No party affiliations. I like that about him. A long, difficult war was fought for US independence. It would be hypocritical and kinda weird for the guy elected to preside over the US, the first President, to turn around and depend on, take sides with, a particular group of people with a particular, exclusive, political point of view and agenda. That's what the Revolution was about - getting out from under oppressive taxation without representation, sure - but breaking free of titles and labels and antiquated monarchism and plain old biased favoritism. And agendas. There was a document written, maybe you've heard of it, an actual declaration of independence. Breaking free, living free, not burdened by political or religious oppression...it's all very idealistic, of course, and freedom isn't actually free. Freedom is more expensive than a lot of people realize. But. I'll pay the toll.

And dag nammit, I'll honor my favorite president on his actual birthday. He's not some whiny twin child who doesn't want to share his birthday with his sibling. He's the father of a country. He was an independent. So his day, his memorial, should be independent, his own.

It's when I'm in that frame of mind that I find the ridicule and mockery of George in an attempt to sell appliances and home goods disrespectful. Shouldn't someone like, oh, I dunno, Buchanan? Arthur? Harding? be mocked, ridiculed and cajoled and generally disrespected in the name of retail sales? Heck, I'd go to a Nixon's birthday sale on privacy software for phones and internet. They could have a ping-pong contest and give away stuffed panda bears to lure in the kiddies. (I know! I don't know why no one will hire me, either. With ideas like that you'd think I'd be fighting off employers begging me to work for them.)

I know. It's the whole immediate connection with trust. If you can't trust George Washington or Abe Lincoln to give you a good deal on a reliable, quality dishwasher, who can you trust? And it does keep George and Abe in the national conscience. At least once a year people are reminded of Washington and Lincoln. (Because really, when was the last time you honestly looked at a quarter or a penny or a $1 or $5 bill and reflected on the lives of the men emblazoned on them?)

You may have heard  the hullabaloo over the Chia® Obama. But what you may not have heard is that Chia® Obama is one of four in a Chia® "Proud to be an American" series. The series begins with Chia® George Washington. Then there's Chia® Abe Lincoln. And then Chia® Barack Obama. And the Chia® Statue of Liberty (with real lighted torch! Freedom burning bright!). People were outraged over the president represented in Chia®. "It's disrespectful! It's racist! It's tacky!" But I heard no complaints or outrage about disrespecting Washington or Lincoln. And they're every bit as tacky (and weird) as Chia® Obama. Lincoln looks especially, um, "odd" with leafy green algae growing out of his head.  Is it merely because they're white that it's okay to Chia® them up? Why, then, is there not a Chia® John F. Kennedy? Or a Chia® Franklin Roosevelt? Or Chia® Reagan? Or an entire Chia® Mt. Rushmore?! You're chuckling at the thought of those presidents festooned with a head of green Chia® hair, aren't you? Well, why then is it okay to have Chia® George Washington or Chia® Abe Lincoln? If you want to use Chia® as an instrument of mockery, why not a Chia® Nixon or Chia® Buchanan or Chia® Harding or Chia® George W. Bush?*

I went through a coin collecting phase when I was a kid. Okay, it's true, once a coin collector, always a geek. I wasn't interested in coins because of the value factor. I was interested in coins (and stamps, too, go ahead, make your jokes) because of the art and the history of the nation they represent. I learned a lot about different countries' histories thanks to the coins my father brought home from abroad. But it was always the US quarter featuring George Washington that served as my gold standard by which all other coins from all other nations were judged. George Washington looked so strong, so responsible, so capable compared to some of the leaders portrayed on coins from other countries. One of my uncles used to bring me old coins that he found in his spare change. Every time he arrived I sheepishly waited, hoping, that he brought me some coins, too polite and shy to ask. Eternities would pass and finally he'd say, "Oh, I almost forgot! Trillian, I got some interesting coins in my change the other day. Why don't you have a look at them and tell me if they're worth anything? In George we trust, eh Trillian?!"  In George we trust. Amen.

I've been thinking about that lately. In George we trust. That phrase always brings a smile, I can hear my uncle, see him conspiratorially grinning and winking at me.

And that's that.

I'm done with President's Day.

I'm declaring my independence from the treachery of The Man, The Man who decided it's more practical to lump Washington and Lincoln's birthdays together for a combined holiday. I'm exercising my right to freedom from political oppression. 

February 22 is George Washington's birthday. I'm celebrating that day. My mail will be delivered and my bank will be open, but I won't go to the mail box or the bank on February 22. It's my defiant act of solidarity with George Washington.

(Trivia time: The State Quarters were launched in 1999, but what design changes were made to the quarter in 1998? Anyone? Anyone?)


*I'm waiting for the day there's a Chia® Rock 'n Roll series. Chia® Elvis. Chia® Beatles (and you know the Chia® people have pitched that) Chia® James Brown. Chia® Hendrix. Chia® Rolling Stones. Oooo, Chia® Bob Marley. Chia® Clash. Chia® Nirvana. Chia® Red Hot Chili Peppers. Chia® Flaming Lips (something tells me Wayne would be down with that)...the possibilities are endless.

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