Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Saturday, February 12, 2005  
Tom Sizemore failed a drug test. Okay. Not really newsworthy. Who's Tom Sizemore again? Who cares? Doesn't matter. Why is this posted here?

Just observing and reporting, folks. I haven't done a Saturday OMG Check Out This Site post in ages. Slow news day yesterday led to a surprisingly detailed account of Mr. Sizemore's drug problems in my newsfeed list. It was there I found a product and its website which I feel compelled to share. Perhaps I'm the last to know, as is often the case with me and certain websites. Apologies if this is the stuff of old internet spam. But. If you haven't heard of The Whizzinator, or visited www.thewhizzinator.com, you might want to have a look. I was vaguely aware there are ways and products to aid those in need of help passing a drug test. (We had a little situation at the office a few years ago, if that coworker had known about The Whizzinator...)

I have to hand it to fine and funny folks at The Whizzinator. Their website has the effect of a Simpson's episode. It's schlocky enough to be a joke, but they are keen marketers. They know their target market. And they've done a great job targeting them. Way to go, Whizzinator. I don't agree with your product but you get my vote for Unwittingly Great Internet Marketing Scheme of the Year. (UGIMSY, no, there's no trophy or anything. Just a tip of the Tigers cap from me to you. Well done.)

And am I the only sophomoric one chortling over Tom Sizemore being busted for using a fake penis?

Do I need to get out more?

7:50 AM

Tuesday, February 08, 2005  
trillianbookcover

marisolbookcover

A young girl living in a dangerous West side Chicago neighborhood has recently caused a lot of controversy, publicity and outrage because of her move to a safer neighborhood.

I swear it's not me, and I swear I have nothing to do with it other than buying my nieces occasional overpriced goods from the marketing phenomenon known as American Girl.

However.

The similarities are, well, hmmm. Not startling. Not troubling. Not scary. Not poignant. Well. Maybe poignant. Yeah, okay, let's go with poignant.

Some of the people in her old neighborhood have expressed disappointment over her decision to leave the old neighborhood. Mine, too. I've heard comments like, "Fine, go on then, go be a yuppie." and "There is a lot of crime around your place, but it's like that everywhere in the city..." "If you move, you forfeit the game, you let them win." Those are a few of the less hostile comments made regarding the decision to move.

She lives on the near West side. Her neighborhood, while experiencing a rise in property values and the emergence of the loft condo phenomenon, is plagued with gangs, prostitution, drugs and all the crimes affiliated with those: Robberies, muggings, assaults, rapes and murders. Sound familiar? It does to me. Her parents are hard working immigrants who want to give their daughter every possible opportunity for a nice, safe life. Yeah, I know, sounds familiar, too. But it doesn't end there.

We even look, well, a bit alike. She's got very fetching honey blonde highlights in her long wavy dark hair, freakishly large dark eyes (okay, hers are brown), bucked teeth (I bet she'll go to the orthodontist once she's settled into her nice new neighborhood, Marisol sweetie, do it, go, get those teeth straightened. You won't regret it.) she's got kickin' style including a sexy little purple wrap top and cropped cargos, stripy scarf, carries an iPod and what darling shoes! Topping it all off is her pet cat, Rascal, who's furry and white with brown and gray highlights and big fluffy dark tail.

Here's her publicity photo.
marisolinthecity

Hey. Wait a minute. Now I'm getting a little um, well. Yeah. Freaked out. As I look down at my wrap top and cropped cargos and click a new song on my iPod while I dangle my stripy scarf for my fluffy white and brown and gray cat to play with. After kicking off my funky shoes from a long evening getting my highlights touched up. I was laughing at the similarities about the West side and bad neighborhood and the cat and all that, but when I wrote out just how similar Marisol and I actually look, it hit a little too close to home and sort of scared me.

I sent a friend the photo and broo ha ha story about Marisol.

Her response? "Expletiving expletive, Trillian, that's you! The story's the same and she (expletiving) looks like you before braces! Okay, she's not so, um pasty pale, but other than that Trill, she's expletiving you! Expletiving expletive, Trillian, Mattel is expletiving using you, your story and your style. You need to expletiving sue them for something."

Her husband found the similarities "creepy."

Frankie and Benjy sent me an mp3 of Oh! You Great Big Beautiful Doll.

My brother has not relented with email jokes about American Girl for a week. (This is a big brother dream come true, enough fodder for teasing to last several weeks if not months.)

My niece thinks it's cool and wonders if I'm going to take dance classes.

If you haven't heard about Marisol, you can read about her and the controversy in which she is embroiled here.

Or you can read my version here. (Apologies to Brendan McCarthy of the Chicago Tribune, whose article on Marisol ran in the the February 2 edition of the newspaper and can be found here.)

Girl's blog riles West side
71 inches tall, Trillian has raised a ruckus. In the blog the working girl moves from the West side to the Gold Coast.

It's usually a cause for celebration when a local girl becomes a national star. But that's not the case for a rosy-cheeked girl from the near West side of Chicago at the center of a controversy about the city's predominantly Mexican-American Wicker Park neighborhood.

Trillian, a character on the popular Blogger, seems innocent enough. But several phrases from the archives that accompany the 71-inch doll have riled some West side activists.

On the blog, Trillian moves with her cat from Wicker Park to the Gold Coast after she declares that it is "time we get out of this neighborhood."

In another passage, Trillian tells her readers that the neighborhood is dangerous, and that it is "no place for [her] to live." She mentions drug deals, dodging spent condoms on the sidewalks and gang violence.

An arts coordinator at one of the local galleries, speaking on condition of anonymity, said she and her friends are outraged by the portrayal of the neighborhood on the blog. "When I learned of this girl's excerpts, I was hurt. I had some drinks with friends and told them: `She has it all wrong.' It seems that the doll is getting away from her artist/musician/poet lifestyle and trying to assimilate somewhere else," She previously worked with Trillian on a fundraiser, and bought one of Trillian's paintings several years ago. The arts coordinator grew up in near-by Lincoln Park, where many of her relatives still live. Like the story line of Trillian, she and her family live in the better part of town too--namely River North.

A bartender, who represents Wicker Park, said the blog is misrepresenting the neighborhood.

"I applaud the blog for putting together an artist/working girl doll, but they made a mistake," he said. He plans to meet with Trillian, who writes the blog, to discuss the issue.

A blog spokeswoman, countered that a handful of people have taken passages from the blog grossly out of context. "We are very disappointed in the current reaction because it is very far off from the story's intent. When people read the story in its entirety, they will see that Trillian's community is vibrant and colorful ... She even calls it the `a convenient and sometimes cool place to live.'"

In the blog Trillian is upset because she must leave her memories and neighborhood behind, and she is worried when she doesn't spot any local pubs or galleries in her new neighborhood.

Trillian's move is an important part of the blog's drama. She is prompted to move to the Gold Coast so she can have a safe place to live, Lake Michigan at her doorstep and the opportunity to walk to and from work without fear of being mugged, raped or harassed for money, which is "not necessarily inherent in West side neighborhoods," she said.

Throughout the blog, Trillian questions her decision to move, weighs the choices for shelter and struggles with selecting an apartment and neighborhood because of the things she likes about what had been her West side home for several years.

As of Monday night, she had received several emails complaining about the blog and its portrayal of the neighborhood.

Several West side residents said they aren't ready to boycott the Trillian blog.
Ukrainian Village resident and long time reader Taffy Grappling, isn't worried about plummeting property values or misconceptions because of Trillian's blog.

In fact, Taffy wants to follow in the doll's footsteps. "I'm trying to move to a better neighborhood, too," Taffy said. "Parts of Wicker Park are really bad ... I know people who have died in this neighborhood because of gangs."

Taffy said she would likely continue to read the blog. Her neighbors should be proud the doll originates from their 60622 ZIP code, she said.

Trillian, who posts on blogger from Chicago, writes for free. She is a longtime blogger and will be posting off and on until the words in her head go away, the company said. Trillian's appearance was a tightly held secret until the unveiling of the Marisol doll.

9:25 AM

 
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