Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Thursday, January 28, 2010  
It's really too bad that so much crumby stuff is a lot of fun sometimes. - J.D. Salinger

3:13 PM

 
I had a job interview. Yay. Woohoo. And all that.

If you're sensing that I'm not as enthusiastic as I should be about a job interview, you're right.

I should be all exclamatory, "I had a job interview!!! Woohoo!!! Rock on!!! A job interview!!!!"

This time it was at a company I respect doing a job I think I would like.

Again, if you're sensing a palpable lack of enthusiasm your intuition is in full working order.

I refuse to get all psyched up about job applications, leads and, gulp, interviews. Why? Because with the huge amount of competition for the very few jobs available in my job market, rejection, disappointment and failure are the expected outcomes. I know, I know, be positive! Confident! Enthusiastic! Failure is not an option!

Well, the thing is, it is an option and in fact the most probable outcome. And it's ridiculously naive to think otherwise.

That's me being pragmatic, sensible, and realistic. That's the part of me that balances the stay positive! be confident! you have just as much chance for this job as anyone else! part of me. I think I strike a pretty good balance between positive hope and realistic pragmatism.

I want to be all super excited and enthused, that's my general nature, but I've had so much rejection and disappointment in my life that I've learned to balance dreams by not getting my hopes up. Go ahead and dream big but stay acutely aware of reality and the statistics. "Level headed," I believe that's called.

Okay, so, I did a lot of research about the company and the job, I practiced my responses to typical interview questions and had several genuine and thoughtful questions I wanted to ask. I had several quantifiable examples of my work and project history. I was ready to impress and wow the interviewer with not only my skills and work experience, but with my special charismatic blend of big ideas and practical solutions. (I know, you want to hire me, don't you?) In short, I went in there as prepared and ready as a candidate could be.

Rock on, right?

Well, yes. Yay me.

But.

It takes two to tango.

The job interview dance is complex in its subtleties. And if both of the participants aren't in step, together, it's not a dance it's a mosh pit.

Kinda like a first date.

Over the years I've drawn parallels between first dates and job interviews. They are so similar that it's disconcerting. The stakes are similarly high, too. Both people involved want something from another person. They're looking for a good candidate, the right fit, that leads to a mutually rewarding partnership. It's give and take, or it should be, under ideal circumstance. Both have lots to offer, but it comes down to one person deciding whether or not the chemistry is right. Dating, job hunting...selling souls, rock and roll, it's really all the same.

As we know about me and dating my end results are not impressive. But I've had loads of practice, hundreds of first dates, even several second dates, a few short term dating relationships and a couple long term relationships.

Interestingly enough, that exactly describes my professional career, as well.

I like to think I'm "better" at job interviews than first dates, but deep down I suspect I suck at both - equally. Don't get me wrong, I think I do all the right things on first dates and job interviews. I'm open and friendly and polite, give good (but not creepy) eye contact, smile, but not too much, I show interest, ask lots of meaningful and insightful questions, offer some pertinent (and hopefully interesting) information about me. But it always comes down to that elusive, hateful cop out: Chemistry.

Usually it's the guy on the date or the job interviewer who doesn't feel chemistry with me. "I really like you, I think you're great, I'd love to be friends but nothing more, there's just no real chemistry." "We think you're great, perfect for the job but we're going with someone who's a better compliment to our team dynamic." I've heard those sentiments constructed and spoken every way possible. The end result is the same: Rejection. Disappointment. I'm still single or unemployed and someone else is dating the guy who rejected me or working the job I wanted. They're happy and I'm broken hearted. Again.

But, then again, it only takes one guy and one job. That's all I want or need: The right guy and the right job. One of each. It sounds so simple, doesn't it? I mean, there are tons of men and tons of jobs. Surely one guy and one employer will like me, right?

Wellllllll, you read the blog. You know how badly and deeply my love life sucks. And right now the career isn't looking any better. It's not as easy as they make it look in movies and on television.

Okay. So. This job interview. I went in all psyched and ready, maybe this will be the one. Looks good on paper, I'm qualified and eager, you go, girl.

And then...I was called into the interviewer's office. This is the person who would be my immediate manager. You know, I've dealt with a lot of different personality types. I think I'm pretty darned diplomatic, tolerant and friendly. People always tell me I'm easy to talk to (seriously, people, complete strangers spill their guts to me). I know why people feel this way about me. I've spent an entire lifetime combating, fighting a mortal death match, with shyness. I have been determined to overcome it from the time I realized what it was. Consequently I have done a lot, and I mean a lot of work on social and conversational skills. I'll share my secrets with you. It's ridiculously simple.
How to be a good conversationalist.
1. Be a good listener.
2. Don't judge.
3. Be a good listener.
4. Smile.
5. Be a good listener.

That's it. That's the secret to the fine art of socializing and conversation. Ironically, being a good conversationalist has almost absolutely nothing to do with talking. When I discovered this it was like being handed the keys to unlock the mysteries of the Universe. It didn't matter that I was innately, tragically, horrifically, clinically shy. I could be that shy and not spend my life hermited away never interacting with people. It was staggeringly liberating for me. I might be sitting there shaking and trembling with shyness, but as long as I listened to the other person, didn't judge them, smiled, and really listened to them, I was lauded as being friendly and a good conversationalist. Social interaction!!! I mean, for someone who's really shy this is like, I mean, it's huge. So there you have it. The secret to being a good conversationalist. If I can do it, anyone, and I mean anyone can. I'm the kid who hid behind her parents, clinging to their legs, shaking, scared to death of people. I'm the kid who peed her pants at the thought of going to a birthday party with other kids because the fear of having to interact socially, on her own, was more horrifying than a scary monster movie. If that kid can grow up to be considered a friendly, outgoing person people love to talk to and spill their guts to, anyone can do it if they just listen and leave their judgment and frowny face at home.

Okay, so, generally people are pretty at ease with me. They tell me things they probably shouldn't, or at least seem to feel that I'm trustworthy and are open to talking with me.

Even though I might be on the verge of peeing my pants (I said I combat shyness, I didn't say I killed it) people generally talk to me, and once they open up to me I find it easy to talk to them. So usually I can carry on a conversation. Stress? Yes. But usually the ice breaks and it goes okay.

But holy social ineptitude. The person I interviewed with...I mean...I'll take some responsibility, here, but geeze, what a conversational nightmare.

They offered very little information so I started asking some questions. The answers I was given were short and vague. Not necessarily evasive, just vague. I've met a lot of people with a lot of different speaking mannerisms and dialects. But I've never encountered anything like this.

They used no verbal punctuation. It was difficult, if not impossible, to discern when they ended a sentence or thought. Not only was there a complete lack of inflection - I've dealt with robotic monotone speakers, I can deal with that - there was no verbal grammatical structure. You know, subject, predicate, verb, noun, punctuation...nothing. It was just a few words spoken in a flat monotone. "TPS reports" "Red stapler" "PC load letter" So unfortunately, they'd say a few words, I'd wait, anticipating more words, a verb, a predicate, even a hand gesture, a shrug, or voice inflection, some sort of response to my questions, but nothing more would be said, an uncomfortable silence would grow, I'd start to ask another question...and the second I'd open my mouth they'd say something, we'd do the apology dance, "Pardon, go ahead," "no, excuse me, you were about to say..." The entire interview went like that. I could never tell when they completed a response.

I came away with no more information about the company and job than I had when I went in there. Well, except, I now know I'd be working for a conversationally inept manager which would make for some very trying communication challenges.

In music, especially pop music, there's a tried and true gimmick for letting the listener know the song has ended. The most trite and hack method is a "cha cha cha" at the end of a song, usually three beats of the same note, chord or drum or sometimes an actual "cha cha cha." The musical cha cha cha leaves no doubt that the song has ended. Sometimes it's just one poignant note. (most universally recognized in "Day in the Life." (though I think it goes on a little too long, overkill, but we know I have issues with the Beatles)) The better the composer or musician, the better crafted the song ending, the less resemblance to the actual cha cha cha.

I'm not looking for a conversational Beethoven. I'd be happy with a dialog pop hack who uses the cha cha cha. It would have it's own irritations but at least I'd know when the thought/sentence ended and when it was my turn to respond.

I have no idea what the interviewer thought of me. I can't tell you if it went well or not. There was no cha cha cha at the end of the interview. Quite honestly I wasn't entirely sure the interview ended, but I'd been there an hour and we were just kind of sitting there saying nothing, so, I thanked them for their time and consideration of my application, hoped to hear from them, shook hands and left.

Naturally I'm turning this inward, blaming myself. I should have done or said this or that...but I can honestly say I did my best. And, what upsets me is that I don't think I have the patience to work with someone who uses such odd verbal communication. At some point I'd have to take them aside and ask them to do me the favor of adding a cha cha cha at the end of their thoughts or sentences. "TPS report cha cha cha?" "Red stapler cha cha cha!" "PC load letter cha cha cha."

And of course that makes me go deep into the whole, "I'm not cut out for office life, I'm never going to work again, maybe I've been out of the workplace too long, maybe I really do hate people, maybe I'm uptight and demanding with unrealistic expectations...why, why, why?" so on et cetera et cetera.

And here's the really scary part: It makes me ponder if I even want to work. (Cha cha cha.) I should be jumping up and down jabbing a triumphant fist in the air and woo hooing because I had an interview. (Cha cha cha.) I'm in no position to be particular about any aspect of the job or workplace. (Cha cha cha!) If they want to hire me I should be grateful and excited and not giving any consideration to the conversational quirks of my would-be manager. (Cha cha cha.) But. I am. And that makes me think I'm being far too picky and not focused on what really matters: A job and a paycheck. (Cha cha cha?)

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