• 1 set cool gray design markers. (Still moist, still gray, still cool....)
  
• 1 Thrill Kill Kult Kooler Than Jesus cd. (Which I then listened to on repeat for three consecutive hours.)
  
• 1 photo of grandparents (I meant to get this properly framed. A while ago. Okay. Years ago. Oops.)
  
• 1 green Barbie doll shoe (Could have been left behind from a niece's visit. Could be mine. Anyone's guess.)
  
• 1 spool of purple thread.
  

• 1 Box of clothes from those days. (Swut I was sick. Why'd I keep these? I honestly thought I'd gotten rid of all evidence of those days. Honest. I truly did not know I still had these... Shame they're so small, some of them have extra long length. Sigh...)
  
• 3 pair of shoes thought to have been casualties of a long ago break-up, left behind in the "stay over" drawer. (I wonder if I'll find the money he owes me, too...Sigh.)
  
• 1 (small) box of misc. artwork from aforementioned ex boyfriend, including: "You're a Doll" postcard featuring his artwork doctoring/vixening up the Barbie photo; a small expressionistic painting of me; a small Modigliani inspired painting of me; numerous bar napkin sketches of various subjects; several paintings of flowers ("...too poor to buy the real thing and these will last longer..." he used to tell me, which still makes me smile); a photo of his living room walls painted with murals for me(a Valentine's Day "gift"); a photo of the back alley wall of the bar where he worked with an enormous graffited "(his name) + Trillian =(heart)4 Ever" (a birthday "gift" to me); a postcard from very far away I received three months after he disappeared without a trace or good-bye, telling me he was having a blast, missed me and hoped I have a nice life. (Okay, so he was far from perfect, but he was a swutting amazing artist and swutting funny, too. And yes, I kept some of the art and will move it to store in the dark corner of a closet in the new place because it's funny and clever and really good art and upset as I was over the disappearance/break-up I have never looked back in anger or regret.)
  
• 1 Holy Bible (I have no swutting idea where this came from or why it was in the back of my living room closet, I know it's not mine, I do have a bible, two actually, I certainly don't hide them in the back dark corner of my living room closet, and I certainly would not have a bible with a bright red leatherette cover. Or. Well. Apparently I do. Because you can't throw out a Bible, right? I mean, I can't. I'm sure that's got to be a sin or at least really bad karma. I'm blasphemous and a doubter and, well, not exactly the most religious person, but there's no way I can feel "okay" about throwing out a Bible, even one which isn't mine and has a red leatherette cover.)
  
• 1 blanket thought to have been left at a concert venue.
  
• 1 really good vegan cookbook. (I totally forgot about this cookbook, it's a good one. I really cannot wait for my new improved kitchen. And food.)
  
• A bunch of plastic food containers which have seen better days and should have been thrown away years ago.
  
• A basket with a very artful little pumpkins woven into it. (This is cute, but it's got to go. One of those tough calls - I'll probably regret it, but, why move it and store it knowing I will never use it?)
  
• 2 Batman/Catwoman cups.
  
• A swutting lot of coffee cups. (I don't drink coffee, where'd these come from and why do I have them?)
  
• A small jewelry box containing: 4 pair of earrings (two pair of which are "real" jewelry), two necklaces, three bracelets, one very odd brooch missing a set, a Sylvester the Cat watch, a "real" watch which never kept accurate time, and an amber ring. (How could I not miss this stuff all these years? How could I not wonder where those earrings were?)
  
• You will note, as yet, I have not unearthed any HWNMNBS related items because I did a very thorough job of ridding myself of all things HWNMNBS related last Fall. Brave Trillian. Wise Trillian. Not opening unhealed wounds Trillian. Moving on to a new place and leaving all memories of HWNMNBS and this place behind. HWNMNBS will not infect Trillian's new home. Trillian has vowed to make her new home a HWNMNBS-free zone.
  

Labels: moving

• Men, average, mediocre, normal and even ugly men, are in no position to judge a woman’s looks.
  No more should average looking guys be critical of women who look anything less than cover model/Hollywood ready. Women have been saying “Take a look in the mirror, you louse” throughout history. And yet this hypocritical standard remains. Men base a woman’s worthiness on her looks with the excuse of, “Hey, there has to be some physical attraction...” Okay. Sure. I suppose. You’ve got to get it up to get it on.
  
  But.
  
  Take a look in the mirror you louse.
  
  You want the truth? No? I didn't think so. But I’ll tell you the truth anyway. Very few men are handsome. A slight few more than that are good looking. The rest of you are average, typical, normal, run of the mill examples of the male of the species. And some of you are ugly. And yet all of you seem to be under the impression that you are in a position to judge a woman on her looks. You apparently believe any woman who is normal, average, or God, yes, God forbid, weighs more than a flea, is not good looking enough for you. To the point you don’t even notice them. Or worse, if you do notice them, you zero in on what you deem to be physical flaws. If, if you are in fact Cary Grant, John Depp, Hugh Jackman, a young Harrison Ford or Bryan Ferry, then yes, you are in a position to judge, pick and choose your women from the best looking of the lot. The rest of you: Reality check in the mirror of truth time. You are normal, physically flawed human beings. You are not perfect and never will be. Accept it. And then accept that very few women are physically "perfect." And then accept, embracce and respect them, “flaws” and all. Okay? Let’s make 2005 the year this hypocritical double standard, basing all of your personal life and fulfillment on a woman’s looks even though you fall a bit short on the handsome scale comes to end once and for all.
  
  I’m serious about this. Guys, I love you, I really do. But you’re average, normal looking men. You all have some cute thing about you, some endearing aspect that will more than make up for the rest of your lacking appearance. Some woman, somewhere, will find you to be the most handsome man in the world because of the way your ears are shaped or the color of your eyes or the dimple when you grin, or the slightly bucked tooth...and she will think this because you will be treating her well, respecting her, loving her and finding her beautiful because of her smile or freckles or neck and her brain and character and sense of humor. And these qualities will only get better and brighter as her confidence builds from the trust she puts in you because you sincerely find her attractive even though her hips or bum or thighs are not Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue ready or her hair is stubbornly frizzy or she’s too short or too tall or too small busted or too large busted or whatever characteristic makes you deem her unfit and unworthy of male attention.
  
  Boys: Grow up. Take a long realistic look in the mirror of truth. GQ is not going to call and beg you to grace their pages. If you find this harsh or if you think you are the next Cary Grant, I am speaking especially to you. Because you are the ones who don’t get it. You are the ones who (wrongly) think you are handsome enough or have a male birthright to judge a woman on her looks, usually noticing, pointing out and being critical of her flaws. You, sir, are one of the major contributing factors in the decline of society. You, sir, are only willing to bed and breed with women The Media deems attractive. Yes. You sir, are a media pawn. You are letting someone else show you what you find attractive and are rude, callous, relentless and stupid in your pusuit of the media's version of an "ideal" woman. You sir, are breeding a society of shallow, vapid, and actually not-that-good-looking race of people who base every aspect of their existence on their looks and the looks of other people. Stop it. Stop it right now.
  
  Women have been doing this since the dawn of time. Learning to accept our flaws. Basing our expectations for romance or even just a date on the reality we see in the mirror. Taking what we can get because we know the competition is fierce. Looking in the mirror of truth every morning, seeing the flaws men notice. Because of course men have noticed and have been quick to point them out to us. Trying to do whatever we can to make the most of what we’ve got in the looks department. Spending much of our income on products and services in this endeavor, even opting for surgical procedures. Hoping one man, just one, will be able to overlook our flaws long enough to discover that we are smart, funny, kind, caring, sincere people and maybe, in time, “come to find us attractive” enough to lower himself to sleep with us and maybe, just maybe, respect us and marry us in spite of the fact that he wishes she were more attractive. Learning to accept that when a prettier, less flawed woman catches our man's eye, we can expect to lose at least part of his attention to her. Yes, reallly, guys. Those of us who are not super models, those of us with what men deem to be flaws, you know, 96% of women on the planet, have to accept and deal with the fact that we're flawed and physically imperfect and unappealing in mens' eyes. We accept that we will have to earn worthiness and consider ourselves lucky if we can find one man can lower himself to "come to find us attractive," meaning, he feels he's doing us a huge favor by lowering himself and his standards to spend time with us. After all, there are prettier women he could be with, don't forget that, babe.
  
  And yet men have the nerve to scream that confidence and brains are sexy. Well guess what, boys? Sad to say, sorry to admit this, but even though it starts with us, it ends with you. Most girls have brains and especially confidence to spare until they hit puberty. When boys begin to choose girlfriends. Pubescent boys naturally choose the “cute” girls or the ones who some how manage to get through those transition years with minimal awkwardness and especially the girls who learn early on to play dumb or are actually dumb enough to submit themselves to whatever boys want to do with them. Confidence, you insist, comes from within, it’s not your fault those other girls were ugly or more interested in school than you or that those other girls were dumb enough to let you have your way with her, treat her badly and dump her for a better looking girl.
  
  Time for a look in the mirror of truth, fella.
  
  The human race has reached a crisis point. We’re getting dumb. We’ve let Hollywood, Madison Avenue and The Media tell us what we like. What’s attractive. I’m not anti-porn, if women want to show themselves and men want to look, that’s their business. It’s a huge, million dollar business. But. Reality check guys: The women you see in magazines and in the bigger budget porn movies are not normal. In fact, in “real life” you probably wouldn’t even recognize them. And if you did, mirror of truth: They wouldn’t notice you. Because you are average. Normal. Typical looking. Maybe even ugly. And unless you have a lot of cash or a friend who can get them work, those women do not need or want you. Confidence doesn't seem so sexy under that light, does it?
  
  Confidence, schmonfidence. You want confidence? Here you go: I ooze confidence in my ability to do my job. I know I am good at it, that I do it well and that few people could do it as well, as efficiently, as creatively and on deadline. I am brimming over with confidence in my sincerity and honesty. I have enough confidence in my kind nature to give away a bunch to charity and still be charitable. I am confident that I can love. I am confident I am a good, respectful, honorable daughter my parents are proud of. I am confident I am the sort of sister and aunt everyone wants to have. I know my loyalty is beyond compare. I am confident that I am a good friend. I am confident in my scholastic acheivements and endeavors. I am assured and brave in my skills at coping with crisis. I have no doubt in my ability to travel the world and get home safely. I am absolutely certain I am a "good" person. I am confident that I can and will be the first to laugh at myself. I am confident that I will always make the best choice for the greater good, even if it's not the best choice for me personally. I am confident men do not find me attractive. I am confident men find me too flawed to bother to get to know beyond friendship. I am confident most men do not even notice me at all. I am confident that I am ugly. I am confident I will continue to live my life, and eventually die, alone. I am confident in all of this because I am smart and I have learned by experience. Because I am confident in my ability to listen and comprehend. Because I am confident in my skills of observation and perception. I am confident every man, no matter how "ugly" he is himself, will notice and pursue prettier or less "flawed" women than me. See? I am swutting confident. Confidence is just so darned sexy, isn't it?
  
  I am not the only woman with this much confidence, by the way. Most women are this confident in themselves and you. Even the dumbest among us learn very early on that the way we look matters to men. A lot. And men do nothing but continue to teach us that lesson, giving us more confidence in our physical shortcomings. So just stop claiming you find confidence and brains sexy, blaming our low self-images on a lack of confidence. We aren't stupid, guys, we aren't blind, and we are swutting confident in ourselves. We are confident you only find confidence and brains sexy if they come in a package you find physically attractive, the prettiest package in the prettiest wrapping. Even though your package is not exactly perfect, not the best looking, certainly not the biggest or best, and sporting a faded and wrinkled bow saved from last Christmas and re-used, if there's even a bow at all.
  
  Lads, you have got to stop basing your scale of rating women on what you see in magazines and Hollywood. Even if you’re having luck with “good looking” women, that well is going to run dry. Boys, it’s time to become men. It’s time to become realistic members of the human race. Our chances of survival as an intelligent species are dwindling. See yourselves as you really are and realize: The woman you thought was too ugly to date, that girl with the big bum, your sister’s roommate with the crooked nose and thick glasses...they’re all at least as “good looking” as you are. Yes, really. And guess what? They’re probably smarter, funnier and more confident than you. Which you would find out if you weren’t so busy judging them by what you deem to be flaws. You might also find out she doesn’t care that your eyes are squinty or your lips are thin or you have that dumb head stubble. If you take the time to get to know her and treat her well, she will find you attractive, maybe even “come to find your flaws attractive.” Grow up or perish, boys. The state of the human race depends on you.
  
  
• We’re de-evolving to a global culture of celebrities and politicians.
  Famous people don’t always get famous because they’re intelligent, kind, hard working, interesting, clever or funny people. Famous people are typically celebrities or politicians. If someone finds a way to achieve fame for something other than being a celebrity or politician, after achieving their fame they will aspire to become a celebrity or politician. Because nothing makes an ego swell like a few minutes of fame or notoriety. Nothing kills gray matter faster than a contract for a chat show or reality special on FOX. Even Stephen Hawking has lowered himself to FOX (okay, so it was on the Simpsons and it was really funny, nonetheless, even Stephen Hawking is not immune to the lure of celebrity status.) If Bill Gates were better looking he would be a hot commodity in Hollywood. But, like most men, he's average looking. Typical. Unremarkable. So he’ll take the political route and will be running for Supreme Lord and Ruler of the Universe before long. Oh wait. He’s already won than election.
  
  Oh boy, lucky us.
  
  I’ve heard and read some truly awful things from celebrities lately. Apparently, fame makes you pompous, greedy, cruel, ignorant, ungracious, inconsiderate and boring. Or maybe those are requirements for fame. Chicken or the egg.
  
  When asked what they received for Christmas, a celebrity who makes an insane amount of money for being a bad actor and single handedly ruining the future of music not only ridiculed a gift he allegedly received from his girlfriend and mother, he publicly criticized and embarrassed them by announcing via the press that he received a gift he didn’t like and that they were essentially stupid for giving it to him.
  
  Okay.
  
  My steadfast belief is that this was a press release meant to make us all hate him even more, to make him seem evil and nasty. (Celebrities and politicians use The Media this way, by the way, in case you didn’t know. They hire spin doctors called publicity or press agents to create illusions thinly veiled as “news” which will always coincide with the release of a movie, television program, record or book or during rating sweeps week) I wouldn’t have even scoffed, I would have just written it off as a stupid, new low attempt to create hype and persona and hence boost ratings and then forgotten about it. Probably wouldn’t have even read it.
  
  But.
  
  Even if his girlfriend and mother are on the inside of this media joke, they are still being used, still being made the butt of this celebrity’s pathetic attempts at self promotion and ratings. Fine for you to make yourself look like an idiot. You reap what you sow. But don’t take down your friends and family with you. I don’t care how much you pay your girlfriend to pretend to be your girlfriend, or what allowance you give your parents. Some things truly are more important than money. I know it’s a difficult concept to comprehend, but paying your family and friends, giving them things or a lifestyle, does not give you authority or a right to publicly criticize and ridicule them.
  
  And in the bigger picture, and the real point that bothers me, and why I’m mentioning any of this: This was the very day thousands of people were killed in a horrendous multi-national disastor. The tsunami killed uncounted numbers of people, and this wanker had the nerve to release a statement complaining about his Christmas presents and ridiculing his girlfriend and mother. It is not for me to judge anyone's life, but solely because of this tasteless bit of media spin and it's timing, when this man leaves this mortal coil, if there's a Hell there better be a very special chamber of horrors with his name on it. When did being a selfish, immature, ungrateful, unaware, nasty old git become an accepted and cool way to become not only famous but popular? Shame Genghis Khan or Vlad the Impaler aren’t around today, they’d have reality shows and groupies and would be wildly famous and popular. (Who Wants to Rape and Pillage My Village? Maniacal Killer Tyrant Conquerer Swap?)
  
  And then there are the children to consider, the kids who are too young and innocent to understand spin doctoring, who hear this stuff and assume it to be appropriate grown-up and famous behavior. Many children will aspire to this mode of behavior. I fear the future.
  
  
• We’re doomed.
  The entertainment industry has to play to the lowest common denominator in order to make the mega bajillion dollars it makes every year. This is a given. I understand.
  
  But.
  
  The lowest common denominator is getting lower. Many of us have a good time mocking it. But the fact is, to mock it, we have to be aware of it. Cum to Papa, Will Eat Bugs for Money, American Swindle, I’m a Horny Bastard, Shallow Bitch Gets Freaky in Hot Tub find their way into our gray matter. Even if we don’t actually tune in to watch these shows, they find ways take up precious microbes of our brains.
  
  “Oh, please, I don’t watch that crap!” many of us quickly scream.
  
  But we’re aware of them, we know these shows exist. The premises are so simple, so stupid, so formulaic, that we know what they’re about and we know enough about them to reason that we don't want to watch them. Which means we know quite a lot about them. Brains are complicated. Reasoning uses a lot of cells. A lot of synapses have to fire to make even that small decision. At least for now anyway, most of us are still able to reason and grasp related concepts. And those shows, whether we watch them or not, are using precious brain cells. Brain cells which could be creating or at least cultivating interesting, innovative, educational, intelligent entertainment. Or, how about helping find cures for disease, solving the global economics problem, helping people recover from mass disaster, or helping a neighbor? And it’s not just television and the film industry which are stealing our gray matter. The same goes for music. Ditto art. Ditto literature. There are a few notable, bright examples of hope. But they’re getting fewer and farther between. It’s time to say enough! Time to put an end to the dumbing of the human race, or as I am now thinking of it: Death By Media.
  
  
• The time has arrived: Panic.

• Week of November 28
  Packing Materials Start organizing your possessions. Throw out all frayed towels and sheets that have gone gray. Rule of thumb: If Mom would faint at the condition of your bed and bath linens - feed them to the incinerator (or better yet, use them to wrap delicate items on your move day). Another rule of thumb: If it's been more than a year since you've had occasion to use the "sexy" sheets, throw them away. If it's been over a year since you've wanted or needed your "sexy" sheets, chances are good that you won't be needing them any time soon, and if you do, you'll want new ones anyway. Don't let these reminders of your solitude and sad state of romantic activity follow you and haunt you in your new home.
  Pet Records If your pet's annual exam is less than two months away, take him or her to the vet for one last exam. Be sure to get referrals for vets in your new town. You'll also want to get a copy of your pet's medical records. Also be sure your pet has not had a milestone birthday and is considered a "senior" aged animal. (see below)
  Plan on Moving Help Ask for moving help well in advance. Once your friends and family commit to helping you, be sure to periodically remind them of your move date. Within a week of your move, you might want to remind them hourly. We're not making this up - the "remind them hourly" was actually on the bona fide "to do" list. If you follow this advice don't count on hearing from your friends for a while after you move. If ever.) Just hire swutting movers. It's worth whatever it costs.
  Research Truck Rental Begin researching rental truck companies. Err on the side of a bigger truck so you don't run out of room on your move day! Use a dependable company that guarantees the availability of a truck for your move. Solicit quotes and make a reservation. Or hire a moving company. The Contestant discovered the truck fee her moving company is charging is half what it would cost me to rent any sort of truck.
  Research Storage Facilities Too much stuff for your new place? Consider a storage facility. Start your research by comparing pricing and security levels. If you need frequent access to your possessions, be sure the facility can accommodate you. The Contestant chose an apartment which has storage lockers available for additional monthly fees. "Just do it, pay it and forget about it. It's worth it. You cut back on your movie and drinking budget by one movie and two drinks. There. Not so painful when you look at it that way, now is it?
  
  
• Week of December 5
  Food and Cleaning Supplies Finish up or pack the remaining food in the pantry and freezer. Use cleaning supplies you have on hand and avoid shopping for household items. Five weeks prior to moving? Really? The Contestant is in disbelief. "Seems a bit early to be emptying the cupboards...but then maybe other people keep more provisions around than I do..."
  Health Insurance Call your health insurance provider to ensure that you'll still have medical coverage in your new town. If you have coverage, transfer the policy to your new address. The Contestant wishes you good luck with this one. She's been trying to change her information with her health insurance company for five weeks and has still not spoken with anyone who will assist her in this capacity.
  Notify Doctor and Dentist Contact your doctor and dentist and inform them of your move. If you haven't selected a new doctor in your new town, request referrals from your current doctor. Once you have made your selection, arrange to have your medical records transferred. Note that most physicians require you to submit a signed letter before receiving records. The contestant only has to change her address, since she's only moving 3.03 miles, she will continue to use her existing doctors and dentist.
  Tax-deductible Moving Expenses Did you know that moving expenses are often tax deductible? You may be eligible to deduct transportation, travel, and lodging expenses for job-related moves. Begin to keep records of all move-related expenses and documents. And no, moving to a new place and using a corner or nook for your computer does not qualify as an office in the home or a business reason for moving. The Contestant already inquired.
  Time to Appraise Valuables It's time to have your valuables appraised if you plan on insuring them before your move. Seriously. You might not think you have anything of insurable value. But you probably do. Think about your stuff. Got a television? Computer? Stereo? Painting? Heirloom bottle cap collection? What if something were lost or damaged? What would it cost you to fix or replace it? Could you fix or replace it?
  Assess the Accessibility of Your Home If you live in a remote location, on a hill, or have a steep driveway that may not accommodate a large moving truck, be sure to discuss this with the moving company when requesting a personalized price quote. Additional charges may apply if a smaller "shuttle" truck is needed to complete the delivery of your goods. The contestant has recently discovered she will be required to pay a "walk-up" fee because she lives aboved the second floor in a building without an elevator.
  
  
• Week of December 12
  Tag Sale or Donate Possessions Start cleaning out your closets and bookcases. Donate or sell any clothing you have not worn in over two years. Sort through books and donate them to your local library or school, or sell to a used-book store. If you have a lot of good stuff and could use some extra cash, get planning on a tag sale. The Contestant discovered no one wants her stuff. She tried online auctions and didn't earn enough money to cover the listing fees. Charity and the dumpster are probably your best bets unless you really are parting with great, desirable, in demand stuff. If you have the time and space for a tag/garage/boot sale, you'll earn a little money for your junk, erm, cool stuff. But ask yourself if the time and effort is worth the $50 or $60 you earn.
  Take Advantage of your Empty Home Obtain a copy of your new floor plan, or create your own. Then start to plan where your furniture and possessions will live. Measure the rooms, doorways, and stairways to avoid surprises. And seize the opportunity to clean all the walls, floors, windows, cabinets and closets, while your home is still empty. The Contestant has spent many of her packing hours whiling away time arranging furniture on the floorplan of her new apartment. Do not over dwell on this step.
  Get Renters Insurance Moving is a good time to consider renters insurance, so contact your insurance provider and request a price quote for your new home. In order to find a good rate, it's a wise idea to solicit quotes from several providers. Even if you're not moving, do this. If you are moving, do it prior to your move. The policy may cover loss or damage during the move.
  New Blinds and Decorating Think about decorating your new place. Will you need blinds? Also, if possible, take measurements of all the rooms in your new home and decide where you will place furniture. Remember, new furniture can take over six weeks for delivery, so place your order well in advance. The Contestant ponders if anyone who moves actually has money to "decorate."
  Order New Mailing Labels Order mailing address labels and stationery for your new home. (or make your own) You might want to consider ordering new bank checks as well. Might?! Um, yes, you should consider ordering new bank checks.
  Packing Supplies Consider purchasing packing materials. You may protect some of your possessions using crumpled paper; blankets; pillows; even clothing. Sturdy boxes; packing tape; bubble wrap; and packing peanuts can be purchased from moving companies and truck-rental firms. The Contestant relented and ordered boxes from her moving company who has a buy-back policy - they will refund the cost of any unused box. Just do it. Order boxes. There are only so many liquor stores and those boxes are not always in the best condition. They're fine for some things, The Contestant highly recommends hitting up liquor stores for empty boxes, but don't rely on them as your only source.
  
  
• Week of December 19
  Pack Seasonals and Unnecessary Items Pack all items that you will not need during the month prior to your move. This includes winter/summer clothing, sports equipment, books and linens.
  Arrange for Moving Help Friends can sometimes be scarce on moving day, so if they've mysteriously gone AWOL, you should consider hiring a professional or calling the local college for help. Especially if you've been bugging your friends every hour about helping you move.
  
  
• Week of December 26
  Pet Safety Look into purchasing a travel kennel or "seat belt" for your pet's journey to his new home. No. A box from the liquor store with a towel from the throw away pile is not good enough.
  Furniture Damage Jot down any existing damage on your belongings and furniture. You'll want to be aware of this damage in case you try to make a claim with your movers. Because of course you want to blame existing damage on the movers. Duh.
  
  
• Week of January 2
  Secure a Parking Spot for the Moving Truck Plan for the arrival of your movers by ensuring that they have a convenient place to park their truck. Mark off a parking area with cones or chairs to reserve the space. If you live in a metropolitan area, consider obtaining a city parking permit to make sure the space remains available for the movers. If you live in Chicago, and it's Winter, this is di rigueur quid pro quo for any parking space. You know the drill. Get out your crappy old kitchen chairs and brooms and reserve your space.
  Inspect New Home Before moving day, try to visit your new home with your new landlord. You'll want to check for damages left by the previous tenants. You'll also want to arrange a time to pick up keys and have the home cleaned. Not that the landlord will do anything about it, but make a note and take date stamped photos so that you can prove it was that way when you moved into the place.
  Packing Boxes When packing for the big day, don't forget to clearly label each box with the room in which they belong. This will help the move quicker and settling in that much easier. Apparently this isn't obvious or they wouldn't have listed it. Also, write your name and new address on all your boxes. Yes. Really.
  Return Borrowed Items Return all library books, videos and any other borrowed or rented items. If you've had your neighbor's weed whacker for three years, wait until the night before you move, toss it into their back yard and never speak of it again.
  Throw out Wastes Dispose your household hazardous waste (cleaning fluids, lighter fluid, aerosols) before you move. Contact your Town Hall or Public Works department for the nearest location of hazardous waste disposal. You can also call 1-800-CLEANUP. Or, if you live in Chicago, just dump it down your sink or toilet. Apparently this is a widely known and accepted practice here in Chicago. And yes, photo developing materials count as hazardous. Really.
  
  
• Week of January 9
  Dry Cleaners Nobody wants to find out that their favorite shirt is back at the old dry cleaners, so remember to pick up all of your clothes before you move. The Contestant wistfully remembers the boots she forgot were at a shoe repairer the last time she moved. Far, far away. "I liked those boots, I really did..."
  Make Sure to ask for Appliance Manuals Don't forget to ask the previous tenant for any warranties and instruction manuals for appliances that will remain in your new home.
  Newspaper Subscription Don't forget to subscribe to the local newspaper(s) in your new community.
  Pet Preparation Pay close attention to your pet's behavior during the weeks before and after your move. You'll want to surround him or her with familiar objects to help ease the stress of settling into new surroundings. If your pet will be traveling to your destination in a commercial aircraft, obtain a certificate of health from your veterinarian (often, these must be dated within 10 days of flight) and check with the airline regarding any other pet travel policies and procedures. Moving is very stressful for animals. See below.
  Pet Travel If your pet is traveling by plane, arrive at the airport at least two hours early. Your pet will need to be placed in a proper travel crate. If your pet is small, consider having him or her travel in coach with you. If this works, have some fun with the flight attendant and request that your pet's meal be served in first-class. Also, at check-in, be prepared to show the airline attendant a veterinarian-issued certificate of health. Again, we're not making up the part about the meal in firs-class. We don't see the humor in it and we doubt any airline attendants will, either, nor will the fine folks at Homeland Security. Unless you want to share the fun of a cavity search with your animal companion, skip the jokes.
  Trash Removal Make arrangements for final trash and recycling pickup. If you're leaving before the next pick-up date, ask neighbors if you can leave trash with them. You might also be able to drop off trash at the local dump. Hi neighbor, I'm moving. Can I leave all my crap with you for a week until the trash pick-up day? Thanks. You've been a great neighbor. I'm sure we'll never see each other again. So here's my bags of crap. Bye now.
  Write out Map and Directions Make sure your movers know where they are going. Prepare written directions and a highlighted map. Exchange cell phone numbers so you can stay in touch in case one of you is delayed. Seriously. This is probably the single most important item on the list. Stories The Contestant could tell...
  Notify Friends Be creative when notifying friends and family of your move.
  Pack Kitchenware Get a good start by packing up all of your possessions that won't be needed during the week of your move. This includes clothing, books, kitchenware and that favorite old t-shirt you've been saving "in case we decide to paint the living room." If you've been following this timeline, you used up or threw away all the food in your pantry five weeks ago, you might as well have packed this stuff then. But if you didn't, do it now. Like The Contestant, you, too, can try to live with a spoon, sharp knife, fork, scissors, a cork screw, wine stopper, super glue, lock and keys and a tea cup for a few weeks.
  

Labels: moving

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