Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Wednesday, January 21, 2009  
LOST is back and that makes me happy. Oh I know it's been really lame, but the man-o-rama still has merit. Sawyer, Desmond, Sayid, Jin, everything's going to be okay. It's alllll going to be okay.

Which is good because I've been feeling really ranty. Stuff's bugging me.

  • I'm getting t-shirts made that say, "My senator moved to Washington, DC and all I got was Roland Burris." Anyone want to buy one?

    Do you like, "My senator got elected president and all I got was Roland Burris?" better?

    I dunno. Call me a stickler for fairness and equality. Call me too old school, too Robert's Rules of Order. Just seems like us constituents would be given the chance to vote, to choose who is going to represent us in the US Senate. Seems like our former senator who is, um, currently otherwise employed, might show some concern for the constituents who helped to catapult him the Oval Office. Now he's all, "Oooo, sworn oath this" and "Inauguration that." Mr. Leader of the Free World is too busy, better than us, can't muddy his hands with the dirt back in his district.

    Whatever, dude. I hope you're happy. Don't worry about us, we'll be fine, go on, run along, have fun. We'll be fine.

    My senator moved to Washington, DC and all I got was Roland Burris.

  • “I’m sorry?”

    I’m sorry???

    Seriously? That’s it?

    Geithner didn’t pay Social Security and Medicare for three years –once, twice, three times a tax fraud – and now he’s sorry?

    Careless and avoidable mistakes, he says. Heck yes they’re avoidable mistakes.

    But hey, give him the job of Treasury secretary, who, heh heh, gotta love the irony here, heh heh, commands the IRS.

    What? He didn't get the job at H&R Block so now he wants a job heading the IRS?

    I realize I live and work in a very different world from Geithner. And I’m not self-employed. So I don’t have a choice in paying Social Security and MediCare. I never see the money, it doesn’t go through my hands. Ever. Every two weeks 6% of my salary goes directly to Social Security. Another 1.5% of my salary goes directly to MediCare. There’s no waiting for the end of the year or a tap by an incoming president for a high level job which will put my tax statements under scrutiny to pay those fees.

    Wouldn’t it be great if the same logic applied to all of us?

    “Gosh, I’m sorry Mr. Hospital, I thought I paid that bill. Oops, I guess that was a different exam bill. Sorry. My bad. It was an avoidable mistake. I should have read it more carefully. I assure you it was unintentional. Now, let’s credit flowing!”

    Or, “Golly Mr. Daley, I thought I paid my property tax. Oops! I guess not! Sorry. My bad. Yes, I was careless, it was an avoidable mistake. I should have read the tax statements more carefully. I didn’t mean to not pay my property tax, it was unintentional. Let’s get credit rolling!”

    Crimony. If only we could live and breathe in that dome of rarified air where politicians and their appointees live. What knocks me into incredulity is not that Geithner did this in the first place, or that he has the audacity to hope for a Presidential appointment as Treasury secretary. What puts my mouth agape is the incredible set of balls he must have to think we (us regular tax paying citizens) will be so hopped up high on inauguration buzz that we won’t notice his little hearing and his statements about his tax fraud, or worse, that by peppering his apology with fear mongering “a deep uncertainty about what tomorrow holds” statements that we’ll all be so afraid for ourselves that we’ll lose sight of his tax fraud. “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”

    And Volcker has the audacity of hoping that we’ll believe him when he claims that Geithner is the best qualified individual to fix the economy? Wow. Wow.

    But then again, maybe that’s true. If I want advice on how to not get mugged or raped, I’d listen to what a mugger or rapist has to say. Maybe a tax frauder is the best person for the Treasury job, the person in charge of the IRS. Takes one to know one…you can’t con a con…maybe he could spot a fraudulent tax return better than anyone else.

    But. If he gets this job I have a great plan for getting the economy moving! Every tax payer gets a 7.5% decrease in their taxes (or equal to their usual Social Security and MediCare deductions) for three years. I could do a lot with 7.5% of my salary. A lot. Even if I had to repay it in four or five years, I can turn that 7.5% into a lot more money that it would earn in the Fed’s hands in the next few years.

  • The people who booed and gave crude gestures to former President Bush as he departed DC embarrassed and shamed all Americans. And worse, the networks which aired the footage around the world have sunk to new lows I didn’t think possible. I truly thought Rock of Love III was the last nail in the television integrity coffin. But then there’s the “news” coverage seen ‘round the world of immature inauguration revelers booing and obscenely gesturing at the departing president. Of course there will be people who boo and gesture, of course. Every crowd has them. But to air this footage, repeatedly, montaged with soft focus glamour-clips of the Obamas, is so irresponsible that it’s verging on propaganda. I’m not saying they shouldn’t report “the news.” But the booing and gesturing is getting a lot of play, all over the world.

    If they’re so glad to see him leave they should be cheering as he departed, right? Technically booing implies they’re sad to see him go. Oh right. That’s applying logic to a mob mentality.

    No. I am not a Bush supporter. Yes. I’m glad his terms have ended. But. Those immature, disrespectful hecklers make us all look bad. They make democracy look bad. Remember, he was an elected official. We have no one to blame for his being in office but ourselves.

    Why am I so riled up about this? Because one of my co-workers was at the inauguration. She emailed us video clips of her in the crowd. She’s one of the booers. She’s laughing and screaming profanities at the departing Bush. Nice. Let’s post that to our company’s employee profile page! And okay, fine, she got caught up in the moment and was under the influence of our new personal Jesus. I could make that excuse.

    But.

    This is a person who has proudly exclaimed for the past year that she’s never voted. Ever. That the November election was the first time she ever stepped foot in a polling place. She “ain’t never cared about no president before” Obama ran. Okay. I think I get that, and hey, I typically vote independent and people tell me that’s a wasted vote, so, who am I to judge? Until I saw that clip of her booing and yelling profanities at the departing Bush I didn’t judge.

    But someone who has never, ever voted has no right to boo, heckle, cajole or yell profanities at an elected official. I’ve heard a lot of this sort of thing in the past year. People who never voted, never cared about their government or politics are “inspired to participate and vote," now. Yes. That’s great. Every citizen should be involved in their government and if it takes Obama to light a fire under some people, then great.

    But.

    I can’t help but wonder what might have been if all those first time voters in the ’08 election would have voted in previous elections. Maybe we wouldn’t have had eight years of Bush. Maybe the same person who booed and yelled profanities at the departing Bush should take a moment to look at her own actions, or lack thereof, and reflect upon why she’s so happy to see him go and why she didn’t do something to prevent him from getting there in the first place.

    These are the thoughts that go through the minds of people viewing those clips in other countries. It makes us all look bad. It makes the whole world wonder why we voted for him in the first place. Oh right. Many people didn’t vote for him.

    Many people didn’t vote at all.

    We do not live in a dictatorial regime. Yet those booers, hecklers, profanity yellers behaved as if a centuries old reign of evil had been overthrown. I saw similar footage of jubilant Iraqis when Saddam Hussein was captured. Bush sucked, but he was no Saddam Hussein. We're fortunate enough to live in a country where we get to choose a new president every four years. We get to choose who represents us in the Senate and House of Congress. Every four years. Nothing is forever, especially politicians.

    I know. It sounds like I’m defending Bush. I’m not. I’m defending the democratic process. An evil empire was not overthrown, a president merely ended his term. It was going to happen, no matter what. And I’m defending those of us who are old fashioned enough to believe in behaving ourselves in public when we’re on the world stage with cameras rolling. Dignity? Respect? Decorum? Do those mean anything anymore or am I sounding like some fuddy duddy old grandma?

  • I love kids. I really do. I wish I had some. Maybe that's why it really bugs me when some self-important stay-at-home mother who hasn't contributed to Social Security since she went on maternity leave has the gall and stupidity to go off on an incensed huff about how her darling children will be paying my social security. Telling me that it's fair that I, a single-zero am forced to pay as much (more, actually) tax as parents pay. Up on a high horse pointing her finger in my face "reminding me" that it's fair that I pay tax which supports education and schools for children I don't have because all children are our future and I, a childless tax payer, should be forced to contribute equally to our future, which is in the hands of the kids in school. Ladies, women who haven't worked in years and have no intention of ever working and contributing money to income and property tax, Social Security and MediCare: Shut. The. Swut. Up. Don't get all high and mighty on me simply because you got a couple eggs fertilized and used your uterus for nine months and then quit working, quit contributing money into The System.

    Yes, your husband contributes, your "household" contributes, but you, personally, do not. I contribute to Social Security and MediCare (see above, 7.5% of every paycheck). I pay property taxes which fund your kids' schools (see above, Daley). One day your children will, too. But you, stay-at-home mom, do not. Your children are going to have to fund your Social Security and MediCare because you are not contributing to Social Security and MediCare. Don't drag me (or anyone else who works) into your vicious cycle of guilt and justification. Get off your self-righteous high horse and get a job then I'll happily discuss your children, their education and their future Social Security and MediCare contributions.

  • Why is American Idol still on television?


Whew. There. Stuff's been bugging me.

Happy place. Man-o-rama. A good reason to watch LOST other than the man-o-rama? Hurley Wisdom. "Maybe if you ate more comfort food you wouldn't have to go around shooting people." Amen, Brother Hurley.

8:40 PM

 
I know it's lame but tee hee the thought of being on an island with Sawyer and him calling me Gizmo makes me all giggley.


8:11 PM

 
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