Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Saturday, June 18, 2011  
So, my elderly former Cub Scout Den Mother, United Methodist Women's Society founder and district library patron donor children's book editor mother, who is recovering from mini-strokes and cannot walk or speak very well, had a harassment and child endangerment complaint filed against her.

I'll let you digest that for a moment.





Yep. My mother not only now has a rap sheet, it's of the most severe and harshest type of crime: Child endangerment.

And yet some wonder why I say, "There is no God."

It's not improbable, it's impossible.

Because there is too much hatred, hostility and utter stupidity in this world for there to be any higher power involved.

And after this chapter in the Life(?) I'm questioning evolution. Well, not evolution, we are definitely evolving...but not in a positive direction.

I accept that crap happens to me. It's what puts the (?) in my Life.

But my mother? You know when people say, "My mother's a saint" it's just a turn of phrase? Well, my mother is not a saint (because we don't believe in saints) but, she is saintlike. Purity of heart, cleanliness of soul and all around genuine, sincere niceness are just the tip of my mother's personality iceberg. Everyone who's spent even two minutes with my mother loves her. All my life I've been complimented on my mother, told how lucky I am to have her for my mother, that she's an angel here on earth, and all my life I have completely agreed.

So for anyone to even imply that my mother would harass anyone, or that she's even capable of endangering a child, is so preposterous that it can't be anything other than a comedy skit.

And yet...my mother now has a harassment and child endangerment complaint filed against her at the township PD.

It's always the ones you never suspect...

There is a property line dispute with a new neighbor. So, rather than call the police or argue and let things get ugly, my mother asked me to call the township and ask what we should do about the vehicles the new neighbor parked in her yard and the nightly log burning that takes place on her lawn. They were sympathetic but said we had to have a lot survey with stakes set and then post "No Trespassing" signs on the lot line stakes.

Okay. My mother knows exactly where the property boundaries are. She and my father have been paying property tax on that lot for over 40 years. She and my father have been gardening gardens, mowing the lawn, trimming the trees and keeping that lot looking like a well groomed country manner house estate garden for over 40 years. They know, intimately, every inch of that lot. They pH tested the soil, deciphered the delicate balance and found the right blend of grass seed for every inch of that lot.

But, my mother, being saintlike, didn't want to cause trouble and wanted to do things "right" so she paid the enormous fee (and I mean enormous, I'm thinking land surveying might be my new career) to have a land surveyor come out and officially survey the lot and place the lot boundary stakes. Lot boundary stakes are long iron stakes recessed into the property boundary corners (and/or on property lines). They can be located by metal detectors. The surveyor located one of the original boundary stakes, about a foot under the surface of the corner of the lot. Which clearly indicates that the new neighbor's vehicle is completely on my parents' yard, and his tree burning altar is also fully on my parents' lawn. But, wanting to do things official, the surveyor did not work from that stake, he started from scratch. And after two days of tons of surveying, calculating and effort (it's a really large lot) he found the original stake is right on the money, barely a millimeter of "drift" since it was originally staked. He placed new permanent irons in the ground and put temporary wood boundary stakes above ground.

Then, as per the township's guidelines and advice, I posted "No Trespassing" signs on the stakes indicating that my mother did not want anyone on her property without permission. Apparently this is an ordinance, even though it's private property you have to physically post a "No Trespassing" sign if you don't want people parking vehicles or burning trees on your lawn.

Sidebar: This is to say nothing of the HOA rules about boats, RVs, trailers and "motorized vehicles" not being allowed in yards in the neighborhood, or, more seriously, the county law about burn permits being required for all open flames other than regulation barbecues. One of my mother's neighbors got a ticket for a new fire pit because it didn't meet the regulation barbecue standards. And yet this guy is burning tree branches and lawn debris on a nightly basis.


Less than 24 hours later a police officer, we won't call him Barney Fife because that would be slander, showed up and told my mother there were harassment and child endangerment complaints filed against her because the "No Trespassing" signs were on the neighbor's lawn and are harassment, and the wood stakes are a physical danger to their little children.

Remember, the stakes are in my mother's lawn, as are the "no trespassing" signs, which the township office, which houses the police department, advised my mother to post.

Sidebar: The guy who filed the child endangerment complaint against my mother is the same man who uses an "Axe Man" style chainsaw to cut down trees in his yard without safety goggles or gloves and wearing flip flops, while his "little children" play 10 feet away from the chainsaw and the 50+ year old trees he's cutting down and burning. But yeah, I can see how a kid could run and trip and fall on a 12" x 1.5" piece of wood akin to a stir stick you get when you buy a gallon of paint. With bright pink ribbons tied to them.

The officer was rude and spoke to my mother like she was keeping dead bodies in the basement. Note that I am not making obvious comments about what shiny badges do to men of lower IQs. I will never allow anyone to speak to, or about, my mother that way so I called the police office. And finally spoke with a higher ranking member of the force. (Keep in mind this is a ridiculously small town with a police force of 6 people, including the dispatcher.) Also keep in mind in all the years my parents have owned their home in this small town they have never called the police or been involved in a police report. Of any kind, even a traffic violation. Also keep in mind that my dad voluntarily helped the local law enforcement with cars stuck in snowbanks, storm debris cleanup, water rescue operations and domestic and wildlife rescues. He even once served in a volunteer patrol when an escaped armed convict was reportedly hiding in the area. My dad's "team" was in charge of patrolling the woods were the convict was eventually apprehended, no small thanks to the evidence my dad and his team found while on patrol. (My dad was very saintlike, too, and very civic minded.)

Fortunately, my mother has other neighbors who know she's saintlike, and more importantly know the lot lines, and came to her defense. And fortunately the officer who we won't call Barney Fife because that would be slander was schooled by his higher up and the lot line issue is on its way to official resolution and the vehicle will be ticketed if it's not moved by next week. (And then towed. And impounded.) And the lack of burn permit issue is going to be "investigated."

But.

That complaint about harassment and child endangerment? Still stands. "Unfortunately our hands our tied. We take child endangerment very seriously and once a complaint is filed a full investigation, including social workers and safety evaluations, must take place. And because the property line was in dispute at the time the stakes were placed, and because a parent felt their children's safety was at risk, we have to follow-up to the letter of the law, regardless of questions of legitimacy resulting from subsequent evidence. This is for the safety of all children."

I tried to take the heat for my mother, I was the one who posted the "No Trespassing" signs on the lot boundary stakes, but unfortunately since it's my mother's property and I was acting on her authority, she's the one who gets the rap sheet.

And so I say, "And you wonder why I think there is no God?"

Yes, of course, this is "just" a ridiculous example of bureaucracy and small town bull shit. Of course my mother would never even be able to conceive a thought that would endanger anyone, especially a child. And even with his ridiculous libelous accusations and slander, my mother is choosing to forgive those who trespass against us.

But.

How is it possible that this can happen? Stupidity. Arrogance. Self-righteousness. Egotism. Stupidity. Stupidity. Stupidity. Stupidity.

This man, the neighbor, is apparently so dishonest, so stupid, so hateful and so self-involved that he is a) refusing to accept the indisputable fact of the lot boundaries, b) eager and swift to accuse a completely innocent elderly person of harming children and most disturbingly, c) eager, swift and willing to use his children as chattel in his lie-based slander of said elderly person.

If a Higher Power is capable of producing that sort of soul then I will gladly, happily, rot in burning Hell with a Lower Power who doesn't pretend to be anything other than a satanic demon unleashing evil in the world.

And as for evolution? If thousands of years has brought us to this point, this shining example of evolved DNA, I think it's time to return to the caves. Or perhaps we're just on the cusp of completing a full cycle when we'll slip back into the primordial ooze and start the whole thing over again.

1:58 AM

 
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