Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Thursday, March 13, 2008  
Isn't This How Hitler Started?
Okay, so, I’ve been super busy. Work is insane and when I’m not working or at physical therapy, I’m helping rid the world of animal cruelty. Yeah, I’m a regular St. Francis of Assisi. St. Trillian of Chicago.

I don’t like to use the blog as a soap box for my favorite charities very often. Therefore when I do post something it’s because there are issues which need serious attention.

Well, this is one of those times.

Remember Michael Vick and his money making/canine murder operation?

Well, Mayor Vance Trively of Randolph, Iowa, has found a way to make Michael Vick look like a good little boy who just got into some silly hijinks.

Mayor, yes, mayor, an elected official, Trively decided the best way to take care of animal control in Randolph is to offer a $5/cat/dog bounty.

Animals are to be trapped and brought to the mayor. If he can't identify the animal "by its collar," a $5/feline/canine head bounty will be given to the bounty hunter and the trapped animals will (allegedly) be taken to a vet to be euthanized.

Yes. The mayor himself is going to identify (or not) the trapped animals. Ummm. Huh? I realize there's probably not a lot of official business which requires mayoral tending in Randolph, Iowa, but this guy actually has the time, inclination and ability to identify (or not) animals trapped and brought to him?

There are so many flaws and unconscionable issues in that plan I can’t even articulate them. The words swirl too fast and too many in my head. And I feel safe in assuming you are having the same problem getting a grip on your disbelief and anger over this. I get alternating images of The Godfather and Deliverance with a touch of Mayor Daley thrown in for payola.

I have never been to Randolph, Iowa. I’m not going to cast aspersions about the people who voted this mass animal-ocide advocate into office. Nor am I going to make assumptions about the mentality of an entire town of people based on their “kill ‘em and win” strategy for managing animal population. I would never want anyone to judge me based on my city's "elected" officials. So I have a lot of sympathy for any of the decent, humane people of Randolph, Iowa who are embarrassed to be represented by Trively. I'm not talking about those people in Randolph, Iowa. For the record.

Feral cat colonies and wild dog packs start a number of ways. But at the root of most of the colonies is a cat or dog who was a) not properly cared for and b) abandoned by a careless human. The human didn’t get the female animal spayed, and surprise, surprise, that one animal turned into a cat or dog and 6 kittens or puppies. The human doesn’t want, or can’t afford, the six kittens or puppies, so they’re dumped on the side of a road. The irony is that the cost of spaying a healthy cat or dog is minimal, often free or the price of whatever donation the new pet owner can afford. The cost of feeding and caring for a lot of kittens or puppies far outweighs the cost of spaying the mother cat or dog.

Okay, there’s the basic rundown. It’s not rocket science or even an AP biology course. Most of us, I assume all you reading the blog, understand the health and safety issues for your pets and understand the need for spaying/neutering them as well as stray/feral cats and dogs. Yay us. We’re smart and humane and take good care of our pets and care about animals. We rock.

But then there are the others. The people who don’t read this blog and apparently are not capable of connecting the dots of basic reproduction processes and economic responsibility. Heck, $5 for a trapped cat or dog?! Shoot, can't beat those odds, better than the lottery or the toy crane machine down at the Wal-Mart.

I suppose if the people of Randolph, Iowa are so poor they need the $5 they’ll get for trapping and turning in an animal to the mayor to be killed, $30 - $75 to spay or neuter their pets in the first place is probably too much money for them to comprehend spending on “just a cat/dog.” And heck, with the Easter Egg Hunt just around the corner, why not make a festival of it? Bring a trapped animal with you to the Easter Egg Hunt and you can have your choice of the $5 bounty or a chocolate bunny! Or better still, instead of hunting Easter Eggs, why not have the kids hunt for cats and dogs! Heck, they stand to make more money catching a few cats and dogs than they do for a mouth full of baby teeth left for the Tooth Fairy.

Seriously, you gotta read this. Were it not for the horrific nature of the animal issue his press release would be a riot.

So far it's cats who are suffering under Mayor Trively's trap and kill plan. Hmmmmm. I smell a cat h8ing rat. Three caught and turned in to the mayor, one of those allegedly killed. Way to put Randolph, Iowa in the world spotlight, there mayor. It's no secret a lot of people hate cats. A lot of people have abject fear of cats. A lot of people really love dogs and think because they love dogs they are by default cat haters. I dunno. I've never understood hating an entire species, but, hey, whatever, I don 't want to judge. But the fact is a lot of people carry around a lot of serious negative feelings about cats. Obviously Mayor Trively has issues with cats. Should someone with that bias be in a position to decide the fate of any animal, especially cats?

And the bounty hunters...three people have turned in cats to be killed in trade for a $5 bounty. Obviously, they, too, are not fond of cats. Or are really hard up for $5. Or both. Sooooooo, let's say someone in Randolph has a neighbor they don't like, or, maybe they can tolerate the neighbor but hate their neighbor's cat. They lure the cat into a trap with some tuna and cream, bang the trap's door closed, snip off the collar, and turn the cat in for a $5 bounty. Wham, bam, thank you mayor, the neighbor's cat will never be seen again.

I have a neighbor down the hall whose dog barks a lot. It doesn't bother me that much. I like the dog. But let's say I wasn't me. All I'd have to do is volunteer to walk the dog when the neighbor goes away for the weekend. I take off his collar and head out on a road trip to Randolph. No more barking dog down the hall and $5 in my pocket.

"But what about microchips, Trill, I mean, duh, they just scan the animal for a microchip."

Heh heh heh. Not in Randolph, Iowa they don't. None of that fancy big city new technology for them. Uh-uh, no way. No collar, no life. Mayor Trively is the final judge of which animals live and which go free. So far, of the three turned in to the mayor under the new bounty plan none have walked free.

"Well, that sucks, and I know you really dig animals and cats, Trill, but people are dying in Iraq, we're in a recession, people are losing their homes and one of the worst flu epidemics in years is raging through schools and offices. Three cats, most likely feral, I mean, sorry Trill, but it's just three cats."

Okay, yeah, I get your point. Well. I mean. Not really. But. I understand not everyone cares as much about animal rights as I do. I understand there are a lot of serious and heinous crimes and problems in this world and three cats in TheMiddleofNowhere, Iowa pale in comparison to a car bombing and more soldiers coming home in body bags.

But. On the other hand. Mayor Trively is a case of absolute power corrupting absolutely. He's refused outside help and reasonable solutions. He's doing what he wants to do. Period. And he wants to kill animals. We're in a "war on terrorism" right? Dictatorial regimes are bad, right? Mass genocide is a bad thing, right? Ummmm, well, from the cats' perspective (and mine), Mayor Trively is a mass genocide dictator abusing his authority and position of power to wage terrorist acts on animals. What happens in Randolph doesn't stay in Randolph. This is making world news feeds. Mayor Trively is making every American look really, really bad, evil, stupid, narrow-minded and unreasonable.

Oh, right. Nothing new there.

See my point? Mayor Trively is just proving to the world that even in quaint rural small town America Americans are unreasonable bullies who refuse to listen to another point of view and can't wait to kill, kill, kill.

And what about this alleged vet who's going to euthanize the animals? I'm no stranger to animal health care costs. And sadly, I had to euthanize a pet. I know what it costs. The math is adding up and pointing to a vet who's in cahoots with Mayor Trively. If there really is a vet, that is.

If only there was someone, a qualified organization, who specializes in cat (and yes, dog) overpopulation problems.

Oh wait a minute, hang on, why, there is such an organization. By golly, yes, there are people who help with this exact issue. And you know what?! Their solution doesn’t involve death! Wow!

Mayor Trively should call them!

Heh heh. Way ahead of you.

Alley Cat Allies has contacted Mayor Trively. They offered to help. But Mayor Trively thinks his $5 bounty/ cat/dog is a good plan. It rids the community of unwanted animals and puts money in the pockets of the citizens. It’s his answer to Bush’s economic stimulus tax rebate.

What? You think Bush’s plan is a really stupid idea? Well. If A = Bush’s tax rebate, and B = Mayor Trively’s animal bounty, and C = really stupid idea which won’t get us out of a really, really big problem, the math goes like this: A = C, A = B, therefore, B = C.

“Okay, Trill, I get it. You had me at $5 bounty. But I don’t live in Iowa, I didn’t vote for this animal hating low life, what can I do?”

Glad you asked.

You, yes you, can do a lot!

You can write Mayor Trively!

No, you can’t send him an email or a fax. The good mayor doesn’t have email or a fax (or, based on the press release, a computer and printer). Isn’t that a funny coincidence? I wonder how the citizens of Randolph contact their elected officials? It’s a small town, maybe they just yell over the fence or bend his ear at coffee hour in the fellowship hall at church on Sunday. (And no, I’m not ridiculing small towns, I’m from a very, very small town. And even the small town where my parents live the mayor and every other elected official has an email address posted on the town’s website, as well as phone and fax numbers. I’m just sayin’…if my hometown can do it, surely Randolph, Iowa can.)

Here’s his address:
Mayor Vance Trively, Cat Killer
PO Box 88
107 S Main
Randolph, IA 51649-0013

Yep, a good ol’ fashioned letter writing campaign. Yes. It will cost you a stamp. I’m sorry about that. Write me and I’ll send you 50 cents if you need reimbursing for the stamp and mailing expenses.

You’re a reader, not a writer? No problem!

Here’s a letter written for you. You can cut and paste, then add your own words or just print and mail.


Mayor Vance Trively

Please rethink your decision to encourage residents to trap outdoor cats for a $5 bounty and contact Alley Cat Allies for help. Not only is this operation inhumane, it is a danger to local pets because companion cats could be mistakenly killed.

The most important way to help community cats is to spay or neuter and vaccinate them. Trap-Neuter-Return accomplishes that. The cats are painlessly trapped and taken to a veterinarian to be spayed or neutered and vaccinated. Kittens and stray cats (friendly to humans) are put up for adoption. Healthy, adult feral cats (cats fearful of human contact) are returned to their home to be cared for by compassionate neighbors.

Again, I urge you to immediately discontinue your current trap-and-kill program and contact Alley Cat Allies for help. They can work with you to humanely manage the outdoor cats in Randolph, Iowa.

Sincerely

(your name here)



****UPDATE*****
There is some positive progress in the Randolph, Iowa trap-and-kill atrocity. Today (Friday, March 14) thanks to many thousands of letters, Alley Cat Allies and the Iowa State Vet, Randolph's City Council grew a spine and overrode Mayor Trively's committment to trap and kill animals for a $5 bounty. Read the press release here. Mayor Trively presumably held steadfast to his trap-pay bounty-kill plan because the City Council had to override his authority. So continue to mail those letters to Mayor Trively. I mean cripes, even Michael Vick had the intelligence to at least act remorseful when he was caught and at least bothered to pretend to learn lessons at his animal cruelty awareness sessions. Not so Mayor Trively - he's not backing down on this one. He's either true to his beliefs to spite himself or he is, as we all presume, stupid and a bully. Send those letters.

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