Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.
Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.
Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)
Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero
Monday, September 29, 2008
So, I was stuck in a hotel room with three women who are Lifetime women. As you can probably guess, I am not a Lifetime woman.
I knew it was, well, you know. I have seen Lifetime. I know their brand. I know their demographic. I'm familiar with their programming. I'm pretty sure I've even watched some of their movies during various bouts of illnesses and surgeries when I was too doped up on meds to use the remote control and change the channel. But. Holy swutting melodrama and ridiculous predictible plots and bad acting. Sheesh.
Who writes this stuff? Seriously? Who dreams up these plots? I read a couple Harlequin romances when I was around 13. I was staying at an aunt's condo and their community book shelf was chock full of them. I thought they were ridiculously stupid and poorly written and have laughed at that genre ever since. I realize they serve a purpose. I understand there's a viable market. I understand sometimes people just want an easy read and a lot of suggestive metaphors. (Though...why not read something like Outlander which has a ridiculous plot, easy words but has actual highly detailed bawdy sex?) I understand all of that. Lifetime is just an extension of those books, movie versions of the same old plots. Woman scorned, woman gets even by having an affair/taking the children and running away/not getting mad getting even/having a fight with her mother. I dunno. I just thought by now (the 21st century) we (society) had come further than trivializing the female perspective on life in trite little easy to digest programs.
Women scream they want equality. And we do. Really. We do. But. No man is going to take us seriously as long as Lifetime is around and women, smart women, tune in and spend entire weekends on the couch watching it. It perpetuates the same old stereotypes. The mysteries are just grown up versions of Nancy Drew. The comedies are just cute little feel good Hallmark-y schmaltz. The dramas are all scorned women out for revenge. No wonder women still aren't being paid equal salaries - "our" television network makes us look like vengeful, bitchy, simple minded moronic nincompoops. The best thing "we" have going for us, the best of "our" network, is the reruns of Golden Girls. And while I admit to guffawing and chuckling at the better lines (thanks to tremendously gifted comediennes), the plots are sit-com stupid. And really, if the best that can be said for "us" is The Golden Girls a 20-year-old sit-com featuring retired women living off their husbands' life insurance and pensions, "we" are in trouble.
It makes me feel sad. And full of despair.
And that makes me want to break into bad country music.
Date rape, murder and alcoholism, Soccer moms gone wild, addicts gone clean, Adultery, impotency, juxtaposed in ironic schism Boys who are bad and girls who are mean My life is so simple, no poignant symbolism
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life
A cycle of abuse which must be stopped Easier said than done in a small town And the husband is the local cop Shame, pride and fear keep this woman down. My life is so simple compared to this lot.
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life
The neighbor women gossip over lunch About a friend’s husband’s illicit affair Not certain, no proof, just a hunch That he’s sleeping with the French au pair My life is so simple compared to this bunch
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life
Women in peril, perilously escaping Situations rife with drama and intrigue, Their plights in life are heartbreaking Hard work and fate has them beleaguered My life is so simple, no havoc wreaking
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life
Her teenaged daughter is hiding a habit of meth, Her senior mom is showing signs of Alzheimers She’s the woman in the middle, between birth and death She steals a few quiet moments in smoky all night diners My life is so simple, so pure like minty fresh breath
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life
The squeaky clean soccer mom with a salacious secret Telling lies, living lies, it’s wrong but don’t knock her Lines on her face belie years of shame and regret The sordid tale of a mom more sexual succor than soccer. My life is so simple, not this weird or complicated
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life
Power driven career gals who trade inside Portrayed like ruthless shrews and tough broads Who get what’s coming to them but never cry End up serving 20 to life for conspiracy and bank fraud My life is so simple, nothing so criminal, nothing to hide
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life
A cross dressing husband in her closet causing woes. Afraid, ashamed, confused, trying to understand, She realizes she likes him better in her clothes Then succumbs to the seduction of a lesbian friend. My life is so simple, sexually straightforward as an arrow.
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life
The good, the strong, the wrongly persecuted victims Prevail in the end, become heroines reveled by all. The bad, the weak, the sinister villainous women Get what they’ve got coming, while still showing their gall. My life is so simple, not a lauded heroine or sent to prison.
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life
They'll get tough, they'll get real, they'll get gritty. Taking on today's difficult issues, nothing is taboo. But the actresses will always be accessibly pretty. Hair styled, good make-up, nice clothes and cute shoes. My life is so simple, but not catwalk ready.
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life.
Who writes this stuff, this fodder, this embarrassment? Do women really crave this mind numbingly stupid drivel? We’re educated, aware and armed with empowerment Why are our made for television dramas stupid and trivial? My life is so simple, nothing like this fictional escapement.
A weekend on Lifetime, (Not in my lifetime) have the time of your life (Not in my lifetime) These are not the times of my life (Not in my lifetime) The torment, tragedy and strife (Not in my lifetime) Daughter, sister, mother, wife (Not in my lifetime) Not my time, not my life (Not in my lifetime) Have the time of your life.
Depressed, repressed, oppressed, they’re a mess. Someone's gonna get mad and someone’s gonna cry, Someone will be perplexed, someone will have sex, Someone will do drugs and someone’s gonna die. My life is so simple, not one problem like this.
Ten minutes on Lifetime, (pleasure, drama and pain) Ten minutes on Lifetime, (desire, longing and heartache) Ten minutes on Lifetime, (the acting’s really lame) Ten minutes on Lifetime, (put the cookies in to bake) Ten minutes on Lifetime (you know you have no shame) Ten minutes on Lifetime (all the emotions you can take) Ten minutes on Lifetime (feels so good to complain) Ten minutes on Lifetime Have the time of your life.
