Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.

Otherwise, hello, and welcome.
Mail Trillian here<





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Women, The Internet and You: Tips for Men Who Use Online Dating Sites
Part I, Your Profile and Email

Part II, Selecting a Potential Date

Part III, Your First Date!

Part IV, After the First Date. Now What?


"50 First Dates"






Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.

Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Find Federal Officials
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or Search by State

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or Search by State

Contact The Media
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Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)

Quasar
Hyperbole
Amenable
Taciturn
Ennui
Prophetic
Tawdry
Hubris
Ethereal
Syzygy
Umbrageous
Twerp
Sluice
Omnipotent
Sanctuary
Malevolent
Maelstrom
Luddite
Subterfuge
Akimbo
Hoosegow
Dodecahedron
Visceral
Soupçon
Truculent
Vitriol
Mercurial
Kerfuffle
Sangfroid




























 







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Highlights from the Archives. Some favorite Trillian moments.

Void, Of Course: Eliminating Expectations and Emotions for a Better Way of Life

200i: iPodyssey

Macs Are from Venus, Windows is from Mars Can a relationship survive across platform barriers?
Jerking Off

Get A Job

Office Church Ladies: A Fieldguide

'Cause I'm a Blonde

True? Honestly? I think not.

A Good Day AND Funyuns?

The Easter Boy

Relationship in the Dumpster

Wedding Dress 4 Sale, Never Worn

Got Friends? Are You Sure? Take This Test

What About Class? Take This Test

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy Far Far Away, There Was a Really Bad Movie

May Your Alchemical Process be Complete. Rob Roy Recipe

Good Thing She's Not in a Good Mood Very Often (We Knew it Wouldn't Last)

What Do I Have to Do to Put You in this Car Today?

Of Mice and Me (Killer Cat Strikes in Local Woman's Apartment)

Trillian: The Musical (The Holiday Special)

LA Woman (I Love (Hate) LA)

It is my Cultureth
...and it would suit-eth me kindly to speak-eth in such mannered tongue

Slanglish

It's a Little Bit Me, It's a Little Bit You
Blogging a Legacy for Future Generations


Parents Visiting? Use Trillian's Mantra!

Ghosts of Christmas Past: Mod Hair Ken

Caught Blogging by Mom, Boss or Other

2003 Holiday Sho-Lo/Mullet Awards

Crullers, The Beer Store and Other Saintly Places

Come on Out of that Doghouse! It's a Sunshine Day!

"...I had no idea our CEO is actually Paula Abdul in disguise."

Lap Dance of the Cripple

Of Muppets and American Idols
"I said happier place, not crappier place!"

Finally Off Crutches, Trillian is Emancipated

Payless? Trillian? Shoe Confessions

Reality Wednesday: Extremely Local Pub

Reality Wednesday: Backstage Staging Zone (The Sweater Blog)

The Night Secret Agent Man Shot My Dad

To Dream the Impossible Dream: The Office Karaoke Party

Trillian Flies Economy Class (Prisoner, Cell Block H)

Trillian Visits the Village of the Damned, Takes Drugs, Becomes Delusional and Blogs Her Brains Out

Trillian's Parents are Powerless

Striptease for Spiders: A PETA Charity Event (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids)

What's Up with Trillian and the Richard Branson Worship?

"Screw the French and their politics, give me their cheese!"


















 
Mail Trillian here





Trillian's Guide to the Galaxy gives 5 stars to these places in the Universe:
So much more than fun with fonts, this is a daily dose of visual poetry set against a backdrop of historical trivia. (C'mon, how can you not love a site that notes Wolfman Jack's birthday?!)

CellStories

Alliance for the Great Lakes


Hot, so cool, so cool we're hot.

Ig Nobel Awards

And you think YOU have the worst bridesmaid dress?

Coolest Jewelry in the Universe here (trust Trillian, she knows)

Red Tango

If your boss is an idiot, click here.

Evil Cat Full of Loathing.

Wildlife Works

Detroit Cobras


The Beachwood Reporter is better than not all, but most sex.



Hey! Why not check out some great art and illustration while you're here? Please? It won't hurt and it's free.

Shag

Kii Arens

Tim Biskup

Jeff Soto

Jotto




Get Fuzzy Now!
If you're not getting fuzzy, you should be. All hail Darby Conley. Yes, he's part of the Syndicate. But he's cool.





Who or what is HWNMNBS: (He Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken) Trillian's ex-fiancé. "Issues? What issues?"







Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.


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Reading blogs at work? Click to escape to a suitable site!

Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains

A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right

Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains





























Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero

 
Tuesday, May 18, 2010  
Well, that was fun. Four hours of abuse. Niiiice. And worse, there weren't as many lonely old people eager to engage in conversation with anyone, even a telemarketer. One of my more seasoned coworkers (he's considered a long term employee, 8 months on the job) told me Sundays are when the senior citizens really want to gab. Apparently Sundays are long, lonely days for senior citizens.

Today I had a lot of hang ups. That's okay. I prefer hangups to profanity and threats.

The fuck yous and fuck offs not only take a toll on my self respect, they also have an impact on my job performance. We're supposed to try to "turn the anger around" and try to engage the customer in meaningful dialog about the product or service we are marketing.

Further, if I disconnect a call it's noted and counts against me, like a demerit. Meaning, a customer can say anything to us and it's "better" for us telemarketers if we sit there and take it until they hang up.

Which means we take a lot of abuse to keep our low paying crappy job.

Today I had a guy try to engage me in phone sex. "Hello, Mr. Jackoff?"

"Yes?"

"Our records indicate you bought a Widget 9000. Are you happy with your Widget 9000?"

"Yes. You sound sexy."

"Great! Mr. Jackoff, were you aware there is an add-on device available for the Widget 9000?"

"No. Tell me about it, baby."

"Great! The Hoozit 2200 works with your Widget 9000. You may have noticed the adapter ring on your Widget 9000. The Hoozit 2200 easily and quickly attaches to your Widget 9000 via that adapter ring."

"Ooooo, sexy, yeah, baby, tell me more, you sound really hot."

"The Hoozit 2200 is reasonably priced and will enhance the performance of your Widget 9000. You'll see increased capacity and more efficient run times, saving you hundreds of dollars over the course of a year of regular use of your Widget 9000."

"I want to lick your pussy and give you a rim job."

"Great! Would you like to take advantage of our special offer today? You can purchase the Hoozit 2200 for $29.98. That's a 43% savings off the retail price."

"What'll it cost me to fuck you in the ass?"

"If you choose to take advantage of this great offer I can include an AC adapter at no extra charge. Does this sound like something you'd be interested in today, Mr. Jackoff?"

"Oh God yes, baby, give it to me."

"Great! I'll just need some information from you. Do you have a credit card handy?"

"Fuck you, bitch, fuck you and your hot wet cunt, you know you fucking want me."

"You can also order online. I'll need your email address and will send you the discount code."

"Fuck me, oh god fuck me, bitch, fuck me. (groan, sigh)"

"Mr. Jackoff? We require a credit card number or email address to complete this Hoozit 2200 offer. Mr. Jackoff? Hello?"

Yep. That's what I do. That's my job. Why didn't I hang up on him? Because it counts against me to hang up on him and sooner or later he'll hang up on me, so, it's in my best job interest to endure the abuse, the weirdness, the threats, the sex...it's all about them. And the longer we engage the customer, the longer the call time, the higher mark we get. So at the end of the month when our numbers are tallied the longer we keep customers on the line, the better our review. The better the review, the sooner you can move up and into telesurveying.

So. That's why I endure the profanity, the sad lonely old people, the phone sex guy. (And, I have his phone number, anyone think I should call him? I mean, hey, he thinks I sound hot.) 

And you wonder why I am losing self respect? Why I'm willing, hoping, to lose self control? Why I'm trying to drink more and eat less? Why I don't care about myself, my health or my life? Look at what I'm doing for $8/hour. Phone sex operators earn more than that - and based on that caller today I'm thinking maybe I should consider it. At least there the callers call me wanting something and when they tell me to fuck off they mean it literally and not as an insult.

Wait.

I'm taking home $19.15 for five hours of abuse and Bristol Palin's getting $15K - $30K for one speech?

"...she's interested in expanding her message beyond teen pregnancy to include her experiences on the campaign trail and in the media spotlight; her parenting approach; and her outlook on life."

And she has an outlook on life worth paying $15K - $30K to hear? Can't she just Tweet her outlook on life like every other 19-year-old?

Public service is one thing, from a marketing standpoint Bristol would be PSA gold, if she truly volunteered, gratis, her voice and image. I'd actually back that plan.

But. Turning a profit, a huge profit, from her mom's "fame" and her teen pregnancy? Huh? What point am I missing in this?

Millions of educated, professionally experienced, intelligent, creative, insightful people are jobless and struggling to exist on $8 - $10/hour jobs (if they're lucky enough to land a job at all) and Bristol Palin is getting $15K - $30K/speech?

I've lived too long.

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4:09 PM

 
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