Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.
Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.
Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)
Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Okay then. My future is clear: Wo chi shuigito. In bed.
Who knew my future would hinge upon my eating fruit?
This is a new low (or something...) in my chinese fortune cookie history. Chinese language lessons? Maybe this is a roundabout way of telling me: You will learn a new language. Or maybe: You pathetic loser, we've run out of stupid introspective pith to tell you so we're just saying anything at all. Next time we'll tell you something like The cement is porous. Leave. Now. Go away. Don't come back here. There's nothing here for you. We've done all we can. Just. Leave.
I suspect this because I always get the "deep philosophical" fortunes in my fortune cookies.
Always.
Everyone else around the table gets useful, even exciting fortunes. One memorable evening, in a restaurant far, far away, I dined Chinese with five friends. We had just lamented how fortunes in fortune cookies had become lame and pithy, that the Chinese, rather than taking chances on liability law suits, had stopped doling out "real" fortunes. I was sort of glad to hear this because the deep, philosophical non-fortune fortune cookies had followed me my entire life. I have always been the one to get the fortune that, rather than making the rest of the table laugh or oooh and ahhh, causes a contemplative silence which leads to the divvying up of the bill and calling it a night. Yes. The buzz kill fortune cookie. The one that's not even funny with an "in bed" suffix. Always goes to me. So this new trend in fortunes was welcome news. Finally, I was on a level fortune cookie playing field. The buzz kill, "let's see what the damage is..." fortune could now fall upon anyone (or everyone) around the table.
After that conversation, however, the Chinese Gods of Fortunes and Irony smiled upon us, as if proving points to the table of jaded, cynical far too sarcastic miscreants. The following fortunes were revealed:
To a friend unemployed at the time: "Unexpected income arrives in three days.";
To a friend trying to get pregnant: "One who will change your life arrives in the coming months.";
To a friend just beginning to play the stock market: "An exclusive opportunity will soon be presented.";
To a friend dating a new guy who seemed promising: "Kind and noble acts will serve well in a new romance.";
To a friend constantly at odds with his boss: "Do not trust those in perceived business authority."
To me: "The wise one leads with confidence and follows with pride." What the...? That's not a fortune. That's not very wise. It's not even very philosophical. It's really more an obvious statement of fact. Zig Zigler could do better than that. And just who is the "wise one?" Is this a jab at my little problem with authority? It's not even that funny with the "in bed" suffix. Typical. So swutting typical. So swutting typical that it was ironically funny to my dinner companions. And then the contemplative silence fell over the table, and the bill was divvied up and we all went home.
One of the friends present that evening noted the fortunes. Thinking the fortunes, which landed so poignantly upon us, would provide a "fun" experiment in the probability and statistics of fortune cookies. (I still have the email, which is how I remember the fortunes)
The results? Well, while not staggering or surprising, are open for interpretation.
Unemployed friend got a little more money in his severance package than expected.
Turns out my friend was in fact pregnant. Suspected but confirmed a few hours after that exact meal when she became so violently ill her husband took her to the hospital with suspected food poisoning. "You're not poisoned, dear, you're pregnant," was the ER doctor's announcement.
Stock market friend made some money, (but then lost most of it post 9/11)
The friend with the promising new beau did indeed act kindly and nobly (as she is wont to do anyway) and married him.
Friend with the problem boss: Got a job at a different company, left his jerk of a boss far behind, the company, a dot com, folded about a year later.
Me, well, leading with as much confidence as possible and swallowing pride and following when necessary. As ever.
Draw your own conclusions.
The reigning best fortune I've ever received, still cello taped to my monitor: You are doomed (yikes!) to be happy in wedlock. Oh, swut! I'm doomed! Oh, wait. Okay. If I'm doomed to something, this is probably the best possible option.
Wo chi shuigito.
Penn and Teller have this to say about fortune cookies in How to Play with Your Food : We never met anyone who believed in fortune cookies. That's astounding. Belief in the precognitive powers of an Asian pastry is really no wackier than belief in ESP, sublaxation, or astrology, but you just don't hear anyone preaching Scientific Cookie-ism.
Bad Cookie offers a fun service, you can send a cyber fortune to anyone with an email address.
Need party favors or business giveaway crap? Fortune Cookie Depot makes custom fortune cookies.
Going to San Francisco? Bored with the wharf? Got an hour to kill before the bars open? Watch fortune cookies being made! Mee Mee Bakery, 1328 Stockton Street, San Francisco. (415) 362-3204. Open 7 days a week.
Yes. I have taken this tour.
Guide says: Maybe not quite what we were expecting...but very enjoyable hour or so off the beaten San Francisco tourist route. Free samples.
