Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.
Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.
Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)
Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero
Monday, July 05, 2004
A lot of people, okay, a few people, have written to ask, "Trillian, what does HWNMNBS look like?"
I think a few women have been wondering/concerned they may be dating him.
I think a few men thought they may be him.
After I posted the blog on S/He I had a lot of email from people expressing concern that I may be too picky. That maybe the problem isn't the men I meet, but rather, me. And my perspective of the men I meet.
"Come on Trillian, is HWNMNBS really all that?"
Yes.
He is a combination platter of:
Cary Grant, Gregory Peck, Gary Cooper, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan and Christopher Reeve.
"Huh?"
Imagine if DNA from all those guys could be merged into one man. (Oh my. Just imagine! Is it hot in here?)
Still not getting a clear picture?
Here, for the first time, a description of HWNMNBS. (What? You thought I was going to post a photo of him? Really?)
Tall. Dark. Handsome.
With the most amazingly brilliant eyes I've ever seen. Otherworldly often comes to mind upon seeing his eyes.
And incredibly sexy hands.
And really cute ears.
And thick (really, really thick) wavy dark hair which does this really cute thing when it's all messy in the morning.
And a little cleft-lette on his chin.
Which is only visible when he casts one of his sardonic grins.
Of course you don't really notice it because you are too busy being dazzled by his gleaming white perfect teeth.
Oh. And. Nice nips.
Hey.
You asked.
Still not forming a clear picture?
Go see Shrek 2.
SPOILER! SPOILER! SPOILER!
Shrek's post potion transformation was clearly modeled on HWNMNBS. Potion Shrek looks exactly, I mean dead ringer, for HWNMNBS. It would be scary if he weren't so darned good looking. And funny.
And I love that I now have a way to describe him.
When people tell me I'm being too picky and say, "What does HWNMNBS look like? Huh?"
I can smugly, honestly respond, "Shrek."
I'M A ROCKER
I got a 007 watch and it's a one and only
It's got a I-Spy beeper that tells me when you're lonely
I got a Batmobile so I can reach ya' in a fast shake
When your world's in crisis of an impendin' heartbreak
Now don't you call James Bond or Secret Agent Man
Cause they can't do it, like I can
I'm a rocker, baby, I'm a rocker - every day
I'm a rocker, baby, I'm a rocker
If you're hanging from a cliff or you're tied to the tracks, girl
Columbo split and you can't find Kojak
True love is broken and your tears are fallin' faster
You're sufferin' from a pain in your heart or some other natural disaster
Now I don't care what kind of shape you're in
If they put up a roadblock, I'll parachute in
I'm a rocker, baby, I'm a rocker - I'm in love
I'm a rocker, baby, I'm a rocker - every day
I'm a rocker, baby, I'm a rocker - with you
So you fell for some jerk who was tall, dark and handsome
Then he kidnapped your heart and now he's holdin' it for ransom
Well, like a mission impossible I'm gonna go and get it back
You know I would'a taken better care of it, baby, than that
Sometimes I get so hot girl, well, I can't talk
But when I'm with you I cool off , and I walk
I'm a rocker, baby, I'm a rocker, and I talk
I'm a rocker, baby, I'm a rocker, every day
I'm a rocker, baby, I'm a rocker, every day
I know, I know, there are all those great songs on the Shrek 2 soundtrack which would have been a perfect way to end this post. Some will be disappointed in me, me the big Nick Cave student. Me the "Tom Waits is brilliant shouter." Me the one who wore a Buzzcocks shirt every Saturday night for like two years back in the day.
But posting those lyrics would be ubiquitous.
Predictable.
Rudimentary.
Simple.
So instead I went out of character and quoted Bruce.
Because I felt like it.
Yeah. Who knew I liked Bruce Springsteen?
You just never, ever can tell what I might like. And post.
(Buy the Shrek 2 soundtrack, by the way. Go for Counting Crows, stay for Tom Waits and Nick Cave. But you might want to opt for the Buzzcocks original brilliant recording of Ever Fallen in Love. (We will not speak of the Fine Young Cannibals' version. Ever.))
