Total Perspective Vortex
What really happened to Trillian? Theories abound, but you can see what she's really been up to on this blog. If you're looking for white mice, depressed robots, or the occasional Pan Galactic Gargleblaster you might be better served here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/guide/.
Don't just sit there angry and ranting, do something constructive.
In the words of Patti Smith (all hail Sister Patti): People have the power.
Contact your elected officials.
Don't be passive = get involved = make a difference.
Words are cool.
The English language is complex, stupid, illogical, confounding, brilliant, beautiful, and fascinating.
Every now and then a word presents itself that typifies all the maddeningly gorgeousness of language. They're the words that give you pause for thought. "Who came up with that word? That's an interesting string of letters." Their beauty doesn't lie in their definition (although that can play a role). It's also not in their onomatopoeia, though that, too, can play a role. Their beauty is in the way their letters combine - the visual poetry of words - and/or the way they sound when spoken. We talk a lot about music we like to hear and art we like to see, so let's all hail the unsung heroes of communication, poetry and life: Words.
Here are some I like. (Not because of their definition.)
Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Smart Girls
(A Trillian de-composition, to the tune of Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys)
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
Smart girls ain’t easy to love and they’re above playing games
And they’d rather read a book than subvert themselves
Kafka, Beethoven and foreign movies
And each night alone with her cat
And they won’t understand her and she won’t die young
She’ll probably just wither away
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
A smart girl loves creaky old libraries and lively debates
Exploring the world and art and witty reparteé
Men who don’t know her won’t like her and those who do
Sometimes won’t know how to take her
She’s rarely wrong but in desperation will play dumb
Because men hate that she’s always right
Mama don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
Don’t let them do puzzles and read lots of books
Make ‘em be strippers and dancers and such
Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be smart girls
They’ll never find men and they’re always alone
Even though men claim they want brains
Life(?) of Trillian
Single/Zero
Friday, April 30, 2010
May Day. Mayday. Dancing around the May Pole and signaling for eminent disaster.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I'm skint, on the verge of foreclosure, cannot find a full time job so I'm training to be a telemarketer which has me brain dead, soul less and suicidal...
And eHarmony wants me to try them again, they've "changed" their criteria, they're willing to accept me, now, and they have several perfect men for me. Go figure. They're so sure they can find the perfect man for me they're giving me a two week free all access pass.
I can hardly wait to find out who the perfect matches are for a brain dead, soul less, unemployed woman who's about to become homeless.
Funny how eHarmony was so adamant about not accepting me, that I'm unmatchable, and now, suddenly, when the economy is awful and no one wants to spend money on dating sites, or, when us singles can't even contemplate dating because we lost our jobs and are either facing homelessness or relying on parents and friends to help us financially, eHarmony suddenly "changes" the parameters of their "complex matching system" to accommodate those of us who used fall outside their "rigorously defined profiles."
I may be brain dead. I may be almost homeless. I may be training to work in the scummiest form of marketing. But methinks me smells a desperate marketing ploy.
Have you noticed a uptick in Match.com ads, lately? Coincidence? I think not. People are not spending money on dating sites.
I'm okay being the Mayor of Singleton. I'd like to be less lonely, but I accept that I am not desirable to the opposite sex. I finally got it. Message heard loud and clear. But when I read that eHarmony wants me to try them again, I haven't so desperately longed to be in a good relationship in...years.
Why? Because I would love to fire back a huffy, self-righteous response telling them I don't need their stinking "complex matching system" because I found the perfect guy for me all on my own, without their help.
But I didn't.
Not only did I fail to find a man on my own, I also got laid off, am about to lose my home and I sold my soul to Satan and am in training to be one of his henchmen.
So, in fact, eHarmony had me pegged correctly the first time. And sad to say, since then the only changes in my life are for the worse, so unless they've really lowered their standards I'm pretty sure they still won't want me.
But I'm going to re-do their initial evaluation just to see how desperate they are for money, I mean members.
3:54 PM
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I found a few words.
Telemarketing is to the marketing industry as amateur pornography is to the film industry. Low budget, poorly lit, crappy equipment rented by the hour, shoddily and hastily made, and produced by sleazy low lifes looking to make a quick buck because they lack the vision, talent and skills to make it in the respected legit echelons of the industry.
6:48 PM
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Well, this sobered me right up...and makes me feel guilty about contemplating suicide. Universe, I hear you. I am not taking life lightly, okay? Really. I respect the value of breathing and I am sorry for mocking life.
A guy I've known since before kindergarten died. Just like that. Mowing his yard. Okay, we weren't particularly close, but we were friends. Our parents are friends, our dads golfed together and our moms do all that ladies church group stuff together.
When I was a kid and we returned after a few years abroad he was one of the few kids who remembered me and didn't treat me like a contagious freak.
He took the day off work and drove two hours to attend my dad's funeral.
And now he's dead.
And I'm all, "Okay, that's it! I'm closing down the condo, going into foreclosure, cashing in my air miles and taking what little money I have left to visit every corner of the globe I've ever wanted to see and then I'm going to visit all my far-flung friends and family. Life is too swutting short to not seize every stinking moment out of it."
Live like it's your last day and all that.
8:32 PM
Friday, April 23, 2010
I know I should be grateful for any work opportunity. I realize this.
But.
There was a cancellation in the telemarketing training course so I got to start my training today.
Anyone know how the whole death-by-cyanide thing works? How much does it take to kill a 5'11" woman; where does one procure death-grade cyanide; is it better in Kool-Aid or hard liquor?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
So, yay, I was chosen to take the telemarketing training sessions.
If I'm deemed worthy to be one of Satan's henchmen I can begin my exciting career as a telemarketer in as little as a few weeks.
I'm not very good at math, especially story problems, so maybe someone can help me figure out the bottom line.
Trillian has a part time job, on call, to start. She earns $8/hour before taxes. It costs her $6 round trip on the train and bus to get to the call center. She's a single zero taxed at 38%. How many hours does she need to work per round-trip shift to accrue a net profit?
My calculations tell me it will take me 2 hours of work to pay for my commute - with 8¢ left over. That can't be right, can it? I'm mathematically challenged so please, someone, please tell me I'm wrong. Tell me working in Hell, doing Satan's work, for two hours will be worth more than a net profit of 8¢.
The news media is giving glorious coverage to the programs for unemployed people.
I have spent the last two weeks on the phone, online and standing in long lines attempting to clarify information about programs for the unemployed.
I've learned a lot.
I would like to take a moment to clarify the "new" programs for those who may not be unemployed and think that those of us who are unemployed are getting a lot of assistance.
First and foremost, unemployment benefits vary from state to state. Some states have more generous benefits than others, but no one is getting rich collecting unemployment.
The amount of money you get in your unemployment check is based on your income when you were employed, but capped at a low amount. In Illinois the max for a single person without children, single zeros, is $385/week with a $25/week federal "bonus." If you're married and/or have children you get slightly more/week. $410/week works out to $21,320 annually. A couple thousand dollars above poverty level. So please, stop already, with the assumption that unemployed people are making a nice income for "doing nothing."
Myth 1: Unemployment "income" is tax free.
That is false. Unemployment "income" is subject to state and federal taxes, like any other income.
Myth 2: Unemployed people are making money to do nothing.
In most cases, that is false. No one is getting rich on unemployment. In most states and in most cases a $10/hour job is more than you earn on unemployment so there's no financial incentive to not find a job.
Every unemployed person I know is spending a lot of time, and I mean a lot of time looking for a job. Scouring job boards, calling and emailing companies and everyone they know or have ever known for leads on a job. Most days I spend about 9 - 12 hours on my job hunt. That's every day. I don't take weekends off. Writing cover letters, sleuthing out key contact people at potential companies, scouring job boards, making cold calls and dropping off resumes, scouring networking sites, and filling out applications. (you wouldn't believe how varied and detailed some online job applications are - I did one last week that took me 3 hours - it was that involved. It also required a four-part form regarding security. And no, it wasn't for an armored truck driver, it was for a design job, but the default for the company is to have every applicant fill out the four-part detailed security form. And you cannot hit the submit button until you complete every requested part of the applications.) That's how unemployed people spend their days.
Myth 3: All these unemployment benefit extensions are just enabling people to not work.
False. There are xtensions beyond the 26 week standard benefit. That is true. In some cases. There are people in Illinois who are eligible for 99 weeks (or more) of unemployment benefits. Illinois has something called "Tiers." After you exhaust your standard 26 weeks of unemployment you move to the first Tier, and once that is exhausted you move to the second Tier, and so on.
However.
Myth 4: There's a new extension that will continue unemployment benefits for everyone who's unemployed.
False. I'm a prime example of this. My standard 26 weeks of unemployment will end after the April 10 cutoff date. I am potentially eligible for the first Tier, 13 extra weeks, of an unemployment extension. However, (if I am still unemployed after May 29) my first Tier extension will be exhausted after the May 29 first Tier cutoff and I will be ineligible for continued benefits.
However, someone who was laid off a few months or even a year or more before me is eligible for continued benefits if they exhaust their current Tier within the set timeframe. Someone who's been unemployed for more than a year will potentially continue to qualify for unemployment benefits long after I (an unemployment newbie) have exhausted all possible benefits.
The longer you've been collecting unemployment benefits, the longer you can continue to collect them.
It's illogical and makes no sense. Welcome to government class, leave your rational thinking at the door.
What this means is: Someone like me who's been unemployed a relatively short time and whose standard 26 weeks of benefits end after April 10 (it was March 27 until last week), is not eligible for the full extensions. Whereas someone who's been unemployed for a year or more may be eligible for 13 - 33 weeks additional benefits. In short, it pays to have been laid-off for a longer term. Us "newbies" are not currently entitled to the 99 weeks+ extensions.
So while you hear a lot about unemployment benefit extensions, please understand that they are not one size fits all and a lot, and I mean a lot of people are not eligible for them.
And no one is getting rich collecting unemployment.
There's a new mortgage assistance program for unemployed people! The government is going to pay unemployed peoples' mortgages!
Today I had a painful conversation with my mortgage company. This is the sixth such phone call in as many days.
My pain, the blogworld's gain.
I finally talked to a very nice and informed rep at CitiMortgage. Gary either had answers to my questions or found the answers for me.
Here's the low-down on Obama's mortgage assistance program for the unemployed.
Myth 5: The government is paying unemployed peoples' mortgages.
False. There are a bazillion stipulations and caveats to the new government mortgage assistance program. If you're unemployed and you find a way to qualify for the government mortgage assistance program, please contact me and tell me how you did it.
I'm guessing very few unemployed people will actually qualify for it. I do not qualify.
For starters, your original mortgage has to have been initiated via the current lender. Meaning, if you used a mortgage broker or if you refinanced your original loan through another lender, you're probably not eligible. If you have a Fannie Mae loan you are not eligible. If you have the five year PMI you are not eligible.
My lender, Citi, does have a program to help people in hardship situations. It lowers your interest rate for a few years and then raises it back to the original rate, and extends your mortgage payout date. Meaning those few years of a lower interest rate result in a 30 year mortgage extending to a 35 year mortgage. You get a few %age points of interest relief for a few years and the lender is ultimately earning 5 extra years of interest at the full rate. It might be a band-aid for a few people, but it's a desperate and expensive measure. Like those 67% interest rate credit cards you hear about. Sometimes people are in desperate situations and it's the only short term solution, but it's a really, really bad financial move that make the lenders rub their hands in greedy salivation, like Mr. Burns, exczellent.
Myth 6: There are tons of government training and education programs for unemployed people.
True! And false. Illinois will pay for me to a) learn Spanish, or b) go to vocational school to be an electrician or plumber, or c) attend community college.
I thought, "Hey! I'll take some classes at my friendly neighborhood community college!"
Nope. No dice. I already have degrees so I am ineligible for government benefits that cover college courses. But they will help cover some expense of learning Spanish or go to trade school in approved courses - the list includes mainly electrical and plumbing courses.
I know, I know. This is all really tedious and boring but I think there are a lot of false assumptions being made about unemployment benefits and I feel obligated to clear them up for the sake of my co-unemployed friends far and wide. Some people are getting a couple years of benefits, some people are taking classes and getting help with their mortgages. But most of us are struggling and ineligible for the much touted unemployment programs.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Add this to the Things I Wish I Didn't Know file:
There are brass rings in telemarketing.
There are telesurveys, the sort of bottom rung. You call people and if they don't hang up on them you ask them to answer survey questions. If you can read and push a button you can do this job.
Telesales is a hot ticket job because at some companies you can earn a commission. It's a step up from telesurveying, although it can involve telesurveying, too. But the goal is to sell something. Over the phone. Have you ever bought anything from an unsolicited telemarketer who randomly calls you? Yeah, me either. Do you know anyone who has? Yeah, me either. Have you ever even listened to a telemarketer's sales schpeel? Yeah, me either. But for the very motivated sales person, "they" say there's good commission to be made with telesales jobs.
But the really big telemarketing money ($10+ per hour!) is in:
Bilingual telemarketing/telesales. If you are fluent in Spanish you can have an exciting career in telemarketing. $10+/hour and maybe even a full-time job! The telemarketing company dangles that $10 (+!) carrot as if it's a big stinking deal. And naturally they have suggestions as to how to learn Spanish, you can take lessons and they'll deduct the class fee from your paycheck. How convenient. I noticed a lot of people were taking the pamphlet on English classes. Apparently Spanish speaking telemarketers get the bilingual $10+ carrot dangled in front of them, too. Bilingual telemarketers are in high demand.
I know a teeeny tiny bit of Spanish, not enough to be conversational in a sales and marketing capacity, though. And I enjoy languages and learning them but...somehow learning to speak Spanish for the purpose of furthering my career ($10 (+!)/hour) in telemarketing isn't exactly motivating me.
Remind me again why I'm bothering with life. Please. Remind me what the point is. I've completely lost the plot.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Oh lucky me! Finally, things are turning around for me!
In one day I got not one, but two job offers!
Even better, they're both part time so I can do both!
One involves manual labor and the other involves entering a few circles of Hell (I'm trying to work out which, I think 7 and 8, though I think I'll pass through 4 and 5.)
My friend's sister-in-law has a landscaping business. It's spring. I know you're thinking, "hmmmm, I've don't recall Trillian ever mentioning gardening or yardwork as things she enjoys or would like to spend more time doing..." And you're right. I'm not in any way qualified for landscaping, however, I'm tall and I have long arms. What, you may wonder, is the connection between landscaping and long arms? They have a lot of calls for gutter cleaning. They need someone who can climb a ladder and clear out gutters. Long arms are a big plus in this endeavor. Finally! A job I'm innately qualified to do! Rock on! Except for the climbing ladders part. I'm not exactly sure-footed these days so I'm a little concerned about the safety factors involved with me and my injured foot climbing a ladder. I'm going to make a few practice/test climbs this afternoon. Woo hoo! A job! Cleaning gutters! (Insert joke of your choice about how we all knew I'd end up in a gutter someday.)
Now for the really exciting job opportunity.
Telemarketing!
I know, I know. I have staunchly held firm to my conviction that I would kill myself before I even contemplated a telemarketing job. But. It's the only job offer I've had since being laid off and even though it's only part time and it's only $9/hour and it won't pay my mortgage or provide any benefits, health or otherwise, it's a job. If I do well in the telesurvey area I can advance to the telesales area, that's where the big bucks are, commission!
Yes. A job in the Seventh Circle of Hell (with opportunity for advancement into the Eighth Circle of Hell) is not exactly the career opportunity I need, but, what else am I going to do? Anyone have any better ideas or viable job leads? Yeah. Didn't think so.
So my bright future is now in cleaning gutters (assuming I can safely navigate a ladder) and telemarketing.
I'm publicly apologizing in advance for the pain and suffering and anger I will inflict on innocent people in my telemarketing endeavors. If I weren't desperate I would never, ever do it and I'm honestly considering the pros and cons of suicide v. telemarketing. So far they're equal. I'm thinking telemarketing = suicide. So if I call you and you have an urge to angrily give me a snarky response please keep in mind that I hate it as much as you do and I'm doing this because it's my career choice. I'm doing this because there are very few "real" jobs and thousands of great candidates for those "real" jobs. And I'm desperate and scared and depressed and suicidal. And a telemarketing job is only going to exacerbate those issues. Don't yell at me, just hang up on me. Deal?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
So, during my trip to the Out Limits last week my eyes were sprayed with some sort of optical Novocaine and dilated almost to max capacity. I suppose the maximum clearance is required so that a sharp, plastic pointy stick can be thrust into them. Then some sort of gooey gel goop was slathered over them, lubing things up under my eyelids so the enormous lens things could be inserted under my eyelids (upper and lower), basically KY for eyes. Obviously I couldn't see for several hours afterward. Obviously there was pain after the Novocaine wore off. Obviously things in the old optical region were a bit stirred up and sensitive and it will take a while for them to recover.
But here's something weird. I think. Um. I'm grateful I don't have Glaucoma, really. And I assume that for $950 if something was "happening" to the irises that were studied the doctor would have told me. So I'm not, you know, like freaking out or anything, but...um...just wondering...is it, erm, normal for the ring of blue around the outside of my iris to grow from ~1/32" to ~1/4", encroaching toward the pupil and almost obliterating the green part of my iris? I think it's slowly, really slowly, receding back to its usual outline size, but, um, that really huge band of blue around a small field of green with gold flecks is sort of disturbing looking, sort of alien life form-ish. Someone asked me if I was wearing those patterned contact lenses. So it's not just me who thinks things look a little, um, off with my irises.
Anyone else ever had this happen after an eye exam?
3:27 PM
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Six disturbingly gross tests and $950 later...I don't have Glaucoma!
Woo hoo!!
Except. I have almost every symptom of Glaucoma.
Whoa hoo.
But I don't have Glaucoma! My optic nerve is healthy!
Woo hoo!
But now I have to wear glasses to correct my oversized irises and thick cornea from straining and causing excessive pressure on my healthy optic nerve. If I understood any of this I'd be happy to explain it, but I don't understand it so I can't really explain it but it doesn't really matter because I don't have Glaucoma.
But I'm "supposed" to go every six months for these hideous (and expensive) exams for Glaucoma wherein a sharp, pointy object is thrust into my eyes; a huge lens is inserted under my eyelids and I have to sit in what looks like a video game arcade from 2001: A Space Odyssey and click a little clicker thing every time I see a flash of light. All that for just $950 a pop. Even though I don't have Glaucoma. If I understood any of it I'd explain but I don't so yeah, I dunno.
I do know that I have been having horrific nightmares about a) sharp pointy things being jabbed into my eyes, and b) going blind. You know, like a particularly freaky episode of Night Gallery.
You know what bugs me about all this? I've never, ever taken my eyesight for granted. I'm not one of those people who doesn't realize how precious the gift of sight is. I am grateful for my vision, even when I see sad, disturbing, upsetting things, I am grateful for my eyesight. I don't, you know, pray, but, I do give thanks, daily, I am grateful. I do appreciate what I do have. Really. I do. And on that list of daily thanks is deep gratitude for my eyesight. Obviously I appreciate and care about my eyesight, I caved in and took the money my mother gave me for the $950 eye exams, and I am going to buy the two pair of glasses the eye doctor wants me to wear in hopes of reducing the strain on my optic nerve.
But then there's the whole injustice thing and I know it's a slippery slope and I try to not go near it, but...we all know a guy who takes his vision for granted and will live to be 100 years old using his eyesight for ogling centerfolds of 20-year-old naked girls airbrushed to media perfection - his idea of beauty. Meanwhile, people like me, who see the beauty of rain and a scruffy mutt and notice small things like interestingly shaped pebbles and the variations of color in the sky, people who notice and appreciate stuff like that, we're the ones who have Glaucoma scares and live with the threat of going blind.
How is that just? It's not. And it's silly and ignorant to think in those terms. I know that. But. Sheesh.
And.
I don't have Glaucoma, yet, and that's what I'm focusing on: more gratitude, heaps of gratitude that I'm not facing a $300/month eye drop requirement or blindness.
Okay. Now. I've endured many of the top life stressors in a short span of time. Death of a parent. Job loss. Financial trouble. Foreclosure. Serious health scare and related expenses. And let's not even open the relationship/sexual stressors chapter. So. Okay, Universe, enough already. Enough. Even I have a breaking point and I've reached it. So. Call off your stress henchmen and leave me alone.
There. Done. Message to the Universe sent.
11:28 AM
Friday, April 09, 2010
Dear President Obama,
Hi! How are you? I hope you like your new house. I saw you in your Sox cap the other day. I’m a Tigers fan, myself, but I hope you won’t hold that against me. Maybe we can have a drink and find a place of compromise in our differences of opinion about baseball teams.
Things are not so great back here in Chicago what with the unemployment figures and everything. Ugh. Man, it’s rough! I know you still care deeply about all the Senate constituents you left mid-way through your senate term so I’m sure you feel the pain of the hard times back here in Chicago.
Me? Well, you know. Unemployment really takes a toll on a person. And my Cobra cost almost as much as my mortgage so I had to choose: Roof over my head or Cobra. I chose to pay my mortgage.
But heh heh, life is funny, isn’t it? Poignant. Guess what happened?! I was having this weird sharp pain in my eyes. I thought it was just fatigue and eye strain. Those sleepless nights and all the time spent scouring job boards and company web sites and networking sites catch up with a person after a while. So I didn’t do anything about it for a few months.
Well, yadda yadda yadda my mother convinced me to spend the $95 for an eye exam and guess what? I flunked the preliminary Glaucoma exam. You know the one where they puff air in your eyes? My numbers were so bad they did the test twice. The eye doctor wants me to have more exams to definitively conclude if I have Glaucoma or not.
Boy, that was a bleak visit. I thought he’d just say, “Get some rest and wear reading glasses and don’t use the computer so much!”
But nope, he said, “I’m concerned about Glaucoma. Your pressure tests were extraordinarily high, if this is Glaucoma it’s very aggressive. There are eye drops for it, but - and I don’t want to alarm you before the exams - but, you should know that in some cases surgery is necessary, it can stop the progress.”
I asked the billing person at his office what the in-depth Glaucoma exams cost without health insurance. Almost $900! Can you believe that?!
Dr. Jones came to the front desk to tell the scheduling person to make room for me on his schedule because I’m an emergency, time is of the essence.
I said, “Sorry, Dr. Jones, I just found out what the exams cost and I don’t have $900 because I’m unemployed and even if I had a job that’s a lot of money. I’m going to have to take my chances and hope that I don’t have Glaucoma.”
Dr. Jones got that stern look, you know how he furrows his brow and squints into your eyes? Yeah, that look. Then, and you know how funny he is, then he said, “Not much call for a blind artist, is there? If we don't find out what's going on inside those eyes of yours you could lose your vision.”
Blind artist! Ha! He’s so funny.
The thing is, my eyes hurt and my vision is weird lately, and, well, Mr. Obama I’m kind of scared. I don’t mind going blind, I guess, but it will make finding a job even more difficult. I mean, I’m already having a hard time finding a job and if I go blind, well, Dr. Jones is right, there’s not much call for a blind artist. Or a blind anything. I suppose I could do data entry or telemarketing jobs, which, har har, are the only jobs I can find right now anyway!
Then the front desk person made an interesting point. “Glaucoma is a medical condition, it requires medication and possibly surgery. You don't have health insurance. Maybe it's covered under Obama Care!”
Eureka! What awesome timing! I’m unemployed, lost my health insurance, couldn’t afford Cobra, and a few weeks after we get national health care I flunk my Glaucoma exam! Usually I have horrible timing, but this time it looks like I could be bang on time. Rock on! Everything’s coming up Trillian!! Finally!
Okay. So. Here are my questions.
1) Is Glaucoma testing and treatment covered under the national health care plan?
If you answered no to question 1 proceed to question 7, if you answered yes to question 1, then
2) How do I get free Glaucoma testing?
3) Where do I go for free Glaucoma testing and treatment?
4) Medicinal pot is used to ease the pain of Glaucoma, will national health care provide me with free weed?
If you answered no to question 4 proceed to question 7, if you answered yes to question 4, then
5) Is there a government pot dispensary?
6) Does the national health care plan provide Hostess treats, Doritos and Taco Bell for Glaucoma patients using government weed?
7) If I go blind will the national health care plan pay for a leader dog (training, shots for the dog, veterinary care for the dog, food for the dog)?
My mother said I shouldn’t wait to take the in-depth exams and that she’d pay for them because I’ll be blind and Hell will freeze over before the government will assist me with the tests and treatment.
Is she right, Mr. Obama? You woudn’t let one of your former senate constituents go blind from Glaucoma, would you Mr. Obama? Especially a former senate constituent who was laid off and had to choose between paying her mortgage and paying Cobra. You wouldn’t let someone like that go blind because they couldn’t afford the testing and treatment for Glaucoma, would you Mr. Obama? Would you?
Any guidance you can offer is highly appreciated. As you can probably imagine, time is of the essence, whatever is happening inside my eyes is happening quickly and aggressively and painfully. Thank you.
Friday, April 02, 2010
Word for the day is: Twerp.
I know. I know. When was the last time you heard that term? I know.
I met a twerp yesterday. That's what made me think of the word. He's a guy at my mortgage company. I looking for info about mortgage assistant for unemployed people and couldn't find information on my mortgage company's web site and the hold times on their phone lines is 1 - 2 hours. So I just trotted off to a local branch.
Heh heh.
Yeah.
Possibly there will be more info available on Monday. That's the bottom line of my visit.
However I met a twerp. A rude, know-it-all, condescending, stuffy-pants. A twerp. I walked away from the experience thinking, "I just need some information from my mortgage company. You'd think a trip to their branch office would help me get at least a few answers, and maybe even some useful information and instead I'm walking out of here with no answers, no information and feeling like crap about myself because a rude, know-it-all, condescending, stuffy pants made snide comments about me being unemployed and my choice of profession."
"What do you do for a living?"
"I'm on the creative side of advertising. Art/Creative director."
"Oh. I see. Are you re-training? You'll never find a real job again. Creative jobs are a luxury, they're just hobbies. You need a viable career that will pay your mortgage."
"I, um, yeah, well, I didn't come here looking for career advice. I just need some info on the mortgage assistance for the unemployed."
"It'll only be a short term situation. You need to learn real job skills for long term solutions to your financial problems. I suppose you're don't have math skills."
This wasn't a question, it was a presumed statement of fact.
"Erm, well, it's not my strong suit, but I'm great with a calculator and I'm really good at problem solving, like physics and geometry kind of math."
"We have a teller position open. It doesn't require physics or geometry. It requires real math skills."
"Like I said, I'm good with a calculator, I'm friendly and customer service oriented and I'm super trustworthy, very honest, a Girl Scout and everything."
Wait. How did this go from me seeking info about mortgage assistance to me sweating out answers for a job interview as a financial company teller?
What the...???
Oh, right. He's a condescending, know-it-all, stuffy-pants who works at a mortgage company and he harbors a lot of disdain, contempt and judgment for people who are not similarly professionally occupied.
How do I know this? Because he said, "I don't often approve mortgages for creative people. They're unreliable. A risk. But since someone approved you and you've paid your mortgage for three years, you might be able to prolong your foreclosure but we won't have information until after Friday. Good day, madam."
Yes. He actually said, "Good day, madam."
I know, you're thinking, "Ask for the manager! Report him!"
Heh heh heh. Turns out he is the manager.
And a twerp.
I don't like to go around calling people names. But. I thought it was interesting that I encountered an actual twerp. I'm not sure I've honestly ever met one so it was, you know, kind of an experience.
I gave him a Snuggie® of compassion and left.
9:30 AM
